Worth A Laugh?..........

Oz

Oz

edb's hubby
Joined
Feb 10, 2002
Messages
909
Age
55
Location
Staffs, UK
I found some jokes that I thought I'd share with you guys and might be worth a laugh!!

  • I broke my fingers yesterday ..... I sat on a kit kat

    Whats the definition of pain?
    Falling from the empire state building and landing on a bike with no seat!!!

    Whats the definition of cheeky?
    Throwing a brick through a window and asking for it back!!!

    Why are blonds like car lights?
    They both get screwed on the front of cars!!!

    What do u call a girl with tiles on her head?
    Ruth!

    How do you know you have a high sperm count?
    Your girlfriend chews before swallowing

    Why doesn't mexico have an olymic team?
    Because anybody who can run, jump or swim is already in the US.

    Did you hear about the Irish cat that went into the garden to do a poo?
    It buried itself!!!

    What do you do if an elephant comes through your window
    Swim!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Why did Tigger put his head down the loo?
    To look for Pooh

    How do you keep a woman screaming after her climax?
    Wipe your willy on her curtains!!

    What do u call a man with 90% of his intelligence missing?
    Divorced!!!

    What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
    A widow!!

    Whats moist inside, hairy outside, begins with a C and ends in T?
    A COCONUT!
 
Has anybody else got any jokes, good or bad that they can remember, and would like to share? (so long as they're clean 'lol') :: wacko : :: wacko :
 
Hehe, I liked those! I'll have to remember some of them.

I've got one. Its kinda long, but I heard it today and I found it extremely amusing.

David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shook the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawk and kick and scream - then suddenly, there was quiet. Not a sound for half a minute. David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I will endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness." David was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"
 
Ok clean jokes:

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some.
Some who?
Some idiot telling you knock, knock jokes

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
 
well, this IS a Buffy BB, so here goes one of my better blonde jokes...

"A blonde who lived in the city became tired of guys telling blonde jokes to her so she dyed her hair brown, then one day when she was out driving in the country she saw a farmer with a flock of sheep. She decided that the sheep looked really cute so she pulled over and said to the farmer "Hey, if I guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?"
The farmer figures this is a bit of a long shot so he says "Yeah, sure."
The girl ums and ahs for a while before saying "127"
"Hold shit!, how'd ya do that?!"
"Well, I've always been pretty good with numbers"
"Then I guess you win. Take your pick."
The girl chooses the cutest sheep and puts it in the back of her car, but before she can drive off the farmer knocks on her window.
"Hey, if I guess your real hair colour, can I have my dog back?"
 
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