The Illuminati seize control of your city and...

[Anyanka Bunny Slayer]

They've destroyed all forms of communication, built a "Berlin Wall" around your city, and confiscated all radios, televisions, phones, and computers.
The only way for you to earn food and shelter is to participate in weekly "jousts" with neighbours. If you lose, one body part will be...removed. So fight well!
You may select three weapons, but one must be a vegetable, the other a dairy product, and the last, some form of seafood. You are also allowed to choose one fighting style.
The time has come...what are your choices?

 

[Ethan Reigns]

Become an illuminatus.

If that is not an option, for vegetable, I would substitute a fruit, namely a Durian. This is a large fruit with a hard shell with spikes like a mace on it. The dairy product would be a large roll of cheese, big enough to use as a hammer. The seafood would be a shark with everything removed except the jaws and teeth. The fighting style would be street fighting, although I would use my training in Tae Kwon Do.

 

[white avenger]

Vegetable: an apple (reason: I might need a snack)
Fruit: an orange (reason: flammable liquid can be extracted from orange rinds and acid from orange juice)
Dairy product: milk (reason: I might get thirsty)
Martial Arts style: ninjutsu (reason: ninja are masters of unarmed combat, infiltration, assassination, and improvised weaponry)

While drinking my milk, I would make a fire bomb from the extract from orange rinds and a blinding acid from citrus juice. Then, while the enemy was lulled into a false sense of security, thinking that I was just sitting around drinking, I would sneak up behind him and yell, "Boo!" When he turned around, startled, I would blind him with citric acid, incinerate him with citric oil, and walk away eating my apple while he thrashes blindly around, burning to death.

 

[DeadlyDuo]

I would form a secret revolutionary army (because rebellions fail whilst revolutions win), we would gather some alcohol, old rags and lighters (since they haven't been confiscated) and burn the illuminati building to the ground. As they flee the burning building, we will capture them and bind their hands and feet together to prevent escape (and martial arts) before making them eat raw prawns before laughing at the expressions on their faces. We will give them carrots to joust with along with some pro-biotic yogurt whilst yelling "How do you like it now?" As they beg for mercy, we will offer clemency IF they release the city from it's prison. We will then march them to the wall and force them to watch as we break the wall down then I'll give an epic badass speech whilst wearing a badass long coat because if I have to imagine a situation where I'm stuck in some sort of totalitarian future I want to look good in it.

 

[HowiMetdaSlayer]

I'd string 2 cucumbers together to make nunchucks. Then a wheel of cheddar (cuz noms). Round it out with a live eel. Then I'd use all I learned in Jeet Kune Do to take care of business. 😉

 

[Athena]

It's times like these I'm really pleased I don't live in a city. 😀

 

[Blaze]

I'd get a pufferfish, a potato, and butter, lots of butter.

 

[ILLYRIAN]

Anyanka Bunny Killer,
which Illuminati is it that you are referring to?