I felt that they set Inara up to be this sophisticated, cultured, able woman and then undercut it all with Mal's disdain.
I think that that is precisely what Joss intended. The Companions are the equivalent of our Japanese Geisha, cultured, sophisticated, and trained to please their client, only a small part of which actually involves sex. On the other hand, Mal was, first and foremost, no matter how he might have tried to hide it (though he never really tried to hide it that much) a soldier, and not just any soldier. Mal was a Sargent, rude, crude, probably tattooed in some undisclosed place. Inara and Mal were as different as any two people you might imagine. As different as, say, a vampire and a vampire Slayer. That seems to be another of Joss' favorite themes, the attraction of opposites, people who should never so much as acknowledge the other's existence, meeting and falling in love.
But I don't think that Mal felt disdain for Inara, or she for him, as much as they both felt a mutual attraction, realized that nothing could ever come from it, and tried, quite unsuccessfully, to deny their feelings (once more, like a Slayer and either of two ensouled vampires).
As for the women in "Heart Of Gold," it's Inara, not Mal, Jayne, or anyone else, who first calls them whores (ironically, Mal never does) possibly because she feels a certain contempt for them, despite the fact that the house mistress is an old friend.
