Women Folk; I need your help

Status
Not open for further replies.
H

Hero

Scooby
Joined
Oct 18, 2003
Messages
2,880
Ok, this is a thread that I made because I need the female population on this board to help me. I want you to pretend that the situation I'm going to describe is happening to you and what you would tell your girl friend if she were in this situation.

My 'friend' (choice adjective excluded) Nick is..well..kinda a sexual predator. He's tried to have sex with about six girls now, and has gotten violent with them when they say no. The last person he did something to was my cousin while I was upstairs. I remember posting something about it on the board. My friend, Jessica, is becoming friends with him now and he already wants to go to some private places with her. I'm scared that he's gunna do the same thing to her that he did to all the other girls. I'm trying to tell her that she's walking into danger because in the near future he's going to sexually assault her like he did all the other girls. I'm trying to protect her from getting hurt because it's a matter of time.

What would you tell your friend if she was in that situation?
 
Well, if it were my friend, I'd tell her to be careful! First though I'd make sure that my friend would understand what exactly shes getting herself into. I'd also say not to get too friendly with him, because of what he'd do. Also, try not to let them go off somewhere, just the two of them, in case something happens. I mean, let her have a personal life and all, but just kind of keep an eye on them I guess.
Also, maybe you should try talking to your friend Nick. It's really really not a good thing, what he's been doing. If he keeps it up, someone can go to the police about it, and he could end up in serious trouble. He needs to be stopped, actually.

But overall I would just keep warning her and letting her know that he's really not a good person to be around...and if you think somethings happening, go to someone. Get help. And if he does hurt Jessica, then something should really be done.

That's all the advice I've got for you...I hope it helps alittle 🙂
 
H
Hero
it did help. any advice is good advice.
Absolutely tell her, and make sure she knows that you're deadly serious, that the guy has been known to get violent with girls who turn him down. If he's gotten rowdy with those other girls, you have to understand that the risk of violence in that context far outweighs anything else. Really, it doesn't matter what you say, all that matters is that she knows what this guy is capable of. Your overriding concern is to make her understand that the guy is dangerous, and if he is violent with girls on the basis that they aren't interested, that's what he is - Dangerous.

Ask her for a chat (Anybody who starts a conversation by telling you they need a conversation has something important to say). Explain to her that a) You aren't jealous or interested in her yourself, and that's not why you're telling her this. b) You've noticed that she's been hanging out with this guy. You know for a fact that the guy is dodgy. Tell her exactly what you know that he's done - not rumours, not vague suggestions. Mention that one of the girls involved is a member of your family. Exact factual information, and only facts. "Sexual Assault" is an extremely serious term, don't use it lightly. c) Tell her that after that, it's up to her what she does, you just thought she should know, because you're worried for her safety.

After that, it's up to her. If you've explained everything you know seriously and with a level head, you've done all you can. Don't get obsessive about it, because if she knows exactly what you know about the situation, you can't be expected to do anything more unless she asks you for help at a later stage

G'Luck..
 
H
Hero
i think someone should become a mod! this post is so insightful and intellegent! Jill deserves some major props!
TELL HER!

But you can't just be rought and say "Oh well, such and such is just going to rape you, so don't ever ever go near him!

You've got to have a heart-to -heat and tell her what you know in a gently way and explain to her. Make sure that she really understands.
 
H
Hero
well i should be rought and tell her that because sometimes that's all that'll work
Well, I can't follow her around. If she makes plans and doesn't tell me anything about it there's nothing I can do. And I did tell her what he does to women and she really doesn't seem to care. Sometimes guys and gals get a little blinded when they like someone. There's not time to have a heart to heart conversation with her because she told me she was going out with him tomorrow. He's more capable of other things too. There's a whole other back story that I'm not posting here, but if anyone wants to hear it, feel free to PM me.
 
Fair enough. It's tough. Does she just not care about what he's done, or does she not believe you? If she's going out with her tomorrow, and she really doesn't know how serious you are about how dangerous this guy is, could you ring her? If not, then it really is beyond your control. You can't be responsible for her if you're both on equal footing regarding your knowledge of the guy.

But, it might be worth saying, if something unpleasant does occur at some stage, it's important that you treat her as you would if you never had any suspicions about the guy. If (And I stress, If) it gets to that, she's going to expect a certain degree of I-Told-You-So, and if she were to get any sense at all of that, real or imagined, it would be even less fun for all concerned.
 
Well, if you have already warned her about this guy and she chooses not to heed your advice , then you have done all you can do at this point. You cant follow her around to protect her but you can let her know that you will be there for her if she needs to talk. Sounds as though your friend is following her heart and not her head. I certainly hope that this guy doesnt have the opportunity to take advantage of her. If he does, then I hope that she will have the courage to report him and make sure that it happens to no one else. At this point all you can do is be a friend to her and dont say "I told you so" if she gets hurt. Goodluck.
 
Jill: Ring her? Oh! You mean call her. Duh. LoL. Yeah. I actually see her in about a half hour. LoL. But it's during class so I can't really shout across the room, "you're gunna get raped if you go with him!" I think it's that she doesn't believe me because she's one of those always innocent and nonjudgmental people. So in her eyes everyone is golden even if she doesn't know their history. She's gunna look at it like, he's never done anything to me, so he's safe to be around.

slayersdestiny: yeah, no one around here seems to be able to report him. they all just let it fly over their heads and usually think they did something wrong.
 
Like I said to you on AIM, women like to be independent. Some won't listen to their friends if they're getting some extra attention from someone they like. I have a friend who's the same... remember.

Now you've told her already. Well, that means that somewhere in her head there will be alarmbells. She will look out for any signs that this guy is going to hurt her. And, hopefully because of what you've said, she'll be careful about where she goes with him. Perhaps you should tell her this. Tell her that she should know where to escape to if she needs to.

I don't want to tell you that there's nothing you can do. Just, sometimes these things need to be explained by experience. She'll be careful because of what you've told her. I'm sure of that.

Don't forget to tell her that you care about her and that's the only reason you're telling her these things. You don't want her to get hurt. That'll make the alarmbells clearer if something were to happen.

I'm sorry I can't be of that much help, but Good luck!

*hugs*
 
K
killerdwarf
Top drawer advice, partner! You've learned well in your time!
I know you are asking for help from the ladies here Hero but I can't help but comment.

I remember the first thread you made about this guy. Given what you said in this thread and the last one I'll tell you what this guy needs, a really good a** kickin'. If he was one of my former friends (notice the subtle hint there buddy) I would get some friends together and thump the guy. I don't normally advocate this type of behaviour, but in this guys case I make an exception because I think it's what he needs.

Anyways, sorry for gooing against the thread title but I needed to rant on this.
 
K
killerdwarf
I think you cannelled my last talk with Hero about this, BN.
It's ok. Men can comment too, it's just that women know how to help in the subject matter better than guys because guys really don't get raped unless we're in jail. And women have a better way with communicating with each other than men do. So I was looking for the right thing to tell her so she doesn't get hurt.

She wasn't in school yesterday and isn't answering her cell phone which makes me nervous because she NEVER misses school, ever.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top Bottom