Who had the worst childhood?

[Monkey Pants]

A lot of people in the Buffyverse had bad childhoods, but who do you think had the worst?
We don't know the specific details on anyone, but my guess would be:
1) Faith had the worst. Raised by an alcoholic, abusive (now dead) mother, with various people taking advantage of her in a lot of ways. It's pretty much up to the imagination how bad things got.
2) Tara, following closely and a strong contender for number one. The men in her family were obviously ignorant and repressive. At least she had her mother, who seemed supportive, for most of it.
3) Xander. Again, alcoholic and possibly abusive. Clearly there was a lot of chaos in this household. At least they showed up for his wedding...?
4) Willow. Raised by highly intellectual types who didn't really pay attention to her.
5) Wesley, pretty much the same.
6) Gunn, living mostly on the streets at a young age. I don't remember if we heard about his parents.

 

[Anyanka Bunny Slayer]

Kendra, who was raised only to be a Slayer...but she never learned how to socialize. Isolated, and the only thing she knew was how to kill. Also taught to be submissive to men.

Lornie Tunes...simply did not fit in amongst his kind in Pylea. And that mother!! God.

There's also something about Oz that reminds me of a lonely child. So I'm guessing he had no siblings, and was probably ignored by his parents (like Willow).

Jonathan. Like Kendra, he also had problems socializing...and was very inward, indicative of (perhaps) emotional abuse. Whether or not his parents had money, he was a damaged boy. Sad childhood, more than likely.

Tara and cousin Beth. They were like those girls trapped in a forced polygamist marriage. Male dominated, taught to obey without question; these girls quite definitely suffered from Stockholm Syndrome.

Principal Snyder. Need I say more?

 

[brinkster130]

I'd say Faith had the worst upbringing. If not her then Gunn followed by Wesley and/or Tara would be my next guesses.

In my opinion, Willow and Xander's upbringing doesn't really compare. It certainly wasn't perfect and they had their hardships, but they never seemed to have the serious issues that the others had.

But who knows, abuse and pain is often silent.

 

[Ethan Reigns]

I agree with much of the above with the following few additions:

There is a case to be made for saying Dawn had the worst childhood - she started cutting because she didn't think she existed.

Ben tried to live his life but got saddled with Glorificus.

Robin Wood had a short childhood with his mother getting killed.

Amy Madison suffered through her mother changing places with her.

Sineya got her childhood stolen from her to become the first slayer.

Veruca and Oz had their normalcy altered during the full moon and the surrounding days (and we are at the first of these days now - check the moon outside).

Kathy Newman (Buffy's first roommate) got sent back to an unpleasant dimension from her childhood.

Chanterelle seemed to be completely adrift with no guiding hand.

 

[Carrie Hopewell]

Nice thread! I think I would put Willow last and as for the rest, I can't really say. All the reasons you just stated are so bad I can't decide on who had the worse childhood. I've been raised by neglectful parents - my dad was an alcoholic up until is was 9 or so and my mom is an incredibly complicated person - all of this to say that I get people who've it bad from the start. I don't think we know enough to say which one is worse, and even if on paper Faith seems to be a likely candidate, that doesn't mean that Gunn living on the streets from an early age isn't equally bad. At best, we can discuss which character coped with it better and it's still not an easy answer. Also, I know that Faith seems to have more emotional problems than, for example, Xander but, again, that doesn't mean she's had it worse growing up. It might just mean that Xander, as a person, was able to recover better. I don't think Faith has a lot of emotional maturity and she makes some extremely dumb decisions that can't just be boiled down to a difficult childhood. I think, in the end, that all of these characters have tons of issues and it's just kind of impossible to compare human suffering like that.

 

[GwenRaiden]

Gwen Raiden. 🙁

 

[November]

Im gona go with Connor having the worst childhood.

 

[Mr Trick]

Hard to say as they were all so different and in some cases we don't know the full details, such as with Faith. Its all about prospective too. If you don't know any different and just learn to live with it and adapt to the world then maybe it wasn't such a bad childhood or at least its just different than others. I'd say Cordy had just as bad a childhood as Xander but just different too. I'd say Xander actually reacted pretty well to his difficult up bringing. Sometimes such a childhood can prepare you better for the real world.

 

[sosa lola]

I think most of these characters were affected by their childhoods. For example, Xander's anger issues and how he can't argue without yelling and making snide remarks - that's what he took from his home. Xander's inability to marry Anya after living through visions that were taken from his childhood. Everybody expected him to get over it in fifteen minutes, but how can a 21 year old who lived 19 years of his life in that toxic environment get over something like that in a matter of minutes?

I have to agree that Connor wins this contest. What he went through was just awful.

I'd say Cordy had just as bad a childhood as Xander but just different too.

I disagree. I don't think Cordelia had a bad childhood. She was given whatever she wanted and lived very comfortably all and all. Until her father lost his money, but by then she was already 18.

Also, Cordelia never showed any signs of being affected by her childhood. Xander's whole personality is shaped by what happens in his home, he was the only one in Restless to be killed by his father, not to mention his whole dream in Restless was about his childhood and how scared he was of repeating his parents' mistakes. Then there's Hell's Bells.

 

[Mr Trick]

What I was suggesting is that sometimes when you have a pempered up bringing then you live in a bubble and lose a sense of reality. And because that sort of middle class up bringing has its own expectations then that can bring its own pressures. Whereas a childhood like Faith's or Xander's can actaully make a person stronger or at least give them a sense of reality, and face up to the fact that tey can only really trust themselves. I'd say Xander is much more at ease with his social circle than Cordelia is.

 

[bespangeled]

Connor is definitely the worst.

After that - going by how it effected the person - Wesley would be next. His personality was completely subsumed, and I don't think he ever recovered. He was terrorized into nonexistance, and even that was never enough for his father. Given the new studies on how the brain is effected by abuse, he really does have all the symptoms of an altered brain physiology.

Faith would be next - she kept most of her personlity, but she was an adrenalin junky who wanted the rush - in large part probably because being alone meant thinking about her life, and that could lead to things she didn't want to feel. She needed constant stimulation. She also fought back and survived - that part was intact. I wonder if her watcher was the one who gave her a lifeline.

Tara had an abusive famly dynamic - but I think her mother helped her to survive. Xander had an alcoholic parent, and a lot of noisy fighting - but I think Willow was his lifeline, and time spent with her family. Having an understanding adult in your life can really make significant differences in key areas of brain development and socially. I'd say Xander had it worse because he was a boy, and there was no way Willow could teach him how to be successful as a boy.

Gunn went through a lot of trauma, but its hard to say when it began. He doesn't seem like an abuse survivor, more like someone living in a horrific reality as a young adult. I like what Ethan had to say about some of the less prominent characters.

 

[Priceless]

Connor definitely. Followed by Faith and Gunn, although Gunn handled it better, I think that was because he had to stay strong for his sister.

 

[Sternbeeere]

Giles would be also this list, even if there are others before him. He was sent to the watchers academy without wanting that and had to give up everything dear to him forever. We see in the comics how much that meant to him.
 

What I was suggesting is that sometimes when you have a pempered up bringing then you live in a bubble and lose a sense of reality.

Well then Spike would be on that list too, he was spoiled by his mother and then was raised in a manner that he could not handle his social circle.
This furthermore raises the question as to what to count worse or bad ? Physical abuse, mental abuse, too much spoiled ? Should only parents be included or also for example the peer group ? Because depending on those definitions you might get very different lists. For example if it is only for abuse and parental care than it is 1.Gunn, 2.Gwen, 3.Faith, 4. Xander, and to a certain point 5. Tara. If it is everything included than every second character in the Buffyverse had issues including Angel, Giles, Spike, Ben, Jonathan, Andrew etc.

 

[Klaus Kartoffel]

1. Connor - Growing up in a hell dimension and getting raised by a lunatic is hard to top.
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2. Faith - emotional, mental and physical abuse is partly proven by her father in A&F S09 and likely by her remarks and personality.
3. Tara - getting indoctrinated to be an evil demon during childhood is sick and disgusting.
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4. Gunn - growing up on the streets and fighting vampires is a pretty tough childhood.
5. Xander - mental child maltreatment in form of verbal assault and rejection.
6. Willow - never underestimate the effects of emotional neglect, disregard and constant breach of obligatory supervision.
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I can't decide the order of the rest:

Angel/Liam is similar to Xander but if I remember right, he had a loving mother and he wasn't an only child.
Spike/William: is to pamper equal to abuse? 😀 Since his father was nowhere around, I presume that he was either dead or had bailed which surely left marks on William's psyche.
Wesley was likewise abused in a similar manner like Willow and Xander. But as far as I know, it was only his father.
Giles' childhood was basically robbed by his destiny. However, his father, granny and aunties struck me as loving and caring in A&F S09.
Cordelia - my impression was that she was an only child and got everything she wanted which is not always an advantage.
Oz - had he parents at all? 😀

Special case Dawn - if we only take the years where she is actually real, as in S05/06/07, her childhood is really crappy and can be classified somewhere between Gunn, Xander & Willow. But since everyone insists that the memories of her are valuable, her childhood was overall pretty good.
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I think Fred and Riley had it best, followed by Buffy and Dawn.

 

[Mr Trick]

1. Connor - Growing up in a hell dimension and getting raised by a lunatic is hard to top.
...
2. Faith - emotional, mental and physical abuse is partly proven by her father in A&F S09 and likely by her remarks and personality.
3. Tara - getting indoctrinated to be an evil demon during childhood is sick and disgusting.
...
4. Gunn - growing up on the streets and fighting vampires is a pretty tough childhood.
5. Xander - mental child maltreatment in form of verbal assault and rejection.
6. Willow - never underestimate the effects of emotional neglect, disregard and constant breach of obligatory supervision.
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I can't decide the order of the rest:

Angel/Liam is similar to Xander but if I remember right, he had a loving mother and he wasn't an only child.
Spike/William: is to pamper equal to abuse? 😀 Since his father was nowhere around, I presume that he was either dead or had bailed which surely left marks on William's psyche.
Wesley was likewise abused in a similar manner like Willow and Xander. But as far as I know, it was only his father.
Giles' childhood was basically robbed by his destiny. However, his father, granny and aunties struck me as loving and caring in A&F S09.
Cordelia - my impression was that she was an only child and got everything she wanted which is not always an advantage.
Oz - had he parents at all? 😀

Special case Dawn - if we only take the years where she is actually real, as in S05/06/07, her childhood is really crappy and can be classified somewhere between Gunn, Xander & Willow. But since everyone insists that the memories of her are valuable, her childhood was overall pretty good.
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I think Fred and Riley had it best, followed by Buffy and Dawn.

Fair enough I guess. The only thing I'd say about Riley's up bringing is that one of my issues with the character is his old fashioned and backwards gender politics, in general I'd say he has a very narrow view point on the world and how to deal with problems. Some of that must have come from his up bringing. Or then again it could just be bad writing😉

With Buffy based on what we see on the show say Joyce improves around about mid-season 3. Up to that point she had been a pretty awful mother and don't even get me started on Hank😉

 

[Bluebird]

I would say Connor or Gunn, for the obvious reasons. Although Connor says that he doesn't remember being lost (heartbreaking 🙁), he knows no different, whereas Gunn grew up knowing how worse off he was in comparison to other residents of LA.

 

[Klaus Kartoffel]

With Buffy based on what we see on the show say Joyce improves around about mid-season 3. Up to that point she had been a pretty awful mother and don't even get me started on Hank😉

I was rather focusing on her childhood as in prior to her calling. In S01, Hank is shown as a loving father and it is shown that he and Joyce started fighting when Buffy was already called. Regarding this, Buffy had it a bit better than Dawn because she's older.

However, there's much "IMO" and head-canon in my post. For instance, it's never told that Willow's mother was that flouting and negligent during her whole childhood like "Gingerbread" indicates. But it fits nicely to Willow's personality and character flaws (low self-esteem, craving for approval etc.) so I just assume it until canon proves otherwise. 🙂

 

[sosa lola]

Oz - had he parents at all? 😀

I think he had good parents. His aunt knew that her child was a werewolf, perhaps they knew that their son was a werewolf judging by his phone call to his aunt.

 

[Sternbeeere]

I was rather focusing on her childhood as in prior to her calling. In S01, Hank is shown as a loving father and it is shown that he and Joyce started fighting when Buffy was already called. Regarding this, Buffy had it a bit better than Dawn because she's older.

However, there's much "IMO" and head-canon in my post. For instance, it's never told that Willow's mother was that flouting and negligent during her whole childhood like "Gingerbread" indicates. But it fits nicely to Willow's personality and character flaws (low self-esteem, craving for approval etc.) so I just assume it until canon proves otherwise. 🙂

I have been spoiled/overprotected in childhood, but bullied in school, not even much, just nobody wanted to be friends with me and i was called stupid names and nobody wanted to sit with me etc., because I did not really fit in. I have the same issues Willow had and some of Spikes and I am immature 😉. Not everything is casually linked to parental behaviour. There are other factors like peers reaction, teachers reaction, success in school that determine a person childhood. That is why I included Spike in, as he had troubles socializing and was despised by others. That is also why I think Cordelia should not be on this list, since she had peers and even she had troubles leaving one circle and joining an other, she overall is relatively self confident and can stand her ground.
I agree that Dawns childhood was worse than Buffys not only because she lost her mom and was the key, but also she was in Buffys shadow, and also was a nerd in highschool, that means also trouble socializing.

 

[Klaus Kartoffel]

I have been spoiled/overprotected in childhood, but bullied in school, not even much, just nobody wanted to be friends with me and i was called stupid names and nobody wanted to sit with , because I did not really fit in. I have the same issues Willow had and some of Spikes and I am immature 😉. Not everything is casually linked to parental behaviour. There are other factors like peers reaction, teachers reaction, success in school that determine a person childhood. That is why I included Spike in, as he had troubles socializing and was despised by others. That is also why I think Cordelia should not be on this list, since she had peers and even she had troubles leaving one circle and joining an other, she overall is relatively self confident and can stand her ground.
I agree that Dawns childhood was worse than Buffys not only because she lost her mom and was the key, but also she was in Buffys shadow, and also was a nerd in highschool, that means also trouble socializing.

Oh, I didn't mean that her parents are the only ones who had molded her personality. Her mother, however, struck me as not paying attention to her daughter, as being very scarce with affection and approval and, as well as her father, frequently absent. Typical neglect and love deprivation. Personality traits like low self-esteem, an abnormal ambition or a desperate need to be loved (all Willow traits) can have their origin in that. It doesn't have to be the only one, however.
I guess we can agree that who we are is the product of our upbringing, education, environment, society, experiences, circumstances and the choices we make.

William isn't a mummy's boy just like that and Willow isn't insecure and repressing just like that. 😉