Just came home from a crappy night out, and right now everything just depresses me or makes me angry.
After not smoking since February, I broke down and had a cigarette today because I was just so down. Now of course I hate myself for it. How hard can it be to stay away from death sticks?
Then, of course the only attractive guy there went home with one of my friends. Not that I really mind, good for her, but it just reminds me of how single I am and have been for pretty much all my life and that just really depresses me. Actually, even if you look at my 'friends'...I'm sure no one would have even realized if I had just gone off somewhere by myself. I feel like I don't have any deep connections to anyone, but that I desperately need them to feel happy.
Well, and the club we were at closed at 3 (normally it's open til 5 or 6; there were some serious fights going on in there and the police arrived at 3, so I think that's probably why they shut it down early), so I didn't even have the chance to really drown my sorrows in alcohol.
What do I even live for these days?