Was Tara Abusing Willow in Passive-Agressive Ways?

[Blaze]

Just Google 'passive-aggressive behaviour' and 'abuse'. You'll be surprised.

I remember this 70+ couple of pensioners living in a nursing home when i was a student. The wife never once raised her voice, all she did is to complain and guilt trip the husband.
The medical team had to separate them. He had a heart attack and upon investigation it appeared he couldn't even sleep with what's been going on and was really suffering from her passive-aggressive behaviour.

I went ahead and read up on this. Most sites looked something like this one: Passive Aggressive Behavior

This has nothing to do with the 3 comments made by Tara, and the definition of passive-aggression used in this thread.

I did not find any sites that discussed passive aggressive behavior and abuse, and explored real life cases. Reading up, I believe you might be speaking more of covert aggression and manipulative personalities, which is not the same as passive aggressive comments.

 

[Wildfly]

And that's similar to Tara maybe, possibly, being passive-agressive on a handful of occasions over the course 40+ episodes how exactly?

"It has nothing to do with Tara being a liked character. It has to do with the definition of the words used. Even if Tara was passive aggressive. To compare that to abuse? It's a little extreme."

you quoted that not a hour ago 🙂 so i tried to prove to you that passive aggressive behaviour, indeed can be considered as abusive. That's why, the question was legitimate, (even if on my opinion Tara in this case doesn't qualify as
passive-aggressive and abusive (as i replied here) )


just google something like "can passive aggressive behaviour considered as abuse" and so on, you'll find plenty of material. i did, but i really don't want to start a link war or google skillz war 🙂
i've seen it in other threads here. it's not pretty 😀

 

[Blaze]

"It has nothing to do with Tara being a liked character. It has to do with the definition of the words used. Even if Tara was passive aggressive. To compare that to abuse? It's a little extreme."

you quoted that not a hour ago 🙂 so i tried to prove to you that passive aggressive behaviour, indeed can be considered as abusive. That's why, the question was legitimate, (even if on my opinion Tara in this case doesn't qualify as
passive-aggressive and abusive (as i replied here) )


just google something like "can passive aggressive behaviour considered as abuse" and so on, you'll find plenty of material. i did, but i really don't want to start a link war or google skillz war 🙂

But the definition of passive aggressive comments used in this thread is NOT the same as covert aggression and manipulation, which IS abuse. That is why I said the definition of the words used is important. In this thread specifically, the three example stated as passive aggression, are not comparable to abuse. Could someone say they are passive aggressive and make a case for it, yes, I think so (even though I disagree, I could see a case being made). But could someone make a case that they are abusive. I don't think so.

And I did plenty of googling. The sources I found from real doctors and psychologist dealt with covert aggression and manipulation, which are not synonymous to passive aggression.

 

[Wildfly]

now that's being argumentative for argument's sake @Blaze 🙂
let's just agree that Tara, in this case, wasn't passive aggressive/manipulative/abusive but that passive aggressive behaviour can be described as abuse and let's finish it 😀

by the way, are you familiar with this comics?

 

[Blaze]

now that's being argumentative for argument's sake @Blaze 🙂

No. It's not. I'm making a case for what I believe to be my opinion concerning the topic of Tara being passive aggressive and abusive, and I supported that with facts. If you're not up for discussing anymore that's fine.

 

[weaker slayer]

You will never have two equal partners in anything; beit marriage or business. Sure, it's romantic to think 'we are equal' but it's simply not true. One person needs to lead and the other follow. The situation is fluid and can change from one setting to the next, but I think it's short-sighted to say everyone should be equal.

Have to agree with you on this point. Think about it, same sex marriage has been legal in all American states since last summer. And still, their has not been any main stream romance books or relationship books. In fact, with the non-fiction area: there has not been any practical biographies dealing with people that were gay or lesbian. With movies, nothing. There is an audience out there, it is just that writers do not really engage with out of the box thinking.

Even if you get some that are not designed for porn reader, or the porn watchers. The basic fact is, to keep both women as equal to each other as possible when it is pure fiction. The problem with that theory, nobody is interested in reading a book of fiction if the characters are so balanced with each other. In fact, with non-fiction like a biography: equal balance is never given to a married couple.

One point of being, if we are talking about a wife - wife marriage. Is calling two women as wife to each other going to be the norm or a new word will develop. And, with two married women in a same sex marriage, do we use the terms, MS, Miss or Mrs. as a title with a last name?

Authors are not original thinkers: they more or less copy each other as the book market is saturated with a number of books. You can be an original thinker, and your book sales direct to human owner can be small or blend ideas with other authors and have a higher book sales direct to human owner. If you fail with your first book, there is never a second chance.

 

[Blaze]

And still, their has not been any main stream romance books or relationship books. In fact, with the non-fiction area: there has not been any practical biographies dealing with people that were gay or lesbian. With movies, nothing. There is an audience out there, it is just that writers do not really engage with out of the box thinking.

Well there are some books with lesbian characters. Not sure how mainstream they are, but Sarah Waters is one author that always (aside from 1 book) have lesbian protagonists, and she's pretty mainstream. The blockbuster book Orphan 8 had a lesbian protagonist, as did the new fantasy book The Traitor Baru Cormorant. So books, just like shows and movies, are out there, but I agree, there's not enough representation as a whole. You really gotta look for these books/shows/movies.

Even if you get some that are not designed for porn reader, or the porn watchers. The basic fact is, to keep both women as equal to each other as possible when it is pure fiction. The problem with that theory, nobody is interested in reading a book of fiction if the characters are so balanced with each other. In fact, with non-fiction like a biography: equal balance is never given to a married couple.

I am interested in reading a book of fiction where both characters are balanced. Once again I can think of a few books where balance is achieved. The Huntress, by Melinda Lo, would be one that I consider showing a fairly good balance between the two women.

One point of being, if we are talking about a wife - wife marriage. Is calling two women as wife to each other going to be the norm or a new word will develop. And, with two married women in a same sex marriage, do we use the terms, MS, Miss or Mrs. as a title with a last name?

Yes, both are wives, what else would you have them called? And since they are married the proper term would be Mrs.

 

[FellDownAlone]

I personally found Tara to be passive, and sometimes aggressive, but not sure on "passive aggressive". On a whole, I didn't find the Tara/Willow relationship to be healthy. From my eyes, Willow wanted someone she could control. She had no control over Oz leaving (while it was for her own good), and not even a year later she jumps into a relationship with a shy young woman who praises her and rarely speaks against her. She was only interested in Tara at first BECAUSE she was the only other Wicca around.

While a lot of people complain about the magick-addiction, it's really not an outlandish idea as many fantasies that incorporate magick warn against how the power can get to the user's head. That's what Willow craved. Power. She was overcome by it. I don't see a lot of Tara's words to be passive aggressive as much as truth or just how she feels. Also, the line about thinking Willow was rooming with Buffy isn't passive aggressive to me so much as trying to be considerate. Their "relationship" was "budding" and unclear, and to assume Willow would be rooming with her might push her away and make Tara seem clingy. To be passive aggressive, it also includes the tone of voice, not just word choice.