I have three best girl friends: Stephanie, Daria and Lauren. Lauren is currently dating a guy named Juan. They've been dating for more than half a year. He comes from a broken home where his father mentally abuses him by calling him names and making him feel bad. Now, Juan is beginning to show the same form of disrespect to Lauren. He plays cruel jokes and says extremely rude things to her that makes her feel upset. How would you feel if the person you loved told you, "I hope you get raped and die." Lauren is always pissed off or angry because obviously it hurts her to have someone she loves tell her that. He puts hours upon hours into plans to make her cry, and she does cry. From what I've seen while they're together, it seems like he's very controling of her and it always seems like he's hurting her in some way. He just passes it off as play fighting and so does she so I don't know how to think about that.
Today, he started bad mouthing her to her face and she was really upset about it. My friend Sarah and I started talking to her about it. We said things like "someone who loves you wouldn't take joy in seeing you upset." She doesn't seem to want to accept that he's not a good guy and that she's wasted half a year with a guy who likes to make her upset. She says that, since his father abused him, it was passed on to him and he's doing it to her. We had a confrentation in the locker room where he accused me of trying to break them up. I said that "I only tell her what I see and all I see is a worthless pile of **** who likes to see her upset." We started fighting verbally and I ended with "the thing is, no one gives a crap about you, but we do care about her."
Lauren thinks it's ok for him to treat her like she does. He's her first real boyfriend so I don't know if she really knows how a relationship works; although anyone with a brain would know that someone who takes pleasure in seeing you upset doesn't love you! She thinks it's ok and that it's not his fault that he is the way he is.
I feel that it's not right to treat her the way he does. Any real man, like me, would know that you have to treat a lady with respect and apologize honestly when you make a mistake.
If you were in my friends situation, how would you deal with it?
PS: this year was so out of control my "social worker senses" are shot. it's up to you to decide her fate! lol.
Today, he started bad mouthing her to her face and she was really upset about it. My friend Sarah and I started talking to her about it. We said things like "someone who loves you wouldn't take joy in seeing you upset." She doesn't seem to want to accept that he's not a good guy and that she's wasted half a year with a guy who likes to make her upset. She says that, since his father abused him, it was passed on to him and he's doing it to her. We had a confrentation in the locker room where he accused me of trying to break them up. I said that "I only tell her what I see and all I see is a worthless pile of **** who likes to see her upset." We started fighting verbally and I ended with "the thing is, no one gives a crap about you, but we do care about her."
Lauren thinks it's ok for him to treat her like she does. He's her first real boyfriend so I don't know if she really knows how a relationship works; although anyone with a brain would know that someone who takes pleasure in seeing you upset doesn't love you! She thinks it's ok and that it's not his fault that he is the way he is.
I feel that it's not right to treat her the way he does. Any real man, like me, would know that you have to treat a lady with respect and apologize honestly when you make a mistake.
If you were in my friends situation, how would you deal with it?
PS: this year was so out of control my "social worker senses" are shot. it's up to you to decide her fate! lol.
