What Did Buffy Do Wrong?

[charmedones193]

I think Maybe buffy was just more focused on training and learning about being a slayer in season 5 and then with all the problems with her mom, she was focused on her family and not riley? I don't know if that really makes sense but, she had alot more things to deal with and I think riley was kinda selfish, because she was paying more attention to her family and not him?

To be honest, I don't think Buffy did anything wrong. But that's just my opinion 🙂

 

[PrincessBuffy16]

I don't think it was ever about love.. I think it was about need.

It was about letting herself to be weak, so he can be there for her. So he can feel like he's needed, like he's doing something for her. I guess being there and loving her wasn't enough for him. He wanted to save her. If not physically, then emotionally. Buffy knew she can't allow herself to be weak, and he needed her to be weak. He wanted her to want him back. He wanted to save the day. He wanted to be a better man.

I truly believe that, because I don't see any other answer, but on the other hand, I can't see why he married Sam. A military woman who is as strong and as independent as he is. She really didn't seem to need him to save her.

 

[Skanky Vamp]

She really didn't seem to need him to save her.

It's not a physical need; its the need to want to share and be a part of a couple, as opposed to two individuals such as he and Buffy were. She wanted to be independent and you cannot really be that and in a healthy relationship.

 

[Tome]

I don't think it was ever about love.. I think it was about need.

It was about letting herself to be weak, so he can be there for her. So he can feel like he's needed, like he's doing something for her. I guess being there and loving her wasn't enough for him. He wanted to save her. If not physically, then emotionally. Buffy knew she can't allow herself to be weak, and he needed her to be weak. He wanted her to want him back. He wanted to save the day. He wanted to be a better man.

I truly believe that, because I don't see any other answer, but on the other hand, I can't see why he married Sam. A military woman who is as strong and as independent as he is. She really didn't seem to need him to save her.

It's not weak to open up to others. All he wanted was for her to consider him more than just someone she could call whenever she felt like it. He loved her and it probably killed him to see her suffer through the things with her mom, Dawn and so on... He wanted her to talk to him about it. I repeat, it's NOT weak to share things. The whole ''he wanted to be the big man who protect her'' is always brought up by people who see Riley as only a macho dude. Have you seen the same show? Sure Riley had some troubles adapting at first, but what attracted him to her was exactly that! That she was so strong and independant, was not taking orders and so on. He even pointed it out in I think it was 'A New Man'.

And he married a military woman EXACTLY because of that. Sam was also strong and independant. The difference was probably that she was more open with Riley. She also obviously loved him as much as he did, which was not the case between Buffy/Riley, imo.

 

[ILLYRIAN]

That relationship was doomed from the start. Buffy knew fairly early on in the relationship that he was into the demon hunting thing, so her choice not to tell him much about her and Angel.
Wasn't it Xander who assumed that Buffy had told Riley what happened with Angel?
So yes, she was holding back from him, and on something that was important to him, and she knew it.

 

[zobothehobo]

Sure Riley had some troubles adapting at first, but what attracted him to her was exactly that! That she was so strong and independant, was not taking orders and so on.

I thought he was attracted to the fact that she was very different... or as he put it "peculiar." You can be odd, different, and peculiar without being strong an independent. Look at high school me for proof: crazy far from the social norms. Just very different and peculiar. But really insecure and weak (physically and emotionally) and so crazy dependent on other people. I depended on others for everything. Not the same thing at all.

---------- Post added at 06:53 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:47 PM ----------

That relationship was doomed from the start. Buffy knew fairly early on in the relationship that he was into the demon hunting thing, so her choice not to tell him much about her and Angel.
Wasn't it Xander who assumed that Buffy had told Riley what happened with Angel?
So yes, she was holding back from him, and on something that was important to him, and she knew it.

Well... I mean... if things go that horribly wrong with your ex, I think you reserve the right to be hesitant about telling your current partner about it.



I did a lot of thinking about this topic and to be honest, I don't think the issue was about love and I don't think it was about protecting/not protecting. I think it was about both of them and their insecurities. I get Buffy's more. I don't understand Riley's insecurities and they come off as really obnoxious to me. But both of them were insecure. Buffy maybe held back a little and was more hesitant 'cause of what happened with Angel... which to me feels perfectly understandable and like Riley should have been supportive. I mean the only way for Buffy to get over this insecurity is for whoever she's with to respect it and let her open up on her own terms. But because of Riley's insecurity of not being good enough and Buffy running off, he couldn't do that... let her get over it. So he pushed and that spooked her more. And then she was also dealing with her mom and Dawn at the same time and honestly didn't have the energy to work on herself and getting over her insecurity. I blame Riley because he should have known that.... and because if he had handled that situation with a bit more understanding, they could have worked.

 

[Kean]

I thought he was attracted to the fact that she was very different... or as he put it "peculiar." You can be odd, different, and peculiar without being strong an independent. Look at high school me for proof: crazy far from the social norms. Just very different and peculiar. But really insecure and weak (physically and emotionally) and so crazy dependent on other people. I depended on others for everything. Not the same thing at all.

BUFFY: Riley, do you wish-
RILEY: No.
BUFFY: No? You don't even know what I was gonna say.
RILEY: Yes, I do. You wanted to know if I wished you got hit by the ferula-gemina, got split in two.
BUFFY: Well, you have been kind of rankly about the whole slayer gig. Instead of having slayer Buffy, you could have Buffy Buffy.
RILEY: Hey. I *have* Buffy Buffy. Being the slayer's part of who you are. You keep thinking I don't get that, but...
BUFFY: It's just ... I know how ... un-fun it can be. The bad hours, frequent bruising, cranky monsters...
RILEY: Buffy... if you led a perfectly normal life, you wouldn't be half as crazy as you are. I gotta have that. I gotta have it all. I'm talkin' toes, elbows, the whole bad-ice-skating-movie obsession, everything. There's no part of you I'm not in love with.

That is just one instance of Riley telling Buffy he loves all that she is.

It is also just one instance of Buffy failing to respond to Riley when he tells her he loves her.

I really don't get the the theory that he was threatened by her physical strength. To my memory, he was only ever in awe of it. Attracted to it.

"As You Were"

RILEY: I was terrified about seeing you again.
BUFFY: Well, I'm sure my incredible patheticness softened the blow for you.
RILEY: I don't know what you're talking about.
BUFFY: Riley, please don't patronize-
RILEY: Hey! You want me to say that I liked seeing you in bed with that idiot? Or that blinding orange is your very best color? Or that that ... burger smell is appealing?
BUFFY: (upset) You smelled the smell?
RILEY: Buffy, none of that means anything. It doesn't touch you. You're still the first woman I ever loved ... and the strongest woman I've ever known. And I'm not advertising this to the missus ... but you're still quite the hottie.
BUFFY: You know, it goes away after many bathings.
RILEY: (laughs) This isn't about who's on top. I know how lucky I am right now. I love my work, and I love my wife.
BUFFY: I know. And I kinda love her too.
RILEY: So you're not in the greatest place right now. And maybe I made it worse.
BUFFY: No.
RILEY: Wheel never stops turning, Buffy. You're up, you're down ... it doesn't change what you are. And you are a hell of a woman.
BUFFY: (deep breath) Riley, that night... (Riley just looking at her) I never got the chance ... to tell you ... how sorry I was. About what happened between us.
RILEY: And you never have to.

These aren't the words of a guy threatened by strong, powerful, independent women.

 

[PrincessBuffy16]

It's not weak to open up to others. All he wanted was for her to consider him more than just someone she could call whenever she felt like it. He loved her and it probably killed him to see her suffer through the things with her mom, Dawn and so on... He wanted her to talk to him about it. I repeat, it's NOT weak to share things. The whole ''he wanted to be the big man who protect her'' is always brought up by people who see Riley as only a macho dude. Have you seen the same show? Sure Riley had some troubles adapting at first, but what attracted him to her was exactly that! That she was so strong and independant, was not taking orders and so on. He even pointed it out in I think it was 'A New Man'.

And he married a military woman EXACTLY because of that. Sam was also strong and independant. The difference was probably that she was more open with Riley. She also obviously loved him as much as he did, which was not the case between Buffy/Riley, imo.

I love Riley, and I love them as a couple, but sorry, that's how I see him. Like I've said before, if she was an ordinary girl, they would be an ultimate couple, but this way.. she was too much for him to handle. And that's not a bad thing.

And I know it's not weak to share the pain with people you love, and I agree with you, but I had a feeling Buffy thought if she falls apart now and show her weakness, she won't be able to put herself together.

 

[Tome]

BUFFY: Riley, do you wish-
RILEY: No.
BUFFY: No? You don't even know what I was gonna say.
RILEY: Yes, I do. You wanted to know if I wished you got hit by the ferula-gemina, got split in two.
BUFFY: Well, you have been kind of rankly about the whole slayer gig. Instead of having slayer Buffy, you could have Buffy Buffy.
RILEY: Hey. I *have* Buffy Buffy. Being the slayer's part of who you are. You keep thinking I don't get that, but...
BUFFY: It's just ... I know how ... un-fun it can be. The bad hours, frequent bruising, cranky monsters...
RILEY: Buffy... if you led a perfectly normal life, you wouldn't be half as crazy as you are. I gotta have that. I gotta have it all. I'm talkin' toes, elbows, the whole bad-ice-skating-movie obsession, everything. There's no part of you I'm not in love with.

That is just one instance of Riley telling Buffy he loves all that she is.

It is also just one instance of Buffy failing to respond to Riley when he tells her he loves her.

I really don't get the the theory that he was threatened by her physical strength. To my memory, he was only ever in awe of it. Attracted to it.

"As You Were"

RILEY: I was terrified about seeing you again.
BUFFY: Well, I'm sure my incredible patheticness softened the blow for you.
RILEY: I don't know what you're talking about.
BUFFY: Riley, please don't patronize-
RILEY: Hey! You want me to say that I liked seeing you in bed with that idiot? Or that blinding orange is your very best color? Or that that ... burger smell is appealing?
BUFFY: (upset) You smelled the smell?
RILEY: Buffy, none of that means anything. It doesn't touch you. You're still the first woman I ever loved ... and the strongest woman I've ever known. And I'm not advertising this to the missus ... but you're still quite the hottie.
BUFFY: You know, it goes away after many bathings.
RILEY: (laughs) This isn't about who's on top. I know how lucky I am right now. I love my work, and I love my wife.
BUFFY: I know. And I kinda love her too.
RILEY: So you're not in the greatest place right now. And maybe I made it worse.
BUFFY: No.
RILEY: Wheel never stops turning, Buffy. You're up, you're down ... it doesn't change what you are. And you are a hell of a woman.
BUFFY: (deep breath) Riley, that night... (Riley just looking at her) I never got the chance ... to tell you ... how sorry I was. About what happened between us.
RILEY: And you never have to.

These aren't the words of a guy threatened by strong, powerful, independent women.

This post just nailed it. And these two examples are not the only times that Riley expressed his admiration for her strength(and I'm not just talking about physical strength).

Zoà«, yea he was attracted by how she was odd and peculiar at first. 😛 But when he discovered she was the Slayer and everything, he was even more attracted to her! Here is the quote I was talking about in my last post:

''Riley: You're in charge. You're like, make the plan, execute the plan. No one giving you orders.
Buffy: I'm the Slayer.
Riley: I like it.''

Another scene where he was amazed by her:

''Riley: But you killed the... You did the thing with that... You drowned! And the snake?! Not to mention daily slayage of... Wow.
Buffy: It's no big, really. Hey, who wants ice cream?
Riley: Buffy. When I saw you stop the world from, you know, ending, I just assumed that was a big week for you. It turns out I suddenly find myself needing to know the plural of apocalypse.''

Hahaha! OOT but I love how Buffy randomly throw 'Who wants ice cream?' in that conversation. 😛

[MENTION=9532]PrincessBuffy16[/MENTION] I respect your POV. 🙂

 

[BuffyElevated]

To have a successful relationship, you have to be willing to let your guard down and be vulnerable with the other person. You have to admit when you are weak and need to be able to cry in front of them. Buffy couldn't allow herself to do this in front of Riley... To Riley, he took this as Buffy not loving him. Buffy didn't want to show her weaker side and allow herself to admit that she wasn't always this uber badass strong woman and that was bad for their relationship. It distanced them.

 

[Skanky Vamp]

The more quotes I read/post of Riley, the cuter he gets! I think I may just do a S4/5 rewatch just for him!

Now you see why I was the Briley supporter when I first joined and everyone made fun of me.. now you see!!

Now here's what I want you to do next Keanoite.. examine the character of Riley and examine the character of Wood. Really look at them. Then tell me how similar they are.

 

[caitaintdead]

I haven't read every single post in this thread, so apologies if I am addressing something that has already been said, I just wanted to put in my point of view.

Firstly, I just wanted to make it clear that I like Riley and I like Buffy. I like them and think they are perfectly flawed, intricate, detailed, but ultimately good characters.

I don't think Riley and Buffy were really ever destined to be anything more than a college fling or romance. Riley adored Buffy, she challenged his way of thinking and made him a better person. For this - Buffy was great for him.

The question though is 'What Did Buffy Do Wrong?' in the relationship and to me the only thing she did wrong was not cut him loose earlier. If she didn't feel about Riley the same way she felt about Angel it was definitely wrong of her to stay with him. I don't want to use the term 'leading on' or 'using', but I feel tempted to when talking about Buffy's treatment of Riley.

 

[sk]

I always felt that Riley talked a lot about how much he loved Buffy for being strong, independent and all that. And it sure seemed to be very genuine.
Liked him from the beginning because of that.

But later on when she does her independent thing and doesn't run to him as first step at every obstacle he doesn't seems to take it very well.
Especially when he starts to loose his own strength and Buffy starts to be more protective of him, worrying that he would get hurt etc., he really aren't able to handle it.

That makes me a bit disappointed actually.

Now, I must admit that I much easier time to relate to Buffy in this case.
I like my independence. While Riley's I want to be needed thing is very alien to me.
The last thing I want is for someone to be dependent on me. So I guess I have a hard time understand him in this matter.

And to answer the original question. I don't think Buffy did anything wrong.
She just wasn't what Riley wanted in the end. No ones fault really...

/SK

 

[Ripper666]

I thing none of them did something wrong. The two were to different. A soldier and the slayer. And I think i can understand riley a little bit, if you have a girlfreind like Buffy you get fear that there could be a third person. Paranoia of course but what can you do when riley runs against this wall? Talk ok, ... but later these feelings come back I think...