Who had the worst childhood?

[Sternbeeere]

@sosa lola: yes we did 🙂
 

I guess we can agree that who we are is the product of our upbringing, education, environment, society, experiences, circumstances and the choices we make.

Yes, correctly. Not to forget genetics 😉
 
@DoktorRock : Yeah totally agree.

 

[Sternbeeere]

@Anyanka Bunny Killer actually I am not angry on anyone, it is just circumstances (people who have nothing in common and different world views) and the lack of social competence (small talk, not knowing how to fit in) in my case at least. And they were kids.

 

[Anyanka Bunny Slayer]

@Anyanka Bunny Killer actually I am not angry on anyone, it is just circumstances (people who have nothing in common and different world views) and the lack of social competence (small talk, not knowing how to fit in) in my case at least. And they were kids.

I'm one of those people who hold grudges forever. Not that I want to...it's just how I am. And even though it was a long time ago, I still hate those kids that bullied me (because I was tall and shy). Meh.

 

[Sternbeeere]

I'm one of those people who hold grudges forever. Not that I want to...it's just how I am. And even though it was a long time ago, I still hate those kids that bullied me (because I was tall and shy). Meh.

Bullying sucks really, but as sosa lola has said, we survived. And yes, every person is different and reacts differently. It is good that we are all different, thus we learn from each other 🙂.

 

[ChaseRules]

From what I read here I say that Conner had the worst childhood .
Faith the second worst one .
And Xander the third worst .

After that it hard to pick.

 

[black cat]

I think that Gwen Raiden had the worst childhood: if I remember well she killed, accidentally, a child who wanted to be nice with her and he didn't see her as a monster...... And the Accademy where Gwen had been abandoned by her parents didn't seem a " nicely and warm" environment..... But also Caleb and Glory had, certainly, a horrible childhood!
😀😎

 

[Sternbeeere]

But also Caleb and Glory had, certainly, a horrible childhood!

I do not know about Caleb, but in Glory/Bens case , judging from their behaviour, and the whole season 5 fake memory story-line, I think their parents believed they had a boy and a girl. I also think, judging from Bens reaction and his calling Glory sister that they had interaction with each other also in childhood. In my head canon their parents were rich, judging by Glorys mension and Ben studying medicine, gave them material things, but little affection. Also they both had trouble socialising, we never see Ben with any friends and Glory says that she has not got any. This is terrible of course, but if you can compare suffering at all, than Connor, Tara, Faith and Xander had it much worse.
And contrary to the claim that Glory began to manifest herself when Ben was 20 he says he had been cleaning her messes all his life, so I think she must have manifest herself visibly earlier.

 

[November]

I just dont see how willow and xander can anywhere near count as a bad childhood. If thats bad then wtf is good???

 

[Sternbeeere]

I just dont see how willow and xander can anywhere near count as a bad childhood. If thats bad then wtf is good???

Xander had alcoholic parents, who abused him and Willows parents simply ignored her personality, while forcing her to be strictly Jewish and putting high expectation in her .

 

[November]

Xander had alcoholic parents, who abused him and Willows parents simply ignored her personality, while forcing her to be strictly Jewish and putting high expectation in her .

Abused how?

High expectations and religon? Oh gee call the cops! How horrifying. Seriously??

I must see bad as in homeless, bashed, life threatening situaions.

 

[sosa lola]

I just dont see how willow and xander can anywhere near count as a bad childhood. If thats bad then wtf is good???

Xander's biggest fear is to turn into his abusive alcoholic father. He's clearly emotionally and mentally scarred by his toxic upbringing or else he wouldn't have left Anya at the altar. Not to mention, unlike the rest of his friends, he was the only one to be killed by his own father in his Restless dream.

Willow was neglected by her parents. The fact that her mother didn't notice that she cut her hair after months is heartbreaking.

 

[November]

Xander's biggest fear is to turn into his abusive alcoholic father. He's clearly emotionally and mentally scarred by his toxic upbringing or else he wouldn't have left Anya at the altar. Not to mention, unlike the rest of his friends, he was the only one to be killed by his own father in his Restless dream.

Willow was neglected by her parents. The fact that her mother didn't notice that she cut her hair after months is heartbreaking.

Abusive and toxic how? We barely see his parents. Mentally scarred by his parents? Really?

And heartbreaking not to notice a haircut, bit dramatic dont ya think? How old was willow? 17? Half my friends didnt even live at home at that age, much less see their parents daily or weekly.

 

[sosa lola]

Abusive and toxic how? We barely see his parents. Mentally scarred by his parents? Really?

Xander's whole Restless dream is about how scared he was of turning into his father. Him leaving Anya at the altar is him being scared of turning into his father. Why is he scared? Because his father was an abusive jerk. Xander's mother didn't recognize his voice on the phone. His father almost sold him to some Armenians. He sleeps outside on Christmas to avoid his parents. Heck, he'd rather visit Willow's mom and say hi to her instead of his own parents because "those guys are scary."

 

[November]

I still dont see abuse.

Plenty of people avoid family at chirstmas. Heck, I do!

My mum cant tell who's calling from a voice. Shes great.

I hate hells bells so I dont watch it often.

Maybe if I put it this way - if nick had a choice of his childhood or xanders, who do you think he would choose? Whos was abusive and whos was run of the mill?

 

[sosa lola]

I still dont see abuse.

What kind of abuse are we talking here? Xander was clearly emotionally abused by his parents. Just look at the way he flinches when his father kicks the door open in Restless. That scene in itself was put there to show us that his homelife was abusive. Even in the commentary Joss mentions that Xander is looking for comfort in the dream "Some comfort, some love that clearly is lacking from his mother and his family life." His parents were portrayed as alcoholics who fight all the time. When Xander slept outside he was trying to avoid their drunken fights as Cordelia puts it. He even mentions it again in S7.

Xander being physically abused is debatable, some think he is from the quote in Nightmares "You obviously haven't played kiddie league. I'm surprised it wasn't one of the parents."

My mum cant tell who's calling from a voice. Shes great.

The scene was:

Xander: Hi, Mom!
Mrs. Harris: (off screen) Who?
Xander: (sarcastically) Xander.

As far as I know, Xander is an only child.

I hate hells bells so I dont watch it often.

The entire false visions, Xander's reaction to them, Xander sadly looking at his parents fighting while deciding whether he should marry Anya or not, Xander deciding he shouldn't marry Anya because he'll end up like his parents clearly show how his homelife affected him badly. If there was no abuse, if his childhood was sunshine and flowers, those visions wouldn't have affected him that much, now would they?

Maybe if I put it this way - if nick had a choice of his childhood or xanders, who do you think he would choose? Whos was abusive and whos was run of the mill?

Who's Nick? You mean Nicholas Brendon? I don't really know much about his childhood, other than him suffering from stuttering.

And either way, this is not a matter of compare and contrast: Xander was clearly affected by his childhood and his homelife and it shows in a lot of his lousy decisions: his inability to argue without throwing a fit, sabotaging his relationships, leaving Anya at the altar.

 

[November]

So that kind of "emotional abuse" is abnormal? Gee we are a bunch of arseholes in Oz. Xanders life was freaking amazing, when compared with abuse that comes from other places than words.

Yes I meant Nick Brendon - who was sexually abused.

Xanders parents cant be blamed for his shitty choices as much as they can be blamed for his good ones.

 

[Sternbeeere]

Living with alcoholics is hell believe me. And the fact of Xanders parents being alcoholics says a lot, regardless of what we see. My cousin had an alcoholic father, he frequently threatened my cousin and my aunt to kill them, got violent etc. Ones he even cut his veins and threatened to do the same to my aunt and my cousin. From what my aunt told me there had been a lot of moments where she had to flee from the house bare feet and naked. My aunt even moved to an other country to be able to divorce her husband.

 

[Carrie Hopewell]

Yes, emotional abuse and neglect are awful. I can speak from personal experience that having an alcoholic parent is bad (been there, done that), parents who argue all the time create a terrible, stressful family environment (also done that) and the effects growing up like that have on a person are irreversible and take a lot of therapy to smooth over. Xander doesn't have supportive, loving parents that any kid should have and needs to have in order to become a healthy adult.

 

[Sternbeeere]

l experience that having an alcoholic parent is bad (been there, done that), parents who argue all the time create a terrible, stressful family environment

One thing alone of those three is bad enough, Xander had all the three.....
And I also have no words for what happened to you.

Btw. my Aunts ex-husband quit drinking/is dry now and became a totally different person as an effect of that , but it took him really a lot to achieve that

 

[Carrie Hopewell]

Btw. my Aunts ex-husband quit drinking/is dry now and became a totally different person as an effect of that , but it took him really a lot to achieve that

That's great! My dad stopped drinking when I was about 10. He's also different now, but he was (thankfully) never violent. Substance abuse, mental illness, a bad marriage are all factors that lead to a very unstable home. Kids need stability and not parents who behave unpredictably and can turn on them. Emotional abuse or neglect are things our society seems to look past easily.