Things We Learned from Buffy/Angel...

Samuel Reyes

Samuel Reyes

Chilling in SunnyD
Joined
Apr 6, 2015
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Location
Texas
1. There's no such thing as leprechauns.
2. Thanksgiving is just a ritual sacrifice with pie.
3. If you introduce a sorcerer to his wife he'll pay you back at the most convenient possible time.
4. Looking at linoleum makes 17-year-old guys want to have sex.
5. If your college roommate irons her jeans, then she's probably evil.
6. If every vampire who said he was at the Crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock.
7. Crumbling up weetabix in blood gives it a little texture.
8. Oxford is where they make Gileses.
9. If you're a Slayer and doing violence to vampires upsets you, then you're in the wrong line of work.
10. Free virgin blood parties are probably a trap.
11. Capitalism is the free enterprise of vengeance demons.
12. 'All men are created equal' is just propaganda spouted out by the ugly and less deserving.
13. Country music is the music of pain.
14. The five basic torture groups are blunt, sharp, cold, hot, and loud.
15. Beer bad.
16. Before you go to Mexico always make sure you can speak Mexicoan.
17. The best kind of beauty is effulgent beauty.
18. Seize the moment, because tomorrow you might be dead.
19. Tollhouse cookies without the chocolate chips are a pretty darn big disappointment.
20. The hardest thing in this world is to live in it.
 
1. "Randy" is a dirty name.
2. "Willow" is a funny name.
3. It is unsanitary to let your dog be on the furniture.
4. Timothy Dalton should get an Oscar and beat Sean Connery over the head with it.
5. Ale is delicious and flagrant.
6. Babies are plump and succulent.
7. Witches are filthy, dirty, and disgusting.
8. A witch is more accurate than a she-witch.
9. License to kill is cool.
10. When you're all stuffy and repressed, you overreact.
11. "Apocalypse Now" is overrated.
12. But it get better.
13. Corn with butter flavor and new car smell is cool.
14. You should laugh when a mouse is playing with your knees.
15. Whipping boys are raised by mongrels and set on a sacrificial stone.
16. Young people nowadays are all slaves to the television.
17. All monkeys are French.
18. The printed page is obsolete. Information isn't bound up anymore, it's an entity. The only reality is virtual. If you're not jacked in, you're not alive.
19. People in Britain have got that royal family and all kinds of problems.
20. The earth is definitely doomed.
 
1. Moonraker is inexcusable.
2. To hit a puppy, don't throw a live bee at it.
3. The slayer slays. The watcher watches.
4. Cher gets funner and funner every time you play it.
5. Self-esteem is for everybody.
6. Music has notes.
7. Syphilis won't kill you.
8. But the smallpox will.
9. There was some purple mountains majesty in America.
10. People can so rarely be exchanged for goods and services.
11. Kittens are stupid currency.
12. Gandalf the White resurrected from the pit of the Balrog is more beautiful than ever.
13. Only losers drink alcohol.
14. If a British man drinks coffee, he is destroying a perfectly good cultural stereotype here.
15. Marie Antoinette was gonna let the peasants have cake!
16. we all have little internal Iagos telling us our husbands or our girlfriends or whatever don't really love us.
17. Cheeses will not protect you.
18. Two men are too manly to hug.
19. If you are chaining a woman in your closet, you are going places.
20. Horses are really big ponies.
 
1. Bunnies are inherently evil
2. They are also a theory
3. They got the mustard out
4. Even if guys think you're hot you're still gay
5. If you dance fast enough you burst into flame
6. Xander snores, Anya wheezes and eats skeezy cheeses
7. Chorago demons weigh 600 pounds
8. Spike can't find his sweet release even though the demons name is sweet
9. In a vampirey town like Sunnyvale residents are still stupid enough to plan evening funerals
10. Math is cooler when you sing about it
11. It's not okay to drug your significant other in order to win a fight
12. Lonely misunderstood teens shoplift for pleasure, unless they're the slayer then they kill stuff
13. Well dressed demons look better than garden variety monsters
14. If you're 15 it is illegal to be queen
15. If you need your watcher too much, he'll leave you
16. If it's Tuesday dawn must be in trouble
17. Giles will never want spikes opinion
18. If you touch the fire it freezes you
19. Friends don't tell friends when they summon demons
20. Good musicals end with passionate kisses
 
GoSpuffy said:
1. Bunnies are inherently evil
2. They are also a theory
3. They got the mustard out
4. Even if guys think you're hot you're still gay
5. If you dance fast enough you burst into flame
6. Xander snores, Anya wheezes and eats skeezy cheeses
7. Chorago demons weigh 600 pounds
8. Spike can't find his sweet release even though the demons name is sweet
9. In a vampirey town like Sunnyvale residents are still stupid enough to plan evening funerals
10. Math is cooler when you sing about it
11. It's not okay to drug your significant other in order to win a fight
12. Lonely misunderstood teens shoplift for pleasure, unless they're the slayer then they kill stuff
13. Well dressed demons look better than garden variety monsters
14. If you're 15 it is illegal to be queen
15. If you need your watcher too much, he'll leave you
16. If it's Tuesday dawn must be in trouble
17. Giles will never want spikes opinion
18. If you touch the fire it freezes you
19. Friends don't tell friends when they summon demons
20. Good musicals end with passionate kisses
Click to expand...
It's like "life lessons learnt from Buffy/Angel", so try avoiding character names.😛

They are great though.😀
 
1.The road to redemption is a long path, but you can make it.
2.Having superpowers isn't all fun and games.
3.Using magic is risky.
4.Helping the helpless is easier said than done.
5.Everyone needs a support group of people who will be by their side no matter what.
6.Puppets and clowns are evil.
 
GoSpuffy said:
And kittens are stupid currency
Click to expand...

Not so sure about that. If you have dollars, you have to exchange them to get food. If you have kittens, your currency is your food. Feeding the cat so it gets larger is the equivalent of having an interest-paying savings account - your kitten becomes more valuable as it grows. Counterfeiting is virtually impossible. And money is filthy; kittens wash themselves.
 
1. If you have sex with your boyfriend and the next morning he's a jerk, then he's probably become a soulless monster.
2. If you've caught your werewolf boyfriend in one of the seven annual minutes he doesn't wanna have sex then he's probably cheating.
3. If a Slayer kicks you out of her motel room following a moment of sweet release it's probably a sign she's not looking for a relationship.
4. Rough sex with vampires may seem liberating at first, but tread carefully, especially when it becomes clear he is looking for a relationship.
5. Ladies, always check to make sure you haven't been impregnated with your one-time lover's demon spawn.
6. Guys, when your girlfriend shows up acting OOC make sure she is your girlfriend and not your girlfriend's kinkier arch-enemy.
7. Never rush to get physical, otherwise you might wake up to find your new beau is a womanizing douchebag.
8. If you're a vampire, the only way you can finally have the girl of your dreams is if it's a dream.
9. Sex is bad, OK?
 
Never let a troll drink

Refraining from licking trauma victims will not earn you a medal of honor or brownie points

Robot partners are not of the good

The stereotype of stuffy librarians is definitely a myth

Before you patronize a costume shop, check reviews and references

Running a magic shop is a very risky business, have a good life insurance policy

Be careful what you sing...around green faced demons

Walking through sewers is a great way to get around town, they are not actually filled with smelly, filthy, sewage

Before you lie to your mother, make sure your co-conspirator and you have your stories straight

When no stakes are handy, an axe is an effective weapon against a vampire

It's more fun to make pancakes than to eat them

Peanut butter, banana quesadillas are trumped by pizza

before using a jet pack make sure you there is not a roof above you
 
All Fathers are abandoning douchbags.
Sex is bad.
Men are beasts. Or evil.
Women can't handle power.
It's not ok to kill evil demons if you think they are sexy.
Rape is romantic. So is sex-bot shagging. And stalking.
Women can't deal without a guy/girl holding them up.
Don't keep anything wooden around if you are a vampire. That will backfire every time.
Don't ever really talk about your problems.
 
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