I'm sick and tired of re-living the rape every night in my head, and my psychologist having too many other more important things than to get my DBT sorted out. & then the pills I have to take for the Bipolar make me tired, which makes me more depressed than I was to start with, but without the manic-ness to counter-ballance it. & I know that's a good thing, really, but sometimes it really doesn't feel like it does.
& the mental health forum I go on, well, I can't. Because the bitch that slept with my (now ex, at the time current) boyfriend is on there looking to make my life hell & uses everything I say against me. & I'm fat and I'm supposed to be going to Centre Parcs this weekend with all the family (like 30 of us) and I don't wana wear a swimsuit - not to mention the fact that my beloved father doesn't know about my cleavage micro-dermal yet and will flip if/when he finds out.
AND I've been REALLY ill the last few days (physically). It's been over 3 months since I last self harmed (severely, one minor slip up) and I'm craving it so so much. Just to feel anything, right now, apart from being torn apart inside out by the man I hate more than anything else in this world.
Man, that felt good.