Thought for the Day: Not every thread needs to turn into an argument

[Taake]

Hey everyone, this week we've had some good discussions about opinions, netiquette and online negativity. A lot of what we have been discussing kind of ties into to today's thought of the day:

Not every thread needs to turn into an argument.

Like we have we have discussed everyone has the right to their opinion and to have their opinion respected. But sometimes there's conflicting opinions, confusion or plain miscommunication. This can color the tone of your reply and cause a ripple effect that you hadn't intended.

Today I'd like us all to think about these things before we post - what is it that got under your skin? Can it be dealt with in private? Are you confused? Do you feel defensive? Do you feel attacked? These are all valid feelings but before posting I would like for everyone to take a step back and think about what it is they wish to achieve with their post and how their post will help them do it. Often unintentioned wording can alienate an audience and stir further friction. Let's remember that on the internet it is always important to remember how your words can come across to others as we can't hear the tone you're intending, thus miscomunications flourish.

So please, before you post consider the outcome of what you're about to say - will it help you get your point across? Or will it muddy the waters (so to speak). Arguments often stem from simple miscommunication, which is unfortunate, but it leaves a negativity behind that can be hard to shake...

 

[Nix]

Yes, there are certain threads/discussion that do descend into a bit of negativity and it would be nice if people stopped to think before they hit the send button and maybe reword their posts a little...stop and think "does this post really get across what I am trying to express?"

 

[Chosen Enemy]

I think as long as it's an argument that includes fun in it, as in a debate, there's nothing wrong with that. There are Spuffy/Bangel arguments which are usually very fun to me. Of course it shouldn't turn into fist fighting argument, but exchanging opinions is good.
Sometimes I'd rather discuss things in a private place, and not over the board, or opinions that I'd rather keep to myself so it won't turn into a real harsh argument. There must be a wall to seperate between argument and debate. It's a very thin line, but in every argument I try to enjoy and not take things personally. You can put in some humour and jokes to break the ice and turn an argument into a debate.

 

[Jules]

I completely agree, and not only can the discussion/thread turn negative it can get totally off topic, so what started out as a good topic to discuss ends up being a personal slanging match between the members, on who can return the better insult 🙁

 

[Cast No Shadow]

I think it turns negative when people begin getting personal, and slinging insults that don't stay on topic to the thread. Saying "I don't like what what you're saying" is different from saying, "I don't like you because of what you're saying".

 

[Buffy Summers]

There's a difference between having a disagreement/debate and having an argument. And sometimes arguments pop up in threads that don't need to have one, such as a new style thread.

If things look like they're going to get hairy, try asking the other person for clarification - "are you saying that...? Do you mean that...? What do you mean by that?" - don't make assumptions about what the other person meant. Also reread (ask yourself if they really meant that statement the way you originally thought).

Also, try not to take things too personally. If someone dislikes a character you like, for example, that's not attacking you (in and of itself). People can disagree about something without degrading into, "Well, you're just stupid" types of remarks 🙂

 

[white avenger]

By definition, the majority of the threads posted on this site and most others that I am familiar with, including this thread, ARE arguments, since "argument" and "debate" are synonymous. As long as common courtesy and consideration of others' opinions. I don't have to share someone else's opinion on a subject in order to respect their right to have their own opinion. It would be impossible to eliminate all arguments from this forum, but it is highly desirable to eliminate as much malicious conflict as possible.

 

[Buffy Summers]

For the purposes of this thread "argument" and "debate" are not synonymous.

I don't mean to pick on you, truly, because I understand what you're trying to say. But taking a post like the one you just made in a more abstract way - is there a reason to nitpick over the terminology? No. The point of the thread is that not every thread should become a grudge match, that people can disagree without it turning nasty or personal. Isn't that what is important to discuss and take away in this thread, rather than the exact definition of "argument"?

And again, I'm not trying to single you out, but it did lend itself to the point we're trying to make.

🙂

 

[SlayerFest]

I think it turns negative when people begin getting personal, and slinging insults that don't stay on topic to the thread. Saying "I don't like what what you're saying" is different from saying, "I don't like you because of what you're saying".

I agree completely. I love to debate, I rarely take them too seriously. When I have them with friends we usually end up laughing by the end of it. Sometimes things get heated if it's a controversial subject...but on here, I'm debating about which season is the best or why I don't like Wennedy haha. Nothing serious. However, there are some people who truly see it as an attack on their character or something when you tell them that you don't agree with their statement, or that you find their point of view offensive. That is absolutely okay. I do not take that as an insult to my character.

If someone said to me, "That is a ridiculous statement to make" or something like that, I wouldn't be offended by it because they're criticizing my opinion. And that's fine! In my opinion 😉

 

[Summerlilly]

It's not always necessary to "win" the argument. I think sometimes you just have to step away and say "is it really necessary to keep this going?" There will always be someone who disagrees with you.... I've had first hand experience with severe disagreements on BB and sometimes you just have to let it go.

 

[LoveLoveLovix]

I'm going to go on the same branch as Summerlilly and say that the need to win is what separates arguements from debates (for the purposes of this thread). If you are posting to express your opinion, to explain your opinion, or to spread awareness of your opinion, and if you are doing it in a civil, respectful way, that is normally perfectly fine. It's when people start posting to beat down people who don't agree with them when negativity occurs.

I think coming into a thread realizing that not everyone will ship what you ship, not everyone will like the same things you like, not everyone thinks the same way you think... that's what separates arguements and debates. It is an adapted version of how we learn in school that the girl who's good at English doesn't get math, the boy who knows science can't get hold a note in band. We're not always going to comprehend the same things, and we're not going to comprehend things the same way. We have to respect what people know and believe, and you should listen to what they think and consider it. Don't write something off just because it's different. That's like online racism or homophobia... it's like postaphobia or something. And it's not a good way to behave.

 

[Willow My Love]

Ask yourself whether it's worth the argument, or whether you need to agree to disagree. Don't take it personally when someone doesn't agree with you or sees something differently. It doesn't mean either of you are wrong.

And, like Darla said, someone not liking your favorite character or ship doesn't mean they don't like you. No matter how much of yourself you see in them. We're all allowed our personal opinions.