Why the Xander hate?

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When you consider Xander as a character, I like him, but there are those little parts about him that I don't like.

- Getting in the middle of Buffy/Angel relathionship, and telling her what's best for her.

- Not telling her that Willow is trying to restore Angel's soul, and telling her 'Kick his ass'.

- Leaving Anya at the oltar just because of some stupid fake future angry demon showed him.

When we throw that out, he's likeable 🙂
 
I find it hard to really hate any of the main characters, cause I'm sentimental and overly forgiving like that, lol. But I do dislike Xander a lot of the time. Sometimes I find him really condescending and hypocritical, and I agree with most people on this thread about him cheating on Cordy, being an ass about Angel, etc. Not okay.
 
I usually find myself wanting to smack Xander upside his head most of the time, you know knock a little sense into him.

I find him judgmental, hypocritical and childish. It annoys me how he never owns up to his part in things and doesn't apologize. That being said, he is fairly harmless.
 
M
mayfever
[No message]
Is this about Xander or Nick?

I think Nick's lack of acting skills shows time and time again on the show. There is a smile that occurs during "The Body" (they are in Willow's rooms) where I just want to punch him. It is the worst smile, at the worst possible moment. It is terrible and I have no idea why they left it in there. He is probably the only character who doesn't shine during "The Body."

Do I hate him?? How could I hate anyone who gives that speech to Anya during the last Briley episode, the speech to Buffy during the same episode, or possibly the finest moment in the entire series.... the Season 6 finale that brought me and my son to tears?
 
X
xaphania
The speech to Buffy in that ep is one of the reasons I hate Xander, lol
Is this about Xander or Nick?

I think Nick's lack of acting skills shows time and time again on the show. There is a smile that occurs during "The Body" (they are in Willow's rooms) where I just want to punch him. It is the worst smile, at the worst possible moment. It is terrible and I have no idea why they left it in there. He is probably the only character who doesn't shine during "The Body."

Do I hate him?? How could I hate anyone who gives that speech to Anya during the last Briley episode, the speech to Buffy during the same episode, or possibly the finest moment in the entire series.... the Season 6 finale that brought me and my son to tears?

I have to say, although I'm not a huge fan of the way Grave was handled entirely that I thought his acting in it was quite the awesome. Probably what I consider Nicks finest acting. Unfortunately, I tend to agree, most of his acting is pretty sub par throughout the series.
 
I tend to agree, most of his acting is pretty sub par throughout the series.
Thats because I do not believe him to be acting; much like Eliza Dusku isnt really acting. Any show you see her in and that is the same character. The same with Brendon. Psycho Beach Party anyone? I defy you to watch that movie and tell me that is not 'Xander'.
 
Thats because I do not believe him to be acting; much like Eliza Dusku isnt really acting. Any show you see her in and that is the same character. The same with Brendon. Psycho Beach Party anyone? I defy you to watch that movie and tell me that is not 'Xander'.

I absolutely agree. Especially regarding Eliza. I think it's saying something when Eliza plays a character with a vastly different background and upbringing... Yet ends up being so very similar to Faith anyway. (Bring It On)

EDIT - Although I think Eliza has much more potential to be a decent actor then Nick.
 
On the whole, I find Xander quite likable, even admirable and heroic and all the rest of it at times. But then there are some things that just make me want to smack him.

I'm a Mormon, so his uncalled for and uninformed Mormon joke in "Ted" seriously rankled. Fortunately, it was the only time that ever happened on either show.

Which one?
If it had to do with sacrificial, submissive wives however, then Stephenie Meyer vindicated him 4 times.

Not telling Buffy that Willow was trying to restore Angel's soul was despicable.

I remember that was out of concern for Buffy's health... 😕

And the fact that he got away with it and still felt like he had the right to take the moral high ground with Buffy when it came to Angel later on just makes me angry.
(together with)
When you consider Xander as a character, I like him, but there are those little parts about him that I don't like.

- Getting in the middle of Buffy/Angel relationship, and telling her what's best for her.



And later vindicated TWICE, the number of times became Twilight.

Cheating on Cordelia with Willow for weeks (or maybe months), then blaming Cordelia for catching him at it.

True here, but maybe Willow and Xander planned all along to fool her that way. Now, who says grade school grudges don't last?

At least he sort of made up for that one when he bought her the prom dress she wanted without telling her.

THAT is what I hated him for. If you want to ditch somebody, ditch 'em all the way! It never pays to be a nice guy. NEVER.

Despite his hatred for and distrust of Angel, he has a relationship with Anya, who not only had a soul when she was a vengeance demon, but felt no remorse for the havoc she wreaked until "Selfless", which was months after they had broken up. Way to not be a hypocrite, Xand.

Question: I don't remember this part (hated Anya), but did Xander KNOW what she really was? If so, then you're right.

Summoning Sweet in OMWF. And not telling anyone about it until the very last minute, when Dawn was about to be spirited away to be Sweet's hell queen. He didn't admit it once it became clear that living in a musical had some serious downsides, like, for instance, people dancing until they burst into flames and died. And his confession at the end was played for laughs. He didn't feel guilty, he felt sheepish. Which is horrible.

He was helpless. It was his defense mechanism, perhaps?

I usually find myself wanting to smack Xander upside his head most of the time, you know knock a little sense into him.

I find him judgmental, hypocritical and childish. It annoys me how he never owns up to his part in things and doesn't apologize. That being said, he is fairly harmless.

I find his problem to be quite the opposite. Being the Joe Biden of the gang, he has to be the devil's advocate, since he has insight and a different perspective.

However, with that, he doesn't call Buffy's bluff often enough, and he seems to be weak-willed. It's not a matter of him having a strong character, it's the converse.

Is this about Xander or Nick?

I think Nick's lack of acting skills shows time and time again on the show. There is a smile that occurs during "The Body" (they are in Willow's rooms) where I just want to punch him. It is the worst smile, at the worst possible moment. It is terrible and I have no idea why they left it in there. He is probably the only character who doesn't shine during "The Body."

Do I hate him?? How could I hate anyone who gives that speech to Anya during the last Briley episode, the speech to Buffy during the same episode, or possibly the finest moment in the entire series.... the Season 6 finale that brought me and my son to tears?

Two things:

1. Nick HAS NO ACTING SKILLS. I've watcched Psycho Beach Party, Blood on the Highway, Kitchen Confidential, Private Practice, and it's always the same goof he is. He's not really acting. I wonder how he got the role. I say JIMMY FALLON would have done better.

2. Season 6 - if Willow (Alyson Hannigan) didn't cry, no one would have. Buffy could give that speech, Tara could give that speech, Giles could give that speech, hell, even, DAWN could give that speech, and the effect would still be the same. It's all Alyson's magical tears.

(side note: Alexis Denisof must really hate it when Aly watches tragic movies, I say each of them has a personal Kleenex box. 😉)

I have to say, although I'm not a huge fan of the way Grave was handled entirely that I thought his acting in it was quite the awesome. Probably what I consider Nicks finest acting. Unfortunately, I tend to agree, most of his acting is pretty sub par throughout the series.

Nick's FINEST ACTING!? I thought that was Season 1.
And Grave was driven by Alyson Hannigan.

Thats because I do not believe him to be acting; much like Eliza Dushku isnt really acting. Any show you see her in and that is the same character. The same with Brendon. Psycho Beach Party anyone? I defy you to watch that movie and tell me that is not 'Xander'.

bt;dt.

True. But at least Eliza Dushku can get away with it.
Nick can't.
 
Taaroko
Taaroko
What does Stephenie Meyer have to do with Xander making a Mormon joke? What he said was completely inappropriate and ill-informed. And don't assume that being Mormon means I like those awful books.
caitaintdead
caitaintdead
Just let me make this clear. When I say 'finest' acting, I mean literally it's 'fine'. Haha. As in okay. I didn't like Season 1 Xander. Although The Pack was good.
I remember that was out of concern for Buffy's health... 😕

I don't think so. Xander did not like Angel and made that very clear. He wanted Buffy to get rid of him so he intentionally lied to Buffy about what what Willow wanted him to tell her.

I find his problem to be quite the opposite. Being the Joe Biden of the gang, he has to be the devil's advocate, since he has insight and a different perspective.

However, with that, he doesn't call Buffy's bluff often enough, and he seems to be weak-willed. It's not a matter of him having a strong character, it's the converse.

Interesting. I don't find his insight very useful nor do I see him as adding much perspective. His motives are pretty clear most of the time and in my opinion they are usually based off of his own insecurities or his selfish needs.

I do agree that he seems weak-willed.
 
I don't think so. Xander did not like Angel and made that very clear. He wanted Buffy to get rid of him so he intentionally lied to Buffy about what what Willow wanted him to tell her.

I'll take your word for it, I'm too busy laughing with HIMYM. 😛
Just kidding, you're right.

Interesting. I don't find his insight very useful nor do I see him as adding much perspective.

Many people say that about Joe Biden as well.
*This is a -- BIG deal!* (Joe Biden on the Healthcare Reform Bill)
But, he is mostly proven right WAY LATER.

Taaroko agrees: What does Stephenie Meyer have to do with Xander making a Mormon joke? What he said was completely inappropriate and ill-informed. And don't assume that being Mormon means I like those awful books.

Wait, I think I need to look up the joke again...
OK found it.

Xander finds Ted's first four wives

Willow: So far I've counted four marriage certificates.

Xander: Any divorce papers?

Willow: Not a one.

Xander: So either our boy was a Mormon, or...

Willow: Whoa, whoa, 1957! Ted musta married young! Like pre- school young.

...
Xander: Whatcha got in the closet, Ted? (opens it, looks in, slams it shut) Let's go.

Cordelia: But we need evidence!

Xander: We got it.

Willow: What's in there?

Xander: His first four wives.

OK, that is NOT FUNNY AT ALL. I believe in this time and day, there are Jewish people with worse records. If you haven't realised, Xander is nominally Jewish.
 
brinkster130
brinkster130
Wasn't Willow Jewish?
Z
zobothehobo
Xander isn't Jewish, Willow is.
brinkster130 agrees: Wasn't Willow Jewish?
But Xander celebrates Christmas...? 😕

That is something I need to wrap my head around... gimme a minute.

EDIT: Ok, I'm back.

Xander is a secular Jew. Ethnically Jew, and not much else, celebrates Xmas as a secular, commercial holiday.

And yes, Willow is Jewish, but that's not my point.
 
I posted alot of this before so sorry to repeat. Boy is definitely flawed that is for sure but I think he is a good person once you get passed alot of that surfacey ass stuff. I think he is definitely one of those characters whom in order to love you have to have a strong ability to forgive. I haven't always loved him.


Things I don't like

-I hated that he didn't tell Buffy about Willows attempt to restore Angels soul in 'Becoming' and instead claimed Willow said "kick his ass" (Always found it funny that it didn't seem strange to Buffy that Willow would say that? )

-I hated how he tore into Buffy hard about keeping secret lovers blah blah and then did the same thing with Willow. Which I know wouldn't have end-of-the-world-consequences in the same way but breaking two of your best friends hearts, one your girlfriend at the time, is still pretty damn awful consequences in my book.

-I hated how he gave Buffy such a hard time at the start of season 3 for bailing after she had to kill the love of her life when he himself is the King of Bail..

There are also alot of things I love about him

-I love that he bought Cordelia the dress (collective awww!)

-I love that he was there for Buffy when everyone else became a little self involved at the start of season 4 including Giles and Willow.

-I love that he is funny and warm and insightful (in his own unique way).

-But mostly I love how much he loves Willow and how loyal he is. I love that it was the pureness and strength of this love that brought Willow back from the brink. That's why I've no problem with him saying "If they hurt Willow, I'll kill you" to Buffy. Too right I say.

I think I forgive Xander because I understand why he acted the way he did for the most part. He has it rough you know? With his family and financial situation but worst of all not having any of the abilities his friends have. In the early days both him and Willow were in the same boat but as she got more powerful it must have been difficult for him. But he dealt with it well (not right away but in the end) and learnt to accept his lot(which must have been very hard) and was able to help Dawn through similar feelings of inadequacy which to me anyway really showed how much he'd grown.
 
Yeah, I think he's a good person at heart, I guess. Which is why I don't completely hate him, lol. But he's done some horrible things, some that he's been called out on and a lot that he hasn't.
I think most people take issue with the fact that a lot of the time, he doesn't really work to earn forgiveness. There are exceptions, like with buying Cordy the dress and stuff, but even the "kick his ass" line wasn't addressed until like, five seasons later! And he didn't get any flack for it, they just referenced it.

I do wish the show had explored Xander's home life a little bit more because it was so different from the rest of the Scoobies. He was working class, he wasn't very good at school, and his home life was not pretty...I think that affected the way he viewed a lot of things. Unfortunately, since the show didn't really touch on that except for a few hints here and there and Hell's Bells (which is not exactly an episode that makes you want to be on Xander's side anyway, lol), it's hard to sympathize.
 
Due to a block in edits, I'm adding a few lines to my previous post.

I would say that Xander is a secular Jew.
Ethnically Jewish, and little else in Jewishness. Still, Willow's people invited Xander's pop and mom to Willow's bat mitzvah. Typically, I don't see Jews inviting non-Jews to bar/bat mitzvahs, so there you go.
 
Z
zobothehobo
I'm not Jewish. I was invited to my Jewish friend's bat mitzvah.
I don't like him for the same reasons a lot of you already listed. I find him to be very hypocritical, and judgemental, and a liar. Not telling Buffy about how Willow was trying to restore his soul infuriated me, and I was done caring about his character after that.
 
I don't like him for the same reasons a lot of you already listed. I find him to be very hypocritical, and judgemental, and a liar. Not telling Buffy about how Willow was trying to restore his soul infuriated me, and I was done caring about his character after that.

Interestingly, I like late-Angel Wesley. Ruthless.
Unlike the weak-kneed Xander.
 
Due to a block in edits, I'm adding a few lines to my previous post.

I would say that Xander is a secular Jew.
Ethnically Jewish, and little else in Jewishness. Still, Willow's people invited Xander's pop and mom to Willow's bat mitzvah. Typically, I don't see Jews inviting non-Jews to bar/bat mitzvahs, so there you go.

I've been to bar/bat mitzvahs and I'm definitely not Jewish. 😛

I really don't see anything in the show suggesting Xander was Jewish at all. Am I missing something? :/
 
brinkster130
brinkster130
I don't remember it ever being suggested either, but I could have missed it.
Remember, Willow's parents were very strict Jews.
Which means they wouldn't invite non-Jews.

Cordy deserved it at that time - she was a snob.
Besides, the rich get over these things faster than the rest of us, by spending money to for self-gratification.

That still doesn't mean that they couldn't make an exception for Xander, because he was Willow's best childhood friend.

Also, that's just plain rude. Nobody, whether your rich, a snob, or whatever deserves to be treated that way by anyone, least of someone who is supposed to care about you.
 
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