Welcome Back!

[Buffy Summers]

Welcome

As we come back together as a whole once again first let me say Welcome Back!

Now, I know that the questions on many if not most of your minds are: why me? why this person? why not that person?

It is my hope that we can all move forward with a clean slate and a fresh start from this point onward, but to try to put minds at rest I'll say this:

The who of it all doesn't matter. It could have been anybody, it could have been everybody. And that is the point. It takes ALL of us to make this place what it is. This past weekend, we were two broken pieces. Now, hopefully, we can come out of this a stronger whole.

How we treat each other defines us. We have always been the most community-minded and friendly board out there. Let's work to get back to that.

Think about how you reacted when you found out that you were or weren't on that list. Did you think: that person deserved to be gone more than me? Or did you think: it should have been me instead of that other person who didn't deserve it? Did you think about what maybe you could have done differently? Did you think how you could change in the future? Or did you protest your innocence and blame someone else?

Like I said before, those who were given a break were not people who necessarily did anything wrong (more than anyone else on this board, that is). We just picked people who had been in the thick of it, so to speak. Namely, because everyone can use a break now and then when things get heavy around here (ask the mods, I make them do this now and then too). It's a good thing to get away from things, especially if you're having a hard time on the board.

But it was also because we needed to get your attention. Those that were here this weekend stood up and noticed that they were without their fellows - they saw the hole that is there without them. And those of you that were away, I hope you saw the hole those left behind made. We needed you to think about your own behaviors and realize that it affects others here (both positively and negatively), even if you might not notice it. We are all guilty here - all of us at some time or another don't think about what we say or what we do and how that's hurting someone else. It is something we ALL need to work on going forward.

And that awareness was the goal of all of this hullaballoo. I know some of you may choose not to return to us, and that's okay. But we need to move forward as one community rather than a fragmented one. And as we build a new community together, I hope that you will remember what it was like to be without your other half.


What we expect

So, now that we're all here, this is what we expect going forward:

- kindness and respect towards your fellow members

- including everyone, even newbies, in discussion on the board and in the chat

- leaving the enforcement of board rules to the staff (meaning, not telling other members when they have broken a rule - privately tell a mod instead)

- listening to directions given by the staff

- leaving snide comments and personal attacks off the board

- not going along with bullying and other bad behavior by others on the board and standing up for the rights of your fellow members


Our Pledge to you

While we asked you all to spend this time in reflection, the board staff has also spent these three days thinking about their role on the boards and how they can do better. We therefore, have agreed on the following pledge to you, our members:

1. To respond to all reported posts as soon as possible, but at the very least contacting the reporter within three days.

2. To delete, edit or post about unacceptable items on the boards so as to have a visible sign that we have dealt with the issue.

3. To set an example by our actions for others.

4. To keep our personal feelings out of our moderating decisions and to keep a level head.

5. To take time out when over-stressed so as to not take it out on members and better handle situations.

6. To post more on the main boards in order to keep us more in touch with what's happening between members there.

7. To be clearer about where the line is drawn between acceptable and not acceptable.

8. To not allow vocal members to influence our decisions simply because of their volume level.


This is our pledge to you: to do our best to improve on ourselves as moderators and not let the problems we have experienced here happen again.

 

[Buffy Summers]

I also personally pledge to work on patience and understanding, and not being annoyed when I'm asked the same question for the thousandth time, remembering that to the person asking, it's the first time.

 

[Angelic Slayer]

I personally pledge to give each concern/question that is brought to me the time and attention it deserves, so that it is addressed properly and resolved as best as it possibly can be. I also pledge to be more prompt about my replies or updates to these concerns; keeping in mind that what seems like "a few extra days" to me often seems a lot longer for someone waiting on a reply.

 

[Mozzymandias]

Firstly, we would like to say that this is by no means whatsoever an attack on any persons on the moderation team. We have looked at your Welcome Back! post and have taken everything you have said on board, well the people who are awake at this moment anyway. We just want you to understand our side and view of the current happenings. We feel it will instead of causing more negative energy that by reading our view and understanding our situation and what we were put into, we as a whole board can move forward and fully put this event behind us. I would also like to add that the following statement was written on the second day of the time out. We feel that this gives the best view of what we felt since members who were angry at first had calmed down and were more rational when contributing their grievances.

We feel that this "time out" was demeaning to all involved. The execution and wording treated all of us, who are intelligent and mature people, like spoiled 4-year-olds who needed a time out "for our own good." It may be true that some of us needed a time out. To this end, some of us had already taken that time out on our own initiative and were working through the problems we found ourselves involved in. You ask us to be mature and adult, then treat us like children. We are deeply offended.

In the warning note, Buffy Summers mentioned deletions (of karma, VMs, posts, etc.) and warnings (in the form of PMs). Many of us never received said warnings, were never approached in an official manner by any of the mods. Some of us understand why we were singled out, but others have no earthly clue. Punishment (which is what this is, regardless of wording) has no effect if the one being punished does not know why.

We believe that all this tempban will accomplish is to drive away those who are sensitive enough to care about being banned in the first place. Those who are a true problem probably do not care and will not leave. The buffer between those who seek to cause mayhem and hurt others, and those said others, will be gone. Many of The 29 are people who actively try to facilitate peace, protect new members, and sympathize with those who feel attacked. The mods are wonderful people, but can only be in so many places at once, and many new people feel intimidated by the very title of mod and come to regular members for help, instead. Much of this happens behind the scenes, in houses or in PMs, and therefore may not be immediately obvious, but it does happen.

In any social group, there will be conflict. There will be people who get along better with one group than another. There will be mean people. There will be nice people. There is no way around this if you choose to have a true community. The inevitability of conflict, however, does not mean that things must always get ugly, or that we should allow them to degenerate to that level. People with differing opinions can and should have civilized conversations about those opinions and know when to step back from a discussion if it gets too heated. Sometimes people don't know when to stop an argument, and that is what the mods are for. They are not"”or should not be"”there to keep people from ever butting heads. And they should not try to force everyone to like everyone else equally; that's not possible. Having a supportive group of friends is the whole point of the Houses, for example, and should not be interfered with just because these groups form outside of the control of the authorities. Too much meddling with the natural sociological order will not help to make any group a better place to be, or if it does, it will at the cost of many wonderful people who no longer feel welcome because they react like human beings do.

We hope you can take this on board and it will help in us moving forward.

 

[JenniferAlice]

Totally out of line. You had better not do that again.

 

[Buffy Summers]

Who are you talking to?

---------- Post added at 01:57 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:37 AM ----------

Thank you for your post MozYa.

I understand that you feel singled out and persecuted.

I don't know what you want me to do about that other than to say again that that was not my intention. I wanted to help heal the board. I wanted the people outside of the 30 people to see what it was to be without you, and for you to see what it was like to be without the others. Not in specific groups but just to think about people other than us. So that we could all get along here and not have to deal with the bs we were dealing with. I know you saw it Moz - you posted about how bad the boards were. I thought if everyone just took a deep breath we could get past all of it.

And maybe we can't.

I was ready to go forward with a clean slate - it didn't have to be this way. I understand if all of you and everyone you know want to leave. I'm sorry if you were hurt by this. All I can say is I was trying to do a good thing here.

 

[Seraphim]

Buffy: You coulda saved yourself a lot of grief by simply eating that little bit of crow from the start.

As a way of rebuilding trust, I would strongly suggest y'all commit to henceforth only punishing (or "timing out") people who actually break the rules -- and when you do punish folks, you articulate specific conduct and how it broke the rules so nobody is in any doubt as to what's what.

 

[Mozzymandias]

I think many of us don't want to leave, it's this that caused the great backlash that you've seen. We love this place is all. People are understanding that you were trying to do a good thing. Put plans somehow don't turn out what you intend them to be and as we are all humans we can all respect that in many peoples eyes you made a mistake. Many are ready to go forward with you, they just want you to know that they felt what happened was the wrong way to go about it.

 

[Buffy Summers]

I just don't know what to write here without sounding like a broken record. I didn't see this as a way to punish people. Of COURSE only people who have done something wrong are going to get punished in future. Everything that I have posted henceforth has said that I intended this a wake-up call - not a weekly event. If you really think that I'm just going to ban people here and there for no reason, then for god's sake, what are you doing here? But believe what you want. I need to go to bed.

 

[Seraphim]

There's past precedent for the crazy. And if you think it was a good idea this time, who knows what you'll think is a good idea next time? That's why it's so important to the membership that you admit this didn't go the way you wanted, pledge that you'll run things by the book from this point on -- no more surprises, no more negative stuff happening to innocent members -- and then actually carry it forth into practice. Running a good forum is not rocket science. I think you tried to reinvent the wheel and ended up with a cube. It's okay -- admins aren't infallible. But the mark of an admin who can keep a forum together is one who can admit mistakes, learn from the experience, and make the forum a better place in the future.

 

[Friendly Lurker]

Our Pledge to you

While we asked you all to spend this time in reflection, the board staff has also spent these three days thinking about their role on the boards and how they can do better. We therefore, have agreed on the following pledge to you, our members:

1. To respond to all reported posts as soon as possible, but at the very least contacting the reporter within three days.

2. To delete, edit or post about unacceptable items on the boards so as to have a visible sign that we have dealt with the issue.

3. To set an example by our actions for others.

4. To keep our personal feelings out of our moderating decisions and to keep a level head.

5. To take time out when over-stressed so as to not take it out on members and better handle situations.

6. To post more on the main boards in order to keep us more in touch with what's happening between members there.

7. To be clearer about where the line is drawn between acceptable and not acceptable.

8. To not allow vocal members to influence our decisions simply because of their volume level.


This is our pledge to you: to do our best to improve on ourselves as moderators and not let the problems we have experienced here happen again.

Sounds like good stuff, thanks.

 

[Floop695]

I'd just like to say that I have nothing against you as a person, or the site but I wasn't impressed with the fact that I had to elevate the anger in my post to an alarmingly dangerous level in order to get your attention, Buffy. I'm glad to see that I wasn't banned for what I said and for that I thank you. But I hope its made you realise that things can't just be ignored. Thank you making a seperate thread for questions and for allowing people to speak their minds. It seems to have done the world of good.

Also, obviously you ARE sounding like a broken record and that must be unpleasant for you, but I think everyone who feels wronged has the right to be replied to, even if it is the same thing. Nothing's worse than "yes, yes, i've heard it all before. Read here". Everyone's emotions are getting the better of them (myself included) and everyone's feeling a tad left down so I think your best bet is to ignore the fact that you're repeating yourself and give everyone the time of day. Please, don't think i'm also talking about you going to bed- that is your right. But I hope that when you have the time, you will personally reply to everyone's posts that havn't been responded to yet, or that may come up while you're away.

Having said that, I don't expect any reply or argument to this post unless you feel the need to do so. I do however, expect that people who are feeling let down will get a personal apology of some sort because that seems to be what would help some people move on. I'm not talking an essay... maybe just a "Hey, I thought i was doing the right thing, obviously it didn't go like i'd hoped. My apologies". I think something like that would be appropriate because you have to have realised that it was a bad idea.

I hope that from now on you and your staff take a more personal approach with problems and never resort to such over the top methods again. You have lost a lot of respect during this whole event but if you want to earn it back, reassuring everyone that it won't happen again (if you havn't already) will be a step in the right direction. 🙂

I thank you for giving us the time to discuss how we feel. 🙂

 

[Mesektet Ra]

I obviously can't speak for anyone else, but I don't necessarily expect personal apologies to every member of the banned list. That just seems...a little unnecessary, personally speaking.

What I'm more looking for is the admittance that yea, okay, as an administration, we screwed up. I don't doubt for a minute that you had the best of intentions, really. I understood the point of what you were trying to accomplish, but I think miscommunication about how we felt somehow inhibited your lack on understanding where we were coming from.

People aren't infallible, and as admin you don't have to try and be so. No one on this board, I think, is putting that weight on your shoulders. People intend to do the right things and screw up along the way - it happens, it's really not that serious. But admitting it, especially when you're in a position of power such as yours, gains back the respect you've lost for the simple fact that you're big enough to openly admit your faults.

I'm not trying to sound patronizing, but I just woke up after very little sleep so I'm not entirely sure anything I just said makes any sense whatsoever. I also might be repeating things that have been said ad nauseum in this thread and the other one, and if that's the case, I apologize.

 

[Kean]

There's some things I want to say.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to those who were on Time Out, I'm sorry to the Staff who had to impliment it, I'm sorry to the members who had to be without their fellows and I'm sorry to anyone else effected by this.

I would also like to acknowledge the profound hurt felt by those involved. Never, during this whole thing was that far from our minds. I know I have gone through this last weekend with a permanent pang of anxiety weighing heavy on me. The hurts of those who were on Time Out were just as deep as those who remained, both members and Staff. This was hard for all of us.

I can't take away that hurt, for any of us, but just know that I feel it too. Maybe the old saying will ring true...A problem shared is a problem halved.

That's what I hope for.

I also want to say to those placed in Time Out that I have been in your exact position before and I genuinely know how much it hurts.

A couple of years ago I was on another forum, my first forum actually. It was a small little rinky dink place but for the time I was there if felt like home. I made some fantastic friends as well. It was a totally new experience for me, I'd never had online friends before, heck I'd never had anyone to talk to about Buffy before. We quickly formed a tight little group, we were the strongest presence on the board, we posted the most and enjoyed ourselves while doing it and we were banned...permanently. I couldn't for the life of me understand what I had do wrong. I didn't see anything wrong in my behaviour and when I was banned I got angry...the below is a post I made before I was completely booted.

It wouldn't be out of place on BB right now, would it?

Mods-Ruining the boards

I haven't been a member of this site very long. A few months really. But I had come to treat it as a place of expression and somewhere to have a little fun. I couldn't have been more wrong. In the past three days I have received five TOS violations and a suspension from the Mods and I'm genuinely struggling to understand why. I spend most of my time on the Buffy forum with three friends. Like minded individuals who like me are being punished for apparently having a personality. Do we go off topic? Well, yes but it always relates back to the show somehow. Do we intimate others around us? Of course not!! Anything we say is generally directed at each-other or a character in the show! If we do intimidate others it is definitely not intentional, we come to have fun and to enjoy each others company not to bully people via the web. Thanks to the Mod squad we can't do that anymore without fear of being reprimanded. These forums are supposed to encourage people to voice there opinions in a comfortable environment but instead it has become stifling, controlled and censored. You are killing the forums mods, one deleted message at a time.

The four of us decided that we would make our own board so we could still be together and also to bad mouth the old forum as much as we possibly could...and we did. That actually lasted awhile but being that angry is really tiring and soon we realised that maybe we were at fault. Where we thought we were just being friends we never once stopped to consider that others might not see it that way. I never once thought that I, who would be widely considered as an easy going person, could intimidate anybody. But I did and to be honest when I look back on it I would have booted my cheeky arse off that board long before they did.

This is my story, I'm not trying to be preachy and I'm not saying it rings completely true for this situation but there are similarities. I also don't want people to interpret it as me laying the blame solely on the shoulders of those who were placed on Time Out because I'm not and to do that would also be a lie.

We, every single one of us, were all at fault. I know I have made mistakes here, both as a member and as a mod. I have been reprimanded, Buffy has made us take a Time Outs long before this one. We're not perfect. We won't ever be but it's how we learn.

I just want to speak as a Staff member for a moment. This decision was not easily made by any of us. Never before had the board taken such drastic action but what happened was a reflection of the atmoshpere and general state of the board. We genuinely felt we had no other alternative. We had asked people to play nice, we had closed and deleted threads, we had issued warnings. While some may have listened, overrall the situation remained the same. Perhaps everyone wasn't aware of this but us, as staff had become more and more concerned about it. We went from having a reported post sent to us once in a blue moon to dozens a month. That alone speaks for what was going on. People had spoke at lenght throughout the board about the animosity, how the feeling was toxic and how they were intimidated. That is a fact, it cannot be denied. And it goes back months...I'm talking 2008 here. And that is not mentioning what has been said in private to me both before, during and after my break from modding. People weren't getting along as they had, people were fighting and disagreements were turning nasty. That is also a fact. To claim anything would be a lie. Maybe the discussions you were having were all in good fun but that wasn't true for everyone. This place was hurting and continues to. Maybe the mods felt it the most because we were the ones dealing with the influx of complaints both official and unofficial. The only thing we were certain of is that change was needed. The excution of that change hasn't been as it should and once again I apologise for the pain caused but I think the pressure and stress the mods have been under the last few months needs to be acknowledged too. We aren't just mods, we are members and your friends and dealing with all of this is extremely tough. That's our job though, and we accept it but that knowledge doesn't lessen the strain.

When it comes down it we thought we were working in the boards best interests. You may not agree but there is nothing I can do or say to change that. While times are rough now I hope we can be stronger for it.

Most of all I think we need to acknowledge each others' pains and grievances. You as members believe us to have acted rashly, we as mods have to acknowledge that and look at our practises and see what we need to change. You too as members must acknowledge that we felt that the Time Out was necessary and look at why we would bvelieve that and see if there is anything you can change to prevent us ever finding ourselves here again.

You may not find this as any kind of satisfactory response but this is me laid bare and being honest with you all. I can't offer any more than this to you...maybe it won't be enough. I know, even now I still feel hurt from my experience of being banned but that was then and I hope I've learned from it. I think ye know me well enough to know that I would not bs you, especially now. I firmly believe we can move on to a better place if we really want to.

My pledge to you is to be better, a better mod, a better member and a better friend. I will do my best to not let myself be intimidated by a decision that needs to be made or by any member. I also pledge to work more with the members when working out our troubles here. I pledge to be better.

So this is me, throwing my hand in for a new beginning...you game?

 

[Skytteflickan88]

Dammit, I clicked send on the karma comment before being done.

But in response to Kean's post;

I've thought about leaving BB permanently a few times, even tough I haven't been here long. I was intimated of the size of the forum, a couple of members and of some of the arguments I've seen/heard/been part of. But after reading this post, I don't want to anymore.

I can't pinpoint exactly what part of your post it was that changed my mind Kean, probably all of it combined, but I have a good feeling about BB now.

 

[CotA]

I would just like to apologize to all my CoFo's(that's CotA Followers for those not in the know) out there who have suffered badly from not being able to read my stellar posts because of my banning. And i'd also like to apologize for the board becoming a hell of a lot less sexy while i was gone. Never fear though, i am back now and the worship can continue. One thing's for sure though, when Buffy Boards releases a "50 saddest moments in Buffy Boards history" i have no doubt in my heart of hearts that CotA being banned will be number 1.

 

[Faith]

I have thought long and hard on what I want to pledge to you guys

I promise to make myself more available to you all, to listen to any problems/concerns/issues that you have. I promise not to let my past experiences on different boards taint how I might deal with things that arise here, because it is a different situation and different individuals concerned.

Like many people there are a lot of things I can work on but I think that these are key things that will help me all round on the boards.

 

[Joan the Vampire Slayer]

All I'd like to say in regard to this whole thing is that I love this place. I really do. It was disturbing to be kicked off for a few days, but no harm done. I have thought about it, and I realize some of my comments I have made here in the past were probobly not in the spirit of niceness all the time. I tend to have strong opinions, especially concerning things I love, and I sometimes lack in the tact department. I am sorry to anyone whom I might have offended. I am totally dedicated to this board; I admire the people who run this place, and I appreciate their dedication to making this place a safe, happy, and friendly place for all. When all is said and done, this is Buffy's place - she made it, and she can do what she wants with it. I'm am absolutely fine with that. 🙂

 

[Lindsey McDonald]

Ok, like Faith I've thought hard about my pledge, and it's something I intend to take very seriously.

I pledge to you all to try my utmost to keep all personal feelings towards members out of how I moderate. I also recognise that because of my area of study I am used to looking for the negatives in a situation or post, and that this can lead to an interpretation that wasn't intended, so I pledge to keep the positives in mind.

 

[JenniferAlice]

I'm sorry guys, but you're all an unbelievable bunch of cocksuckers, grasping onto your "power", ****ing pathetic and sad. Especially you Craig, I actually despise you now. Little, power mad, Hitlers.

I'm off, delete me.
If any members want to stay intouch with me email me: jenniferalicedick@hotmail.co.uk
I'll be ignoring everything Buffy-Board related on Facebook, too. A fresh start and all that, so please, don't Facebook me either, I'll just delete it.

Peace out guys, was good knowing ye's.

And remember, "the shit we have to climb through, is the shit we choose to take."