What is with 'the gay'?

[Edmund Blackadder]

Am I the only one to have noticed that the boards have gotten really quite 'gay' recently?

I don't mean that in the negative, offensive, context that some of your people like to do, but I mean in the level of conversation that seems to come around to a gay agenda.

The actors reactions thread is a prime example.

I'm not goona point anyone but I have to say that some of the comments are borderline and there does seem to be some underlying issue, maybe even a small (very small) amount of homophobia.

One issue I actually have is the issue people have with labels.

The human race has always given itself labels as a means to differentiate itself from others.

It is others that cast negative connotations on labels not the labels themselves.

Does anyone here think that Joss Whedon is a proud American(if he is American)?

Labelling oneself from the country of origin is labelling - what is wrong with being a citizen of the planet Earth?
When you ask him his career, do you think he says he is a writer, a producer or storyteller?

These again are simply labels, tags if you will.

There is nothing wrong with a label so all you people that follow that boat need to get off your high horse and realise its not the labels that put you in a box, its how others treat you as a person because of something that you have no control over, something that is in effect a miracle or birth.

Lets stop the fussin and fightin, lets live and let live and for godsake don't fret over the insignificant stuff.

Now, I'm ordering a big gay pizza (plenty of sausage on it) anyone fancy joining me?

 

[Cohen]

Wow. What came of this sudden outburst? Oh, right. You're Al. Nevermind.

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

Wow. What came of this sudden outburst? Oh, right. You're Al. Nevermind.

As a simple viewer of the boards I am noticing alot of things recently, things I don't like and I don't want this community to rip itself apart.

Anyway Sparky, stay on topic😛

 

[Cohen]

It's so hard for me to stay on topic. And I can't really lend a relevant hand to the conversation because I have been MIA for a while now. So, I'll just sit back and offer sarcastic comments.

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

It's so hard for me to stay on topic. And I can't really lend a relevant hand to the conversation because I have been MIA for a while now. So, I'll just sit back and offer sarcastic comments.

Well you need the practice!

Topic Sparky, stay on it or move along🙂

 

[Bluebird]

I know what you mean, and I notice these things now and then. I don't ever remember who posts but it seems like some people can get too worked up over labels and things that have no actual personal meaning to them. I mean, what does it really matter? Give us some pizza.
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Edmund Blackadder agrees: I got the Sausage Deluxe - Double Pepperoni, Salami and Chorizo with extra cheese - fancy a slice?

Sounds yummy, I'll have a slice. 😀

 

[Washburne]

I´ve always seen these boards as a bit gay. But in the best way possible. But about the labels and people seeing/using it as a bad thing it´s noticable from time to time. It might have gotten worse lately, I trust you on that. The really sad part is that other boards I´m on (just the two) are so much worse that I don´t react as much as I should. I´m too used to it being that way. :blush: But of course I don´t want it here.

Pizza? Yes please but no sausage on mine. I take my sausage other ways thank you very much. :tongue:

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

I´ve always seen these boards as a bit gay. But in the best way possible. But about the labels and people seeing/using it as a bad thing it´s noticable from time to time. It might have gotten worse lately, I trust you on that. The really sad part is that other boards I´m on (just the two) are so much worse that I don´t react as much as I should. I´m too used to it being that way. :blush: But of course I don´t want it here.

Well as the show has a gay character it is expected.
It should also be expected that because a number of us are gay/bisexual/lesbian/Kinslayer/other that it would be discussed, however my fear is that alot of the comments we are seeing could be seen as harsh, confrontational and somewhat mean and the fact that we open up the boards to youngsters who are only just beginning to accept certain things about themselves, I am worried this could have a negative effect on them, maybe even make them not wanna come back and visit.

I want everyone here to embrace each other for who they are, and for the most we do, but I am getting a whiff of late that I really don't care to smell much longer, so hope someone brings a fan to blow...I'm gonna stop down this road!

Pizza? Yes please but no sausage on mine. I take my sausage other ways thank you very much. :tongue:

Are you making a suggestion of sausage in a sexual context on this thread?

 

[Cohen]

I want everyone here to embrace each other for who they are, and for the most we do, but I am getting a whiff of late that I really don't care to smell much longer, so hope someone brings a fan to blow...I'm gonna stop down this road

And I almost had a sarcastic comment.. about the embracing. Then I realized your point, so I say "here, here!"

 

[Kali]

Well, maybe a bit.... I know what you mean though. I mean does it REALLY matter if Buffy is or isn't gay because of her relationship with Satsuma in the grand scheme of things? 😉

The cultural connotations and the motivation behind the labelling are the issue. If someone self identifies as gay, they are using it as a declaration to do some form of cultural work. To solidify an identity in a positive way, to find solidarity with others, to belong, to make a choice (even if they then later decide they aren't, or flit between any number of positions, as an acquaintance of mine does, no pun intended).

If someone labels you gay, they are doing it because they want to pigeonhole you, for whatever reason. Probably to position you a nice little tidy category that doesn't challenge their perception of the order of things too much, either so you can fit with their stereotypes (in a positive affirmation way) or treated as an 'other' and seen as different.

Also, it depends on the context. Different subcultures and groups have different interpretations of sexuality, and on an international board, I suppose that may cause more debate.

Personally, I don't care if I self identify as a banana, but someone CALLING me a banana just to make me fit a stereotype? Well that's a whole different issue.

And this from a woman with a gay second husband. 😀

 

[Blondie Bear]

The labeling and stereotyping goes both ways, too.

If you're not entirely comfortable with homosexuality, or were raised to believe it's wrong, or (God forbid) just assume that everyone's straight until told otherwise (a psychological thing that I'm not going to go into unless people are REALLY curious about it), that makes you a homophobe.

Calling someone a homophobe tells them that it's not okay to have a different opinion from the gay community. That it's not okay to be of a religion that dislikes homosexuality. A bit hypocritical, in my opinion, since gay people also don't want to be told that their opinions and inclinations are NOT OKAY.

There is no black or white with this issue for people--either you embrace every facet of homosexuality, or you're a homophobe. You can't be a person with a few reservations about the whole issue (unless you're willing to be talked over to the gay side of seeing things).

All sounds a bit familiar, doesn't it? I don't see why we can't all just admit that we are human beings; we have prejudices; stereotyping is one of those things that our brains do but as long as we're trying to see more than the stereotype, we're okay; and move on with our lives.

/rant

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

If someone labels you gay, they are doing it because they want to pigeonhole you, for whatever reason. Probably to position you a nice little tidy category that doesn't challenge their perception of the order of things too much, either so you can fit with their stereotypes (in a positive affirmation way) or treated as an 'other' and seen as different.

Also, it depends on the context. Different subcultures and groups have different interpretations of sexuality, and on an international board, I suppose that may cause more debate.

Personally, I don't care if I self identify as a banana, but someone CALLING me a banana just to make me fit a stereotype? Well that's a whole different issue.

And this from a woman with a gay second husband. 😀

I agree and disagree.

When someone labels someone else, often its not to pigeonhole them or put them in a nice little box, it is because they don't understand completely so they break it down to a way they can understand.

This isn't a bad thing, this just means the person who has been labeled needs to tell them why they are wrong in a manner they can understand.
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The labeling and stereotyping goes both ways, too.

If you're not entirely comfortable with homosexuality, or were raised to believe it's wrong, or (God forbid) just assume that everyone's straight until told otherwise (a psychological thing that I'm not going to go into unless people are REALLY curious about it), that makes you a homophobe.

Calling someone a homophobe tells them that it's not okay to have a different opinion from the gay community. That it's not okay to be of a religion that dislikes homosexuality. A bit hypocritical, in my opinion, since gay people also don't want to be told that their opinions and inclinations are NOT OKAY.

There is no black or white with this issue for people--either you embrace every facet of homosexuality, or you're a homophobe. You can't be a person with a few reservations about the whole issue (unless you're willing to be talked over to the gay side of seeing things).

All sounds a bit familiar, doesn't it? I don't see why we can't all just admit that we are human beings; we have prejudices; stereotyping is one of those things that our brains do but as long as we're trying to see more than the stereotype, we're okay; and move on with our lives.

/rant

This is why I am trying to forward a different term.

Homophobia, if you truly are homophobic, isn't something that is necessarily bad. I have friends that are 'homophobic' to an extent but have no hate towards me.

I believe a better term is homosexist.
This, in my opinion, is a better way to differentiate and thus a better 'label' for people who choose to 'hate'.

 

[Blondie Bear]

^ I agree that if there must be labels (which we can't get away from by virtue of having higher brain functions), they should be accurate. Homophobic indicates "fear of." However, it's being used to mean "hate for." Fear and hate are not the same thing (though they do often go together).

Homosexist would indicate discrimination against persons who are homosexual. That makes more sense. You can dislike someone and treat them exactly the same way you treat anyone else. It's entirely possible to do so. As Mr. Bear is fond of telling his employees, you're allowed to think whatever you want; what you need to be careful of is the way you express what you're thinking.
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Also, homosexist would be more against the person's behavior and less against who they are, which is always a better way to do things. Attacking who someone is is a bad idea. Telling them they're not behaving well is less of a bad idea.
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Edmund Blackadder agrees: Does that mean I have a 'yay' vote in my new struggle to change terminology?

You do. I'll even start using it over here and see how it catches on.

 

[Joan the Vampire Slayer]

Lets stop the fussin and fightin, lets live and let live and for godsake don't fret over the insignificant stuff.

Now, I'm ordering a big gay pizza (plenty of sausage on it) anyone fancy joining me?

I completely agree. Hand me a slice, if you will? 😉

 

[Kali]

I believe a better term is homosexist.
This, in my opinion, is a better way to differentiate and thus a better 'label' for people who choose to 'hate'.

No good.

The defenition of a heterosexist is a heterosexual who hates non-heterosexuals and believes heterosexuality is superior to other sexual orientations.

By your justification, a homosexist would be a homosexual who hates non-homosexuals and believes homosexuality is superior to other sexual orientations. Which may or may not be their opinion, but it's hardly forwarding the cause of a rainbow society and LGBT's everywhere is it? It would almost certainly not be a term used by heterosexuals.

Homonegativity has been suggested, which suggests not fear of homosexuals, but negativity towards the choice and behaviour of homosexuals. Perhaps without the suggestion of an irrational fear based prejudice (as is implicit in homophobia) instead using a term which is motivated by a disapproval of behaviours would leave more room for those affected by the prejudices to, as you said, 'tell them why they are wrong in a manner they can understand.'

 

[Faith]

I'm not goona point anyone but I have to say that some of the comments are borderline and there does seem to be some underlying issue, maybe even a small (very small) amount of homophobia.

If you come across this again or want us to take a look at any posts you have seen recently please send me a link. Whether it be homophobia, racism or sexism it has no place on this board.

While i'm also here - any more connotations please remember time and a place and keep it clean!

 

[Cohen]

Yes, because we wouldn't want our dirty words dirty. 🙂

 

[nerd4hire]

At this point in the conversation I'm officially confused. Are we against labels, or looking for better labels?

 

[Kali]

Personally, I'm against them, because labels aren't neutral - they come pre-loaded.

And I am certainly against ones that are more confusing than those they replace.

But some people like to attach them. I just want people to be happy, whatever choices they make. Live and let live, I say 😉

 

[Washburne]

I´m a bad, bad, bad person. 🙁

I just had a chat with a friend that had been out having fun. And she´d got a crush on the singer in the band so I asked "What does he look like?" Yeah, that´s clever... I knew it could be a guy or a girl but still that question just came automatically. Let the bashing begin. It´s not like I want it to be that way.