Top Tips!

[Christopher]

My mum always used to read these awful magazines which seemed to contain about two paragraphs of actual interesting content, but they had these great 'top tips' sections- usually full of ideas sent in by people that I'd cross the street to avoid. Quite how anybody can seriously suggest some of these is beyond me but all I know is that reading them has me crying with laughter despite the obvious tragic aspect. Enjoy England at it's worst, my friends.

It's all such good advice!

 

[Chosen Enemy]

Whoa, those things are SO me! I always find weird solutions for stuff.

 

[caitaintdead]

Oh my gosh. I was actually crying a little bit at some of these.

There's an Australian magazine called Take 5 that has the same section, but honestly, no one does quirky and eccentric weird ideas like the English. I think the travel toast one is my favourite. So damn funny, especially since it's clearly just assumed that the readers of the magazine would be more likely to take an iron than a hair straightener.

I'm also going to take this opportunity that I have bought the magazine purely for the easiest crosswords since kindergarten and for this section. Hilarious stuff, but now I want THIS version. I've been wondering what to do with my old crocs. Hahaha. (That was a joke by the way, I don't own crocs... I just wanted to clear that up)

 

[Christopher]

Whoa, those things are SO me! I always find weird solutions for stuff.

WHAT? So you're admitting to being a freak, do you have dead animals stored in your underwear draw?

Jesus Christ! Stay on target Wendy... STAY ON TARGET!!!

What?! Who are her mates?

WHAT?! Oh, it's only poisonous if you eat a lot of it..

"When you've styled you hair..."

- What!?

"..and don't want to get hairspray in your eyes, just use an old fancy-dress mask."

-Which has holes in it's eyes!!!

There's something desperately sad about this one. I can remember years ago the TV Times had a top tip section at the back. Some fanny wrote in with "When buttoning a shirt, start at the top and work your way down so you don't miss any buttons." And they got a fiver for that. A FIVER!!! That was a lot of money in those days. Middle aged English women = MENTAL.

 

[This Year's Girl]

I think those kind of tips are really sweet. We have them in magazines in sweden as well, and I always enjoy reading them. It's fun how people see different solutions for things, really inventive! The best tip I've gotten is wash an onion in a little bit of hot water from the tap before chopping it - then there's no risk of tears! Actually works, people! 😀

---------- Post added at 01:20 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:15 AM ----------

ApricotAngel agrees: Yeah that is a good tip, but if you went back to a hot guys flat and he'd superglued old CD's to his kitchen walls for decoration you'd back away slowly.. right? Because if you stayed you'd certainly be murdered and used as decoration.

Lol! Don't be like that, I stand by my previous statement - it's sweet. 🙂 I would probably question his taste, but not his sanity 🙂

 

[caitaintdead]

If I went to a hot guys house and he had super glued cds to his wall I would most certainly back away. On the other hand I have had plenty a hot guy back to my house and he has seen Buffy figurines and autographs on display and has not slowly backed away so maybe it just depends on the hot crazy scale barney stinson style!

 

[Mr. Pointy]

I, for one, am not going to go down the road of suggesting that you Google "Top Tips Viz" or follow them on Twitter...for fear of causing offence 😉
Nah...go on, do it for a hilarious parody of such useful tips as those above from Viz magazine...*Warning - contains adult humour and "language"* 🙂

 

[caitaintdead]

WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red I wine? Drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed, to remove the stains.

Bahaha! This is so me! I love it.

 

[xaphania]

I was reading a thread on these on another forum a couple of weeks ago. About made me cry with laughter.

But you didn't include the sanitary towel slippers!

...some people, eh?

 

[mayfever]

Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The following
morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a
thimble full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on
the wall.

Oh god. I nearly pissed myself. Apologies to everyone who follows me on twitter, but I had to share.

 

[MandaMeena]

For me, the toothpaste one takes the cake... Oh... my... god....

 

[zobothehobo]

Some of this stuff is what we in America call "ghetto as hell."