Thought for the Day: To post, or not to post?

[wickedtiger86]

There's been a lot of really interesting discussion here this week and a lot of people have seemed to agree that sometimes it really is hard to think about the fact that there are actual people reading what we say on forums.

Complicated, wonderful and opinionated people with real emotions are actually there on the other side of the screen. . . Emphasis on opinionanted. 🙂

And since everyone is completely unique and individual, at one point or another, there are going to be different views.

I think, in these situations, it could help to remember that just because someone has a view that is different, that doesn't automatically mean that there's a need to defend all the opposing views to them.

At the very least, doing that can make this person less excited about the thoughts and feelings that they had, and wanted to share. And it could even make them less inclined to share their thoughts in the future.


Sometimes the kindest thing you can do, is be silent and let the other person enjoy their views.

 

[zobothehobo]

This is the one thing this week I'm not really sure about. I've always prided myself in being as outspoken as I am. If I have an opinion, I'll probably share it with you one way or another. That means if I disagree with something, I'll probably tell you. And if you disagree with me, I don't mind if you tell me... actually, I encourage it. And I know, like a lot of things, I may be the exception to the rule. But I'm not sure why I would have to just "keep quiet" and "let the other person have their opinions." The best thing about message boards like this is talking to people with other opinions. If your opinion is based on false logic or just personal preference, say that outright and admit it and people will be less likely to try and disprove you. But debating is my favorite thing about forums. It's not so much about proving me right or disproving the other person... it's sharing my opinion with theirs.

I don't know... I just feel like this post kind of says "either agree with everything everyone says, or pretend you do." And I have actually left forums for that kind of policy. Everyone is entitled to their opinion... which also means that everyone else is entitled to disagree.

 

[wickedtiger86]

This is the one thing this week I'm not really sure about. I've always prided myself in being as outspoken as I am. If I have an opinion, I'll probably share it with you one way or another. That means if I disagree with something, I'll probably tell you. And if you disagree with me, I don't mind if you tell me... actually, I encourage it. And I know, like a lot of things, I may be the exception to the rule. But I'm not sure why I would have to just "keep quiet" and "let the other person have their opinions." The best thing about message boards like this is talking to people with other opinions. If your opinion is based on false logic or just personal preference, say that outright and admit it and people will be less likely to try and disprove you. But debating is my favorite thing about forums. It's not so much about proving me right or disproving the other person... it's sharing my opinion with theirs.

I don't know... I just feel like this post kind of says "either agree with everything everyone says, or pretend you do." And I have actually left forums for that kind of policy. Everyone is entitled to their opinion... which also means that everyone else is entitled to disagree.

Ah! See when I wrote it, I was afraid it would come off that way. And I was right. 🙁

What I more meant to say was more towards when people are, I guess, downright mean, about how their opinions are better than someone else's, when there just isn't a call for it.

Or when there's a whole thread dedicated to how awesome Spuffy is and then a bunch of people that really dislike Spuffy come in and turn it into a shipping war. When at first it was just people enjoying Spuffy and then everyone ends up sad.

I only used Spuffy as an example since I am one. 😀 But still . . .


Everyone is totally entitled to their awesome opinions, just not at the cost of super squashing someone else's.

And sometimes I think people don't think about how they could be super squashing someone by doing that.

Does that makes better sense?

It's not about doing it all the time. Just once in a while to let other people enjoy the moment.

 

[zobothehobo]

To me, that just sounds like "respect other people's opinions." Which was the thought for the day two days ago. I think I see what you're saying with the whole "don't post if you're going to be negative and change the focus of a positive thread about people with one sort of opinions into a debate thread." But that could be stated as the board rules aka "stay on topic." I just feel like saying this as a "thought for the day" this week really encourages this mentality of "if you don't agree with someone... you don't have to say it." Which is something that really bugs me. And I know that's not what you meant, and I'm not accusing you of anything negative here... I'm just saying it rubs me the wrong way that this is brought up as part of the niceness thing. Because one could say any thread that starts off with someone of one opinion couldn't and shouldn't have another opinion in it because it's "rude" according to this post.

 

[Black Eye Guy]

Well I think the idea is not to post when there isn't a reason to post. Obviously if someone posts an argument you disagree with you'll post your views back, where I think people need to stop posting is when you get stuck in that loop of the two people saying the sake thing over and over again.

I find I get into those loops all the time, when I think back on any of the spuffy vs bangel threads, or the any seeing red thread, you'll probably see a large chunk of me and someone else going back and forth, and I'm so bad at backing down, its always the other person who posts the we'll agree to disagree message, which should have been done ages ago, but we'll nave gotten caught up in our own.opinion so much that you want to have the other person agree with you.

Like in that situation, no one is going to switch sides and its better not to post and let an actual discussion continue.

 

[zobothehobo]

Well I think the idea is not to post when there isn't a reason to post. Obviously if someone posts an argument you disagree with you'll post your views back, where I think people need to stop posting is when you get stuck in that loop of the two people saying the sake thing over and over again.

I find I get into those loops all the time, when I think back on any of the spuffy vs bangel threads, or the any seeing red thread, you'll probably see a large chunk of me and someone else going back and forth, and I'm so bad at backing down, its always the other person who posts the we'll agree to disagree message, which should have been done ages ago, but we'll nave gotten caught up in our own.opinion so much that you want to have the other person agree with you.

Like in that situation, no one is going to switch sides and its better not to post and let an actual discussion continue.

Well that's not fair either. Bangels and Spuffies will always agree to disagree. Those threads and discussions are not there to persuade, but more to state your opinions. Shippers are shippers and they will have their opinions. So I guess we should never discuss Bangel vs Spuffy because the whole ship war is just a giant loop.

People go back and forth. That's why we come to boards like this. To discuss our shows. We put our opinions out there and someone disagrees. And we argue with them. We discuss and try to justify why our point of view makes more sense than someone elses's. That is the whole point. Like I said, this whole thing stinks of "don't ever disagree."

I think the better thing here is to say "be respectful of peoples' right to their opinions." Meaning don't get upset if they don't agree with you. Disagreeing is part of life, especially a discussion board like this one.

I'm sorry if I'm coming off mean here. I just get really uneasy when someone tells me for whatever reason not to express my opinions. It's not rude to disagree with someone, it's rude to be rude.

 

[Cast No Shadow]

I think that if people post something that disagrees with you, it only develops a more passionate viewpoint on both parts, which I don't think is a bad thing.

I think it's important to respect someone else's opinion and viewpoint, and I'd always welcome someone to disagree with me, so long as they were able to do it politely, and back it up with evidence.

Saying, "I think Spike is the worst person ever." is not particularly productive, but saying, "I don't like Spike, I always found him to be (abc) because of (xyz)" is much more appealing.

Listening to other people is important, and helps you create more informed viewpoints.

 

[Washburne]

To me it depends on the thread title/what the discussion is about. Sometimes discussion is needed, sometimes it's just sharing something you have in commmon. An example: "Why I love Twilight" vs "What do you think about Twilight". Change Twilight to Spike/Angel/Spuffy/Bangel and so on. One thread is more suitable to post in if you don't like what's being discussed. In my opinion of course.

Just because you have an opinion you don't always have to share it. For another example take religion. Some think it's the greatest thing ever some think it's the worst and a lot of people are somewhere in between. I think the subject is really interesting and as long as you can keep it civil it's great to discuss it. What I'm not as fond of is when people comment on it every chance they get and sometimes even more often than that. You believe in something, you don't know or you haven't made up your mind. People trying to force religion on you (because it'll be the best thing in your life) or saying that you must be out of your mind if you belive in some higher power.

Or take me and the right to bear arms in your everyday life and how easy it is to get a gun. I strongly disagree with some people on here about that subject and I've discussed it. Sometimes in a thread and sometimes via pm but I don't jump on every chance to have the discussion even if I strongly agree with what people say sometimes.

You don't have to seek confrontation every time. To me it's not the same as "don't be rude".

 

[Kean]

I think it depends on a lot of things: the topic at hand, the nature of the discussion thus far, the person you are discussing it with and the rapport you have with that person.

If a discussion has been going on for nearly a full 200 post thread or more, a posters most pertinent points have likely been made and, in my experience, the thread has long stopped being about the topic, but rather about those discussing it.

In this situation, nobody's mind has been changed. Nobody is less opinionated than when they began, but is there any merit in the discussion continuing? No, not in my book. Especially when these discussions are more likely to result to a disagreement or a falling out between members. No issue is worth that. Some of my very favourite people and greatest friends on this board are those that I disagree with the most. And I'd wager our friendships only developed because we called time on heated discussions before they became truly nasty.

If I'm in a discussion that has become intense or heated, every post I make I do so asking myself "Do I really need to say this? Do I need to say it this way? What am I trying to achieve? Will it offend my fellow member?". It took years of online discussion for me to be able to do that, but if I hadn't, I would have lost countless wonderful and insightful discussions because I was too busy being snarky or trying to "win" the conversation.

If what I am saying only serves to worsen the situation, and I have already made my stance clear, 9/10 I will bow out of conversation. That doesn't make me less opinionated or impassioned. I just respect the act of discussion enough not to beat it, and whomever I'm speaking to, down with my POV, just because I can.

At that stage you are not serving discussion, the topic or the freedom to discourse and opinion.

You are just serving yourself.

 

[Nix]

There are times when it is best not to post imo. For example...Thread title.."Seeing Red, was it attempted rape or not?" This subject always gets some heated discussion about spuffy and this episode and what was and was not shown on tv. I choose to stay out of this thread as I know due to my own life experience on the subject matter and that I will get emotional and that is not really the right mind set for posting. Hence, sometimes for me not posting is the better option for everyone. Just sayin'.

 

[Black Eye Guy]

Well that's not fair either. Bangels and Spuffies will always agree to disagree. Those threads and discussions are not there to persuade, but more to state your opinions. Shippers are shippers and they will have their opinions. So I guess we should never discuss Bangel vs Spuffy because the whole ship war is just a giant loop.

Well that kind of thread was just an example, but I definitely think one side is always trying to convince the other which one is better, or thats what I've always done in those threads, lol.

People go back and forth. That's why we come to boards like this. To discuss our shows. We put our opinions out there and someone disagrees. And we argue with them. We discuss and try to justify why our point of view makes more sense than someone elses's. That is the whole point. Like I said, this whole thing stinks of "don't ever disagree."

I think the better thing here is to say "be respectful of peoples' right to their opinions." Meaning don't get upset if they don't agree with you. Disagreeing is part of life, especially a discussion board like this one.

I'm sorry if I'm coming off mean here. I just get really uneasy when someone tells me for whatever reason not to express my opinions. It's not rude to disagree with someone, it's rude to be rude.

I probably should have expanded on my idea a bit more, I was thinking more like, what Kean said, that a thread is at 200 posts, and the last 3 pages are basically 3 people posting the same things reworded each time, at that point the discussion is over, if we were in real life, we'd basically just be yelling at each other to see who comes out loudest.
Doing things like that, dont add to the thread and aren't even interesting as your basically repeating yourself, like if you think to one of those threads, I can remember where the discussion is going back and forth, and you get someone posting "I haven't read all the thread but my opinion..." - like if the thread isn't interesting enough for people to read because your basically just saying the same thing over and over, there really isn't a need to express your opinion again.

No one is saying not to say your opinion, we all want to hear it, but because our opinion is so strong to us, you can loose track of posting it, where it come to the point your trying to shove it down others throats, you don't even have to be rude in what your saying, but by repeating it will unintentionally come across that way.

I know this happens, because I've done it myself, allot.


I like what Washbourne has said that you can have an opinion on everything, but you don't always have to say it. To add to discussion, absolutely chuck it in there, but just say for example we're discussing an episode and I post saying "this isn't y favourite episode" - this doesn't add anything, I haven't said why or expanded. I have an opinion, but it isn't needed to impact the discussion in anyway.

 

[BuffyElevated]

I don't think the original post was meant to tell people to keep quiet when they disagree with something; I think [MENTION=9037]wickedtiger86[/MENTION] just meant that sometimes it's pointless to keep reiterating your POV.
It's totally fine to have a different opinion than someone else, but you don't need to "beat them over the head with it", so to speak... For instance, in the Xander threads, there always seems to be people who hate him no matter what, and people who love him no matter what. People end up getting really nasty and attacking each other because they feel so passionately... What we're saying with this point is that it doesn't need to get to the point where it gets nasty. People need to be able to say "Ok, well that's your opinion so I respect it, even though I don't agree" instead of getting mad and attacking someone's opinion.
When you're mad or feeling overly passionate about something to the point where you can't discuss a topic rationally, that's when it's time to sit back and say "Ok, maybe I don't need to post right now." Or if you've encountered someone who gets really heated and you don't, maybe it's best to just walk away instead of trying to get the last word, 'cause with someone who's heated, it's not gonna make a difference; they're only going to see themselves as right and everyone else as wrong.

 

[Buffy Summers]

I think the point of this idea for the day is that, "It really doesn't cost anything to be kind. And it costs even less to not say anything at all." So sometimes, it's better to say nothing that shoot back some mean, angry comment.

It's not about not giving your opinion, but in how you do so and not making a comment just to be mean to someone else.

 

[zobothehobo]

I think the point of this idea for the day is that, "It really doesn't cost anything to be kind. And it costs even less to not say anything at all." So sometimes, it's better to say nothing that shoot back some mean, angry comment.

It's not about not giving your opinion, but in how you do so and not making a comment just to be mean to someone else.

wouldn't it be better to just say "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" and couple that with "respect others' opinions"?

 

[wickedtiger86]

This actually just came from something I used to struggle with a lot. I realized that since I love Buffy so so much, when people automatically want to tell me how dumb it is, without any argument behind it, well, that made me feel kinda bad.

So I thought about how what I said sometimes could do the same to other people.

It was just a thought. Not a rule or anything.

And I do think that it's important to think about this when in a heated debate with someone, which lots of people on this thread have brought up. And that's one of the things that I love about these boards. A lot of times people do step back and really think about what they say before they post, if they even post at all.

Everyone here does appreciate some healthy debate, but as has been said, it can go too far with people simply saying the same things repeatedly when no one will budge on the issue.

That's all. 🙂

 

[Buffy Summers]

wouldn't it be better to just say "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" and couple that with "respect others' opinions"?

I don't think so. Because I think a lot of people can't resist getting in one last jab at someone else. Or in another example, if someone posts a banner in the art gallery that you find very ugly, rather than saying "That is the ugliest banner I've ever seen!" if you can't post something nice about it, don't post anything at all.

I think it's been made clear that this thread is not about not being allowed to give your opinion, so I think it's time to get off that track.

🙂

 

[This Year's Girl]

I think [MENTION=9037]wickedtiger86[/MENTION] did her best to try to get her point across and try to explain when there was some questionmarks at the OT.

I think this is worth thinking about! Some subjects may just stir up so much emotion that it's best not say anything, 'cause it won't be constructive or nice.

 

[Flannen]

This is something I find applies to me quite a lot. The longer that I've been on here the more I find myself thinking about whether it is and isn't right to post. I tend to think about whether what I am going to post is actually going to contribute to the thread at all. If my reply isn't actually going to develop the discussion and I feel like all I'd be doing is disagreeing or arguing for the sake of it, then I step away.

 

[OhWow]

All this thread is saying is: Control yourself.

It's understandable that people get heated over discussions and topics that they are passionate about and this can certainly lead to trashing other opinions and making rude comments. But don't let it come to that. Stop yourself, take a break, and chill out before you ruin someone's day.

And it's no secret that most have been guilty of it, I know I have. But it doesn't feel good on either end, so it's best to just close your laptop; do not post.