Women who don't want children

[Chosen Enemy]

When I was much younger I used to pick names for my future kids. I used to decide that in the future I would be the best mum ever. But over the past few years I realized I don't want children AT ALL. I don't like being around children, I don't feel comfortable around them. I don't want to be pregnant and have the kids, raise them, argue with them when they're teens, having that responsibiily for 18 years. And basically I feel that if I had children, I'd ruin my life. On the other hand, I'm scared of being alone in the end. Should I have children for that selfish reason of not wanting to be alone?

Some time ago, I found another forum, which its theme was women who don't want children. And I was surprised to see that the nubmer of women not wanting children is very high. Because some people think that every person comes into this world to have babies. Or that it's the woman's job. My mother, for example, when I told her that I didn't want kids, she simply thought I was unnormal. She thinks that every woman wants kids, and that if a woman doesn't it makes her stupid and not normal. I showed her that other forum, with all those women, to prove to her that some women don't want kids at all. And she just said that they're (the women from the forum) all stupid.

As I came to realize, it's all not what it used to be. The world is not as it used to be. A woman can decide she doesn't want children. But not everybody approves of it. We're in the year 2011. Women can choose not being a baby machine. And they shouldn't be afraid to say they don't want to be, just because we were born with the body parts for that. I'm not afraid to say that I don't want children. I don't even want to hold babies, or talk to children because I don't feel comfortable. I even begged my little brother to never have children, because I don't want to be an aunt. I don't mind what my mother says. She can think I'm not normal as much as she wants. It still wouldn't make any difference. And I think people should be brave enough to say outloud that they don't want something that our society says we must. But peolple keep saying to you that in a few years you'll change your mind. Why would I? Why should I? I know I don't want that, just like you know you don't want to sleep on a bed covered with glass pieces.

Also, we must remember that there are people who have children when they can't give them good lives. Like if they don't have money, or they abuse them, etc. Those people are the people that shouldn't have children, but still do.
On the other hand, there are people who want children so bad and can't, for physical reasons.

What do you think of all that? Do you think a woman's job is to give birth only? What about the person herself who has the kids? Do you think our society pressures us to have kids? And that sometimes we feel like we must just because it's 'normal" and everybody else does?

 

[Cast No Shadow]

It's certainly not a woman's job just to have children. Maybe a few hundred years ago it was, when women apparently didn't have brains, certainly didn't have the vote, and definitely had no rights in the home.

Things have changed. If you don't want children, then good for you. There's nothing weird about that. However, I really do think that society pressures people into having children. There's a sort of feeling that women who don't want children are "cold" and that it's "unnatural", while this is just the pre-historic, mysogenistic view that society apparently tries to distance itself from.

While I would love to have children (in the very distant future) the thought of breast-feeding makes me feel a bit ill. I really don't want to, however even that is met with a bit of revulsion, I've told people and they're like, "What? It's the most natural thing in the world."

When really, no. It's my body. It will have been on loan for 9 months, and after that, I want it back, OK?

Ha, rant over.

But I respect your opinion, and think others should too. Peace x

 

[Wishing Oceans]

Do you think a woman's job is to give birth only?

Of course not. Imo, if a person's job was ONLY to continue the species, all we would be doing here is existing for the sake of existing, not living lives. If that makes sense. 😛

Also, it kind of goes with that saying... Just because you can do something, it doesn't mean that you should do it.

Do you think our society pressures us to have kids?

Oh, society pressures everyone to do so many things, I've grown so accustomed to it, I don't even notice anymore. It IS considered abnormal to not desire childbirth, though, that much is obvious. I myself am very opposed to the idea of having children, and when I tell that to others, almost all of them say "That's weird." or, even more commonly, "You won't say that when you're older." <- that is very aggravating. 😉 Something being common doesn't make it a rule.

And that sometimes we feel like we must just because it's 'normal" and everybody else does?

I've never felt that way, and I've never met anyone else who has. *shrug* It seems to me that people with more individualistic preferences and beliefs are usually more vocal about it rather than submissive, because the people themselves are more individualistic as well.

But, of course, there's always an exception or two. 🙂

 

[BuffyElevated]

Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. I have a couple of friends who have chosen not to have children. They don't like children, and they have blatantly come out and said "I like my freedom and doing things I want too much to have any kids to give that freedom up to, and to spend my money on." Some people think this is really selfish and immature, but I applaud them for at least recognizing that they are too selfish to have children. It's the people that don't recognize that, and then spend their life being hateful and resentful toward their children that anger me the most. Babies don't ask to be born; maybe those people need to realize they should have been a little less carefree when it came to their sex lives. And yes, I realize that sometimes babies are accidents, but if you get pregnant by accident and don't want the child, there are lots of couples out there who would love to adopt that baby and raise it as theirs because they can't have any of their own.

Being a mother means giving yourself 100% to someone else, at least until they're old enough to take care of themselves. If you don't know without a doubt that you are willing to do this, then you're not ready to be a parent, period. I'm glad that in this day and age we do have so many options for birth control and that there are things out there like adoption that can make sure that a child can get a better life.

I do think society pressures women into having children, and that's wrong. There is no law saying you have to have children, and there shouldn't be anyone out there telling you that you have to have a child. It's definitely not a woman's job or place to have babies... Yes, we do need babies to keep being born for the sake of future generations, but that doesn't have to mean pumping out piles of kids left and right.

 

[Blondie Bear]

I feel the exact same as you, CE. I don't want kids. Ever. I think I'd be a terrible mom and I'd always feel that MY life was on hold for the kids, which I don't want. If that makes me selfish, so be it. I can live with that.

I haven't felt a lot of pressure to have kids, though, possibly because my brother has two (so the family's taken care of) and I spend most of my time around other academics, who tend to be liberal and feminist and believe that if you don't want kids, you don't have kids and that's all there is to it.

 

[Ianigsy]

I think we do run the risk of walking into a situation where educated middle class women either don't have children or just have one, so the majority of children being born grow up in poorer households and don't necessarily have all the support they could have when it comes to education and life choices. And I know at least one couple in their thirties where husband and wife are both in managerial jobs and they made a deliberate decision not to have children because they liked their high-end cars and holidays in the tropics too much.

My parents were of the first generation to have been able to have the Pill if they'd wanted it, but as it turned out my mum was technically infertile and should never have been able to have me. Unfortunately that's not something I tend to deal with very well- because I shouldn't exist, it's tempting to believe that I was put here to do something specific and it's frustrating when that doesn't happen!

 

[PrincessBuffy16]

If you don't want children, don't have them. If you don't feel comfortable around them, don't have them. No one is forcing you, that's your life style. Having babies is not your job just because you're a woman. You should respect your wishes and feelings, and hey, maybe one day, your feelings will change. Maybe when you meet someone, or when you grow up some more, you never know.

Unlike you, I want kids. I want 4 of them. I already have names. I really like kids.

 

[Doppelgang]

There is definitely pressure for women to have children, or atleast to look up to that as being the goal of their life, and yet so many women (and men), as you mention, who aren't ready to have kids and be a good role model for their kids have them and probably because of this pressure to be "normal".

I think the biological side of this kind of thing of a natural instinct to be a mother etc. is actually over-rated, and it is mainly cultural norms that are responsible for giving women a desire to pursue the goal of having children and being a mother.

I personally would like the idea of being a parent at some point but I wouldn't want to do it unless I was ready for that kind of responsibility, and I'm not sure if I would ever want to handle that responsibility, so I suppose what seems like a good idea wouldn't necessarily be a good thing to do in reality.

I wouldn't recommend choosing to be a mother just to avoid being alone as there is a lot of responsibility to being a parent beyond being a friend and companion to your kids. And there are many other ways to make friends that are much easier and quicker and require alot less of a long-term commitment and responsiblity.

 

[zobothehobo]

I do want to have children. I can't wait to have kids. But if someone else doesn't, that's their choice.

I personally see no problem with a woman who doesn't want kids. My sister shudders at the thought of having kids and quite frankly, I shudder at the thought of her being a parent. She'd be such a terrible mother, she knows it, her boyfriend knows it, the family knows it... She'd just be so bad. Everyone's pretty much know this about my sister and accepted it since we were ids. She never had much interest in playing mommy with the dolls. When we played games like that, I was the mother and she was the slightly rude but funny sarcastic aunt. That's totally her role. And I couldn't picture her as anything but.

That all being said, she has had people who don't know her well look at her and say "Huh? You don't want kids?! Why not?!!?!" But then they get to know her and they get it.

 

[Nix]

When I was much younger I used to pick names for my future kids. I used to decide that in the future I would be the best mum ever. But over the past few years I realized I don't want children AT ALL. I don't like being around children, I don't feel comfortable around them. I don't want to be pregnant and have the kids, raise them, argue with them when they're teens, having that responsibiily for 18 years. And basically I feel that if I had children, I'd ruin my life. On the other hand, I'm scared of being alone in the end. Should I have children for that selfish reason of not wanting to be alone?

Some time ago, I found another forum, which its theme was women who don't want children. And I was surprised to see that the nubmer of women not wanting children is very high. Because some people think that every person comes into this world to have babies. Or that it's the woman's job. My mother, for example, when I told her that I didn't want kids, she simply thought I was unnormal. She thinks that every woman wants kids, and that if a woman doesn't it makes her stupid and not normal. I showed her that other forum, with all those women, to prove to her that some women don't want kids at all. And she just said that they're (the women from the forum) all stupid.

As I came to realize, it's all not what it used to be. The world is not as it used to be. A woman can decide she doesn't want children. But not everybody approves of it. We're in the year 2011. Women can choose not being a baby machine. And they shouldn't be afraid to say they don't want to be, just because we were born with the body parts for that. I'm not afraid to say that I don't want children. I don't even want to hold babies, or talk to children because I don't feel comfortable. I even begged my little brother to never have children, because I don't want to be an aunt. I don't mind what my mother says. She can think I'm not normal as much as she wants. It still wouldn't make any difference. And I think people should be brave enough to say outloud that they don't want something that our society says we must. But peolple keep saying to you that in a few years you'll change your mind. Why would I? Why should I? I know I don't want that, just like you know you don't want to sleep on a bed covered with glass pieces.

Also, we must remember that there are people who have children when they can't give them good lives. Like if they don't have money, or they abuse them, etc. Those people are the people that shouldn't have children, but still do.
On the other hand, there are people who want children so bad and can't, for physical reasons.

What do you think of all that? Do you think a woman's job is to give birth only? What about the person herself who has the kids? Do you think our society pressures us to have kids? And that sometimes we feel like we must just because it's 'normal" and everybody else does?

Firstly, money is not everything. Love comes first and money helps but is not the most important thing.

I think every woman has the right to choose and to change her mind.

I know a lot of friends that have chosen not to have children and some that said no but then changed their minds when the right person came along.🙂

 

[Connor Holtz]

Woman who don't want kids! I'm shocked and appalled. The nerve of these people.

 

[Chosen Enemy]

I just remembered something that might have anything to do with it.
When I'm in acting class, I can play any character, you name it. But if I'm supposed to pretend to be a mother... well, I'm terrible! And I'm a pretty good actress (people say, I'm don't complimenting myself). But playing a mother, I can't pull it off. Every time!

Also, it might sound horrible to the mothers here, please don't take this personally, but when someone calls me a mother, even to my pets, I feel like they curse me, like it's an insult or something.

---------- Post added at 02:03 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:00 PM ----------

Firstly, money is not everything. Love comes first and money helps but is not the most important thing.

I think every woman has the right to choose and to change her mind.

I know a lot of friends that have chosen not to have children and some that said no but then changed their minds when the right person came along.🙂

Money is important if you want children. If you want your child to be able to eat, have clothes, get an education and such, you better have money to give them that. I'm not saying being rich. Just a decent enough amount of money to feed them and all that.

About the last part, I don't really believe that if I find a man I will want to have children. Not talking about me personally, because I don't even want a partner.

 

[KellGreen]

Also, it might sound horrible to the mothers here, please don't take this personally, but when someone calls me a mother, even to my pets, I feel like they curse me, like it's an insult or something.

Money is important if you want children. If you want your child to be able to eat, have clothes, get an education and such, you better have money to give them that. I'm not saying being rich. Just a decent enough amount of money to feed them and all that.

About the last part, I don't really believe that if I find a man I will want to have children. Not talking about me personally, because I don't even want a partner.

I think the first thing is more of a societal/social thing. Mother isn't necessary an insult or a compliment; the connotations seem to be that you are old or no longer sexy.

Yes, money is VERY important. Just the necessities seem to cost so much. I fall just above "poor," but enough so that she's not lacking for anything she needs, but we can't afford to (probably ever) go on a vacation to Disneyland or the HP Wizarding World or really anywhere. It's hard, but I've so far been able to give her way more than I had growing up. I think it's okay to be a bit poor in that I definitely have a different view of the importance (or lack thereof) of material things.

As for the last, it is a personal thing. One sister has 3 kids, the other will not "add to the over population of the Earth" (her words). I have 1 and don't want any more.

 

[sisterofmercy]

I definitely don't want children; they're annoying, messy and expensive. Plus I'm far too selfish to sacrifice 18 years of my life just to raise them when I could be out doing things for myself. Besides which I think there's plenty of children out there who do need homes, it makes more sense to take them in and foster them or whatever, rather than adding more humans to the planet. I wouldn't mind fostering as much, but even then it's not something I really want to do.

I do think there's still this expectation that women will, at some point, have children and then raise them. I suppose it's the idea that it's all part of going through life for women, so it's like a rite of passage. When I say I don't want children I'm often met with shocked looks or get the old 'you'll change your mind once you're older' shtick, which I find incredibly patronising if I'm honest.

However, I think it's becoming increasingly acceptable for men to step in and take care of the children while the mother goes to work, plus there's paternity leave for fathers now too, so there's some element of pressure on the male's side too. I guess once you get to your mid-twenties/early thirties and all your friends start having children, it must feel a bit like they're the odd one out as well, so I wouldn't say it's an expectation that's exclusive to women anymore.

 

[Mumrik]

I used to think I didn't want children, but recently, I started to think that, actually, I just don't want biological children, which, largely, is seen as weird as not wanting to have any at all.

I have personal reasons for this; being completely freaked out and grossed out by pregnancy being one of them. I don't intend to offend anyone with this, I realise most people have the complete opposite view of mine, I just really don't want it to happen to my body. I'm also of the opinion there are enough children in the world who'd love to have a home, so I definitely don't need a biological child. Sadly, the adoption process in Germany is astrocious, so it would probably be easier to have a biological one.

I'm obviously not against people having biological children, its their lives and their choices afterall, I just really don't think it's right for me.

But I'd be completely fine if I got together with someone who has a child with a former partner or adopted one when the right woman to raise it with comes along. ... Some time down the line, when I'm older and more mature and can afford to feed and clothe a child and send it to school and go on holiday. I don't see that happening too soon. But I can see it happening. I'm good with children. Not with babies, though, I'd probably just drop them.

 

[Jay Jade]

I'm undecided on whether or not I want children or not.
If I did, I'd definitely want to see them grow up, graduate, make friends, go to college, get married etc like my grandparents watched my parents or how my parents are watching me grow now.

It's understandable if somebody doesn't want to be a mother or have any kids. I'd probably settle for adoption. There are kids who need homes, would be no use bringing more in.

I sometimes sit around and think up names and sometimes recycle some names into middle names though...

I don't blame anyone for not having children. It's their choice.

I'm proud of those who are mothers and those who choose not to be.
It's your life. Do whatever you want with it =3

 

[prophecygrrl]

I frickin' love kids! 😀 Right now I think it'd be pretty cool to have kids, but realistically, when I'm older and working on a career and stuff, it might be too hard. I don't know yet. I like the idea of adoption though, and I hate the social pressure not only to have kids, but to have biological children. Nothing wrong with having biological kids of course, but I think the high level of social stress on having them is dangerous (especially to people who have trouble conceiving) and a bit over the top.

 

[Wishing Oceans]

I could never have kids, myself. 🙂 I'm far too "selfish". I put that in quotations because it's certainly true, but I don't like the negative connotations put on the word. I'm the most important person to myself, and I would never want to put my (hopefully very successful) life on hold for at least 18 years (parenting is really a lifetime type thing a lot of the time) to take care of yet another person that most likely won't even appreciate it. Just will not happen. But hey, that's just me. 🙂

 

[Marisa]

I think it is shocking for someone to hear a woman doesn't want kids. I know when someone I know says it people go "are you serious" I personally don't know if I want kids anymore. I used to but the way the world is today I don't even know. I like that it is a choice though.

 

[xfivebyfive]

I want kids, really badly. I've always wanted kids and I can't imagine not wanting kids. But I dont think its wrong to not want kids. I personally adore children. I love them even when they are being messy and annoying and pains in the butt. I just love being around kids, working with them, teaching them, caring for them. Which is why I want children of my own so badly.

But if you don't want kids don't have them. Especially if you think you will be a bad parent cause there are enough bad parents out there as it is.