"Uh Oh" relationship

[Ninjalizer]

I could really use a mass of opinions on this. I met this girl online. Actually on a profile place called www.myspace.com. It's a really awesome place (for those of you who arent aware of it). You put up a profile, some pictures, what types of things you like, music interest, movies, etc... and you meet people, add them to your friends list, and send messages back and forth.

I ended up meeting this girl who seemed really really cool. She's graduating from high school in a month, and I'm 21. So, no problem there. We started messaging each other almost everyday, like 20 messages a day. If you would read them, you would think we were boyfriend/girlfriend. Before we even met, we had talked about how we're going to cuddle during a movie, hug a lot, and ya know...all that cute stuff. We hung out this last weekend and it was fun. Her friend was with us so we didn't really cuddle or anything. We're hanging out this Sunday, and we've been chatting like bf/gf still. I finally ask her age, for some reason, just because I never actually knew it. She replies with [16].

This whole time, I had thought that she was 18. We really like each other and have a really good connection. But now I find that we are 5 years apart. What're your thoughts on this? It has been driving me insane all day long.

 

[bad_azz_slayer]

mmmm nip that in the bud thats illegal and if she tells her parents then youll be in huge trouble so i say break it off immediately

 

[Chasity]

Hey Ninjalizer, long time no see!

Okay...well my opinion is that it is no big deal. You guys are a few years apart, that shouldn't matter. (I happen to appreciate men quite a few years older than myself.) You two obviously connected and enjoy each other's company...that speaks for itself. I say to continue to see her and see where it goes.

The only think that I urge you to consider is that she is several years younger and "under age" and I know that one can get in trouble should relationships of the more intimate sort take place. I know people all the time are faced with this and I'm sure many times nothing ever comes of it. But you never know, just take caution in that department...should it even be an issue with you. Perahps not...

 

[Ninjalizer]

mmmm nip that in the bud thats illegal and if she tells her parents then youll be in huge trouble so i say break it off immediately

Dating a 16 year old is illegal? When did this law take effect?

Okay...well my opinion is that it is no big deal. You guys are a few years apart, that shouldn't matter. (I happen to appreciate men quite a few years older than myself.) You two obviously connected and enjoy each other's company...that speaks for itself. I say to continue to see her and see where it goes.

The only think that I urge you to consider is that she is several years younger and "under age" and I know that one can get in trouble should relationships of the more intimate sort take place. I know people all the time are faced with this and I'm sure many times nothing ever comes of it. But you never know, just take caution in that department...should it even be an issue with you. Perahps not...

Yeah, age has never been that big of a factor to me. One-third of my friends are 16-17, so I never thought about it. And me and this girl really connected, so I was happy. The "under age" thing is definitely the factor. She did make a mention of the "getting intimate" thing, but, to what degree, I'm not sure. I'll definitely have to watch out for this. Thanks Chasity!

 

[ana8]

If you like her and feel good with her,then it's all fine...But there mifgt be problems with intimacy level.If you really want to date her you have to be aware of it

 

[mire]

well i have a friend who's 18 now, and she started dating with a guy 3years older for about two years now..the intemaçy stuff only came after a lot of time..so..my advice is, try to know her first, and if you really start to like her, then you'll see what to do.

 

[Jenny]

Dating a 16 year old is illegal? When did this law take effect?

It's called statutory rape, and depending on what state you live in, the age varies. However, it all depends on her parents. If they don't like her dating someone who is over 18, they can call the police and you can be arrested. So please, be very careful!!!

Now that being said, I am 6 years older than my hubby. But six years at my age is much different than six years in your teens/early 20s. I would have never dated him when I was 20 or 21. I think there is just too much of a span between the mentalities of a teenager and a twenty-something. Of course it really does depend on the individual.

I would just really tread with caution as you don't want to end up in jail.

Honestly, and this is just me, if my 16 year old daughter was dating a 21 year old....well I would probably call the police on him if they wouldn't stop dating. Of course I say that now, who knows if I was actually in the situation, but it's just my gut instinct that's all.

 

[YvBaBy]

it depends on the person! like u know when i was 14 i had a bf who was 19 and there was no prob! it's just about how mature both are and how they fit together.....so i don't think that this should be a prob for u

by the way i jus joined there (yvbaby) .... i think that's cool

 

[Ninjalizer]

It's called statutory rape, and depending on what state you live in, the age varies. However, it all depends on her parents. If they don't like her dating someone who is over 18, they can call the police and you can be arrested. So please, be very careful!!!

What are you talking about? I can't get arrested for dating her. It's not called statutory rape. It's called dating. I don't think you know the definition of statutory rape.

"statutory rape

n : sexual intercourse with a girl who has not reached the age of consent"

So, you might have a bit of a problem calling the cops on the 21 year old boy dating your 16 year old daughter (still speaking hypothetical). They have no reason for arresting him. I'm sorry if I seem rash, I just get really offended when someone is dating someone underage, and automatically people think they should go to jail.

Anyway, thank you everyone for your opinions. They do help out a lot.

 

[Angels baby101]

I say just go for it... date her my ex boyfriend was in the same situation well kinda he knew i was 15 and that he was 20 but we dated anyways it worked out great and my parents didn't mind but his parents did and they gave him a choice either break up with me or get kicked out so that didn't end cause we wanted it to but i mean i say you should date her if you really like her and she likes you age is just a number...

 

[Xander]

A lot of girls that I know date people around the age of 22 (they're 17) and they seem fine with it. I guess its just the person and everyones different really. You could meet them and "take it slow" and see if you can cope with the age gap.

 

[Jenny]

What are you talking about? I can't get arrested for dating her. It's not called statutory rape. It's called dating. I don't think you know the definition of statutory rape.

"statutory rape

n : sexual intercourse with a girl who has not reached the age of consent"

Please don't get upset, I'm just informing you of a possible outcome, I'm not judging you.

You don't have to be having intercourse for it to be Statutory rape. See below. Sex Conduct - meaning anything that could LEAD to intercourse. The parents can call the police if they want to.

Statutory Rape Laws For Arizona

Sexual conduct with a minor to engage in sexual intercourse with someone under age 18.

(1) If the minor is under age 15, five years in prison; (2) if the offender is at least age 18 or is tried as an adult and the minor was age 12 or younger, life in prison and the offender is ineligible for release until serving 35 years; (3) if the offender is at least 18 or tried as an adult and the victim is age 12, 13, or 14, the presumptive sentence is 20 years; or (4) if the minor is at least age 15, it is punishable by one year in prison

Source

So, you might have a bit of a problem calling the cops on the 21 year old boy dating your 16 year old daughter (still speaking hypothetical). They have no reason for arresting him. I'm sorry if I seem rash, I just get really offended when someone is dating someone underage, and automatically people think they should go to jail.

No here in Canada I can easily call the police if my underage daughter is seeing someone over 18. And for the record, I never said I thought you should go to jail!!! Re-read my post please, I was only trying to warn you that if her parents didn't want you around, that is one avenue they could take. It's a felony.

 

[Ninjalizer]

Please don't get upset, I'm just informing you of a possible outcome, I'm not judging you.

You don't have to be having intercourse for it to be Statutory rape. See below. Sex Conduct - meaning anything that could LEAD to intercourse. The parents can call the police if they want to.

First of all, I'm not upset. I truly appreciate your input. Second, see below? The Statutory Rape Law you just posted was great and all, but you were telling me that dating her was statutory rape. That's incorrect. I know that I could get in trouble for doing anything sexual like that. Oral sex itself is even illegal in Arizona.

No here in Canada I can easily call the police if my underage daughter is seeing someone over 18. And for the record, I never said I thought you should go to jail!!! Re-read my post please, I was only trying to warn you that if her parents didn't want you around, that is one avenue they could take. It's a felony.

You can have someone over 18 put in jail for dating your underage daughter? That's weird. I don't see the crime. And don't worry, I know you werent saying I should go to jail, I was just saying in general. But once again, her parents cannot throw me in jail for doing nothing but dating. It's not a felony.

 

[Jenny]

First of all, I'm not upset. I truly appreciate your input.

Thank you for saying that. I truly didn't mean any harm, I just wanted to make sure that you knew her parents 'could' do something like that...see it might become a case of 'he said, she said' sort of thing. If they don't want you seeing their daughter, they could say they caught you in the act or something and can press charges. It's not right I agree, but I just didn't want you getting caught in a bad situation.

Second, see below? The Statutory Rape Law you just posted was great and all, but you were telling me that dating her was statutory rape. That's incorrect. I know that I could get in trouble for doing anything sexual like that.

See my concerns above. I was just worried that they would say you two were, even if you weren't, and I'm afraid the police would believe the parents first ya know?

Oral sex itself is even illegal in Arizona.

That's just crazy! My uncle, aunt, and three teenage cousins live in AZ, I'll probably be going there this year, hehe I'll have to ask him about that!! LOL

As for the age thing - like I said, I am 6 years older than my hubby, so I think as long as you are both in the same place emotionally and physically, then go for it. I'm a STRONG advocate of 'age is just a number.'

 

[Ninjalizer]

Thank you for saying that. I truly didn't mean any harm, I just wanted to make sure that you knew her parents 'could' do something like that...see it might become a case of 'he said, she said' sort of thing. If they don't want you seeing their daughter, they could say they caught you in the act or something and can press charges. It's not right I agree, but I just didn't want you getting caught in a bad situation.

I probably should have stated in my first post "considering nothing sexual happens". They could probably try to press charges... but it's hard without any evidence. So if we never did anything, I would probably be ok. But let's not think of that.

That's just crazy! My uncle, aunt, and three teenage cousins live in AZ, I'll probably be going there this year, hehe I'll have to ask him about that!! LOL

Apparantly it's not enforced as much as it..shouldn't be. I don't know who came up with that being illegal...but ther ya go. Haha.

As for the age thing - like I said, I am 6 years older than my hubby, so I think as long as you are both in the same place emotionally and physically, then go for it. I'm a STRONG advocate of 'age is just a number.'

I believe in that too. As long as you're on the same emotional level, there shouldn't be a problem. On a happier note...she's 18!!! Her friend thought it would be funny to lie to me, so she did. I talked to her and she felt so bad for making me stress out about it. She punched her friend for me.

So...this chapter comes to an end. Thank you so much everyone for your opinions. I'm not a fan of her friend right now... heh.

 

[Chasity]

OHMYGOODNESS! lol All that grief...no way! Well at least you do not have to worry about as many things anymore...sorry you had to feel so bad about all of it.

By the way, I too live in Arizona. Yes, oral sex is considered illegal. It is one of those laws from the "western" days or something like that. It is very outdated but it has never been removed! I'm sure there are law breakers all over the state! 😉

 

[Jenny]

I believe in that too. As long as you're on the same emotional level, there shouldn't be a problem. On a happier note...she's 18!!! Her friend thought it would be funny to lie to me, so she did. I talked to her and she felt so bad for making me stress out about it. She punched her friend for me.

Oh CONGRATULATIONS sweetie!!!!!!! There you go! All that worrying for nothing. That friend is EVIL. ::grrr::

 

[killerdwarf]

I probably should have stated in my first post "considering nothing sexual happens". They could probably try to press charges... but it's hard without any evidence. So if we never did anything, I would probably be ok. But let's not think of that.

Just a caution to you, bud. Don't rely on the "we don't do anything" fact to protect you...if they want you gone, they'll lie to the police...and just the act of being charged with rape of any kind could ruin your life. I'm not saying that it will happen, but to ignore the possibility could be dangerous to you and her! Keep your head up...and didn't that come out wrong...🙂

 

[Ninjalizer]

Just a caution to you, bud. Don't rely on the "we don't do anything" fact to protect you...if they want you gone, they'll lie to the police...and just the act of being charged with rape of any kind could ruin your life. I'm not saying that it will happen, but to ignore the possibility could be dangerous to you and her! Keep your head up...and didn't that come out wrong...🙂

Haha yeah I would be too scared to take the risk, unless the parents loved me. But yeah, as I stated just before this, it's not a problem anymore. She is 18. *whew*

 

[killerdwarf]

Haha yeah I would be too scared to take the risk, unless the parents loved me. But yeah, as I stated just before this, it's not a problem anymore. She is 18. *whew*

Yeah, that solves a lot of problems right there! But treat her right, or you'll get a lashing from the ladies here!