Vent! #2

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Off school sick today. Damn i feel ill. 🙁 I seemed alright last night. So i feel pretty crappy. My life in general has been pretty sucky just now. Things that i dont like to discuss. 🙁
 
U
ubi4soft
get better and go shopping
N
Nymphetamine
Get well soon!
Yesterday, I put the "The Godfather Collection" steelbook in my Amazon shopping cart when it was priced at 32,97 €. Today I added some stuff to order and now when I actually wanted to order I saw that the collection's price went up to 34,95 €. I'm not going to order anything now, Amazon. No. On principle!

Also, my Buffy TPB's have been pushed back again. They're supposed to arrive next year now. GAH!
 
I don't get people of my generation. How is it that my friends and I can have a conversation about something and be labelled as 'freaks' for it, then a few days later the popular kids can talk about the exact same thing, and everyone just joins in? Hmph.
 
L
Lemon
[No message]
I was just reading the old honesty thread to see what id written, it sucks that I feel like i'm in exactly the same place 7 months later. Only I've picked up some worse habits along that way and maybe a bit of social anxiety ( i was nearly sick just thinking about uni in 10months). I'm fed up with me.
 
Bluebird
Bluebird
But you is brilliant hen.
Nix
Nix
hugs
I just had to do one of the hardest things in my life, honestly. My friend, who lives quite far away from me but is staying at my house in a few months, admitted to me that she pretends to have feelings for her male best friend, but she actually has feelings for her female best friend. It was really upsetting for me to try and tell her not to be ashamed, because apparently her Dad is completely homophobic and she knew a girl who got beaten up for having a girlfriend. I was trying to tell her there was nothing wrong with it, and only closed-minded people were homophobic, and it was nothing to be ashamed of. But she's convinced there's something wrong with her, and it was so so so hard to convince her otherwise. I swear, I now just want to scream because she was making things so so hard for me.
 
Nix
Nix
hugs to you both xx
Life in general can be so cruel around this time of year. I just found out my best friends dog is going to be put to sleep soon because she is really old and has cancer lumps all over her. Im feeling so much for my friend right now. I really wish I could be there for her as we live so far apart. I can't imagine what shes going through yet I can all at the same time. Its at times like these it really makes you remember your own beloved pets you've lost throughout the years.
 
I hate it when people talk about me 'behind my back' despite the fact I can hear them.
 
My legs are killing me from the gig I went to last night. Ouchy.
 
Thursday is the last day of school, and my ICT teacher expects the whole class to do coursework. Evil!
 
I invite you to take a glimpse in to my mind, pretty much a stream of my thoughts.

Other than stressing out over uni (no change there) and work not much else has been happening. Feeling physically sick and ill most days thinking about uni, can't eat and generally feel panicky and its ****ing 10months away, what am I going to be like when its the weeks running up? i'll be a wreck. Spent a few nights crying at the computer telling myself i'm not going and pulling out.

Heck I don't need a degree, I can get some shit job for the rest of my life and have no friends ( not that i'l make any at uni) and i can be a hermit. Great. Apart from that's not what I want from life, I want to touch,see,hear everything I want to travel and one day see the people I speak to everyday online. I want to visit different countries and see new places, but I want people to experience that with. I'd even like to do charity work abroad helping animals. I don't want a plain ordinary life.

One day i'd like to take up photography and take pictures all round the world, maybe professionally and have a huge wall dedicated to my life in photos a massive collage, open a cafe/shop in some cool undiscovered place, go on an amazing shopping trip to New York with my 2 sisters and mum, go have an awesome holiday with Tash. Sometimes I wonder if those are just dreams, things I'll never do because this fear grips me, I don't know were it comes from or why. I just wish I could be like everyone else, 2 years ago I stopped living life to the full ( or at least only lived it to the full in short bursts) and i'm pissed and mad. Why me, what did I do so wrong?.

Looking through old photos tonight makes me cry, cry for the old Katy, she was fun and alive. I know she's still in here somewhere i get glimpse of her now and again. Sometimes I feel like the dark half is killing her for good, some days I forget how I laugh, or what it's like to laugh so much you cry, or to want to get out of bed, or to have things to do with your day.
 
Washburne
Washburne
*hugs*
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