Thread for Questions Regarding the Time Out

[Edmund Blackadder]

I think I do, EB. The pure fact that people sat around all weekend plotting the destruction of BB speaks to the fact that some need to take a step back.

I don't think people need to do much plotting at the moment, if this is the way you wish to run your board.
Having said that, you obviously don't see that people were upset.
Its not a matter of people spending too much time on the boards, there were members of that list who have been away for a fair bit of time, the fact of the matter is you punished them without giving them a proper reason.
When people are hurt and upset they do and say things they don't necessarily mean.
They were acting off pure emotion, your actions through out this entire situation has been 100% calculated which makes the pain felt by some fair.

That's fine. But being nasty to others can't be a part of it.

And more often than not, it isn't nasty.
Granted there has been alot of tension over the last couple of months but there was far more instances of people getting on and being friendly.
Rather than finding the causes of these issues, maybe even asking the very people who were involved, you decided to act in a way that has infuriated many and won't just go away.

What?! Are you serious? What good would that do and why would I?

I have no idea what the reasoning is, maybe you could inform us why someone would do something like that.
Again, I did state it was a rumour that if true would be terrible.

You know, most of the people in this group thought this whole thing was fine and dandy when they thought it was just you who would be taking a break. If I had banned you permanently instead of this, I'd be everyone's hero right now. But I wouldn't kow tow to people who wanted to see you unfairly gone, and I won't kow tow to you now either. Everyone is welcome to stay or go as they see fit, but the people who stay are not going to get away with being mean and nasty to each other.

Is your plan now to make me feel like no one likes me, respects me, so I change my opinion and say that what you did was the right way to go?

Obviously I must be better than that because I think your reaction (and this comment is the worst kind of comment you could make if you read it) was totally uncalled for.

I am well aware of the opinions of some people on this forum, just because I don't get on with them doesn't mean had I the ability I would ban them.
Doesn't bother me that in the same situation they WOULD ban me.

What this comment that you have just posted has done, however, is create a bigger divide.

No one is telling you to 'kow tow' to me, I haven't even told you to do anything.

The one thing that was common on this forum was most people respected you, thats just not the case any more and this comment from you shows that you definitely don't deserve it.

 

[Buffy Summers]

I didn't once mention that I wanted to leave the board, first off.

Second off, I think you misunderstood my point. In any community, in real life or online, you have people who disagree. Some people just aren't going to get along. I'm in no way saying that we should have hierarchies within the members on the board, but it's a widely known fact that some people to gravitate towards other people, and away from others. There is nothing wrong with that. People make friends, people make enemies, and as long as people don't vent their bullshit with other members on the board as a whole, everything runs relatively smoothly because that's what happens when you get a group of people together.

I 100% agree with everything you said there.

---------- Post added at 01:21 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:19 AM ----------

You're right, Buffy. Let's stop the merry-go-round.

In English, we have a word for this type of behavior: Hypocrisy. Or perhaps insanity.

You don't calm your members down by deliberately angering them.

You don't gain respect by being disrespectful.

You don't set a good example through arbitrary harshness.

You don't gain trust by acting without justice and without warning.

You don't discourage bullying by taking random people out in the middle of the night and roughing them up "for the good of the community."

I'm sorry, but people happy under those conditions are cultists, not citizens. I'm out. If that's the level of groupthink this forum demands, I want no part in it.

Ideas are bulletproof.

Really? Now you're just getting irrational.

---------- Post added at 01:24 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:21 AM ----------

I am not meaning to point fingers, but the only way you could have known about supposed threats against your board seems to come from Facebook.

If people post things on the BB Facebook, that isn't spying, that's reading.

Even if you have proof that people were making threats toward the board, airing thinly veiled derogatory statements at those banned will do nothing to heal matters.

I honestly couldn't tell you who it was, and so I'm not sure what derogatory statements you're talking about. But I do think if you are making BB so important that you're going to try and "take it down" or whatever because of this, you definitely need a step back.

 

[DrusillaRox]

Sorry. I think the members of BB are going to find me a little more rational than you at this point in time. You seem to have missed the fact that there have been quite a few strident disagreements with your behavior and not one agreement as yet.

Agreement here. Absoloutely. I think Seraphim has been very rational.

I also think banning all these people has created a larger clique.

The Banned.

And this is because we communicated with each other ehile we were banned

On the plus side, I feel like I've gotten to know yellowcrayon better.

 

[yellowcrayon]

I honestly couldn't tell you who it was, and so I'm not sure what derogatory statements you're talking about. But I do think if you are making BB so important that you're going to try and "take it down" or whatever because of this, you definitely need a step back.

I have never, and will never, approve of actions to "take BB down."

However, neither can I approve of blanket statements toward those fellow members who were banned that accuse them of plotting the destruction of a forum from which they have already expressed upset at a forced leave of absence. Regardless of whether or not you knew who in specific made threats, is it really appropriate to seemingly accuse all of the 29 banned of plotting against you, or even any of them?

Again, I ask you, does this not only serve to further the divide that has already been created?

 

[Buffy Summers]

Sorry, I didn't mean "you" specifically. I meant "you" as in "someone".

---------- Post added at 01:39 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:38 AM ----------

I have never, and will never, approve of actions to "take BB down."

However, neither can I approve of blanket statements toward those fellow members who were banned that accuse them of plotting the destruction of a forum from which they have already expressed upset at a forced leave of absence. Regardless of whether or not you knew who in specific made threats, is it really appropriate to seemingly accuse all of the 29 banned of plotting against you, or even any of them?

Again, I ask you, does this not only serve to further the divide that has already been created?

I'm not the one doing the dividing here. Everyone is welcome to continue on as before, as long as they abide by forum rules.

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

I'm not the one doing the dividing here.

The ignorance and arrogance is astounding, I would actually be 'lol'ing if I laughed at comments on a forum!

 

[Buffy Summers]

Fine. You're all right, as usual, and I'm wrong, as usual. Do whatever you want. Once again the mob wins.

 

[Friendly Lurker]

I had hoped that people would spend the weekend with their friends or family.

I, for one, spent the weekend with some very good friends. 😉

Anyway, I agree that there was a problem with some members being rude. But you should have confronted THOSE members instead of randomly banning a bunch of people who have no idea what they did. How is anyone going to learn from this if we don't even know whether we did something wrong or not? I propose that from now on the mods only ban those who actually break the rules!

There's been a lot of talk about cliques and I think we should be straight about it instead of referring to some mysterious group. I at least believe Buffy means the people who use IRC and I completely disagree with that. We talk to eachother more so we know eachother better and therefore we become closer friends. That's just common sense. But the definition of a clique is that it's EXCLUSIVE and IRC is by no means a closed group, anyone can join in and I often encourage new members to do so.

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

Fine. You're all right, as usual, and I'm wrong, as usual. Do whatever you want. Once again the mob wins.

What did you actually expect to happen when you took this course of action?

Doesn't seem like any thought was placed in the course of action, the group of people you chose for the most part was random, apparently.

There seems to have been no thought at all about what would happen, you just hoped that things would be OK.

You upset alot of people, incidentally, the people who make this the place people want to come to.

You invited friendships to build by adding things like the 'Chat' function because that allowed people to get to know each other better, this in turn allowed cliques to build.
Now this has become a big issue on the board, instead of trying to find a solution that deals everything (the House thing was a step in the right direction, but came at the wrong time) you just came down with an iron fist and upset people.

You own and run this board, fair enough, they are your rules that we have to abide, fair enough, but don't blame the people of this forum because of mistakes you (and in this case other Admin/MODs) have made that have helped cause this situation, then have a hissy because people are speaking their minds!

---------- Post added at 06:58 AM ---------- Previous post was at 06:54 AM ----------

There's been a lot of talk about cliques and I think we should be straight about it instead of referring to some mysterious group. I at least believe Buffy means the people who use IRC and I completely disagree with that. We talk to eachother more so we know eachother better and therefore we become closer friends. That's just common sense. But the definition of a clique is that it's EXCLUSIVE and IRC is by no means a closed group, anyone can join in and I often encourage new members to do so.

Thats not entirely the case though, is it.

I'm not gonna play the victim here, but a simple truth is, I have on occasion tried to join the Chat and if a certain group of people are there, they don't respond to my comments.

I have no issue with that because to be honest, I don't particularly wish to talk to certain members outside of their opinion on a thread, but the fact remains, by 'ignoring' me you have made it exclusive.

 

[Friendly Lurker]

Thats not entirely the case though, is it.

I'm not gonna play the victim here, but a simple truth is, I have on occasion tried to join the Chat and if a certain group of people are there, they don't respond to my comments.

I have no issue with that because to be honest, I don't particularly wish to talk to certain members outside of their opinion on a thread, but the fact remains, by 'ignoring' me you have made it exclusive.

I've only seen you on IRC once so I can't comment on other occassions but when I saw you there, you were by no means being ignored. In fact, I seem to recall that you said you're leaving because you can't keep up with all the chatter.

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

I've only seen you on IRC once so I can't comment on other occassions but when I saw you there, you were by no means being ignored. In fact, I seem to recall that you said you're leaving because you can't keep up with all the chatter.

That was one time, as you say, and in fairness that was quite a while ago.
There has been time since, and I won't mention names because I am above that, but there have been members (and one MOD as well) who pretty much endorsed it.

I have no interest in chatting on the IRC or any other chatty thing, but the simple truth is it does have an exclusive air to it.

Again, thats fine, but Buffy put that on the forum, I don't see how she can be upset that people created friendships and bonds over it and when they see someone they like being bullied (and I am gonna stress IN THEIR OPINION) why shouldn't they stick up for them.

Its the playground mentality - if you see a friend being bullied at school, do you run to tell a teacher or do you help them, if you're physically able?

 

[Mesektet Ra]

If any of us in the IRC have done this, I'm sure we've done it unknowingly, and we can make attempts to not act that way in the future. I, for one, LOVE IT when we get new people in the IRC - it's chance for me to act a fool and make more friends. I've never viewed the 'regular' IRC members as a clique, because like Lurky said, that denotes and exclusive group with no entry from outside members, and for the most part all I've ever seen out of the regulars is kindness and open arms.

But like I said, if this is an issue I'm sure we can rectify it no problem.

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

You know, most of the people in this group thought this whole thing was fine and dandy when they thought it was just you who would be taking a break. If I had banned you permanently instead of this, I'd be everyone's hero right now. But I wouldn't kow tow to people who wanted to see you unfairly gone, and I won't kow tow to you now either. Everyone is welcome to stay or go as they see fit, but the people who stay are not going to get away with being mean and nasty to each other.

Anyway, this will be my final post on the subject, and indeed the forum.
I have no further interest in visiting this forum so I request that you delete my account.

Genuinely I have no ill feelings towards anyone on this forum, except for Lindsey McDonald who I think is an absolute cock-end, but who cares eh as I am sure his opinion of me isn't much better.

Thanks to most of the members for a good four years, but just a warning to you, when I am gone, who will you have to blame for the issues on the board?

Have a good one guys.


PS - there are some members who might wish to stay in contact with me, some I have given my email address to, so I have simply forgotten due to the fact it is 7:20am, if you would like to contact me, my email address is:
retsilagnilooc@yahoo.co.uk

That is also the email for my Facebook.

Thanks

 

[BillyidolwannaB]

Well this has been a fun read. Kinda makes the banning worth it. 🙂

 

[Sweetescape]

This whole thing has confused me from the beginning . I don't understand how you could not think people would get emotional after finding out they had been "timed out" or how when they came back everything would suddenly be smoothed over once you explained it was to bring us closer together. When in reality it's caused more problems and anger then simply talking to people privately.
It angers me that you upset people and thought it'd be ok, its not nice seeing your friends upset.
It honestly baffles me.

 

[BillyidolwannaB]

Alright alright Alright alright Alright alright .... Shake it like a polaroid pictuuure.
Wow, am i like, totally like, the only one who aint bothered at gettin time out? Jeez, it was only a few days peeps!! 🙂

 

[Bluebird]

Ok, this is how I see it. First off, I've never been disrespectful of any members on this board and if I have I apologise. I did not get any pm's, any deleted karma, no vm's, never had a post edited or deleted. I was never asked by a mod, in the year I have been here, to do anything differently. Buffy? I understand what you were trying to do, I really do, and the new changes and the plans for the board are a good idea in general. But the way you did it wasn't right. Sure we could have needed a 'time-out' but it didn't have to be a forced ban. I was going to take a time-out myself this week (I'm leaving the country) so I didn't need it forced upon me. I do think you a do a lot of good here, and your intentions were good but the execution was way off. You showed the loyal members of the board zero respect in the way you spoke to them. These are adults, not children. Saying we need perspective for our own good? Can't you see how patronising that is?

But I'm not back to cause trouble. I was never a troublemaker in the first place, but you have made a lot of people angry. You should know we are people with feelings, and were hurt by this. You can't throw us all out like an old colour scheme and start again. I appreciate the changes the mods are going to make, but it wasn't the right way to do it and I wish you'd see it. Of course there was problems, we all knew that, but this heavy handed way of dealing with it made things worse. Hopefully people, who never broke any rules and shouldn't be leaving, will stay for their friends.

And no one is saying you're always wrong, but this one time you are wrong in how you handled this situation.

I'm perfectly happy to own up to my mistakes, I wish the mods and admin could do the same. I'm sure if you apologized for this 'time-out' people would have so much more respect for you and could move on like you want.

 

[Skanky Vamp]

I said this publicly in a forum over the weekend, so it is only fair I say it publicly now. Regardless of how it went down, which may or may not have been handled better, the admin was trying to do the right thing for the forum and all members. The heart at least, was in the right place. I have had my share of problems with the forum for a while; Regardless if the actions of the admin and the staff were right or wrong, that is up for debate, the fact is that they were trying to do what they thought was best. And really, that is all I care to say.

 

[Washburne]

So time to be honest.

I admit. I thought the ban was a good idea when I heard about it. Yes, I'm that "bad" because it was because I thought it was just certain people. And I thought 3 days were too short of time. When I found out I was banned I was a little surprised but tried to find a reason for it. I have been involved in some drama on the boards so I maybe I needed a little time out. I never meant to be rude or disrespectful but it has shown that some people have felt that I acted that way all the same. It's there in the post for everyone to see. So I do have a part in all this. No matter what my intention was. But I did feel a bit bad because I'd liked a personal warning or something. But I accepted the ban. Not liking it, but accepting it since people can see things in a different way than mine.

But then I found out way more members were banned and a lot of them I didn't see any reason for. So that made me more mad and confused. Why ban somone that in my eyes haven't been doing things wrong? At that moment you really don't see other peoples perspective. Or people that has hardly made a post all year and definitely no offensive ones? But I can buy your reasoning about it though, Buffy. Wanting to show people how it would be without each other. But the way it was handled I'm not fond of at all and I do think some of the banned people were a bad choice. And in my opinion you made a huge misjudgement on how people would react. But I don't have to act more like a part of this broken record that is still playing than I'm already am. Everything about how we feel/felt has already been said. This is a good intentions turned out very bad. Hopefully we can all learn something from it.

One thing that people have most problem with is that they don't think they were warned. I felt the same way. But we were. Just not individually. We (or most of us) just didn't listen. It's the "it's not me mentality". There's been posts in threads that get out of hand, there's been specific threads telling us they won't allow things to continue the way they have and if things didn't get better something would be done. We as a group on this board obviously didn't listen. But still went to the mods complaining on how things were (maybe not the same people but as a group that's our behavior), demanding something had to be done. And something were done. Just in a way we didn't like. But to claim that the haven't been warned? We have. Just not personally which we had liked.


Buffy's said she's sorry if people felt hurt and I don't think she should have to apoligize to everyone individually as some seem to think. Even though of course it would be appriciated. 😉


One thing about the irc. Sometimes it's way too busy (one reason I don't use it often as a lot of you know) and you just don't have time to answer everything everyone says and you often end up answering what your "friends" say or those you were already in a conversation with. Most of the time I'm sure the people in the chat don't ignore people on purpose, from what I've seen they're all welcoming and nice, but that don't mean no one feels ignored. I've known people to say "now he/she is in the chat but we ignore them" so it has happened. Maybe not often but it does. Most of you might not see it, but it does. And just to be clear. I haven't told off the people saying they're ignoring people. Most of the time I've been happy about it since I haven't liked the person in question. That's how bad of a person I am. So of course I have a part in all that has been going on, even if I appricate those of you that's told me that they don't see it like that. But saying anything else would be incredible naive of me.



Confession time over. Time to move on.

 

[Skytteflickan88]

I just want to say, that even tough I'm cranky and hurt because I was banned(or time out-ed, call it whatever you like) and even tough I feel there are issues to deal with, I think that Buffy Summers did what she thought she had to do and I can't dislike her for that.

We might think she made a mistake (or several mistakes) in how to handle the problems on the board, but it does seem like she made a decision out of good intent.

I disagree with the banning, specially how it was done, but I understand something had to be done. Right decision or not, I doubt Buffy Summers or the others mods are out to get us, even tough I'm sure they can get a bit unprofessional too.

So whether we're hurt by the banning or not and feel like we were treated badly, or whether some think that the people on the time out had it coming, we should forgive.

I'm not saying we should sweep this under the rug, but I think the banning was suppose to be done to help the forum, which means it can be forgiven.

Buffy Summers & c/o are people too. They make mistakes.