Tara and Willow

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PurplePoof

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Do you think Tara was in the right to break up with Willow when she did? Willow obviously didn't live up to the terms of their "agreement" regarding magic and thus I understand Tara's decision, but a part of me thinks it a tad insensitive and counter-productive to leave someone with an addiction problem who needs all the help they can get. Perhaps Willow NEEDED that abandonment to face reality and whip herself back into shape (although it wasn't until she injured Dawn that she really got that)...but I still feel Tara may have jumped the gun a little bit. As really, being dumped by someone you love can really just make an addiction worse...which it did, in this case, as Tara was the only thing really keeping her from going completely over the edge.

What are your thoughts?
 
I think it was about time Tara thought of herself in that relationship. Maybe losing Tara would have made Willow worse--but it definitely would have been bad for Tara. She didn't deserve to have to deal with all of that. And since Willow obviously wasn't going to listen to any concerns Tara had, I think she was right to get out before Willow destroyed her, too. And it was necessary for Tara's character development; she needed to learn to stand on her own and be a strong person instead of using Willow to complete her.
 
P
PurplePoof
Good point...I agree
i also think tara was right willow really had overstepped the magic usage and the little mind spell was a pretty bad thing to do, nobody likes to fight yes but no reason to sink that low
 
Yes, Tara had gone through so much with Glory already - I don't think anyone can blame her for not wanting to go back there. What Willow did just before OMWF and in Tabula Rasa was unforgiveable - and just the tip of the iceberg.
 
I'll be surprised if anyone can honestly say Tara was in the wrong in this situation. It's just like any relationship with any 'me or ______' dilemma, it can make or break the relationship. Tara didn't make the choice anyway Willow decided what was worth it to her, Tara just bowed out realizing that even if Willow herself didn't yet. It's like leaving an alcoholic, they just have to hit rock bottom and Tara just didn't want to be a part of the process. She did what was right for herSELF.
 
Tara did put up with a lot and tried to be supportive to Willow even when she was having doubts about them. Like when Tara found out that Willow had used a spell on her in OMWF, instead of leaving her then and there she ended up supporting Willow when they all found out that Buffy was in heaven. It wasn't until Willow started resulting to magic to fix the problem of Buffy, that Tara snapped and confonted Willow. But still even then Tara didnt leave, she gave Willow a challenge of not using magic for a week, and to then assess their relationship.

I think Tara really tried to work things out between them, but couldn't handle what Willow was putting her through, which was fair enough.

But what happened between them eventually leaded to them getting back together, so at least it ended good for a while 🙂
 
If I were Tara, I would have done the exact same thing.

It went beyond a simple addiction. Willow was using magic ON TARA, more than once. For her own safety, I think it was right of Tara to leave.
She didn't jump the gun...Willow violated her mind, she gave her a second chance, and she violated her mind again. So Tara left. Personally, I wouldn't even have given her a second chance...
 
M
MichelleBFT
Absolutely... a very,
I think Tara did the right, and fair thing. She shouldn't have stayed in what had become an abusive relationship, just because the other person had an addiction. Staying would not have helped Willow, obviously, her use of magic escalated when she was WITH Tara, and she ignored Tara's concerns about it, so having Tara around would neither prevent or fix things. Tara needed to protect herself, and it was not as if she was leaving Willow with no support system.

As much as I hated to see them breakup, and wanted them to make up, I cheered for Tara when she left.
 
I was so glad Tara left Willow when she did, because Willow's arrogance was starting to p*** me off.
I thought "FFS Willow, STOP" and then in Tabula Rasa, I thought "grr, hope she leaves you"
Then she did.

This obviously made Willow more uncontrolable, but at least during the process of her detoxing, Tara was civil and was glad of her, which helped Willow 🙂

Tara, did Willow a favour
 
I was just so frustrated with Willow by the time Tara left. I could have forgiven her for messing with Tara's memory...but in the beginning of Tabula Rasa, when she promises she won't do any spells for a month, and then charms herself and comes down stairs fully dressed...gahh! I yell at my TV every time.

Willow was totally in the wrong here, not Tara. I was so sad to see Tara leave her, but I was mostly sad FOR TARA, not Willow.
 
I think Tara was right. By that time Willow had not only lost control but didnt care at all, total addiction behavior. She treated Tara like shit, she basically preyed on her, took her frustrations out on her. She woulnt have pulled that with Buffy or Spike.
 
I also agree that Tara was in the right for leaving Willow although when she died in the end of season six it caused Willow to become all evil, such. But I will admit Tara was in the right to leave Willow when she did even if it did mean she'd be gone for good by the end of season 6.
 
You don't help an addict by mollycoddling them off from the consequences of their actions. If there's any way to help at all, it's to make them see undiluted what kind of mess they're making of their lives. You don't really have a reason to stop hurting yourself and others if you don't suffer from it; so allowing the addict to suffer is probably the best help you can offer (please note the difference between "allowing" and "making" to suffer - while letting them ride out all the pain they cause themselves is an act of tough love, punishing them by adding pain of your own making is not).

Much as I love Willow - and Tillow, for that matter - I think it was already quite, don't know how else to call it, generous of Tara to even stay that long. The first "Forget" spell definitely was a line crossed showing that Willow in the throngs of her addiction did not love Tara anymore. Tara loved her so much that she gave her another chance, and walked out on her when she blew that one... as she had proven that staying by her side was not enough to make her mind the consequences enough to stop. Not only was she protecting herself by leaving, but also protecting Willow from sinking to even lower depth of abusiveness in their relationship (which, should she miraculously ever have "come clean" again, she would have had an even harder time coping with... and I'm certain Tara was thinking ahead that far, that would so be like her!). Her walking out is an act of love, and seeing her do so, sad as the scene is, makes me proud of that woman's strength, especially since that's proof of how much of a journey she made from the stuttery, painfully insecure "gray mouse" she was in S4.
 
i can see it more from willows point of view because you know how good theyre for each other, so it makes me believe anyway that tara was 'jumping the gun' ... AND i do agree with the last bit you said. "being dumped by someone you love can really just make an addiction worse...which it did, in this case, as Tara was the only thing really keeping her from going completely over the edge" it isnt as dramatic as witch craft, but, like, i was dating this girl and she worked a lot to get away from the hell she got at home. and basically when we broke up, she worked even more to get away from her family and the feelings she had for me...she tried to block them out by working or something. when you break up with someone and youre doing something that you either love or do a lot, you will do it even more when you are feeling empty after someone dumps you.
hmmm i dont know if i have explained myself fully or w.e, cause its like 01:52am :/
 
charmingslayer said:
I know what you mean but I think Tara was right all the way and
was just giving Willow tough love.
Click to expand...
Exactly what I would have said. I have actually been in Tara's shoes before, as far as being forced to make a decision to either stay or leave someone with a serious problem. It wasn't easy, but I had to leave them in hopes that if they really cared about me that much, maybe that would be the incentive they needed to get clean and do what is the best thing for THEM. So when Tara left Willow because she couldn't stay "clean" of magic, I knew exactly how the character must have been feeling... I don't think she was wrong to leave Willow, 'cause Willow needed to see that she was over the edge, and Tara leaving her was the only way to get it through to her that she was.
 
This honestly ruined the character of Willow for me. The forgetting spell was an act of so much violence and abuse - Tara's reaction was minor compared to what Willow deserved. When Willow goes Dark later on and kills and does other awful things, they don't compare in my mind to messing with the mind of someone you claim to love. (Plus I love Tara, so anyone who hurts her = bad)

I don't understand who people think it was just about the addiction. I think Tara wanted to get past that and help Willow through the addiction, she loved Willow and did attempt to fix things. Willow abused her in a particularly awful way. You may stay with an alcoholic and try to help them, but when they start beating you it is wrong to stay - wrong for you and for them. If that is true, than Tara did the right thing, as Willow did something that seems more abusive than physical beating.
 
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InsaneMystic
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sapientiapaucis
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As much as I loved Willow and Tara as a couple and wanted them to somehow work it out and stay together, Tara definitely did the right thing. Even if it had just been an addiction, I would have felt like her decision was the right thing...after all, if she hadn't left, there's a good chance that Willow never would have been motivated to stop. Still, it had gone far beyond that. Willow was messing with Tara's mind, and that probably eliminated a huge portion of the trust that the two of them had built during their time together, and she almost had to leave before it got even worse.
 
BuffyElevated
BuffyElevated
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