Spike
The lonely one
Sipping Vodka
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied; "when I am worried about getting nervouse on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water, if I get nervous, I take a sip."
The next Sunday he took the monsignors advice. At the begining of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. he proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to hiss office after the mass, he found the following note on his door........
1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp
2. There are 10 commandments not 12
3. There were 12 disiples, not 10
4. Jesus was consecrated, not conspitated.
5. Jacob wagerd his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus as the late J.C.
7. The father, the son and the holy Ghost, are not refferd to as daddy, junior and the spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock, and knocked off his donkey, he was not stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the big T.
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last super, he said "take this and eat it, for it is my body," He did not say "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "mary with the cherry."
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not : "rub-a-dub-dub thanks for the grub, yeah god."
14. Next Sunday their will be a taffy pulling contest ar St. Peters. Not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied; "when I am worried about getting nervouse on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water, if I get nervous, I take a sip."
The next Sunday he took the monsignors advice. At the begining of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. he proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to hiss office after the mass, he found the following note on his door........
1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp
2. There are 10 commandments not 12
3. There were 12 disiples, not 10
4. Jesus was consecrated, not conspitated.
5. Jacob wagerd his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus as the late J.C.
7. The father, the son and the holy Ghost, are not refferd to as daddy, junior and the spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock, and knocked off his donkey, he was not stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the big T.
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last super, he said "take this and eat it, for it is my body," He did not say "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "mary with the cherry."
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not : "rub-a-dub-dub thanks for the grub, yeah god."
14. Next Sunday their will be a taffy pulling contest ar St. Peters. Not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's