You think people get you and they don't, they never will. I always promised myself not to care, to lock up myself behind big walls and an acid tongue. But sommetimes you stop becuase its so hard, it hard to be mean all the time, its hard to have peole think your a bitch and don't care. Its hard to laugh at things that are sick and wrong but you know you have to becuase thats the perosn you've created.
Its hard to smile and laugh with the people who you let in becuase really you don't want to, you don't want to smile,you don't want to be mean, you don't want to be anything anymore. You like the drunk fuzzy-ness of drink becuase it blocks everything, its stops you having to worry about whether you should smile now or be mean or say something nasty or sarcastic. And when you have days were you don't feel anything its good becuase then you can breathe and not have to worry do I feel this or this?. Should I care or not care?.
One day you say to yourself someones going to notice and say Stop, but they don't you've become so good at acting and lying you realise nobody's going to notice.Then you think well that means I have to say something but your scared,scared out of your mind becuase once that acts gone whose left? and what will they think?.
I don't know why i'm writing this, i'm alittle drunk.
oh and i'm shivering.
good times.
LOL.