Just read it. Surprised he didn't mention the coming-out-gay/coming-out-Slayer parallel. Love this bit: That’s when Joss Whedon teaches me that I should never, ever desire anything ever from him, because he will promptly destroy it.
He's finally learning, eh?
There's a Spuffy discussion going on in the comments (rot 13'd, of course), and I found this post about AtS S5 Spike interesting:
I don't think he's really over it. I think he puts on a mask — despite his attitude, Angel has the power to hurt him deeply through his emotions. We see this with the flashback with Dru when Spike walks in on them for the first time back when he was first turned. Now, he's got Angel constantly telling him that Buffy will never love him the way she loved Angel, that he didn't save the world, only "wore a necklace," etc. And while he may become friendly with Fred, Gunn, Lorne and even Wes, ultimately they are Angel's friends, not his. So I think Spike uses his attitude and "regresses" to his Big Bad persona simply to protect himself.
You can argue that this is why he "created" Spike in the first place — to protect his soft William underbelly that never truly went away. William is still very much present in the flashbacks just after Spike is turned. He still loves his mother, he thinks he's found his One True Love in Dru, etc. It is only after he meets Angelus and gets the speech about how nothing belongs to him anymore that he begins to harden his heart and become the badass vampire we all know and love.
SO I think that, in Angel's presence, it is perfectly in character for Spike to act the way he does in ATS S5. As entertaining as they are to watch, he and Angel bring out the worst in each other, and Spike cannot allow Angel to hurt him again. The attitude protects him; Angel isn't Buffy, and if Spike showed Angel the sides of himself that he showed Buffy, Angel would rip him apart. So Spike does the best he can to protect himself, while still incorporating as many of the lessons that he learned from Buffy as he can.
As for Spike not going to Buffy . . . . while Spike may be doing his best to protect himself against Angel, the things Angel tells him are inevitably going to take their toll. He may not let on to it, especially in Angel's presence, but if someone tells you enough times (and punctuated with violence a la "Destiny") that you don't deserve the girl, that the girl never loved you, etc, eventually you will start to believe it, no matter how hard you try not to. This is why bullying is so damaging to so many people. Also, Spike is an inherently insecure person, which is another thing that Angel never sees if Spike can help it. However, when Spike confides in Harmony at the end of "Harm's Way" about his reasons for not going to Buffy, I can buy it, because Spike's insecurities, salt newly rubbed in by Angel, are festering openly on the screen in that scene.
So he stays in LA, doing his best to honour Buffy by fighting the good fight, knowing she may never hear of it. He tells himself that he and Buffy went out on a good note, and he wants to leave it there in case she didn't mean her "I love you" or has gotten over him. He doesn't want his heart broken again, not after having gone through such lengths to protect it against Angel. He's got a good life in LA. He may not be living his dream, but it's good. He's put himself back together, piece by piece, after going crazy after getting his soul, and he's finally in a place where he can be comfortable with himself. He doesn't want to upset the delicate balance he has created within himself.
So, am I making sense, or the kind that's not?
Oh, and on a related-but-not-really note, I think that the majority of the reason that Angel acts as he does toward Spike is jealousy — over Buffy, the soul, etc. But that's another post for another time. This one's long enough as it is!