Was Xander right not to marry Anya?

[CordelliasHeart]

Xander should have gone ahead and married her.

Thats mostly just frustration with the montonony of Buffy Franchise Romances speaking.

not ONE romance in the entire Franchise ends well.

Buffys Mom is divorced, from the first episode

Buffy and Angel is doomed pretty quickly, they have to separate because of his curse.

Buffy and Xander is suggested now and then but goes nowhere.

Willow and Xander also suggested occasionaly but goes nowhere.

Oz and Willow, and Xander and cordellia sees a few dates, then Cordellia and Xander break up, after him kissing a girl he thought he was going to die besides.

Buffy and Riley Comes, then Buffy and Riley goes (not watched many of the episodes with Riley in them sorry)

Wesley and Lilah was doomed from the start because of her having sold her soul to the forces of evil

Fred and Gunn went a ways then dissolves.

Giles and Jenny goes a way then ends with Ms Calendars death.

Giles and Joyce is Suggested in Band Candy...

But neither of them even want to think about the incident at the end of the episode...

Xander and Anya gets destroyed because of Xanders Childishness.


I wish that Xander was transformed into a pretty young woman, and fell hopelessly in love with a childish and insecure man much like himself. And I dont mind if a Vengeance demon hears me say that.

Sorry for the rant still a bit new to the Franchise, but while I can appreciate a bit of Tragic romance... I feel like im overdosing on it sometimes Just ONE "Happily ever after" would be nice.

 

[Lyri]

Xander should have gone ahead and married her.

Couldn't disagree with this more.

You can't force someone to marry someone else just because it would save a little bit of heartache. If Xander thought that marrying Anya was the wrong thing for him, then he was right in walking away from her.

If Xander was that afraid and worried, then marrying Anya would have caused even more problems in the long run. Xander's fears weren't totally created by the demon, the demon was feeding on what was already there and Xander was worried about turning into his father if he married Anya. Those fears existed as far back as 'All The Way' when he panicked over all the wedding talk.

I admit that he was a bastard and if he'd had fears, then he should have talked it out with Anya sooner. He was wrong for leaving her at the alter, I fully accept that. But Anya had fears as well, as she sang about in OMWF - she should have spoken up as well.

Marrying someone because it would make things easier and save some people from getting hurt is not a good reason for getting married and Xander was right to walk away - he just should have done it sooner.

 

[Ethan Reigns]

So one of Anyanka's thousands of victims finally got back at her and took her prize away. Some say tragedy, I say karma. Xander's parachute opened just in time. She was a little too fond of her glory days as a torturer of men for this to end well - in fact the vision of the future with Anya was better than I would have predicted. In the game of life, she would be willing to sell children for more cash. Of course, Xander should have come to this realization sooner and Hell's Bells is still an unpleasant episode to watch but the visions he saw represented something approaching the best case scenario, not the worst case. He was still dedicated to Buffy and this was going to be a strain on the relationship for the foreseeable future - and it was foreseen.

 

[Merrick]

If I am any example, apprehension about sharing your life with someone else, the "forsaking all others" kind of lifelong commitment, is quite common. My wedding day was, for me, far more frightening than anything else that I had ever done. And I honestly think that, if that weren't the case, the marriage wouldn't have been such a constantly renewing joy each and every single day thereafter. Sharing your life with someone who you love above all others is both the most challenging and fulfilling thing that a human being can experience. If the simple appearance of a demon whose admitted mission was to destroy Anya's happiness by whatever manner possible, and seeing what was almost certainly a distorted version of their future life together, if not a total lie, was enough to frighten him away from the alter, then he didn't deserve the chance for happiness that their marriage offered him. I lost all respect for Xander because of that.

The thing about Season 7 that I disliked the most was Xander and Anya's "friends with benefits" relationship. She was far too good for him.

So, I said all that to say this. Yes, Xander was right not to marry Anya, because he would never, on his best day, be worthy of her.

I kind of agree.

My late wife loved the episode Hells Bells, which I found massively depressing. She said it was great as it summed up the fact that, really, Xander hasn't grown up at all. He thinks he has, but beneath the surface he's the same scared little boy he was in high school.

With hindsight I can see she is totally right.

---------- Post added at 09:09 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:04 PM ----------

To be fair to him though - they shouldn't have gotten engaged in the first place. Xander wasn't ready, he felt pressured by Anya to pop the question, but should have stood firm. If he had doubts it was the right move, but by then, after all they'd been through I think if he wasn't ready maybe he should have walked.

Maybe Anya was right, maybe he proposed to her in The Gift exactly BECAUSE he thought they wouldn't survive.

---------- Post added at 09:13 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:09 PM ----------

Xander should have gone ahead and married her.

Thats mostly just frustration with the montonony of Buffy Franchise Romances speaking.

not ONE romance in the entire Franchise ends well.

Buffys Mom is divorced, from the first episode

Buffy and Angel is doomed pretty quickly, they have to separate because of his curse.

Buffy and Xander is suggested now and then but goes nowhere.

Willow and Xander also suggested occasionaly but goes nowhere.

Oz and Willow, and Xander and cordellia sees a few dates, then Cordellia and Xander break up, after him kissing a girl he thought he was going to die besides.

Buffy and Riley Comes, then Buffy and Riley goes (not watched many of the episodes with Riley in them sorry)

Wesley and Lilah was doomed from the start because of her having sold her soul to the forces of evil

Fred and Gunn went a ways then dissolves.

Giles and Jenny goes a way then ends with Ms Calendars death.

Giles and Joyce is Suggested in Band Candy...

But neither of them even want to think about the incident at the end of the episode...

Xander and Anya gets destroyed because of Xanders Childishness.


I wish that Xander was transformed into a pretty young woman, and fell hopelessly in love with a childish and insecure man much like himself. And I dont mind if a Vengeance demon hears me say that.

Sorry for the rant still a bit new to the Franchise, but while I can appreciate a bit of Tragic romance... I feel like im overdosing on it sometimes Just ONE "Happily ever after" would be nice.

You forgot Giles and Olivia,

Spike and Dru,

Angel and Darla,

Spike and Harmony,

Angel and Cordy and of course

Wesley and Fred😀

 

[Kean]

I think we never factor Xander's age in here. He was only 21/22 throughout all of this. While he may have faced a lot in his life, emotionally he was still incredibly young.

I think being left at the alter is an completely humiliating and traumatising experience to go through, and I fully appreciate how horrific it was for Anya, but I really don't believe Xander knew he was going to do that until it happened. How do you tell between general wedding jitters and genuine apprehension? Especially when you sincerely love the person? I think it was a terrible thing to happen but I'll never say that someone who is unsure about a marriage should go through with it.

And if I'm being honest, I never though Xander and Anya worked anyway.

 

[Kairos]

If I remember correctly, Xander's reasons for leaving Anya basically amounted to not being sure that he could be the man that she deserved - that is, he was afraid his dystopian visions would come true and that he would be the one at fault, and he wanted to get out so he could spare her that life.

Noble in theory. Complete foul-up in reality. Xander had a way out of every bad choice he thought he might make - we always do. That's why they're choices.

Backing out of a commitment because you're afraid you'll do something wrong is an act of abject cowardice. I feel for Xander, he went through hell, but Anya deserved better.

 

[thetopher]

Yeah, Xander's always breaking girl's hearts with bone-headed moves. 🙄
But when considering if he was right, you've got to look at the aftermath. Anya chooses to go right back to being a vengeance demon.
That, to me, tells me that the marriage would never have worked unless it had been an incredibly idyllic, ideal one. And I somehow doubt that.

 

[Fuffy Baith]

I think we never factor Xander's age in here. He was only 21/22 throughout all of this. While he may have faced a lot in his life, emotionally he was still incredibly young.

This is true. He is young and has only had like 2 girlfriends, it makes sense that he would be scared. If he's that unsure then he made the right choice. He should have cancelled the wedding long before.
The problem with Anya is that her character was never developed properly. She gets one backstory episode and that's in season 7 which is way too late. We know nothing about her being a vengeance demon. Does she have a soul or not? If being human gives her soul back then shouldn't she feel guilty like Spike and Angel? Or does she still have a soul as a demon in which case she's a bad person and Xander should have never loved her. I don't really care for the Xander/Anya relationship, I loved him and Cordelia.