What does Buffy really want from her man?

[GoSpuffy]

Does anyone really know what Buffy wants from her man?
 

Does anyone really know what Buffy wants from her man?

There is a wide variety of opinions here on the boards, more than I could ever have imagined. I think there are even a few Parker fans. No judgement against Parke r fans! He probably falls in the "monster" category for me though lol

 

[white avenger]

The three major relationships that we have seen so far have involved partners who can, at the least, watch her back in a fight, so I would say that she she would want that in whoever she chose. Whether human or something else doesn't seem to be an issue, though I wouldn't use that fact to alone launch a Clem/Buffy ship. The person will almost certainly be attractive to look at. We saw in her fling with Satsu that gender probably wouldn't be an issue in and of itself. With those considerations in mind, I would say that her perfect choice would be Spike, but if I did, someone would probably accuse me of bias.

 

[GoSpuffy]

The three major relationships that we have seen so far have involved partners who can, at the least, watch her back in a fight, so I would say that she she would want that in whoever she chose. Whether human or something else doesn't seem to be an issue, though I wouldn't use that fact to alone launch a Clem/Buffy ship. The person will almost certainly be attractive to look at. We saw in her fling with Satsu that gender probably wouldn't be an issue in and of itself. With those considerations in mind, I would say that her perfect choice would be Spike, but if I did, someone would probably accuse me of bias.

I think you're safe with that answer here on the "back steps"

 

[Blaze]

I think that Buffy doesn't know what she wants, and that's totally fine.

 

[Fuffy Baith]

I think that Buffy wants to want a normal guy, but she also needs someone who can deal with her slayer stuff. I think she doesn't fully know what she wants. It might not be something she really thinks that hard about. Goes back to her cookie dough speech.

 

[Taake]

I think that Buffy doesn't know what she wants, and that's totally fine.

Pretty much this, I think a lot of people have to try on different relationships to figure out what it is they want in the long run. Not sure Buffy's there yet.

 

[thetopher]

Someone who is her equal and challenges her, other than that Buffy doesn't know what she wants.
The comics seem to be all about her desparation not to be alone: Xander, Satsu, Twilight!Angel and now Spike.

 

[Athena]

I think Buffy wants what everyone wants: someone who'll love and support her, someone who's kind and thoughtful, someone who's feisty and passionate, someone who'll fight her corner, someone who challenges her and accepts her, someone she can't have, someone she can have. Buffy is no different to any human (or Slayer!) in that respect.

 

[The Bronze]

Hmmm after some thought I think I know exactly what she wants. A male slayer. Too bad the only one about is Billy and gay.

 

[cryptwarmer]

There is a wide variety of opinions here on the boards, more than I could ever have imagined. I think there are even a few Parker fans. No judgement against Parke r fans! He probably falls in the "monster" category for me though lol

I think Parker is immature, not a monster. Basically like this song. He was a college guy who felt entitled and didn't think there would ever be consequences. Stupid. Many people go through it. Not good, but mostly stupidity not malice.

 

[bespangeled]

I think what anyone wants in their partner changes over time. Not to embrace the cookie dough metaphor, she's still searching to find out who she is. So she needs different things at different times. I don't see Buffy having all sorts of partners as a bad thing - she may be the kind of person who never does settle down with one person.

 

[Joan the Vampire Slayer]

That was a hard choice for me. I go back and fourth from thinking Buffy knows exactly what she wants to that she has absolutely no frakking idea.

Buffy's always going on about having a "normal" life, which means, I assume, dating a human man. Yet, despite this wish, she keeps dating vamps, so..I dunno. One of Buffy's great conflicts, I think, is her fight between the fact that her life will never be "normal" and accepting that to an extent, but still wishing it could be.

I think Buffy needs her man to be a lot of things - including being loving and trustworthy, but also an equal physically. This is why she's never really content, because a man like that is hard to find.

 

[brinkster130]

I think what anyone wants in their partner changes over time. Not to embrace the cookie dough metaphor, she's still searching to find out who she is. So she needs different things at different times. I don't see Buffy having all sorts of partners as a bad thing - she may be the kind of person who never does settle down with one person.

I totally agree; she's needed different things at different times and I don't see that ending anytime soon.

I'd also add that since Buffy (probably) believes that a happily ever after isn't something that is even possible for her; she never really opens herself up fully to that possibility. I don't know that she'll ever be "fully baked" while believing that a normal life/relationship isn't possible for her.

 

[GoSpuffy]

That was a hard choice for me. I go back and fourth from thinking Buffy knows exactly what she wants to that she has absolutely no frakking idea.

Buffy's always going on about having a "normal" life, which means, I assume, dating a human man. Yet, despite this wish, she keeps dating vamps, so..I dunno. One of Buffy's great conflicts, I think, is her fight between the fact that her life will never be "normal" and accepting that to an extent, but still wishing it could be.

I think Buffy needs her man to be a lot of things - including being loving and trustworthy, but also an equal physically. This is why she's never really content, because a man like that is hard to find.

Thanks for noticing my banner. I love it but all the credit for artistic talent goes to Mr. Pole who made it for me.

 

[BuffMarsters]

I think Buffy wants a normal guy...but that’s not what she needs necessarily. I mean, she’s the chosen one. She’s the slayer. A normal guy would feel impotent and powerless around her. He’ll probably feel like he lives in her shadow. Maybe if Xander and Buffy had happened, their relationship would have been shattered by Xander’s jealousy of her. I imagine he would feel her power and strength was a constant threat to his masculinity.

So having said that, Buffy needs a guy who is comfortable in his own skin. A guy who will look out for her and take care of Her without getting in her way and being overprotective. She needs a guy who will let her do her own thing, while still having her back. And I think Angel and Spike both meet those requirements.

 

[sosa lola]

Maybe if Xander and Buffy had happened, their relationship would have been shattered by Xander’s jealousy of her. I imagine he would feel her power and strength was a constant threat to his masculinity.

I completely disagree. Xander was always turned on by Buffy's strength. He called her his hero and whenever he was in trouble he'd ask himself "What would Buffy do?" or go look for her.

Xander does have his share of flaws and problems but he was never jealous of Buffy's strength.

 

[thrasherpix]

My impression is that Buffy has a lot of abandonment issues. This shows clearly to me in the high school years and never completely goes away (and seems to be the root of her extreme jealousy and insecurity with any boyfriend).

I also get the impression through season 5 that Buffy is also scared of being alone in the romantic sense, probably because she feels it makes her less of a woman (she even touches on this a couple of times in season 5, particularly in I Was Made To Love You), and may tie in to her abandonment issues...that is if she's not with a man then it means no one wants to be with her (this is what she feels at a gut level) and Daddy is never coming back. As is typical of the men and women who carry such baggage, she is drawn (more subconsciously) to those who can't really be with her so that she relives the drama of again and again, only attracted if she senses the fragility of it beneath the passion (I've seen much worse in real life). A woman I used to know who studied psychology (she switched over to Jungian psychology later on and I don't know how much of what she said is Jungian) said there's a name for this but I forget what it is, but it's claimed then when this process if finally worked through then they can finally be free to find the kind of partner s/he wants as opposed to someone to (subconsciously) use to heal some past trauma.

Of course I'm probably reading too much into it. Much more likely, it's simply the old TV cliches and tropes. A woman MUST be the love interest of a man, one that is as important as she is in some sense, and that those guys will be creeps in one sense or another. Seriously, watch plenty of popular romances and the like, and I mean to include movies as The Notebook, not just Twilight and 50 SOG, and then pretend some guy you barely know (make him unremarkable at best in your mind's eye) acts the same way as the love interest audiences sigh over in wistful desire and tell me you wouldn't be slapping a restraining order and complaining how atrocious his behavior is to you if he were to do what the same as the guy in those movies. My "favorite" is where a woman is about to marry some guy she knows really well but leaves for some guy she barely knows because of some dramatic speech or gesture (the notable exception of where I actually do like this trope is Shrek, but then the princess didn't actually know the Prince wanted to marry her for entirely self-serving reasons) and this (and all it implies) is somehow seen as romantic and admirable (though I suspect it's aimed at all the women in unhappy marriages). All in all, Buffy got off light compared to how most heroines and female protagonists get treated in their own stories within pop media.
 
ETA: I don't mean those guys are portrayed as creeps, they're actually portrayed as romantic, however the vast majority of men in real life who act the same way will be called creeps.

It's also worth noting, IMO, that Buffy can't marry Angel or Spike, at least not in any legal sense. Not unless the changes to the world in the comics now give them identification within the system, and also unrealistically gives them the full rights of citizenship with the same rights as everyone else.

 

[Fuffy]

Buffy wants a guy that is hopelessly devoted to her 24/7, this is a big flaw of hers.