Ok, i'm gonna ramble on here for a while, because I need some where to write down my thoughts. Sorry about the boredom. 🙂
Was at church tonight, been six year's since my mum passed away. I'm not religious anymore, have little or no faith. Haven't prayed in a long time. Just go to keep the Daddio happy. Was sitting down, watching an old woman in front of me. In her late 70's I would say. She struggled to kneel, and stand when the time's came to do so. But she did. She had a walking stick, and there were times when it seemed like she might stumble when she stood, but she kept standing. I could hear her whispering prayers, through out the entire mass, even when she wasn't being asked to reply. It was a strange experience for me, I thought of a woman of her years and all she has seen. She was there alone, so I could only imagine how many people she's lost. And i felt a huge awe and respect for someone who has such faith, and hope, for someone she can't know exists. And for the first time in year's I prayed. " God i hope you are there, you have to be, don't let this woman down." I caught myself then, and was shocked that I had prayed, I then found myself saying things that I have put off for a long time. It was freeing, and confusing. I am not sure if I believe, but I hope there is something more.