Theory About Buffy's Dodgy Relationships. (Revealed?)

[Zeppelin92]

So I was rewatching Buffy season 7 like I do every week (Haha) and something kind of struck me about both Buffy's dodgy relationship history and Slayer's in general. It started with that episode 'Conversations with Dead People' where Buffy runs into an old classmate turned vampire who psycho-analyzes her. One of the things he points out is that she doesn't hold a stable relationship due to her feeling that she doesn't think she deserves love, I disagree with that.

In another episode 'Get it Done' Buffy encounters the Shadow Men who created the first Slayer who basically force the essence of a demon into this helpless girl. My theory is that on an instinctual level, just like Buffy has the instictual level to hunt demons, she also has an instinctual distrust of men that stems from the original Shadow Men.

There really isn't a whole lot knowledge of Slayer's in relationships. But there has never been a notable person who had married a Slayer, even Nikki Wood didn't keep her relationship with the father of her son Robin.

Maybe its an inherent Slayer instinct to distrust men, which is why Buffy has yet to find a stable relationship or has been unable/unwilling to commit herself.

 

[Blaze]

I think it's an instinct to distrust man in any woman who's ever been hurt. To me she was fully committed to Angel, the only reason it didn't work was because of extenuating circumstances. Buffy was then left pretty much heart broken, trusting a man would be pretty hard after that (I'm saying man but it could equally apply to a female).

I like your theory though, and it is very possible as the slayer is suppose to fight alone, the shadow men may have wanted to ensure that this would happen. But I simply believe it's the circumstances that makes them alone, not an actual instinct to be alone.

I can relate to Buffy a lot in her relationships, I had my heart broken once, and after that it was very hard for me to be trusting, and that comes with the whole self destructive behavior etc etc etc. Also, let's not forgot Buffy is only 22yo by the end of s7, I'm going to be 21 this year and I've never been in a long relationship, I've been in love, but it was the Romeo and Juliet type love where you love the person so much but it just cannot possibly work in the end. I think that's what Buffy lived with Angel, they had the choice to stay together and most likely end up dead or be apart, they obviously chose the only logical choice. With Riley and Spike, it was more of a case that she loved them, but was not in love with them, which is perfectly normal and to be expected at her age.

Also, well her duties almost force her to not trust anyone, I mean how do you let someone in and tell them you're the friggen slayer and they'll probly end up dead if they stick around. She has almost no chance of dating a normal guy, and with a not so normal guy, the relationship will come with some complications.

 

[white avenger]

Nikki Wood didn't keep her relationship with the father of her son Robin.

I seem to recall from somewhere that Robin's father was a police officer who was killed in the line of duty, but I can't recall the source right now.

As for Slayers in general, what few canon sources that we have ("Tales Of The Vampires," and "Tales of the Slayers," primarily) it never seemed to me that very many Slayers had much in the way of time even for socializing in general, let alone forming any sort of long term personal relationship with anyone. Given the long standing tradition of having the Potentials pretty much raised and trained from a young age by their Watchers (Kendra even mentioned that she had been SOLD to her Watcher by her own family) between a training schedule that would probably equal or surpass that of most elite military units around the world, and then the actual duties of Slayer, it's a safe bet that the majority of the girls throughout history, I would say that it would be a safe bet that the vast majority of the past Slayers died without ever having any sort of romantic experience.

That being the case, Buffy would seem to be exceptional in that she has managed to have, not one, but three relatively long term relationships.

 

[Black Eye Guy]

I seem to recall from somewhere that Robin's father was a police officer who was killed in the line of duty, but I can't recall the source right now

I don think so, in season 9 there was that story about Nikki and how she wouldn't tell her watcher who the father was, I don't think there was any mention of him.

 

[Lyri]

I seem to recall from somewhere that Robin's father was a police officer who was killed in the line of duty, but I can't recall the source right now.

It's from the 'Tales of the Slayers' comic, and while it is my own personal head canon that that was Robin's father and the night we see was actually Robin's conception, there's a lot out there that actually contradicts it and a lot of fans just plain dismiss it completely, mostly because the Nikki we see in that comic seems so much older than the Nikki we see in the S9 flash backs.

I think this is an interesting theory, but I'm not sure how much emotion or 'personality' is passed down the Slayer line. Yes, it's true that the Slayers we've seen don't seem to place much emphasis on relationships other than Buffy herself, but then again, we've only actually 'seen' three Slayers, and one of them was only for four episodes. The Potentials from S7 were barely more than children and there has never been much time spent on the Slayers from S8/9 for us to know anything about their personal lives. Apart from Satsu who seems firmly encamped at the gay end of the Kinsey Scale.

I like the idea of something more than superpowers being passed down the line of Slayers, but at the same time I don't like the idea that Buffy will never have a shot at a normal, healthy relationship because of her Calling.

As for other Slayers, in the 'Tales of the Slayers' novels, there are two Slayers, off the top of my head, that I can remember as having real, meaningful relationships. Betty, is it? The private detective in the 40's who was looking after her husband's firm while he fought in the war. And Eliane in the 1300's, who married her Watcher and had his children because they thought she was too old to be Called, only to be Called several years later.

 

[EVIL UU]

Buffy has a martyr complex, this is why her relationships fail. She distrusts men because of her absent father. Here's the incredibly creepy part. Hank Summers loved his daughter and was a decent enough dad, as seen in "Nightmares" and "When She Was Bad". He obviously cared. So what happened? The monks brainwashed both Buffy and her father and turned Hank into a dad from hell, destroying the love they had.
[MENTION=12395]Zeppelin92[/MENTION]

even Nikki Wood didn't keep her relationship with the father of her son Robin.

That's because she didn't knew who he was. Nikki slept with some random guy and got pregnant. There was no relationship to keep.
[MENTION=8404]Blaze[/MENTION]

they'll probly end up dead if they stick around

I don't know, Xander sticks around and survives just fine. He's not her boyfriend but still.

 

[Ethan Reigns]

Quite often, Buffy has said that she cannot do her job and survive if she has to worry about the other people around her and "I WIll Remember You" on Angel is based on that fact being demonstrated. I think she sees every relationship being doomed as a result of that and being on the hellmouth.

 

[EffieT1]

Also, let's not forgot Buffy is only 22yo by the end of s7, I'm going to be 21 this year and I've never been in a long relationship, I've been in love, but it was the Romeo and Juliet type love where you love the person so much but it just cannot possibly work in the end. I think that's what Buffy lived with Angel, they had the choice to stay together and most likely end up dead or be apart, they obviously chose the only logical choice. With Riley and Spike, it was more of a case that she loved them, but was not in love with them, which is perfectly normal and to be expected at her age.
QUOTE]

You make a very good point, we forget sometimes because her reponsibilities are so heavy and she is mostly mature but even after like 8 years of slayage in s7 buffy was still in her very early twenties and if this was real life we would be suprised at anyone of that age who was with her life partner. Most of buffy's relationship's-angel, riley, even spike, did last for a considerable amount of time- a year or more so I think what she needs is time to grow and mature and as cliche as it sounds 'grow to love herself first' although to be honest looking at the comics I dont have much faith in buffy's love life any time soom.

 

[white avenger]

It just occurred to me that part of the Shadow Men's original spell might have specifically in some way programmed the Slayer to avoid any sort of desire for what would have, at that time, been considered the primary role of a woman, i e, to have a mate and children. Certainly they would have wanted the Slayer to be free to go wherever the demons and vampires lurked, something that no man would have allowed, and pregnancy would be a definite detriment to her fighting ability.

Women, at the time that the Shadow Men created the first Slayer were almost certainly considered little more than vessels for producing the next generation of warriors and hunters, allowed to have little, if any, free will, or say in their own fate, and as such, just about as expendable as a human being could be, which just might be the major reason why they chose a woman to be the Slayer rather than a man. Why waste a valuable hunter/fighter when you can just take any little scrawny girl, soup her up with demon essence powers, and send her out to fight the things that go bump in the night. Lose one, just make another one. Even easier, fix the spell so that, if one girl dies, another one is made automatically.

If the Shadow Men didn't put an automatic aversion to the desire for home, love, and family, it's only because they didn't think of it.

 

[Zeppelin92]

Very interesting thoughts guys. I haven't had the chance to read Tales of the Slayers, yet tho I am caught up with S8 and 9.

[MENTION=6758]white avenger[/MENTION]

It just occurred to me that part of the Shadow Men's original spell might have specifically in some way programmed the Slayer to avoid any sort of desire for what would have, at that time, been considered the primary role of a woman, i e, to have a mate and children. Certainly they would have wanted the Slayer to be free to go wherever the demons and vampires lurked, something that no man would have allowed, and pregnancy would be a definite detriment to her fighting ability.

I agree with this theory. It was a recurring theme in season 7 for Buffy to only do what is best for the mission. In the Nikki Wood flashbacks you can see her saying the same thing to Robin which goes along with the idea that a Slayer might not have the best Maternal priorities. It could be something added in by the Shadow Men or it could just be that the Slayer's Instictual Drive to save the world overrides everything else.

 

[shoshanna33]

I don't know if it's something the Shadow Men ingrained in their slayers to not want relationships because Buffy did want relationships. She did want a normal life with a normal guy. It just wasn't feasible and when she tried to do it with Riley it just was doomed for failure. But not because she didn't want it. I think Buffy's relationship problems are more about herself and her own experiences with men than anything that was preprogrammed into her psyche. She had bad experiences so that made her distrustful and her relationships fail. She had a lot of emotional baggage. But I think if she could do it, she would choose to have a man and a love in her life.