Why I Felt Sorry For Xander

[Joshua]

After watching "Hells Bells", I felt really sorry for Xander cause of what he had to grow up with. His Abusive & Alcholic Father, Alcholic Mother. 🙁

 

[sosa lola]

It's probably my bias, but Xander broke my heart much more than Anya in the episode. He was suffering throughout the episode. Anya just in the end. That scene when he hugged Willow breaks my heart, the way he clings on to her, and she doesn't notice how sad he is.

 

[Ripper666]

Wow so true words! I felt the same! Of course I felt sorry for Anya too but mainly for Xander. Because the pain he felt had to be very hard for him if he accepts to loose someone he really loved for the persons good. Mhm I think this wasn not really understandable. 🙂 I just wanted to say that I feel the same like soso lala and The dark avenger!

 

[Cast No Shadow]

I wish you'd ask a question with your threads, instead of just stating your opinions.

I agree. It was sad.

 

[EvilWillow]

I don't think I ever felt sorry for Xander other than he had crappy parents. Still no excuse for what he did.

 

[Ripper666]

It is very interesting how this thread turns slowly but unstoppable into this old question:

Was Xander right leaving Anya in front of the altar or not?

I think in this short time I'm member here I read about two or three different disscusions about this topic! 😀

 

[sosa lola]

I don't think I ever felt sorry for Xander other than he had crappy parents.

Oh, I always feel bad for poor Xander. When he lost his eye, when Buffy rejected him, when Buffy humiliated him with the sexy dance, whenever Giles yelled at him and he looked like a kicked puppy, when Cordelia told him he was useless in the Zeppo, when his friends started neglecting him in S4..... etc.

 

[brinkster130]

Yeah, it sucks that Xander had a crappy home life, but he never really got much of my sympathy during that whole storyline.

I think his concerns and fears were completely understandable and valid, but I could never wrap my head around the fact that he didn't have the respect or decency to share them with Anya before leaving her at the alter.

I wish Xander and Willow would have had a conversation about how they didn't want to become their parents at some point; it seemed like something they would of had in common.

 

[EvilWillow]

Oh, I always feel bad for poor Xander. When he lost his eye, when Buffy rejected him, when Buffy humiliated him with the sexy dance, whenever Giles yelled at him and he looked like a kicked puppy, when Cordelia told him he was useless in the Zeppo, when his friends started neglecting him in S4..... etc.

I was referring to in THIS episode....like, ya know..the one we are discussing? 🙂

 

[BuffyElevated]

This episode makes my heart ache. I feel horribly for Anya, but also for Xander because we get an even bigger glimpse into what his life has been like, having to grow up in a home with parents like his. 🙁 It's heartbreaking, and makes him even more endearing to show that he grew up to be a good man despite the problems in his home.

 

[sosa lola]

I wish Xander and Willow would have had a conversation about how they didn't want to become their parents at some point; it seemed like something they would of had in common.

I don't think Xander talks much about his home life. Willow didn't even know he slept outside in Christmas to avoid his parents. But I thought it was weird how he told Cordelia about this and not Willow.

Anya obviously knows about his home life - judging by how she was rubbing on his leg to comfort him in the Replacement. My sympathy with Xander comes from my belief that he was actually going to go through with the wedding, but changed his mind after the visions. Though leaving Anya alone to face the guests was a very bad move on his part, very cawardy, too.

 

[Aloverssoulz]

I felt sorry for him too...untill I found out he started dating a very sexy looking Dawn in season 8. Now he get's no pity 😡

 

[caitaintdead]

I think it comes down to the age old question - How much of someones actions can you blame on their past? I'll also cut straight to the chase and bring up the obvious further step with what you are saying. A young man has an abusive father and he ends up being Adolf Hitler, how much of what Hitler did can you blame on his authoritarian father and the constant emotional and physical abuse that he received in his young years?

I'm not making a comparison to Xander and Hitler at all, just voicing the question. Where is the line between feeling sorry for someone and blaming their parents, and blaming the adult themselves for their actions?

 

[Taake]

Where is the line between feeling sorry for someone and blaming their parents, and blaming the adult themselves for their actions?

I still blame Xander for his own actions and decisions.
But that doesn't stop me for feeling incredibly sorry for him about where he came from, what he grew up with... even if I hold him responsible for the choices that he makes, looking into his past gives his actions more 'sense', you see where he's coming from. For me that doesn't equal to blaming it all on the parents though, Xander is still an adult and he's still responsible for himself, but it's not as if he doesn't have reasons for doing the things he does, or reacting to things in the way that he does.

🙂

 

[Sweet J]

I don't feel sorry for Xander because of his family history, I feel sorry for his character because the woman he loved couldn't accept that he needed some time to deal with being presented with a THX surround sound stark motion picture of his future.

The man was psychologically tortured prior to getting hitched, and his bride to be couldn't understand why he needed time to recover before rushing along and getting married.

Thats the tragic thing.

 

[sosa lola]

I think it comes down to the age old question - How much of someones actions can you blame on their past? I'll also cut straight to the chase and bring up the obvious further step with what you are saying. A young man has an abusive father and he ends up being Adolf Hitler, how much of what Hitler did can you blame on his authoritarian father and the constant emotional and physical abuse that he received in his young years?

I'm not making a comparison to Xander and Hitler at all, just voicing the question. Where is the line between feeling sorry for someone and blaming their parents, and blaming the adult themselves for their actions?

I get your point, even though I think comparing Xander to Hitler is too extreme. I hold Xander responsible for walking out on Anya like that. He shouldn't have let her face the guests alone like that. He should have been by her side when they announced the cancelation of the wedding.

I still feel bad for him though, because his decision not to marry is very rooted to his childhood. His fear not to turn into his father and abuse Anya.