What does being a Spuffy mean to you?

[zobothehobo]

Litheran's last post in the Spuffy general discussion thread inspired this thread....

He said that being a Spuffy means to him "that he believes in real love; the kind where someone doesn't keep loving you because they loved you at one time. They love you because you're their world; and your constantly reminding them of that everyday by being a loveable person."

What does being a Spuffy mean to you?

To me, it means that I believe that sometimes, no matter how many times a person screws up or makes a mistake, you still forgive them and love them. Sometimes love doesn't make sense. Sometimes you fall for someone you really shouldn't, someone who really doesn't love you. And sometimes... sometimes they fall back in love with you. To me, Spuffy gives me hope. Love isn't a science. Sometimes two people seem so wrong, but they are so right. Sometimes a relationship is so dysfunctional... but it works somehow.

That is what being a Spuffy means to me. That I believe all of that. (and more)

 

[LoveLoveLovix]

Awww, Zoe, you stole my spiel!

Honestly, though. Spuffy means all that to me, as well as something truly valuble. You always have a chance. Despite what you might think, you always have a chance no matter how many chances you don't take, how mean you were. People (and vampires) can change.

Spuffy means that no matter what species you are, you are human because you can change and you can be loved.

Spuffy means that what your mom taught you so many years ago is true- being nice is contagious.

Spuffy means James Marsters is hot. Yes, I had to say that.

Spuffy means that changing for someone isn't always a bad thing.

Spuffy means that spreading happiness to others helps make you happy.

Spuffy means WIN. I had to say that too.

 

[prophecygrrl]

To me, Spuffy means partnership. I think a huge part of why Spuffy was so messed up in Season 6 was because once they started sleeping together, the balance between them was so skewed. They're not equals. But in Seasons 7 and 8, you can see a real partnership emerge as friends and fighters and that's what I love about it. I love that there is a foundation of earned friendship and trust between them. Personally, that's what I value in relationships- romantic or platonic. Partnership, equality, friendship, trust.

Plus, y'know, they call each other out on their BS. I'm a fan of any couple that is comfortable and realistic enough with each other to do that. I want them to expect better of each other when they mess up. It's inevitable that they will (it's Buffy and Spike!), and as long as they've got that trust in each other to back it up, they'll make each other better.

 

[KellGreen]

Spuffy = love😛

i adore them and how they truly are equals, by S7 at least. Spike's love is unconditional and unwavering. He helps strengthen her; he is there for her to lean on and depend on when that's needed, but never to excess. They stand side by side, independent, yet together. And when one is down, the other is there.

Over time, their love helps to health each other in many ways. That's my idea of love: the kind that makes you a better, stronger person: not different per se, just the best "you" that you can become. Spike's been fighting against his past pain of being unwanted, which is mostly, if not all healed, when Buffy fully accepts him. Buffy's been fighting against insecurity and a fear of abandonment, and Spike shows her that she IS deserving of a love that will be there for her - through anything. She was so insecure with Angel (see "lie to me" and "earshot") always wondering what he REALLY felt for her and she had a lot of jealousy.

I love how Buffy and Spike don't back down from one another; they call each other on their crap. This is my language of love. Having enough security and trust to be honest with each other, without fear that it will drive the other away if you're not what you think they expect you to be. They know each other's strengths and weaknesses, and THAT means a lot to me: it's easy to love someone only seeing parts of them, but real love means knowing them on every level, and accepting that.

 

[Tranquillity]

To me being a Spuffy is all about saying NO to overblown romantic cichés and accepting that relationships take work and commitment. The thing I love most about Spuffy is that it exists. It is not anchored in the past or "maybe one day" - it just IS. And Spike and Buffy work at that relationship - it ain't always pretty, it ain't always great but my god, neither of them are prepared to give up on it (well, except for that time when Spike didn't contact Buffy after he came back from the dead... but season 9 is going to sort that mistake out!). They work at it, they make the relationship adapt to their changed circumstances and they are honest with each other - I think this is why Spuffy is often described as "Real". Spuffy forever!

 

[sisterofmercy]

It gives me hope that even if you're flawed and can be a bit of an idiot at times then you'll still find someone willing to put up with it and inspire you to change for the better. Spike and Buffy are equals by the end of the show and I think they make up for what the other lacks, forming a solid unit. They're not afraid to speak their mind and get things out in the open but they respect each other too. I'm not very good with words tonight so I hope that makes sense.

 

[StarSlayer]

I love everyone's answers so far! 🙂 :heart:

To me, being a Spuffy means believing in something real. Buffy knew the real Spike wasn't a monster, but a man seeking redemption. Spike knew the real Buffy was a hell of a woman, who was kind, strong, "the one." And from these perceptions, real feelings of love developed. And when it comes to real love, it isn't about waiting for the one or finding your happily ever after. IMO, it's about finding the person that brings out the best in you and who changes you for the better. People can and do change for love, and there's nothing wrong with that, especially when that change makes them a better version of themselves. Such was the case with Buffy and Spike. They ultimately became better versions of themselves when they were together. And for me, "that was real."

Being a Spuffy also means that before you reach the light, you have to go through the darkness. That's life. That's what's real. That's Spuffy!

 

[Joan the Vampire Slayer]

God, what does Spuffy mean to me? This is something I wonder about often and that I'm only just starting to understand.

After all, how can I explain just how much this fictional couple has gotten under my skin, invaded my mind, sparked my imagination, and given me hope in love? How could I explain it? It’s crazy, really.

I didn’t understand it before. I think I do now. At least in part.

Spike and Buffy is what I call "great love" - the kind that Spike referred to in "Seeing Red." I guess with why I love Spuffy. For me, Spike and Buffy represent great and perfect love in all its flaws and triumphs. They have what everyone wants. It’s only after you’ve been through everything that you can be anything, right? I think the same goes for love. How can someone say that they love you until they’ve seen the best and the worst of you? As another, smarter friend of mine said, to go from “what happens on Saturday?”, “I kill you”, to “I love you” is pretty incredible.

And why should we be surprised? Spike and Buffy were - are - incredible. They intrigue us because we can not predict where they will go. We relate to what we read and what we see because we see something of ourselves reflected in the character. We don’t always like what we see, but regardless, we can relate. This is the key. Love is rarely perfect. It takes work. I can relate. Love can be messy and dysfunctional. That doesn't mean it isn't "'real."

While initially thinking, I thought about why I am drawn to Spike and Buffy so much. Out out of all of the aspects/ships/themes of this incredible show that was truly changed my life, why do Spike and Buffy appeal to me the most? Why am I so fascinated by them? How is it possible that I truly never tire of watching them interact on screen? Or reading fiction featuring them? Why is it that, in the end, they’re what most interests me most about this series?

With Spike and Buffy, it’s never simple. It never has been and it never will be. They're never boring, never stagnant, and constantly surprising us.

Spike will change more than any character on the show. He will come full-circle, and Buffy will be with him all the way. They will change each other for the better. They will love each other, and in the end, they will lose each other.

But this is where Buffy and Spike deviate from the established tragic love story. Sure, they loved each other and they lost each other. But the difference here is that they will find each other again. I can feel it in my heart. Their story is not over. It’s just begun.

This is what Spike/Buffy symbolize to me; potential. Just because they are not together currently does not mean they have failed. When Buffy is dead and gone, she will live on in the ones she loves and who loved her, most of all Spike. She’s the one who taught him to be human again, and it was for her that he fought for his soul and became a hero.

They grow together. Make mistakes together. Learn together.

Spike shows up and challenges everything Buffy knows about vampires. Angel already showed her that vampires can be good. Spike shows her something much more incredible - that a vampire without a soul can be capable of love.

Here is Bangel;

I want my life to be with you.
I don’t.
Angel [to Buffy]

And here, in all his shining, honest glory is Spike, loving her unconditionally and fully without reserve;

As daft a notion as soulful Spike the killer is, it is nothing compared to the idea that another girl could mean anything to me. ....
-Spike [to Buffy]

And I think that in the end, it all comes down to one thing; acceptance. True love is just another word for acceptance and trust and respect. Spike loves Buffy in all her flaws, and Buffy loves Spike in all his.

The bad times they had? The hurt they caused each other? None of that matters. They’ve transcended all of it. They’ve come full-circle. In all their glory and after everything that has happened, they remain together. Fighters. Friends.

Allow me to bring your attention to a much-quoted quote of Spikes;

Trust is for old marrieds, Buffy. Great love is wild and passionate and dangerous. It burns and consumes.

And our Buffy, so burned and jaded in love, completely misses the point, and replies in the only way she knows how; relating it to Angel;

Until there’s nothing left. Love like that doesn’t last.

But see, she’s wrong, because Spike is not Angel. Spike’s love is different than Angel’s and besides, that’s not Spike meant.

Buffy was right, too. In a way. Love like that can’t last, because it’s too strong for this plane. It’s forged in fire. When Spike burns in “Chosen”, he proves her right. How ironic that in speaking of Angel, she was really talking about her and Spike.

I get what Spike meant now. He didn’t mean that “great love” was dangerous because of the capacity for it to cause pain to those involved. He meant that love is dangerous because it causes people to do things they wouldn’t normally do. Love gives us strength. It causes people to be brave. Powered by love, we can do the unthinkable. And Spike and Buffy did. In dying for her and her war, Spike did the unthinkable. And in letting him go, Buffy did the same.

When Buffy told Spike she loved him in Chosen, she was well aware what she was giving up. And for that, I admire her.

Buffy jumping for Dawn? That was the “great love” Spike was speaking of. Spike, even without a soul, understood that kind of love. Because he felt it for Buffy. And it doesn’t matter if they felt it, because true, real love is selfless. Spike understands Buffy more than anyone.

And Spike was right, wasn’t he? Great love does burn and consume. This means more then a clever continuation of our couple’s fire theme.

In all their ambiguity, Spike and Buffy are perfect lovers-friends-fighters-partners. They are each-other's shadow selves.

That's what Spuffy means to me, I guess. Great love.

 

[caritas08]

To me Spuffy means that there are people out there like Spike who can believe in you, love you and support you without being threatened or insecure by your successes and strengths. That is one of my favorite things about Spuffy....he supports her and just continues being his awesome self without ever feeling threatened by her power.

 

[white avenger]

To me, Spuffy simply means that there is hope. There is hope that, no matter who you are, no matter what you have done in the past, there is still the possibility that, through hard work, focus, determination, and even pain and suffering if it becomes necessary, you CAN overcome your past, you CAN become a better person, and you CAN, despite what some might say to the contrary, become worthy of and win the love of the person who you care for. And, no, it isn't in any way about MAKING Buffy love him, because I believe that that's what Spike finally realized there in that bathroom in "Seeing Red," and what served as the catalyst that sent him on his quest to do the unthinkable. You can't make someone love you, but you can most certainly become worthy of and earn their love.

I think that Buffy's statement in "As You Were" ("I can't love you. And it's killing me.") planted the idea in Spike's mind that eventually became full blown realization in "Seeing Red." In order to give the woman he loved "what she deserves," he needed to find, and in fact to actually BECOME what he so aptly described later as "the spark." In "Once More With Feeling," Buffy sings about wanting "the fire" back, meaning (to me, at least) the passion, or simply the sense of emotional involvement,. that she had, in the old days, felt in her life. In a way, at least figuratively, Buffy HAD come back wrong. Her body had been resurrected, but her soul, though still present, was frozen, or at least so traumatized by what she had been and was going through, that it simply didn't function properly anymore. It wasn't until the last episode of the season that we saw Buffy's soul finally begin to awaken, and I think that is was no mere coincidence that we saw Spike's soul restored in that very sane episode. Attribute Buffy and Angle's relationship to whatever connection that you might care for, but Buffy and Spike are LITERALLY soul mates, because their souls were restored at the same time, possibly the same instant. That's why she could sense and have no doubt, that Spike could be and WAS a better man when he came back to Sunnydale. And, once more, I don't see it as any mere coincidence that Spike was the first person to know the truth about what had really happened when she was resurrected, and Buffy was the first one to realize what Spike had done (okay, actually it was Anya who first noticed, but she was a demon at the time so I discount her. Buffy was the first HUMAN to see the change in Spike)

Taking that even farther, it was Buffy who began the was directly responsible for beginning the restoration of, not Spike's soul, but the thing that defined him as much as Buffy's passion had defined her. "I want the old Spike back. The Spike who almost killed me when we first met." Buffy reawakened Spike's warrior spirit.

So, what does being a Spuffy mean to me? It means that two people, even though damaged, even literally destroyed, by what fate heaps upon them, can literally share their strength, can become far greater together than either could possibly ever hope to be alone. That Spike and Buffy, though both have suffered traumas in their lives greater than any human being should be asked to endure, still, together, represent a force far greater than anything that Fate might throw at them.

Spuffy: the perfect example of what soulmates are and, together, can accomplish, endure, or overcome.

 

[zobothehobo]

I accidentally hit enter on my rep to WA... Did anyone else start singing "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt at the end of the first paragraph? I'm now going to be singing this song all day.

 

[Konoe]

Well I only watched Buffy once and really didn't like them together. My meaning of Spuffy isn't about love because what I got from it was.

You could be F-Buddies with someone and soon you will start having feelings for them. So anything with "No Strings Attached" will always have some sort of string to it.

 

[Joan the Vampire Slayer]

To me Spuffy means that there are people out there like Spike who can believe in you, love you and support you without being threatened or insecure by your successes and strengths. That is one of my favorite things about Spuffy....he supports her and just continues being his awesome self without ever feeling threatened by her power.

This is a great point. Unlike Angel, who wants to "protect" her, and Riley, who was threatened by her, Spike admires Buffy FOR her strength. Her power is what he admires the most about her. She's his hero.

Has anyone read that article about Spike being a feminist?

---------- Post added at 08:10 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:02 AM ----------

I can't Rep white avenger because I'm on my mobile, but I just have to say how much I enjoyed his post.

Everyone's answers have been so great! I'm so proud of us for being so articulate and heartfelt.

 

[white avenger]

Everyone's answers have been so great! I'm so proud of us for being so articulate and heartfelt.

Not to mention committed, and I'm sure that there are more than a few Bangels who would agree that we should have been committed years ago.

 

[Moscow Watcher]

Being a Spuffy fan means to me the same theinas as being a BtVS fan - I'm a member of a wonderful community of like-minded people.

As to the actual content of Buffy and Spike's story - it gives me hope. Hope that love overcomes everything. Former enemies become allies. Everybody deserves a second chance. A person can defy his destiny. It sounds cliched, but its true.

 

[peaches71]

Being a Spuffy means believing in unconditional love...

Being a Spuffy means believing in unlikely love...

Being a Spuffy means having faith, believing in the impossible...

 

[Joan the Vampire Slayer]

Well I only watched Buffy once and really didn't like them together. My meaning of Spuffy isn't about love because what I got from it was.

You could be F-Buddies with someone and soon you will start having feelings for them. So anything with "No Strings Attached" will always have some sort of string to it.

Fair enough, but Buffy had feelings for Spike long before she started sleeping with him.

 

[Konoe]

Fair enough, but Buffy had feelings for Spike long before she started sleeping with him.

Again I state I've only seen it once and plan on keeping it that way.

To me Buffy didn't have feelings FOR HIM, but instead needed something to keep her mind side tracked for a moment and then it began to grow into feelings for him.

Spike stated he loved Buffy but I think he honestly never knew what love was.

To be the reason Buffy started to like Spike was because of Power Play since she made herself in control and kept it that way only coming to Spike when she wanted to.

 

[Litheran]

I'm glad I could inspire one of my fellow Spuffinators. Since she already quoted my thoughts on Spuffy I will not rehash them; but I will give you something which is inspired by Spuffy.

Bare with me for a second while I explain. When I was a teenager the first thing I began writing was poetry. Before Screenplays, novels, comics or music I wrote poetry; all free form mostly with little adherence to any rules....bloody awful poetry. I suppose you can see where this is going; there was a girl who I had feelings for; I wrote her a poem and gave it to her in class; she read it and then passed it around to her friends. Everyone besides me had a good laugh and obviously she felt I was beneath her.

I stopped writing poetry after that; few years later when Fool for Love first aired I truly felt that the universe was throwing me a bone. Saying that being alone wasn't a punishment but a path. A few months ago I had a break up and I ended up watching FFL again; after watching it I wrote this poem; the first one in over a decade. Mind you I was feeling rather whimsical.

Dear Love,
Having long pondered your nature and the impracticality with which you present yourself; I must admit that I am not a disciple of the religion which you have created. Truly I know the love that thou shares with a parent and sibling; as well as that for kinsmen and those made kin through life and loss shared.

Yet I am unmoved by Cupid or Aphrodite; never has my heart found it's counterpart or any approximation thereof. Thinking on it still I have felt only the precursor to such a thing; a fresh seed of the emotion in my heart. But alas, that seed has withered every time; never to find purchase in the soil of my soul's bed.

To those fearing I think myself a prince; judging only the way in which I express these most precious held thoughts; you need not fear such a lofty self portrait. I do realize in all sincerity that I am the jester of thine own life; a lonely clown who you would not give but a fleeting glance.

Perhaps then that is the measure by which love has not yet deemed me worthy of it's gaze. A poet's soul; captured within a pauper's body can not be seen for the beauty it doth possess. Only when I have chanced upon that one who is me in all the ways that I cannot be; only then will my heart be given it's fair judgment.

Bringing this aside to a close I do admit again that I have never known love which is not born or bred. That love which has no creation to speak of; only a preordained arrival between two hearts.

I long only to feel love's warm embrace upon my heart.

I long only to share my soul; and in dong so make it whole.

I long only to know the end of a full life; loved by that one I may yet call my wife.

So to love which has eluded me I bow; and to she that is meant for me I solemnly vow; when at last your face I have seen; we shall discern what love truly means.

I wouldn't let anyone else see that; not my friends or family here; either to prevent them giving fake praise and kudos; or laughing uncontrollably. I think you guys can appreciate the attempt; and hopefully the sentiment.

Spuffy (also) means to me that sometimes love is a dance. The dances that best represent love; are the ones that begin slow and passionate. You have to earn the fire before the dance can be over.

Have a Spuffy Day!

 

[Miss Kitty]

I love your answers 🙂 Interesting idea of topic !

I have a lot of things I would want to say, but I don't know how to articulate my thoughts in English. Spuffy mean a lot to me for several reasons. I will just say that they make me believe in true love. Not in an ideal and over-romanticized love, but simply in real and true love, with anything but modesty (they don't have to say "I love you" every minute or being in an artificial extreme for us believing in their love and their story). That's the kind of love where the person of your life is not perfect, does mistakes, and with the knowledge of that, the acceptance of that, you're still loving her/him, and more important, you're still supporting him/her. That's the kind of love where your lover supports you, believes in you, in despite of your mistakes, and keeps having faith in your strenght, without anything but respect and admiration.

This is just the story of two persons who know each other and do love each other in despite of the fact they have seen the best as much as the worst of each other. They don't have to pretend, they can be themselves with each other, and sharing things they don't share with anybody else. The point of their relationship isn't their relationship, it's being there for each other while they're facing life. And I admire the beauty of their emotionnal connection, and the way they love each other for who they are. "I love what you are. What you do. How you try", this sentence works as much for Spike than for Buffy in my opinion, and it has a lot of meaning regarding their past story. Their story wasn't easy, it was respectful of their emotionnal issues and their romantic past. And I totally love the way they have overcome all of that. They surpassed themselves for each other.

And they make me believe in all of these. They make me believe in a realistic kind of love, true and passionnate. Two people who love each other for their insecurities as much as for their strenght. Consciously or not, they're looking for each other presence, and I love their complementarity. I'm really admirative, because it's pretty hard to make me believe in a relationship as much as I believe in the Buffy & Spike story. And, well, they're important to me. On a more personnal level, their fictive story helped me a lot at some bad periods of my life. I needed support without finding it IRL, and seeing Buffy & Spike having each other made me feel better, because they gave me hope and their relationship gave me some support, in a way, which can seem crazy I know, but they have done a lot for me.

Has anyone read that article about Spike being a feminist?

I would be curious to read it me too. Do you have a link ? 🙂