"This Husband Thing Is a Big Step" Xander in Flooded

[Joshua]

Well then WHY DID YOU PROPOSE TO ANYA then?!

 

[brinkster130]

I think Xander thought it was the next step in their relationship and felt like it was something he should do. With all the pressure he felt from the possible end of the world and needing to prove himself as an adult; he just got caught up in all the emotion. He seemed to like the idea of marriage much more than the reality of it.

 

[kittenpoker]

Honestly, I think he did it to help her calm down - as a way of reassuring her that they were not going to die (though, I kinda suspect, he really thought that they might)

 

[Tuppence]

I think he loved Anya and he did want to marry her....some day. Lots of people have 5year long engagements or whatever and I think that would have suited Xander fine. But Anya did push it quite a lot in season 6; like now we're engaged we must immediately plan the wedding and set a date. Things kinda started to pick up speed and get carried away and Xander got carried along with it a lot faster than he was comfortable with.

I always think if they'd just had a nice simple quick inexpensive wedding with just them and the scoobies then theoretically, Xander's character might have been calmer and it could have worked out.

But then again It's Captain Joss at the helm so....

 

[Skytteflickan88]

Exactly, he simply wanted to be with Anya, no fuzz. I think he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, but it was the marriage bit that freaked him out.

Maybe it shouldn't, but marriage sounds to eternal, so I can see why it freaks people out even though they don't want to actually break up.

If I recall correctly, Xander wanted to get back together with Anya afterwards. So he wanted them to live as marrieds, but he didn't want to be married.

 

[BuffyElevated]

I have no doubt that Xander loved Anya with all of his heart, and truly did want to be with her forever. But marriage scared him, and that is definitely understandable. Once you're married, it changes the relationship; there's a lot more at stake than if you simply date for the rest of your life. And it's not like he had a very happy picture of marriage to begin with; he saw his parents and how unhappy they were, and it's not like any of his friends came from homes with happy marriages, either. I think he truly did want to be with Anya, but the possibility of their marriage ending up like so many others in his life scared him. I just wish he would have realized that before "Hell's Bells".

 

[Tuppence]

, but the possibility of their marriage ending up like so many others in his life scared him. I just wish he would have realized that before "Hell's Bells".

Exactly. Having a personal revelation at the last minute and therefore jilting the woman you love at the altar is NEVER the best plan.....

 

[itssmiletime]

I think he proposed to her because he did actually, generally want to marry her- but his mistake was rushing into it, deliberately choosing the night of the ritual as a dramatic gesture of romance. I think his problem was never talking to Anya about it- in Flooded, Bargaining, Life Serial... he could have either called it off, or asked to delay the wedding. I have no problem believing that Anya would've waited for a couple of years.

 

[Yosso]

When I think about it more and more, I think Xander proposed to Anya because he was influenced by Anya's desires to do all the things in life as quickly as possible - get their own place, get married, have children etc.

Really, at 20/21 are most people thinking of marriage these days? I'm 21 and the very thought of that is years away in my head, and by years I mean at least a decade.