Willow and Oz's breakup - who's to blame?

[Chosen Enemy]

Willow and Oz seemed like a couple that would last a very long time, into a very serious relationship. In my opinion, they were the cutest couple on the show, and it's hard to image them hurting each other.
However, in season 3, Willow cheats on Oz. With Xander. Willow of all people, hard to believe. But Oz has managed to forgive her. But then, in season 4, Oz cheats on Willow. Due to that, they break up, and Oz moves away. They're both a wreck. The two people that meant to last (forget about Tara for a second, I'm talking about before she came along).

Were you surprised by the way they broke up? And who's to blame here? The easy answer might be Veruca. But let's face it, things were kinda shaky even before her. Were they even stable?

 

[Gum Gnome33]

Hmm honestly I always thought that the reason Oz left was to protect Willow from himself. I think he'd truly forgiven Willow for kissing Xander and wasn't hung up on it in the least, (all had been able to interact together without incident). And there was no indication from what I saw that Willow wouldn't have forgiven him for sleeping with Veruca, eventually, especially since he was a wolf when he did it, (even in "Beauty and the Beasts" it's clear that she could forgive Oz for killing somebody in wolf form). But in any case, she's too busy lamenting the fact that Oz is leaving to even give us an indication if whether she'd ever be able to forgive the cheating.

But I think after Oz realizes that there are things that can't simply be solved by locking him up every month, it occurs to him that he must find a permanent solution. Because he loves Willow, he doesn't believe he should be anywhere near her until he does. Until he's sure he won't hurt her physically or emotionally. And I respect him endlessly for that. I don't think he went about it in the right way necessarily, but I think he did the right thing.
So yes, I think the breakup is due to Oz's departure and the fact that Willow has moved on by the time he is able to come back.

 

[Ripper666]

Well first of all I want to say that Oz made lot's of points for me when he forgive Willow. But he still lost these points when he left Willow, she was so allone and he left her! She needed him but he wasn't there. But Willow wasn't there for Oz all the time too. So who made a mistake? The one who firstly cheated? Maybe yes maybe no. I think if someone cheats in a relationship, how will this ship alive these wounds? Maybe the two had a chance after Willow cheated, because the relationship was young, there was still some hope rest, but with the second cheating this little hope of a endless relationship died. So in the end it was Oz for me, I think he must have known that his cheating is the end for the relationship, if not he wouldn't have left her so far.

 

[Appelsapientje]

I think that Oz left Willow for her own good (or at least he thought he did). I don't think it had anything to do with Willow cheating on Oz, and I think that Oz' thing with Veruca just made him realize that he was too dangerous to be with Willow. So he left. So I don't really blame anyone, because Oz truly believed that it was the best thing to do. (And perhaps it was).

 

[BuffyElevated]

Well, no relationship is perfect. Both of them were guilty of doing horrible things to the other, but I ultimately think that the breakup was Oz's fault/choice. He could have stayed to try to work through their problems with Willow, instead of leaving to try to figure things out on his own. Instead he chose to walk away from the situation to deal with things by himself. So even though I will always love him 100 times more than Tara, I really do think Oz was ultimately to blame for the breakup.

 

[zobothehobo]

I personally blame Oz... but the lovely [MENTION=11012]LoveLoveLovix[/MENTION] has convinced me it was neither... I mean, communication was their problem. And that was lacking on both ends.

 

[Aloverssoulz]

I blame that b**ch, Veruca.

She wanted Oz and took advantage of his animal side, a side Oz didn't know how to control (which is why he moved and came back later).

Oz would have never have done what he done if it wasn't for her messing with the Werewolf inside him. He slept with her as a wolf, not as Oz.

 

[Jules]

At the end of Wild At Heart it seems that Willow really wants to sort out what has happened and I wouldnt have been surprised if eventually she would have forgiven him. But Oz, much like Angel does with Buffy, decides that its best to leave town to protect the woman he loves. In a way it does work, Oz comes back able to control the wolf but its to late and Willow has already moved on.

 

[Ripper666]

Hmm honestly I always thought that the reason Oz left was to protect Willow from himself

I think that Oz left Willow for her own good (or at least he thought he did).

Mhm...mhm that's difficult now, In the beginning I thought the same thing but now after thinking about it, it's all a little bit fuzzy for me. I agree with you that this was surely one reason but in my eyes not the reason.
Why he left her so far? I mean Tibet is really far arway... He never sent a card or phoned or something...WHY? To protect Willow from the past?? I really can't imagine that. There is one episode which made me crazzy, the one inwhich Oz returns. Did he still believed that he can go back to Willow and she will love him the way before he left her crying and broken? "Just a sorry for the past but now I can controll the wolf let's try it again..." That was rude in my eyes. He thought he could come and take whatever he wants, as he took Veruka and as he took his bags and left Willow. Thats egoism. If he had some really serious interests he should have contact her before to describe her if he make any improves with his wolfe and that he will return oneday. Than Willow could have been prepared.
I think that Oz lost the "magic" in his relationship. The crash was inevitable.You can see this in the development of the hole storyline in BTVS at this time. Veruca was just the top of it, the hope of something new in his world. This sounds hard and a lot of you will disagree, but it is Oz for me, who's to blame...(Even if he is a great character!)

 

[EvilWillow]

I don't really think the cheating is comparable. There is a big difference between sex and kissing. I was really mad at Oz for what he did and my heart breaks for willow every time I watch wild at heart. I do blame Veruca, and I hate her, but I can't ignore the fact that Oz knew what would happen when he locked himself in the cage with her. He was human when he made that choice, not wolf. I agree that they both made mistakes and I believe with time that they could have moved past their problems, but Oz just left and didn't even give willow a choice or an opinion in the matter and that is what upsets me the most about their ending.

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[caritas08]

In defense of Oz with Veruca (and I admit this is a weak defense since what he did was very wrong) but part of his actions were fueled by the werewolf in him which was starting to get worse and take over (part of what made him realize he needed to leave and go look for a cure). I don't blame Willow at all because the Xander thing was long passed.

The thing I blame Oz most for was that he pulled an Angel "I'm going to make the decision about our relationship for the both of us regardless that you think it would be better for me to stay and to help each other get through this, blah blah" and left town. He should have brought his problems to the gang and seen if Giles or any of them had any resources for what could be done to keep the werewolf side from worsening or taking over.

Ultimately, I think it was a pretty shaky storyline and would have been helped if Seth Green hadn't left so soon even though it may have been worse it it had been dragged out all season like originally planned.

 

[This Year's Girl]

I don't think either is to blame. They were cute together, but I feel like they would've grown apart sooner or later regardless of the cheating. Willow was a different person when she met Oz, and I feel like even if she hadn't turned out to be gay the changes she made would've caused them to grow apart. I'm not saying it would've been Willows fault though, just some kind of natural progression.

 

[brinkster130]

I blame both of them equally. They both made mistakes in the relationship. Oz may have been the one to walk away from it, but even if he had stuck around Sunnydale I doubt it would have worked out. I'm sure Willow would have forgiven Oz, but I still think she would have fallen in love with Tara. Like [MENTION=11014]Gum Gnome33[/MENTION] said, I think Oz's decision to leave was about protecting Willow and the need to be able to control himself rather than the trouble caused by their infidelities.

I don't really think the cheating is comparable. There is a big difference between sex and kissing.

I agree that they aren't comparable, but for different reasons. I always felt like Willow and Xander's affair was far worse because it happened continuously knowing how much it would hurt their significant others. The fact that Willow and Xander talked about how wrong their cheating was but still did it spoke volumes on how much respect they had for both Oz and Cordy. Oz's cheating went physically further but it was a result of the animal instinct in him; he never intentionally broke their commitment or showed the lack of respect that Willow did.

 

[This Year's Girl]

Was I the only one that thought that was lame? Oz "animal instinct" I mean. I felt it was a cheap play on that tiresome old "men can't controls themselves when they want to have sex". I know,I know, he was a werewolf, but the show still exist in a context where frases and thoughts like that are really condecending to men.

 

[FlowerPower]

Maybe it's the Willow/Oz shipper in me but I think they had it in them to continue if Oz stayed. Yes, S4 Willow was different from S2 Willow but it's still the same person and she and Oz were very much in love before the Veruca thing started. There are many different facets to Willow and not only does Oz love them all, he loves that there are so many different facets to her- Eskimo Wallflower, Rocker Babe, Computer Nerd. And it's just written all over Alyson's face when she goes up to his place at the end of Wild At Heart, that she was trying to forgive him and talk to him and it just devastated her that he was packing up.

I also have trouble seeing Willow/Tara happen unless Willow was lonely and heartbroken and feeling more and more alienated from her friends.

I do put the blame on Oz. I hear the animal instinct argument and it's enough for me to forgive the first night of sex but it was Human Oz that lied to Buffy about Veruca and called Veruca to his cell and made out with her. His attraction was fueled by the werewolf things but he was still a human with a human ability to make loyal, honest choices that honored his relationship with Willow (and his friendship with Buffy) and he failed.

I have trouble deciding whether the Fluking is worse than Oz/Veruca but I generally go for Oz/Veruca. The Fluking did happen over a longer period and that's huge deal to me when assessing culpability. However, Oz and Willow were way less committed to each other at the beginning of S3 compared to the beginning of S4. Plus, I'd consider it a salve to hurt feelings (especially after Willow chose Oz) that the one person that made my girlfriend betray me was her best friend who she's always with and who she loved for years and who I *knew* could be a threat to the relationship from the beginning. It feels less disrespectful than throwing over a two-year relationship for a fly-by-night-trashy-woman. Plus, there's no getting around that sex is bigger than kissing. The biggest thing, though, is that Oz's forgiveness and Willow's clear choice of Oz in S3 made it so the Fluking was a hurdle in their relationship instead of the Cause of Death. Oz leaving *made* his sex with the Veruca part of the Cause of Death of the relationship.

 

[Dagenspear]

Both. Although, after what happened in s3, I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the relationship would crash and burn eventually. It was inevitable. It was doomed. They just couldn't work. And Oz made the right choice by leaving. If he hadn't, it would've torn them up inside, just like Buffy and Angel.

 

[Dagenspear]

agrees: Good to see you back.

Thanks. 🙂 It's good to be back.

 

[imperatrix]

I don't think either is to blame. They were cute together, but I feel like they would've grown apart sooner or later regardless of the cheating. Willow was a different person when she met Oz, and I feel like even if she hadn't turned out to be gay the changes she made would've caused them to grow apart. I'm not saying it would've been Willows fault though, just some kind of natural progression.

I completely agree. As much as I loved Oz as a character, I never felt they were that great for each other. They appreciated each other's personalities, but were very different people. Although this is earlier on in their relationship, in Earshot Willow becomes upset that Buffy can read Oz's mind because it means that Buffy may come to know Oz better than she does. As much affection as they had for each other, I felt like they were still very separate people that didn't necessarily always 'get' each other. Basically, it would have ended one way or another, but probably not so abruptly if it weren't for Seth Green's evilness. 😛

 

[SlayerFest]

I am extremely happy that they broke up. Whoo hoo, go Seth Green! I love Tillow, alright? In all seriousness, I kind of feel as if it was Oz's fault...why the hell didn't he just talk to Willow about what was going on? I mean, one could say that there was a lack of trust because of what happened between her and Xander, but still. He chose to not tell anyone about Veruca which was just dangerous and stupid. They were both a little to blame, technically, but Oz's actions led to the downfall. Argh idk, it's complicated. The Veruca thing just sort of sealed the deal...or unsealed it?

 

[Tyger tyger]

I'm gonna go with equal parts Varuca and Seth McFarland