Was Tara right leaving Willow?

[Chosen Enemy]

After Willow cast a spell and messed up with Tara's mind and Tara found out about it, she said to Willow that she gives her one week to handle without magic. If she doesn't she'd leave her and the house. And then Willow does that again, deletes her memory AGAIN. So Tara didn't break her promise and left. Left her, left the house. But Willow was at the beginning of her addiction (magic addiction) and really needed support. So that made me think that maybe that wasn't such a good idea leaving Willow at this point. On another hand, Willow has proved that she cannot be trusted, and did a horrible thing to her girl, TWICE. And I couldn't agree more with Tara, and was really at her side. But her leaving Willow just made things worse for Willow. Things got really down hill. They both were really unhappy, and it's not like Buffy was there to support.

So who was right in this situation, of Tara's leaving? What should they have done differently?

 

[NY State of Mind]

The short answer....yes! Tara was right cause Willow needed to wake up.

 

[msfantastico87]

I think most people know my answer to this.

My mind wants me to say, "No, it wasn't ok." In reality, Willow really did need Tara by her side to help her and guide her through this dark and difficult time. However, I'm gonna have to go with YES. It was right of her to leave Willow, and I will explain why.

From the beginning of their relationship, even as friends, Tara warned Willow about the dangers of magic, black magic in particular. Does anyone remember what Tara did while they were trying to do that locator spell? Yep. Tara sabotaged it. Even after everyone had decided to bring Buffy back, Tara was starting to question it. Also, I think that staying away from Willow during this time, would have an "ultimatum effect" on Willow, which did eventually happen. Also, it was important for Tara to steer away from that magic, since she was such a pure soul and she didn't need that kind of influence in her life.

There is so much more i want to say, but i suck at putting things in words lol. So I might come back 😛

EDIT: Also, Willow may have needed Tara, but Tara was not the only one there for her. She could have focused on getting closer to Dawn, or perhaps being there for each other with Buffy and Xander. I know they all had their problems, but i think they would have all overcome it together.

 

[VisionGirl]

From my experience, family members cannot help an addict. First of all, the addict has to want help, and I'm not convinced that Willow did at that point. She wanted to be rid of the consequences of the addiction, but she didn't want to actually stop. Secondly, help only really works if it comes from a professional or another recovering addict (like 12 step programs). Family members have too much emotionally invested, and are often part of the problem (enabling, denial, etc). Support is one thing, but actual help in recovering? No. Every family member has to make their own decision about what they need to do in those types of situations: some feel they need to leave, some feel they need to stay. I don't think either choice is "wrong".

 

[xfivebyfive]

Yes. As much as I love Willow and adore Willow/Tara, she did the right thing. Willow needed a wakeup call.

 

[Marisa]

Yes she was wrong IMO giving an addict an ultimatum is not going to help. My family has been through this type of situation. Yet you could say Tara was right with her tough love method either way it depends and for this case I would say she wasn't right because Willow depended on Tara way to much that may not be a good thing but she might have done better with Tara by her side.

 

[Bexieh]

I love Tara & Willow, but I think Tara did the right thing in leaving, whether Willow could have used the help or not. What Will did to her was really, really wrong and I think she would have been justified not giving Will the ultimatum if she really wanted too and just leaving. I love Will, but you can't just mess with your girlfriend's memories. It's all kinds of wrong.
I think Willow would have gone off in the deep end with Tara around or not, so I think her leaving was probably the slap in the face she needed. And it sort of drew the gang's attention to her problem moreso. So I think she was right to leave!

 

[brinkster130]

Yes, Tara was standing up for herself and doing what was right for her in that situation. I don't think you should stay in a relationship solely because the other person may need a shoulder to lean on. I think if Tara had stayed despite Willow breaking promise to not use magic, she would have been enabling Willow.

 

[BuffyElevated]

Of course she was right to leave Willow. Tara and Willow had been having problems for a long time, and Tara had already given her the chance to work with her to work through their problems. Willow was too weak, and she had done too much wrong in the relationship. When she violated her mind to alter her memories, she crossed a big line, and Tara knew that. If Willow would mess with her mind, what else would she do?

Some people argue that Tara should have stayed and that she should have faught harder to stay together. But when someone has an addiction, sometimes it takes tough love to make them see just how bad their addiction has gotten, and that they have to get help or they're going to lose everything.

 

[Chosen Enemy]

Another question. Do you think things could have been WORSE if Tara HAD stayed?

 

[msfantastico87]

Another question. Do you think things could have been WORSE if Tara HAD stayed?

That's a tough question. I guess it could go to either extreme. I think, it would have gotten worse, before it got better. I think Willow's usage would have probably gotten Tara to start using to try and help her, but it all backfire and affect her too.

 

[NY State of Mind]

Yes i can see her being hard headed and things getting worse if Tara didn't leave but eventally she got worse anyways 😛

 

[Professor Walsh]

You know what they say on planes: Put the oxygen mask on yourself first, before helping others. As much as I wish I could have seen Tara's love patch Willow up, she needed to look after herself. So yes, even if it was hard on Willow (and on Tara) to leave, it was the right thing. There aren't a lot of easy options to choose from when you're dealing with someone's addiction.

Another question. Do you think things could have been WORSE if Tara HAD stayed?

Worse for Willow? I don't really think so. Worse for Tara? Oh yes. Once Willow had manipulated her like that, there would be so much to work through. Trust would have to be built again on both sides, and I don't think Willow would be able to shoulder her responsibilities just yet.

From the beginning of their relationship, even as friends, Tara warned Willow about the dangers of magic, black magic in particular. Does anyone remember what Tara did while they were trying to do that locator spell? Yep. Tara sabotaged it.

While I agree about Tara's approach to dark magic, I think this particular instance was more about protecting herself. She still thought she was part demon at that point if I recall correctly.

 

[zobothehobo]

I do think Tara did the right thing. Tara leaving let Willow hit rock bottom and DECIDE to come up. It hurts but no one can decide to stop an addiction except the addict. They will always sneak, lie, steal, and cheat to get whatever they're addicted to unless THEY decide not to. Tara couldn't have helped.

As for would she have hurt if she stayed... I think it would have taken Willow longer to hit rock bottom and decide to quit. I'm not really sure beyond that... food for thought.

 

[Icarium]

After Willow cast a spell and messed up with Tara's mind and Tara found out about it, she said to Willow that she gives her one week to handle without magic. If she doesn't she'd leave her and the house. And then Willow does that again, deletes her memory AGAIN. So Tara didn't break her promise and left. Left her, left the house. But Willow was at the beginning of her addiction (magic addiction) and really needed support.

Well, you can't expect Tara to know about the addiction thing since I really doubt even the writers had conceived it yet. 🙂 It comes completely out of left field in "Wrecked". As of "Tabula Rasa", nobody had suggested yet that Willow has a physical addiction to magic, Tara and Giles just thought Willow did a lot of spells because it was the easiest way and didn't think for other solutions.

On a less meta note, I think Tara staying wouldn't have helped. Willow only managed to reach rock-bottom and face the music in Wrecked because Tara had left her. She was resolved to stay "sober" to win Tara back - this wasn't her entire motivation, but a very large part of it. And if Tara had stayed, she wouldn't have been able to do anything, as long as Willow thought it was okay to play with her mind. A message had to be sent in some way.

 

[InsaneMystic]

Of course Tara was right in leaving, I'm flummoxed anyone would think otherwise. Taking that kind of abuse from someone, and then setting empty ultimata that you won't keep is about the most counter-productive thing one can do - why should Willow respect such a weak-willed and co-dependent individual? Tara coming back again would almost have had the next Forget spell coming deservedly, because what's the big deal when you know the girl might nag a bit again but stay around anyway in the end. *yawn*

No, Tara basically did more than anyone has a right to expect when she gave Willow one more chance. Will blew it, so that's it - actually I'm throughly impressed by Tara's strength in this season.

 

[Kean]

For me Tara leaving isn't really the question at all (I can't imagine anything but an emphatic YES to that question). But what I have always wondered is whether it was right to come back when she did. I have always thought she was rather hasty in her return and I never really thought Willow had been given enough time to fully recover.

Perhaps the fact that she would most likely still be alive if she hadn't gone back, answers that question.

 

[Skanky Vamp]

No, Tara was wrong to leave; She always encouraged Willow to do more and more magic and finally when Willow becomes comfortable enough, Tara tells her not to do magic. Tara was as much to blame as Willow and rather than facing the music together, as a couple should, she cut her losses and ran off.

 

[Deus Ex Machina]

No, Tara was wrong to leave; She always encouraged Willow to do more and more magic and finally when Willow becomes comfortable enough, Tara tells her not to do magic. Tara was as much to blame as Willow and rather than facing the music together, as a couple should, she cut her losses and ran off.

Hmm, I never considered this. Especially because magic was what brought them together in the first place...

However, my initial answer is still "yes". Willow raped Tara not just physically (as Tara probably would not have consented to sex with Willow in OMWF if her mind had not been altered) but mentally. Willow knew what Tara had been through with Glory and the kind of hell she had been trapped in. I'm surprised Tara forgave Willow and allowed her a week to not do magic. If I had found out someone had sex with me while I was in an altered state that made me feel differently about them, it would be over. No amount of love could make me stay for that.

 

[VisionGirl]

Yes she was wrong IMO giving an addict an ultimatum is not going to help. My family has been through this type of situation. Yet you could say Tara was right with her tough love method either way it depends and for this case I would say she wasn't right because Willow depended on Tara way to much that may not be a good thing but she might have done better with Tara by her side.

I don't agree that she gave Tara an ultimatum; she left because she had to for her. Making a decision to not participate in someone else's addiction is never wrong.

For me Tara leaving isn't really the question at all (I can't imagine anything but an emphatic YES to that question). But what I have always wondered is whether it was right to come back when she did. I have always thought she was rather hasty in her return and I never really thought Willow had been given enough time to fully recover.

Perhaps the fact that she would most likely still be alive if she hadn't gone back, answers that question.

Wow is this an interesting question! It's so hard to know. Willow herself was doing OK, and I don't blame her for Tara's death. But yeah, it certainly takes longer than that for someone to recover from an addiction.

By the way, I repped Icarium about this, so can I add an aside about how much I hate the magic addiction storyline? They should have kept the magic dependence issue more about Willow's identity & issues with power rather than a physical addiction. OK, carry on.... 🙂