This is something I posted in my LJ recently, a product of my thinky-thoughts after re-watching Season 5, and the large amount of time I spend commuting now to my new job (leaves lots of time for writing!). It's sort of a cazy "theory", with a healthy touch of fan-wanking, but despite, I do think I make some good points. It's long, so bear with me. Comments and feedback are much appreciated.
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Buffy’s Gift
There’s something I’ve been thinking quite a lot about since my recent re-watch of Season 5. And as a result of my musing, and theorizing, I’ve come to a rather radical decision;
Spike was Buffy’s “gift” - not Dawn.
Huh? Now, let me explain.
As we all know, throughout the fifth season of Buffy the prevailing theme was that of our heroine as coming to terms and accepting her duty as the Slayer and status as the Chosen one. Buffy has always struggled with juggling her personal life with her responsibly as the Slayer, and has at times resented the sacrifices she’s had to make as a result of her duty.
As Buffy learned more about the history of the Slayers, she learned that first Slayer was created by forcing a girl to share the blood of a demon. Even though offered more power, Buffy refuses it, on the basis that its of demon origin. Unable to defeat the seemingly un-killable Glory, Buffy starts to lose resolve.
Then it gets confusing. In a quasi-vision, The First Slayer reveals something important; she tells Buffy that “death is her gift” and that “love will bring her to her gift.” Buffy expresses her fear that she’s losing her ability to love, due to all of the loss and violence she has experienced in her short life. The Slayer assures her that she is not losing it, in fact that it is the opposite; that rather, she is “full of love.”
Huh? At this point, the audience is as confused as Buffy is. Buffy has a “gift”? Since when? Is this a metaphorical gift, or a literal one? What is it’s purpose? And as usual, it’s much more complicated then the audience believes.
This First Slayer’s message echo’s Spike’s words earlier in the Season in “Fool For Love’”, “Death is your art. You make it with your hands everyday.” Most can agree that death is a huge theme in Season 5 for Buffy. Coming to terms with her identity as a killer is something that is difficult for her. So, in typical ironic fashion, Joss would have Buffy go out as her death saving the world - not the death of someone else, or the defeating of a foe - but her own death, willingly and happily.
But we all know how it ends. Let’s back up. What evidence is there that Dawn doesn’t necessarily need to be interpreted as Buffy’s “gift”? In order to understand the importance of this “gift” we need to understand the nature of it. The First Slayer insinuated that in order for Buffy to be able to recognize and utilize her “gift” she must overcome something. If loving Spike were a race, it would be a cross-country trip. Buffy had to go against everything she believed in to love Spike. With Dawn, it wasn’t difficult. She told Giles she felt that she had to protect her, and that she wanted too. There was nothing to overcome. Nothing to fight against. The love for Dawn was programmed into her. It was instinctual. The memories, the love, were all already there. Regardless of how false they were, they felt real to her.
Adversely, with Spike, the love had to be created, it had to blossom from nothing. Hatred had to turn into love. The impossible had to happen. She had to let him in, and then had to have her trust violated, and in turn, had to have the strength to come back from that. They had to come full-circle. She had to forgive him. She had to risk the pain - again. He had to change. She had to give all of herself to him. And for all she gave, she was rewarded. And he was saved. Back to that later.
Set up for Season 5: We know the story: Buffy gets injured by a vamp. Not a uber-vamp - a regular, ordinary vamp with a bad 80s mullet. Wants to step up her game and so she goes to Spike on how to be a better Slayer - since he’s killed two of his own.
What made that fight special? Why did she lose?
Buffy thought she knew what her “gift” was; her ability to kill vampires. Then Spike told her that “death is your gift. You make it with your hands everyday” and that affirmed it for her. Her skill as a killer was her “gift.” Made sense, right? Was her ability to kill her “gift” not her actual death? It seemed so. After all, Spike said so, just like The First Slayer. Spike, the Truth-Sayer in the group. So, we all believed that the show would end with Buffy killing the foe and saving the world. Again. Like she always does. Instead, we get the unthinkable; an act of complete selfless sacrifice. A world without the Slayer. Dawn, shaken, but saved. We see Spike crying real tears over her lifeless body. We wonder what will happen next.
Every Slayer has a death wish. Even you.
In the back of Buffy’s mind, did she want to die? This comment made Buffy think though; maybe her death was her “gift.” Was Spike right? Did she have a “death wish’? A unspoken desire to die? After all, isn’t that what she longed for, in some way? Release from responsibly? Peace? A grand finale? Every Slayer has a an expiration date, she said so herself. She doesn’t argue with Spike when he tells her she’s “in love” with death - after all.Buffy is confused. All she knows is that she can’t let Dawn die. She couldn’t live in a world without her. So in a final act of rebellion, Buffy jumps, believing her interpretation - that her death was a “gift” to her sister, to the world, and to the people she’d been chosen to protect.
But why did Buffy start to question her ability in the first place? And how did the First Slayer and Spike put her back on her path?
In a quest to find answers, Buffy follows Giles into the desert, in an effort to “regain focus, learn more about their role.” This is where she meets the Slayer. She get this big message about the “gift” then after this, we veers off track a bit. We’re sidetracked with the Spike’s In Love With Buffy and Joyce Dying sub-plots, as well as the Drama That is Dawn’s Reaction to Being The Key. Finally, we return to the over-all arc of the season; Buffy examining what it means to be a Slayer, how to be better, stronger, and learn more about the Slayers that came before her. This is where, yet again, Spike comes in. Remember that Buffy originally went to Spike for knowledge on how he killed the two Slayers. She needs him, yet doesn’t know it yet. With Glory still seemingly unkillable, Buffy needs answers and now. By confronting Spike, she is confronting one of the only people who has the potential power to overtake her. It’s a bold move, especially in the wounded state she’s in. It suggests a subconscious trust (but the topic of Trust and Spuffy is for another post).
Since the Slayer tells her that she is full of love (not losing it, as Buffy fears), Buffy assumes that means for Dawn, because at that point, she is who Buffy loves the most. But Buffy’s wrong. Her “gift” refers to who she will love in the future - Spike. More on this as we continue.
Maybe being the perfect Slayer means being too hard to love at all.
This was the direction Buffy was headed towards - drowning in doubt - and Spike pulled her out of the waters. He rescued her, inspired her to love again. Inspired her to fight again. After she’d been so badly damaged by Angel, Riley…after losing her mother.
What about love? Not just boyfriend love.
You think you’re losing your ability to love. You’re afraid that being the Slayer means losing your humanity. You are full of love. You love with all your soul…that’s why you pull away from it.
Think. Buffy spent a lot of effort telling Spike how much she didn’t love him. Why? Who was she trying to convince? Him…or herself? Love scares Buffy. She associates it with loss, pain, suffering.
The First Slayer tells Buffy that she can only lose her ability to love if she rejects love. So, in order to gain strength, she must embrace love and the pain that comes with it.
Love is pain. And the Slayer forges strength from pain.
If any two people could win an award for causing each other more pain, it’d be Buffy and Spike. They’ve tried to kill each other. They’ve used each other. They’ve hurt each other emotionally, physically, and every which way in between. Yet, in the end, he gave her the strength to fight her last fight. His love for her inspired him to be a better man. In the end, he saved them all. So, who was her real “gift”? And it was all made possible by her love for him which was only possible because she risked her heart.
Love…give…forgive. Risk the pain. It is your nature. Love will bring you to your gift.
As I interpret the above quote, the First Slayer suggests that a relationship wrought with pain, motivated by forgiveness, sacrifice, and love, will bring Buffy to her “gift“. This describes her and Dawn perfectly - agreed. But it also describes her and Spike. There is as much of a case for Dawn being her “gift” as there is for Spike being it. With both relationships, Buffy had to forgive, risk the pain, love, and sacrifice (in Dawn’s case, herself, and with Spike - she had to allow him to give himself. She had to let him go.)
I’m getting a gift? Or do you mean that I have a gift to give to someone else?
Death is your gift.
So, let’s say the series had ended with “The Gift.“ Interpretation: Buffy’s “gift” was her death. She died protecting the Key. Love brought her to her gift. Her love for Dawn caused her death. Her death saved the world….sounds good, but I argue a different viewpoint. This theory works if the show has ended with “The Gift.” But it didn’t, so all bets are off, and a new interpretation emerges.
Let’s backtrack. What led Buffy to question her ability and what led her on the road to realizing and utilizing her “gift’? Or perhaps maybe we should ask why The first Slayer thought it was so important for Buffy to know what her “gift” was.
Buffy is having major doubts. She comes to Giles to ask him to be her Watcher again, and for help because she wants to learn more about her power and of the Slayers of the past, in hopes it will make her stronger and better. At the beginning of the season, Buffy is well on the way to embracing her “dark side” for lack of a better term, and accepting that part of being a Slayer is accepting and embracing the darkness inside of her. Yet, she is not a dark being. We know that. There is a confliction inside of her.
Buffy felt insecure in the idea that her only talent is her ability to maim and kill. So, instead of embracing it, she rejected it. This was her mistake. The assumption that death was a negative thing to be rejected. By rejecting death, she rejects herself. The Slayer, after all, is the ultimate Bringer of death. Death allows for life to thrive.
At the Season’s climax, Buffy is unable to stop Glory from using Dawn’s blood to open the portal, and has no choice but to jump to save her sister. Her blood is substituted for Dawn’s, and the world is restored to a balance.
Many assume that Buffy’s “gift” was death, because it was that which saved the world. I disagree. We know that love brought her to her gift, or allowed her to realize what it was and how to utilize it. We know she was wrong when she thought that her ability to kill was her gift. We know that in order to receive her “gift’ she had to “Love..give..forgive” and “risk the pain.” Her love for Dawn caused her to jump, but her jump - her death - wasn’t her gift.
In my opinion, rather than Dawn, I argue Buffy’s “gift” could just as easily been Spike, who saved the world and everyone in the end, made possible by her love for him.
After Buffy came back from the dead, she was a shell of her former self. Spike brought her out of that shell. She learned to love again. Buffy gave to Spike. Buffy loved Spike and in the end, Buffy forgave him for the unthinkable. Buffy risked the pain for Spike. She took the First Slayers advice; she risked the pain and found love again in Spike. One could argue that her love for Dawn brought her to her gift (which was her death) but there is more evidence that her ability to love brought her to Spike. Rather, Spike’s death in ‘Chosen’, made possible by love, was her real “gift.” It saved them all, including Dawn.
Let’s discuss Buffy’s two main loves in these later seasons - Dawn and Spike - and how her love for each differs. In order to better understand why it makes more sense that her love for the latter is who the First Slayer was referring too. Buffy’s love for Dawn was and is a selfless, maternal, self-sacrificing love. Dawn was Buffy’s weakness. For Dawn, Buffy gave up her mission and duty to protect her. Buffy couldn’t live in a world without Dawn. Her love for Dawn was the death of her. Therefore, her death was a gift to Dawn - because it saved her life. In contrast, Buffy did love Spike fully and completely - but she was willing to live in a world without him if it meant allowing him to bring his gift to the world - his death.
Love will bring you to your gift.
Death is your gift.
Could Spike’s death been Buffy’s “gift”? Her gift was not one she was to give to someone else - it was one she as to receive. This is my theory.
Give this some more thought. Spike got his soul for Buffy. Spike saved the world. Without his love for her and without her support, he wouldn’t have chosen to let himself burn down in the Hellmouth. Buffy’s love for Spike allowed him to give his gift - death - which allowed her, and the people she’d sworn to protect, to live. Yet, without the love she gave him he would have never had the insight or drive redeem himself and become the Champion he turned out to be.
In summary: Buffy’s “gift” was not her sister, or her death - rather, it was Spike - and by extension, his death - who she found through love, and who gave her everything he could, his flesh, heart, and soul and who, in the end, was responsible for saving them all. Her “gift” was Spike’s death.
A gift is often defined as something unexpected. Who would have thought that, in the end, Spike would be Buffy’s main source of support? Who would have believed he’d save them all in a selfless act/ Who’d have thought he would want to give her the ultimate “gift”?
Taking the last two seasons into account, Spike replaces Dawn and therefore replaces the status as her “gift.”
