Where the teeth of madness jump, jump, dance and sing...

[Rayne]

So I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder 5 years ago and I just had a new evaluation today due to the fact that I moved and now have a new doctor. He explained that I am Borderline but ALSO Bipolar. I suffer from rapid cycling as well. So, I'm a little frustrated. I've dealt with mental illness my my whole life. I guessed the diagnosis before it was given but it's still hard to hear confirmed. It runs in the family in many forms but I guess I'm the queen at the Mad Hatters ball.

So I'm wondering if anyone else has any experience with this. I need to not feel so alone right now. Bond with me people. It's fun. We'll roast marsh mellows and throw some issues on the fire.

Hello? Don't run. I won't attack. I'm heavily sedated...really...

:Bolt:

 

[Tueuse de Vampires]

As far as I know I don't have any mental illnesses. Then again, I've never actually BEEN to a psychiatrist, so, you never know. Some people say I'm weird.

 

[JenniferAlice]

Oh wow, I think we're quite similar. What happens now for you? Treatment? Therapy? I think you're brave for standing up and saying something, some people in this world find mental illness unappraochable, hard to understand.

I'm a manic depressive or bipolar, it's just a label though, really I'm just me, another human. It's a tough illness, the highs send you flying, and the lows can be scary, it's hard to explain, and it must be different for everyone.

How are you feeling about it all?
I like your banner.
:grouphug:

 

[Rayne]

Well I pray for your sake that you never do. I'm terrified because a lot of this could be hereditary and I have two kids. I love them so much and I can't imagine watching either of them go through the hell I have let alone knowing it's my fault. I'll know what to look for but it doesn't change the fact that they'll have to deal with it. Suffer. And alcoholism as well. It runs in the family and makes the illnesses more difficult to treat. I'm too worried I know but there are only so many ways you can feel like you've failed the ones you love. I don't want to do this to them.

Wow...this is WAY too heavy for my first thread...should have posted about the mysterious preserving properties of the twinky...

Spoons...kudos to you. Thank you. I'm actually just doing the meds and I'll be seeing a therapist again. I feel crazed about it...see above...

 

[November]

I am a little hesitant to post in this thread with some of the attitudes I have come into contact with lately but since the majority of people seem understanding I will write a little about my experiences.
I have Bi-Polar 2. This means I have few manic episodes but mostly depression. I haven't been full on manic for a couple of years now, had a few hypo-manic episodes but nothing too drastic. I was diagnosed about 5 years ago, it took them a long time to get a correct diagnosis as they had to observe both the depressive and manic episodes, I was in and out of hospital constantly but I have stayed out of hospital for the past 2 years as things seemed to have settled. I've been on all sorts of medications, had all sorts of tests, done all sorts of therapy and was supposed to have ECT before I did some of my own research on it and pulled out, thanks god I did, I'm forgetful enough without that! I also have a few other issues that go hand in hand with bipolar like severe anxiety and self harming. I felt well enough at the start of the year to go off meds (that and I couldn't be bothered filling my scripts so I just stopped taking them, without the doctors knowing (sw)) and I was ok for a little while, but now Im not, I dont recommend doing that unless you have close medical supervision!
I haven't had any full blown manic episodes this year thankfully! I find them far more scary then the depression cos everything moves so fast and you have no control. Many a time I have hurt myself by spur of the moment decisions. One time I had just booked a $2000 and while i was walking down the street, tickets in hand, I thought screw it, whats the point and jumped infront of a car. That is only one example for people to see how quickly your thoughts move. I feel for you and others that have rapid cycle bipolar and go thru this day after day!
Feel free to PM me if you want, its been a while since I was in the situation of things just starting out. Its scary and hard to comprehend. I recommend that if you are able to - research all you can about the meds you are on and know how they interact, see what kind of therapies help others with the same conditions. For me horses have been a very good mood stabilizer!

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

If you need to 'not feel alone' right now, then are you sure this is the correct place?

The internet forum can be the loneliest place when one is in a depressed mood as you can realise certain things.

On the actual subject of mental illness though, I have had some contact with it through charity work (weren't we just discussing this in another thread about a week or so ago?) and some of the information is mightily scary.

I do not know you at all Rayne, can't say I even recall posts you have made, so I won't comment on who you are, just keep up with the medication and if you need something to cheer you up - message me. I have some fantastic threads in my history that are very funny and sure to give you a lift. I have been known to be a reet bar-steward.

 

[Queen Mum]

As far as I know I don't have any mental illnesses. Then again, I've never actually BEEN to a psychiatrist, so, you never know. Some people say I'm weird.

Now I would never say that you are weird. 😉 You are just a little bit more clumsy with regard to our safety and health regulations in the kitchen. Beyond that, who am I to judge your mental capability, as I always believe myself being on the edge of total whakookiness.

 

[itsxpaperdoll]

Quite ironically I'd say, I'm going to force our beloved Queen Mum to watch Stephen Fry's "The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive" tomorrow. (The ironic thing was that I wanted to do that before I knew about this thread) I'm not at all trying to say that I know what you're going through, and have been going through, but for all those people out there who are wondering about it, whether bipolar disorder is just something people invented to gloss over their childrens behaviour (some people say that, just like with ADD and things like that), what it means etc, but don't really know anyone to ask about, or for people who just want to see the most beautiful piece of documentary making of this century, I'd really recommend it. And maybe also for the people who suffer from it, since it is always nice to know that you're not the only one, I guess. That, and it's Stephen Fry ^^. The documentary is available in its entirety on youtube, first part to be found here.

My mum used to suffer from some mild form of manic depression, I don't know exactly to what extent because I was really young. She has it completely under control now, it was really not as bad as you guys have it, and as far as I know, she's only had two periods of mania, and three or so of really bad depression, but I guess everyone's still a little bit afraid that it might come back.
Also, I'd like to say that appearantly, I'm a very decent agony aunt, since I can say a lot, but when needed talk very litlle, so if anyone feels the need to just let off some steam, or say random words to a person you're probably never ever going to meet, just pm me. I know a depression isn't just feeling generally gloomy, but a bit of venting's always nice, I'd say. 🙂
I wish you all so much luck, and the fact that you can talk about it, even if it's under the rather protective anonimty of BB, just shows how strong you are.



edit: does this post sound condescending? I just reread it and I thought it bloody did. But I wanted to say it anyway ^^

 

[Rayne]

Aussie, I thank you so much for sharing that with us. It isn't easy at all. And I appreciate it. I didn't start this with the sole purpose of connecting with others but also in hopes of informing others that may be afflicted and not realize what's happening to them or as support/education for those with a loved one affected. I have type 2 as well. With mixed episodes and rapid cycling. I've suspected it from day one, that both illnesses were present, but I was so upset dealing with the one that I just didn't push the issue. Both were treated with the same meds so I let it go. Been suffering since I was five with severe OCD. It just got worse over the years. Manifested itself differently. I decided to face it now because my symptoms have gotten way out of control again. But this time it's not just suicide attempts and trips to the hospital in cuffs and restraints screaming for hours like a crazy banshee. It's now manifested in other ways. Worse ones. The self destructive behavior has taken a new turn and I knew it was time to face it. ALL of it. When I lost it after my son was born I realized that I may not have ever felt worth the fight but the kids were. So I'm fighting. For them. I'm back on the wagon. Well, at least running after it really fast screaming "Hey guys! Wait up!"

EB, Yes, it can be. But I'm reaching out...and there isn't much more to realize. I've done plenty of that. My eyes are open. But I would love to read your funny threads. What charity work have you done? I would love to help through my photography in raising money and awareness for this, Child Abuse Awareness, St. Jude and Breast Cancer.

itsxpaperdoll, You're such a sweetheart for offering that. Not condescending at all. ; )

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

EB, Yes, it can be. But I'm reaching out...and there isn't much more to realize. I've done plenty of that. My eyes are open. But I would love to read your funny threads. What charity work have you done? I would love to help through my photography in raising money and awareness for this, Child Abuse Awareness, St. Jude and Breast Cancer.

I will email them to you later{: o)

Its fine that you are reaching out, just wanted to make sure that you knew about the dangers of the internet.
When you feel at your worst the last thing you want is to think 'I will speak to my internet friends' then come online and be hit by a realisation that you don't truly know anyone.
This isn't meant to suggest you can't be friends with anyone online more a warning that when you are depressed you question anything and everything (this is for everyone else NOT you Rayne before I am flamed by 20 people telling me they have great friends online).

I have worked for Mind, Scope, Oxfam, Rethink and Sane amongst others. These are UK Charities.

If you wish to be involved in Charity work, your best bet is to contact a charity and see what you can do for them. If you want to do something in a Charities name you do need permission just so everything is legitimised.

 

[Rayne]

I gotcha. I don't think anyone will attack you for that. You have a very valid point. VERY valid.

Yeah, I know about the legit thing. I'm working on making money to pay rent next month but as soon as our business or other job prospects work out and I can afford to put that time in I want to do calendars and PSA's and pamphlets with some of these charities. If they okay it. But most will. Just graduated from film school and we had to work with charities doing PSA's. They're pretty open as long as you don't offend. Represent them poorly. I'd work out the legalities with them.

What did you do with these charities? How did you help?

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

I gotcha. I don't think anyone will attack you for that. You have a very valid point. VERY valid.

Yeah, I know about the legit thing. I'm working on making money to pay rent next month but as soon as our business or other job prospects work out and I can afford to put that time in I want to do calendars and PSA's and pamphlets with some of these charities. If they okay it. But most will. Just graduated from film school and we had to work with charities doing PSA's. They're pretty open as long as you don't offend. Represent them poorly. I'd work out the legalities with them.

What did you do with these charities? How did you help?

OH, I know. The Internet can dangerous in other ways too, it is very addictive - I have personally felt that addiction but luckily I no longer do...he says at 5:44am on a school night!!!!

Yeah, most charities do like the help but they also have to cover their backs. Same with anything really, but if you are intune with what they want it will be fine.

Last year I sold my soul for three months and when I came home I was asked to work with some charities.

This moved on to me doing fundraising for them in all forms as well as helping to write press releases and helping people contact those who can help.

 

[Nix]

I am bipolar rapid cycling with mixed states (with previous ptsd). I am on meds now (since feb). my highs and lows can swing daily (bipolar mixed states) but generally swing weekly/monthly.
I have delt with it since i had my first depression at 13. Anyone here ever needs to talk i am here.

there is also this thread ..

Click here
Which might interest you sweetie 🙂

and i back up the Stephen Fry YouTube Doc as it is brilliant 🙂

:thought:

 

[Blondie Bear]

My mother is in therapy for "PTSD"; however, as she has been for going on twelve years now, I highly doubt that is her problem. In fact, my husband's undergrad was Psychology, and he's diagnosed her with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). He should know; his mother has been officially diagnosed with BPD, and she's MUCH worse than my mom. It's hard enough living with a person who has BPD; I can't imagine HAVING BPD. There's no logical advice that can be given because behavior is no longer logical (at least as "normal" people understand logical).

I know BPD isn't something you can recover from, but I wish you luck with the self-control and such to make life easier, Rayne. *hug*

 

[Chase Summers]

My thoughts and love are with everybody! This can be a rough time of year for everybody.

 

[Mesektet Ra]

I'm a depressive with a severe anxiety disorder.

I get it, I really do.

 

[Rayne]

NIX...wow, I had no idea. See, I ignored my issues for so long that I really wonder how long I've been afflicted. Wish I'd have gotten help then. Might have saved me boat loads of trouble now. And my marriage...thank you for the links. I'm going to check them out now. 😉

Blondie Bear, I think as hard as it is HAVING the illness that living with someone affected can be just as difficult if not more. I feel for you. They tell me you can recover from BPD with the right therepy. DBT, CBT...others. Teaching you to change the way you react to things and the way they effect you. Finding your triggers and stopping them before they set you off...

thephoenix, THANK YOU BABE!

Mesektet Ra, Sounds like it. Watch those anxiety levels cuz that level of stress will destroy your body...that's wht I'm going through right now. Why I went off everything trying to find the cause. Wrong move that was...