Women who don't want children

[Taake]

Firstly, no, it's not a woman's job to have children in my opinion, it's a choice most are willing to make. 🙂

On the other hand, I'm scared of being alone in the end. Should I have children for that selfish reason of not wanting to be alone?

I see your point but then, having children does not guarantee you won't be alone anyway, and not having children doesn't mean you will. 🙂 There are other kinds of families than the traditional one.

Also, we must remember that there are people who have children when they can't give them good lives. Like if they don't have money, or they abuse them, etc. Those people are the people that shouldn't have children, but still do.

Well this more or less fits my parents and several people in my surrounding and yes, I've been bitter and thought that these people should never have had children. But at the same time it's kind of harsh.
One cannot foresee abusive behavior - even in a parent who might seem likely. And even if one can saying that they shouldn't have children is in and of itself a punishment to the child... adversities can be overcome even if it's a rough ride and might just make the child/person it becomes a better person for it. (in the end I'm much better of for existing rather than not existing...)

And I certainly agree with Nix, money is not everything! Love is far, far more important than money and if one really tries one can make due with very little!
It's better to sacrifice comforts than love.

Firstly, money is not everything. Love comes first and money helps but is not the most important thing.

I think every woman has the right to choose and to change her mind.

I know a lot of friends that have chosen not to have children and some that said no but then changed their minds when the right person came along.🙂

100% agreed.

I could never have kids, myself. 🙂 I'm far too "selfish". I put that in quotations because it's certainly true, but I don't like the negative connotations put on the word. I'm the most important person to myself, and I would never want to put my (hopefully very successful) life on hold for at least 18 years (parenting is really a lifetime type thing a lot of the time) to take care of yet another person that most likely won't even appreciate it. Just will not happen. But hey, that's just me. 🙂

I have been strong in that conviction myself since I was about 11 years old. I've been waiting for it to become legal for me to get sterilized, that's how sure I've been. Since then I've had a baby brother that I've more or less raised single-handedly and still I remained steadfast in my opinion that I do not want children of my own.

Now at 25 I still feel that it is unlikely that I'll ever have children of my own for the reasons you yourself posted. However... a few months ago I experienced the sliver of a doubt about it... just a sliver, thinking of a future far ahead and I've put off the idea of sterilization indefinitely because of it. Just the hint of a doubt is enough not to do anything permanent 🙂

My point? Never say never... you never know how life will turn out 😉 That's the beauty of it...

 

[Spikefan31]

I've already decided how many kids I want and when I want to have them. 😀 However, being only 17, it's very possible that I could change my mind some time in the future.

I think it's every woman's choice whether to have kids or not, and that society shouldn't pressure women to do one thing or the other.

 

[charmedones193]

I remember when I was little I said that I didn't want kids, but now that I'm older I'd love to have kids (In the future, not now lol) But my doctor said that it would be VERY difficult for me to have children because I have PCOS (Polycystic ovary syndrome):/

Do you think a woman's job is to give birth only? No
Do you think our society pressures us to have kids? No
And that sometimes we feel like we must just because it's 'normal" and everybody else does? and No

 

[Ms.Trick]

I've read once an article saying there were more and more women who didn't want children, and that maternal instinct was more a common conception, that every woman doesn't have it.
Nice read.

And there is that amazing manga, Nana, in which one of the girls (N.) wonders if it is possible/normal that she doesn't have any maternal instinct, and also, if it is wrong if she chooses her career rather than making a family of her own.
The other girl (H.) is pregnant, and it was an incident. She was like a real baby, and she didn't know wether she'd abort or not. But in the end, she just understood that she couldn't abort, because this little being growing inside of her was hers, she was connected to him.
Even tough it's fiction, I was touched, because I could relate to both point of views.

Right now, the idea of having children is just...icky. Children don't really like me, I don't really like children. Some are just natural with kids, but I'm not. And what's the point of having children if you don't really want to, just for the sake of it? It's stupid. I'd rather have no children than have children I don't want to have. Plus, I'm kinda superstitious about that, I think not wanting your child might send him like some bad vibes, some negativity. He would maybe not be aware of it, but I think it would ruin the bound with the child.
So as long as I don't think "Ooooh, I want a baby too!", I just won't have any.
And to be quite honest, the idea of being a mum terrifies me since I was younger (showing childbirth videos at school when you are 11, not a a good idea). It seems so, so painful, and a bit gross, and the idea of having your...feminihood exposed and wide open and have a baby coming out of it...Yeah, I think the videos I've seen at school traumatized me.
I'm just terrified and get anxious when I think about that.

And the job I want to have after my studies will be quite fast-paced, and I don't want to have to stop it because I'll almost at the term of my pregnancy. Before having kids, I want to live my life, enjoy it as much as possible. The reason I'm studying at the university, even tough it's expansive and for 5 years, is because I have a precise idea of what I want to do. My aim is not to just have any relatively well-paid job to raise a family. I'll do something I'm interested in. Maybe I won't have a lot of money with it, but it doesn't matter as long as I can sustain myself.

Having children requires time, sacrifice, giving everything you got. I know I can do it, but I just don't want that immediately. I don't see that as selfish at all.
If I have children, I want the best for them. I want to be present for them. I want to bring them up right and that's not something I can do if I'm almost never home. There'll maybe be a time I will want to settle and have a family. If it doesn't come, it will be okay anyway, at least I wouldn't have given birth to unwanted children.

So really, my future line is something like that

---- finishing studies-----career------------------------(no?)children

Let's say it's an open end (even if right not I'm more in the NO-zone than in the YES-zone).



I feel quite pressured tough. When I say "I don't want to have kids, or if I have some it'll be at a certain age, and I don't, don't, don't want to get married at all", people are quite surprised. Everybody doesn't understand that life is not just about having a job-getting married-have children. It sometimes feel like we just live to reach those precise aim. As far as I'm concerned it's more "Having a job, check. The rest, we'll see. Can do with, can surely do without."

 

[arabella]

I just ran into one of my grad school professors at the mall Monday and she met my almost 10 month old son. We had a good laugh about how I had been convinced I should never have children because there was no chance I'd be able to keep a tiny human alive. I always worked with and loved children (I'm a child/ adolescent therapist!) but didn't want my own...until I suddenly did. I am fortunate to have a husband that is a serious co-parent. He stayed home for the first 6 months with our son while I worked, and now I'm home and he is working. I don't see having a child as being a hindrance to my career at all, in fact, it has made me more credible with my clients. That said, I think that having a child or not should be 100 % a choice. If its not for you, don't do it. If you decide later it is, do it. That is the beauty of it for me; that life is fluid and I get to make choices that best fit what I want. Never feel bad for following your heart.
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[patriot1123]

It's a shame that anyone feels pressured to have kids. I'm one of the older members here, and I have a pretty substantial number of friends my age who chose not to have kids and it strikes me as perfectly normal and acceptable not to want kids. I would never tell anyone, "You'll change your mind." Why should you change your mind, if that's how you feel?

Everyone is different.

My son is nineteen. Being his mother is the single greatest thing, by far, that I have ever had in my life. I'm a successful professional with an excellent reputation in my profession; my husband was a stay-at-home Dad; and I have a ton of enjoyable hobbies, so it's not like I didn't have anything going in my life. Yet, being a mother is the single most shining thing I have and I'm so grateful I had the opportunity for it. I've enjoyed every last minute of it. My son gets home from college in a week and I can't.wait.to.see.him.

Pregnancy wasn't fun; childbirth is awful; but they are fleeting. Breast-feeding, which I expected to hate, was actually awesome.

I'll never forget the first time I realized that I would sacrifice my life for my son without a second's hesitation. It was the purest, most powerful feeling in the world.

So I'm just offering a different perspective. I know plenty of intelligent, successful women who are not persuaded by my perspective, and I say more power to them. And to you, here, who do not want kids. You will find satisfaction and fulfillment in other ways and that's perfectly acceptable. If people pressure you, that's their problem, not yours.

 

[nightshade]

I don't know if I want children or not. I go through phases of wanting a child, and thinking about how I would raise it/them. Then sometimes I think that I don't want any children and would rather go travelling and be independent. But I would never say that a women was wrong not to want children, my brother and his girlfriend have never should any interest in getting married or having children and that's fine with everyone

 

[VisionGirl]

As one of the resident "breeders" around here, I'll weigh in on this LOL.

I have always wanted children. I work with children & knew I wanted to have kids. I didn't get married until 29 though, so I had a sufficient amount of single life time for me. That being said, I have friends & family members who have never had children, some out of choice, others out of circumstance (it just never "happened" for them). My brother & SIL don't have kids out of choice. My brother would have liked children, my SIL never wanted them. It upsets my mother, but it's their life! It's her life, her body, and my brother knew going into it that she didn't want kids. I think it's a valid choice. I can't imagine it for myself, I don't quite understand the feeling, but I don't have to. It's not my life. There is nothing "wrong" with a woman (or man) who doesn't want children.

While I would love to have children (in the very distant future) the thought of breast-feeding makes me feel a bit ill. I really don't want to, however even that is met with a bit of revulsion, I've told people and they're like, "What? It's the most natural thing in the world."

When really, no. It's my body. It will have been on loan for 9 months, and after that, I want it back, OK?

I try to listen when people say this, because it's something I don't relate to at all. I have always been interested in the whole enchilada when it comes to babies: pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding. I'm kind of a big hippy about that kind of stuff LOL. I had great difficulty breastfeeding, but it's something I was very determined about, and I don't get the cultural discomfort with it. But I know women for whom it was distasteful, and while I don't understand it, I do try to respect it. It's their body, they can do what they want with it, as long as they are feeding their child.

Unlike you, I want kids. I want 4 of them. I already have names. I really like kids.

Haha, I always said I wanted 5, a whole household. When it came down to it, 2 was enough for us. #3 was an oopskie, but we love him all the same. 😀 Still, no more for us, even though we don't have that elusive girl. I always tell people "No, we're not going to try for another just to have a girl. It doesn't negate the fact that we have 3 boys. It's not as if I can trade one in!"

Firstly, money is not everything. Love comes first and money helps but is not the most important thing.

I think every woman has the right to choose and to change her mind.

I know a lot of friends that have chosen not to have children and some that said no but then changed their minds when the right person came along.🙂

ITA with all of this, esp about the money. 🙂 I do have some friends who said they never wanted kids, never felt maternal, but were surprised when they indeed had children how much they wanted & loved them. I agree with "every woman has the right to choose and to change her mind" if she wants to.

I remember when I was little I said that I didn't want kids, but now that I'm older I'd love to have kids (In the future, not now lol) But my doctor said that it would be VERY difficult for me to have children because I have PCOS (Polycystic ovary syndrome):/

I was once diagnosed with PCOS. I went on to have 4 pregnancies in 7 years.

 

[InsaneMystic]

Seeing as I'll never have kids myself, am actually grossed out by the, uh, "production method", and see parenthood as a weird conundrum (like, aliens-from-outer-space weird - it's such a totally different life to the one I lead), I certainly have no problem with a woman saying no to motherhood.

 

[Mr Giles]

I thinks its a womans duty as a woman to have children. Its selfish not to.

 

[sisterofmercy]

I thinks its a womans duty as a woman to have children. Its selfish not to.

Hardly, gender does not dictate any kind of obligation.

I agree its a mans obligation as much as a womans, but still a natural duty for both.

No it's not. There are plenty of children who need homes and families, so it's not as necessary an obligation as it may have been when humans first populated the earth. Nobody should be forced to have a child if they don't want one. That wouldn't be fair on child or parent. Besides which, there is no form of regulator who dictates any kind of 'duty' (though that's probably best left for another thread), so even calling that a duty is misguided at best.

Having a child is a choice. If every woman were to have a child then I would suspect the world would be vastly over-populated and good for nobody.

 

[Tillow4ever]

If you don't want kids, don't have them

If you can't afford kids, don't have them.

If you're gonna abuse, neglect, or harm them in anyway, don't have kids!

It is definitely NOT a womans job to have kids only. That's just rediculous.

I don't think american society pressures women into having kids... maybe that's different other places or something. I mean, isn't abortion legal? And I don't think that's what many men think women are made for, they might think other things...but that's not the point of this thread, is it? Lol.

Me? I wanna have an education, a good job, a wonderful person to spend my life with, THEN I want 7 kids, everytime I tell a person that, they tell me "You'll change your mind after the first one." But I'm great with kids and yeah. I might have to compromise though. 'Cause not everyone's gonna wanna have 7 kids. 😛 So most likely, we'll end up with 4.

 

[VisionGirl]

I thinks its a womans duty as a woman to have children. Its selfish not to.

What do you base this "duty" on?

And I don't find childless women any less "selfish" as a whole as women with children. There are plenty of selfish mothers out there too.

 

[patriot1123]

I thinks its a womans duty as a woman to have children. Its selfish not to.

That's just wrong on so many levels. Nobody should have a child out of a sense of "duty." And, if it were a "duty," why is it only a woman's duty? In this age of overpopulation there is nothing "selfish" about recognizing that you're not cut out for parenthood.

 

[Mazikeen]

Re:

Okay, I have to admit I only skimmed through this thread and I haven't read everyones posts in depth so I apologize ahead of times if what I'm about to say has been covered. But I think society is a bit more accepting of a woman who choses not to reproduce now then say when I was a child. (Now take it easy people, I'm only 30. It wasn't all THAT long ago! Lol.) There are many reasons to have children as well as to NOT have children. When I was growing up I absolutely did not see myself having children. I had other plans for myself in life and didn't see myself as being a fit parent. When I met my husband and realized despite the birth control and contraceptive that I was pregnant I had alot of thinking to do. I made the choice to change my life and be a mother and it was the best choice that I have ever made. For me. But I was terrified.
I see so many unfit mothers bringing numerous children into the world and it makes me sad. The ones who have one more just to rake in the wellfare checks, the ones who ignore their children completely, and the ones who medicate their children unecessarily to keep them out of their hair. Not to mention the ones who beat their children and expose them to things that no child should ever have to see or hear.
I am behind any woman who choses not to have children. If they don't see themselves as fit parents then they shouldn't have children. There's no shame or blame in that. I'm not in the first caboose on the abortion train by any means, but I think I've made my point.
There's ten million angles to argue this topic, and it basically narrows down to what is best for you and/or your potential child.

 

[kittenpoker]

I think it would be rather dangerous to have kids because of a feeling of societal pressure... because you think that's what you're supposed to do. You'd likely end up resenting them.