Wolves In Friends' Clothing

[ItMustBeBunnies]

That sounds horrible, Britt! What a weirdo.

Speaking of clean-cut intelligent lunatics, I'm reading a book right now called The Stranger Beside Me about Ted Bundy, who was a serial killer. He was this really good-looking guy who lured girls to his car by lying about needing "help", and then he'd kidnap them. They were never seen again. He killed over 35 girls that way. All the witnesses said he was really charming and nice and they "trusted" him right away. It's so scary to think that could happen to anyone. He was caught eventually, and he got the electric chair.

It's interesting because I'm also very cynical, but I'm also very trusting at times. I want to be trusting. I want to think the best about people, you know? On one hand, I hate how paranoid people are nowadays, but on the other hand I understand why that's necessary.

A few months ago, I met a guy at a bar. We chatted for a while, had a drink, that was about it. For some stupid reason, I gave him my number. I never expected to see him again. The next day, I woke up and checked my phone and there were 14 missed calls from the same number. I ignored him, but he kept texting me really inappropriate and angry texts for days. I had to call my phone company and get his number blocked. It was a huge hassle. I saw him recently at the same bar (my favorite) and he totally came up to me and was like, "Why haven't you called? I thought we had a connection. Are you blowing me off?" He totally weirded me out. Thankfully, the bartender knows me and asked him to leave. but the moral of the story is that you seriously need to be careful about giving people any sort of personal information about yourself. I never tell anyone I meet what neighborhood I live in, or where I work. You just never know...

Oh hon, been there done that, many a time. One that springs to mind is, not long ago, I was just at a local pub with a couple of friends having a few quite drinks. I was outside with one of my friends having a smoke and this guy walks up to us and starts talking. He seemed okay, but I wasn't interested so I was polite to him for a little while, then my friend and I excused ourselves and went inside. We were about to leave so I made a quick stop to the bathroom.

My friend came in and told me the guy came up to her and grabbed her arm really hard and started yelling "Where is your friend?! She's avoiding me I know it! I thought we had a connection!" We tried to slip out quietly but he followed us outside and started harrasing me for my phone number, it was really lucky that my friend's boyfriend was with us that night and came out just in time to tell the guy to get the hell lost. I was really nervous about going back to that pub again but I haven't seen him since.

Somtimes I think I must have "weirdo magnet" tattooed on my forehead *sigh* And I totally agree about the wanting to be trusting but not being able to help being cynical with stupid crap like this happening so often.

 

[Buffy Summers]

The internet really started being used by regular people when I went to college, so I was still part of that "beware of everything on the internet" Moloch group when I first started being online. I've been doing the message board thing for about 9 years now, and I've caught a lot of flack over the years because of how closely I guard my information. People have made fun of me because I don't use my real name on the board. But the "fear" of exchanging too much info on the internet is not completely unfounded. That is not to say that you can't make friends online - I've made some of the best friends I've ever had online. BUT you must be vigilant and protect yourself, even if other people think it's stupid or over-cautious. Talk about your day, about Buffy, but don't give out personal details that someone might use for nefarious purposes. You just have to be smart.

Myself, I have a separate Facebook account for playing FB games. I know each and every person I'm Facebook friends with on my real account. As I said, I don't use my real name online. I don't give out my address. I've met three people from the board over those 9 years, and we spoke on the phone beforehand, and we met in a public place in broad daylight and not at any of our homes.

If people are who they say they are, and if they are truly a friend to you, they shouldn't have any problem with you protecting yourself. They should want you to, and want to protect themselves as well.

Here on the board, we do the best we can to make things safe for everyone. But each person needs to be vigilant as well. You don't have to be scared, but you do have to be smart.

And don't forget, all of you - listen to your intuition. If you're in a situation and it tells you that something is wrong, get out of there. Better safe than sorry and you're probably right to boot. If you're in a bar and someone is hassling you, don't be afraid to tell the bartender. They'll know how to handle it.

And another thing: remember that you are under no obligation to be nice. Someone mentioned Ted Bundy. I saw this thing years ago about how women especially get into bad situations because they're afraid to be mean. If someone stops you to ask for directions, you don't have to give them. You can keep walking. This is something especially difficult for me personally, but I have really worked on it. Because you just never know. Don't put yourself in a bad situation because you're afraid of offending someone.

That was actually from Gavin de Becker on Oprah lol, but he gave a really good example. He said imagine you're waiting for the elevator late at night, and it opens, and there's a man in there you don't know. And you just get a bad feeling. Most people would shake off that fear because they don't want to offend the guy by letting the doors shut in his face. So they get into a steel, soundproof box with someone they're afraid of. And he said that's something no other animal in nature would do. Another interesting thing he said is that men at their core are afraid that women are going to laugh at them. Women on the other hand, are afraid that men are going to kill them.

 

[Akitta21]

I know I haven't posted a lot around here and most of you don't know me at all, but, I just felt like I had to contribute to this thread.
I've had my share of bad experiences throughout my life. Some were just creepy, others were more of a nightmare and made me the person I am today. One of the latter happened when I was in highschool. I started dating a guy I'd been friends with for almost a year. I thought I knew him and I actually trusted him. On our third month anniversary, he invited me to his place. We weren't going to be alone, so, I accepted. The first hour everything was normal and I was having fun and then it happened. He asked me to go with him in the bedroom because he wanted to show me something. Once I got there, he practically jumped on me and started trying to get my clothes off. I asked him to stop, but, he wouldn't, so, I started kicking at him. I don't know how I did it, but, in the end I managed to get away. I picked up my purse, started running and didn't stop until I was back at home. Needless to say that experience changed me a lot.
One of the things I learnt from this experience is that one can never be too careful. I'm not saying be paranoid (like me :tongue🙂, but, always have a back-up plan in case things go wrong.
I do realize, though, that my way of dealing with things isn't exactly a good one. I hardly have any rl friends, because, to be honest, people kind of scare me. Online, things aren't much different either. I hardly ever post anywhere and there are only a couple of people I talk to on a regular basis.
I wanted to say more, but, for some reason my mind is all over the place this morning, so, I'd better stop here. Sorry for the long post. Hope it didn't bore you too much. :tongue:

*resumes lurking

 

[ILLYRIAN]

Just a couple of things, WA said everbody here knows he is a bit of a liar, (page 1, post 11) problem is, that being so, was he dropping a little porky when he said about Wishing Oceans not being 12, or was he telling a porky pie by saying he tells porky pies?

HisMrs: you mentioned about remembering the show Magnum PI, what was it like? I'm to young to remember it tee hee.

Then there's Joan The Vampire Slayer, all that talk about Ted Bundy? Which character do you prefer? Angel or Spike?, cos they'd make Ted Bundy look like some one who just trod on an ant.

 

[Willow-Tree]

Thanks for making this post, WA, especially at a time like this when it is relevant and needed.

 

[Skytteflickan88]

Just a side note about Ted Bundy: James Marsters played him in a two part mini series. God how creepy it was to see him play that roll, even more so after I read about Ted Bundy on wikipedia (I only knew that he was a serial killer, not much about the sexual parts).

It was scary. Imagine Spike+Ted Bundy in one person. That's how I saw that scene.

I'm not sure I'll ever dare to go to a convention where James is again. brrr

 

[Mumrik]

A few months ago, I met a guy at a bar. We chatted for a while, had a drink, that was about it. For some stupid reason, I gave him my number. I never expected to see him again. The next day, I woke up and checked my phone and there were 14 missed calls from the same number. I ignored him, but he kept texting me really inappropriate and angry texts for days. I had to call my phone company and get his number blocked. It was a huge hassle. I saw him recently at the same bar (my favorite) and he totally came up to me and was like, "Why haven't you called? I thought we had a connection. Are you blowing me off?" He totally weirded me out. Thankfully, the bartender knows me and asked him to leave. but the moral of the story is that you seriously need to be careful about giving people any sort of personal information about yourself. I never tell anyone I meet what neighborhood I live in, or where I work. You just never know...

Thank God the people there had your back. That could've ended way differently.

This reminds me of an encounter I had about half a year ago. I was at a club with two friends whom I hadn't seen in a while, so it was ladies' night. When I came out of the toilet, I saw them chatting to two guys, joined them and immediately one of them started to get into my personal space - which I'm weird about even with friends (which then I thought was because of the loud music but now I don't think so) -, asking very personal, weird questions, harrassing me and just made me feel so uncomfortable and small (which rarely happens), so I said I was seeing someone and just not interested and then he was all, "What, you don't like black man?" and started calling me names. Because clearly, guilt-tripping and insulting a girl is how you get them. So I flat-out told him it was because he was a douche and left. I know he called after me and was glad he didn't follow me immediately which I really didn't put past him at that point because I wouldn't have known what to do. I took a self-defense course a few years back but I doubt I could've recalled any of that at that moment, I was so freaked out.
Later that night, I was starting to get calls from a foreign number I didn't know so I didn't answer it. I found out the next day that my stupid friend gave my number to that creep. Yeah, thanks. Who gives out other people's numbers to complete strangers? The calls continued for a few weeks at all times of the day and night before I thought of calling the company and blocking his number. Just glad he finally gave up. Creep.

 

[Joan the Vampire Slayer]

I know I haven't posted a lot around here and most of you don't know me at all, but, I just felt like I had to contribute to this thread.
I've had my share of bad experiences throughout my life. Some were just creepy, others were more of a nightmare and made me the person I am today. One of the latter happened when I was in highschool. I started dating a guy I'd been friends with for almost a year. I thought I knew him and I actually trusted him. On our third month anniversary, he invited me to his place. We weren't going to be alone, so, I accepted. The first hour everything was normal and I was having fun and then it happened. He asked me to go with him in the bedroom because he wanted to show me something. Once I got there, he practically jumped on me and started trying to get my clothes off. I asked him to stop, but, he wouldn't, so, I started kicking at him. I don't know how I did it, but, in the end I managed to get away. I picked up my purse, started running and didn't stop until I was back at home. Needless to say that experience changed me a lot.
One of the things I learnt from this experience is that one can never be too careful. I'm not saying be paranoid (like me :tongue🙂, but, always have a back-up plan in case things go wrong.
I do realize, though, that my way of dealing with things isn't exactly a good one. I hardly have any rl friends, because, to be honest, people kind of scare me. Online, things aren't much different either. I hardly ever post anywhere and there are only a couple of people I talk to on a regular basis.
I wanted to say more, but, for some reason my mind is all over the place this morning, so, I'd better stop here. Sorry for the long post. Hope it didn't bore you too much. :tongue:

*resumes lurking

I'm glad you shared with us!

Buffy is right about what she said. When I was younger, I tried so hard to be nice so I could make friends. Now, I've learned to just be authentic. I don't need to prove anything to anyone, or impress anyone either.

I had a sort of similar experience in high school. I knew this guy named Chris. He was really popular and all that, and he was always asking me out, but he wasn't really my type so I always said no. One day, he offered to walk me home from school and I agreed for some reason. So, we walked to my place, and he asked to come in. I was sort of embarrassed and didn't want to be mean, but I was really uncomfortable. My mom wasn't home, but I agreed to let him in anyway. After we got inside he started getting really aggressive, trying to kiss me, and asking me where my bedroom was and such. Good thing my DOG came from around the corner and scared him off!! My dog could see I was upset and he growled. Chris asked me if the dog would bite him, and I said yes. Chris totally freaked and left, lol. He never talked to me after that in school.

---------- Post added at 10:06 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:11 AM ----------

Skytteflickan88 agrees: Did you mean that he 'didn't' try to talk to you? Would be kind of weird if he acted like nothing.

No, I mean he literally never talked to me again. I guess he was embarrassed.

 

[BuffyElevated]

HisMrs: you mentioned about remembering the show Magnum PI, what was it like? I'm to young to remember it tee hee.

Well that seals it... I'm officially old. LOL No, serriously.. Magnum P.I. was on TV in the early 80's, when I was a little girl. It starred Tom Seleck as a private detective living in Hawaii and he always got himself into these crazy predicaments. I remember he had the most awesome car and the theme song was pretty smooth. My dad used to rock aviators like him and try to work the mustache like him. LMFAO

 

[Buffy Summers]

I LOVE the opening credits. Especially the part where he smacks the clip into the gun lol!

 

[Wishing Oceans]

I definitely agree with Buffy Summers.

I'm young, and very shy around all but those who know me best. 🙂 A lot of you probably don't know this, but I'm also an incredible push-over. Only my very very very best friend can't get me to do something one way or the other, and that's only most of the time, unfortunately. I'm learning to be less lenient (I'm horrible forgiving. One minute I'll be planning the death of someone who was terribly cruel to me, saying how I'll never ever forgive them, and the next I'll be back to my regular self. Literally. Happens a lot. 🙁 ) but that's only with my closest friends. Like, I have this huge fear of accidentally offending someone, especially since most people absolutely love how sweet and easygoing I am. Especially bossy people. They always adore someone who will willing do what they tell them to. ::grrr::

And believe me, I've been told a million times, mostly by my mom, that I need to become less tolerant and trusting. I mean, if someone asked me to help them look for their dog, I would. I mean, I'm not STUPID, but I care a lot about what people think of me, and I wouldn't want to seem impolite. 😀

Like, in theory I really don't trust anyone. I would say that I'm very honest, but I have multiple personalities. 😀 But still, whether or not I trust anyone or not, I try to be respectful to everyone, especially people that don't usually warrant respect.

Luckily, since I don't go to bars where creeps usually reside 😀 , I've only had two slightly freaky experiences in my whole 12 year life. Here's how the most recent one went:

It was a couple of months ago, and I was walking to my bus stop. Now, I'm a fast walker, but it still takes me like 3 minutes to get there when I'm taking shortcuts. So, I'm always a bit wary of that. But anyway. So, I was walking, and I decided to text two of my friends an early morning hello. A little while later (I was still walking) and they hadn't responded. Then, while I was STILL walking, I got a text from an unknown number asking me who I was. And so I responded "uh, I'm Oriana, who are YOU?" And then she said that her name was Maria or something, and asked how I got her number. (Her number had the same zip code of where I used to live before I moved, but I had never heard of her before). I said that I didn't know her number because I never texted her, she texted me, so how did she get MY number? She said that no, I texted her first saying hi, so tell her how I got her number. And then I said, nooo, I texted my FRIENDS hello, I never texted you, I have no idea how you got my number. But sorry. And then she was like, oh, that's ok. I forgive you. So then I said, ok, well thank you, bye.

And then comes the even creepier part, ignoring the part how she somehow got my number: After I said goodbye, she responded, with a smiley, "oh, you can stay and talk if you want." Now THAT sent off crazy warning bells in my head! So I lied and said that I had to go, and she said Ok, bye.

Next, the creepier creepy part: The next day, she texted me AGAIN, saying hi and what's up? Seriously. This girl, I'm assuming that she's a girl, is texting somebody that she's never ever met, and acting like we're best friends? Hm. There's something wrong with this picture. So I just didn't respond and blocked her, what a creeper. 😀

Actually, funny story, a couple of weeks ago my mom set up a "text message safety test" for me, which apparently I failed. See, my sisters boyfriend, who's friends with me more or less, started texting me. I didn't have his number, so when he said "ORIANA!! BEST FRIEND!!" I had no idea who was speaking, so I asked who it was. Then he, or she as I'd presumed, said that she/he was my best friend. (By this time the test was in motion) So then I said, "well than, who's my best friend? 🙂 " And than he said, "are you cute?", blatantly ignoring what I'd asked, which obviously put me on red alert than either one of my friends had a sick sense of humor or that I was talking to a creep. So, I gave the vague answer of "Uh I don't know, you tell me". Once again he/she ignored that and asked if I lived in (lol, I'm not gonna tell you guys!). And I responded that yeah, I did. And then he asked how old am I. So I responded "how are you my best friend if you don't even know how old I am?"

So then I got a text from my sister saying "DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS!" And the guy I was texting, Matt, sent me a text saying "STRANGER DANGER!!" among other things that I shouldn't say when I don't know who I'm talking to. 😀 Needless to say, I was kinda annoyed, especially because I didn't really give away anything he could've found me with..

But anyway. The only ever time was when I was at a practice for a sport I played and I noticed that this girl was taking pictures of me. I had never seen the girl before, nor had anyone else, and she was only taking pics of ME. SO, right when practice ended, I was going to run and ask her who she was and why was she photographing me. But, as soon as practice ended she disappeared. *Frowns* Weird, but luckily nothing ever happened. 😀

Also, Facebook is like the place for finding someone. In fact, just today I decided to edit any personal info out of my profile. The only things that any of my friends will now know about is what books, movies, and quotes I like. It no longer shows my birthday, email address, school, hometown, religion, and things like that. Nope, I have a safe facebook now. 😀 And I'm afraid of using Myspace. No, I have learned while growing up that Myspace is where the rapists and pedophiles hang, so I'm comfortable saying that I aint never gettin' one of those. 😀

But the point is, you can never be too sure. It's not just over the internet that you need to be cautious: Cell phones, social networking sites, all those things are also fantastic modern ways to get someone. You never really know what someone is like, so trust your instinct. If something doesn't feel right, then it's probably not.

 

[InsaneMystic]

Yeah, I'm in the old people club here too. 🙂 We even had a teacher in school (I had him in history and French) who looked a lot like Selleck's "Magnum" character, and all the girls swooned over him and nicknamed him "Higgins" (which, I guess, shows the insane troll logic of early pubescent girls, I guess 😉).

EDIT
...and once again, my post gets to need a footnote to sort out the logics. I was, of course, commenting on the Magnum PI thing... before WO again posted smth in between. You're just too fast for me, I guess! 😀

 

[Skytteflickan88]

HisMrs agrees: I agree... It was weird seeing James play someone like Ted Bundy. I'd rather him play a soulless vampire than a human with the devil's soul/

Ooooh, that's poetic "Devil's soul"

And I agree, James' Bundy was in a way creepier than how he played Spike The tone of the series is of course different from Buffy/Angel which plays a part in that (I mean it's based on a real story, not a show about vampires, so naturally it's stronger that way). But human monsters generally scare me more than supernatural monsters.

 

[StuckinTraffic]

I haven't been around the boards as much in recent months, and it shows, because I just found out about this. Not just today, a couple days ago, but yeah.

All I can say is that I'm MAD. I'm furious! I'm filled with so much rage that I feel like fire is going to shoot out of my eye sockets. Not for me.....he was a bastard, and we weren't really friends, but I don't blame myself. He showed us one of many faces, and we took it at face value, because that's what most of us do. We can only learn about a person what they choose to let us learn. What I'm mad (FURIOUS!!!!) about is that he hurt my good friend. She trusted him and he abused that trust, twisted it in to corkscrew. While his actions were heinous...that's the thing that will make me rip his arms from the sockets, gouge out his eyes, and beat him to a sticky paste if I ever happen across him in an alley. Or in broad daylight on a busy street. Or in a restaurant. Bastard.

I have a teen-aged daughter. This is the kind of stuff that keeps me up at night, gives me nightmares. I hope that bastard rots.

 

[Mr. Pointy]

I'm glad that when SiT and I met up she wasn't thinking those thoughts ^^ 😀

...but seriously, what people have said is right...better safe than sorry. When we met up for BBTx it was in a public place - SiT was with a friend and I was with Mrs P - fortunately we all got along swimmingly and had a great evening.
Basically, you all need to be careful folks...I wouldn't want to see any of you get into any kind of trouble...not everyone is like SiT and me...we're bloody brilliant and what you see is what you get 🙂

 

[Tueuse de Vampires]

All of this has really put me into an inner conflict lately.
As some of you might or might not be aware of, I am by nature pretty naive. I trust everyone, I give my phone number out to strangers to be nice, heck, I've even slept with guys to be nice.
Now that I'm getting older I'm really torn about some things. It's like a part of me is really scared of everything (within reason), but another part of me knows that I also can't trust nobody, that would also be bad.

But first something about the internet thing...

When I was 12 my brother already taught me a valuable lesson. Back then I went to the same chatroom a lot, and of course he knew my nickname and when I was online. So one day when he knew I was online, he logged in pretending to be Elli, a 13-year-old from Cologne. I talked to 'her' until I had to go offline. When I came home that day my brother just asked me "How is Elli", and needless to say, I was shocked.
I guess I should be thankful to have a brother who is so concerned for me, but to be honest, I don't think that encounter had too deep an impact on me, sadly.
Because in the years to come I did some mighty stupid stuff online. I gave strangers my phone number, I gave people I had talked to a couple of times my full address, I put pictures of me online that would've knocked my parents out had they known about them. And, of course the worst, I met with people from online, sometimes merely because they lived in the same town as me.
Luckily, nothing bad every really happened to me in my teens, and I think that's something I should be really thankful for.

But here's a nice twist. A lot of you have written they're careful about who they add on Facebook, and they prefer people they've actually met etc.
Well, I'm not sure how many of you are aware of that, but 3 members from the Boards, namely me, Definition of Insane, and itsxpaperdoll actually did meet him in person. And he seemed like a nice enough guy. And he also brought a friend as a sort of security.
So here you see, you can even meet people and judge them as nice guys, and still you don't know anything about them really.


And now back to real life.

The experience that scared me the most so far was when I was biking alone around midnight to some friends of mine. I live in a village, they in the nearby city, so I always have to ride along a street that's basically the middle of nowhere, no houses for at least a kilometer. When I was biking along that way, already pretty close to the city, I saw a man with a dog, coming from the city. I think he wanted to ask me something, but I got so scared I never even slowed down but accelerated instead. When I told some of my friends, they made fun of me and how scared I got. But I still think it was the right decision, if you run into a stranger alone in the middle of nowhere by night, I don't think you can be too careful.

But that story aside, there's been some pretty bad situations. I remember one night I wanted to go out, but none of my friends were up for it. So I ended up going by myseld to several clubs in the city. At the end of the night I went home with 2 guys to their place and we got high. It was completely innocent, and they were absolutely nice guys, but in retrospective I cannot help but really wonder how stupid I was and what kind of trouble I could've gotten into.

I've also had a couple of one night stands where I took guys I didn't really know home to my place. This is especially a dilemma, since I don't really wanna stop doing that, but at the same time I'm also aware that you shouldn't just take strangers home to your place.

I only wish we'd live in a safer world, where you could just trust everybody you meet. Would make things so much easier.