Xander/Willow

[Parcae]

Yes, ladies and gentlefolk, this is a thread for the Love that Dares Not Speak Its Name: the one canon relationship that regularly gets omitted from lists of canon relationships. I can, sort of, understand why people wouldn't like this relationship. What I can't understand is why they pretend it doesn't exist.

Yes, it's one-sided for most of its duration. So is Spike's relationship with Buffy, and not even the most confirmed haters of that particular arc would deny its existence. From Willow's first expression of interest in Xander to the episode in Season 3 where the news that he lost his virginity to Faith leads her to go cry in the toilet, the relationship lasts between two and three seasons. Using to same measurement of first-to-last-expression-of-interest, let's compare Xander/Willow to the other major canon relationships:

Xander/Anya: a little over four seasons, from the Season 3 Prom to Anya's death in Chosen. This is by far the longest canon relationship.
Angel/Buffy: Between two and three seasons, from late Season 1 to the end of Season 3 (with sporadic expressions of interest scattered throughout the ensuing seasons).
Spike/Buffy: Between two and three seasons, from Spike's dream about Buffy in early Season 5 to his death in Chosen.
Willow/Oz: Between two and three seasons, from Oz's "Who is that girl?" in Season 2 to his departure in Season 4.
Willow/Tara: Between two and three seasons, from their spell in "Hush" in Season 4 to Tara's death near the end of Season 6.
Buffy/ Riley: About one season, from early season 4 to mid-season 5.
Xander/Cordelia: About one season, from the basement kiss in Season 2 to another basement kiss in Season 3. This can be stretched to a season and a half if you feel like reading a lot into Cordelia's prom dress.
Giles/Jenny: About one season, mid-Season 1 to Jenny's death in mid-season 2.
Willow/Kennedy: Half a season.

So Willow/Xander is tied with most of the other major relationships in terms of length, and ahead of all of the others except Xander/Anya. I think that should disprove the notion that it isn't canon.

As to why I think it should have been explored more than it was - well, that's a question of personal preference. I think that the actors had a lot of chemistry together. I liked the way they were perfectly comfortable around each other - the way they routinely exchanged food without even bothering to discuss it, for example. I felt that their relationship combined sweetness and humor better than any other in the series. Willow's other relationships should have come with a warning for diabetics, Xander's other relationships were hilarious, but their interactions with each other combined the best of both. Watch the opening scene of "When She was Bad" again, and you'll see what I mean.

Ultimately, however, I'm a Willow/Xander shipper because I felt that that was the relationship with the most wasted potential. After two seasons of will-they-or-won't-they that wouldn't have been out of place on the X-Files, fans deserved more than what they got from the Fluke. And that's the signal for a whole new rant in itself.

Firstly, it started badly. Having a change of clothes as the signal for their kiss makes both characters appear horribly superficial. Willow's been in love with him for years without having the nerve to make a move, she's finally started to move on, and a tuxedo is what suddenly turns him into Mr Women Swoon in My Arms? Xander admittedly does tend to be obsessed with appearances, but he's repeatedly indicated that he sees Willow as a sister, he's let Oz become the most important person in her life without a hint of jealousy, and now he decides to cheat on the prom queen because Willow's wearing a black dress? Have they honestly never seen each other in formal wear before, during the minimum of thirteen years they've been friends? Have they honestly changed that much since last year's prom, when one can assume they were wearing much the same thing?

Secondly, it ended badly. Xander/Willow is the only relationship in the whole of BtVS that doesn't end with one of the parties dying or leaving the series. (Jenny, Tara, Spike and Anya die; Oz, Riley, Cordelia and Angel leave.) That put a big burden on the writers to tidy up the relationship in a way that made sense, and they flubbed it completely. Xander and Willow are never shown dealing with their history or learning to cope with the new terms of their relationship in any serious way; instead, we get the No Touching Rule, which inexplicably disappears later in the season and is never mentioned again. In retrospect, the entire Fluke appears to have been nothing more than a bone thrown to Willow fans to reassure them that their gal wasn't settling for second best.

And this is bad, as I said, because a real, fully-fledged, reciprocal Willow/Xander relationship would have been a sight to behold. Man, screw canon; I think I'm going to write a fanfic where Xander gets vamped and goes after Willow.

 

[hannahfngrl26]

Wow. I totally agree. You brought up some great points. And the whole no touching rule thing, I had totally forgotten about that or rather, chose to ignore that it was ignored. Well done!!!

 

[LittleMissLikesToFight]

I wanted so badly for their relationship, i remember. When it happened it was like "you know, frickin' finally!" and then it really seemed like what you said, a fluke. like even with willow it wasn't about the feelings she had for him the whole time, it was this sudden lustyness that came and went.

What. the. crap.

 

[Sweetescape]

In Doppelgängland aren't willow and Xander together as vampires? or is it my crazy mind making things up which i want to be true?!

 

[Spirit_Of_Fred]

Xander admittedly does tend to be obsessed with appearances, but he's repeatedly indicated that he sees Willow as a sister, he's let Oz become the most important person in her life without a hint of jealousy, and now he decides to cheat on the prom queen because Willow's wearing a black dress?

i disagree with the "without a hint of jealousy" part. without open, full-on jealousy, yes, but not without any whatsoever. for instance, at the end of season 2, when willow wakes up and he's sitting by her but she calls out for oz, he's hurt. he wants it to be him she calls out for. thats a sort of jealously.

and what about this?

XANDER
I just don't trust Oz with her. He's a
senior, he's attractive. Okay, not to me,
but… Oh, and he's in a band. We all
know what element that kind attracts.

the way he keeps freaking out about willow dating oz in 'phases'? thats definitely jealously.

other than that, i dont think i dispute your points. you've made some good ones that make sense. its just my personal opinion that they're better off friends 🙂.

 

[BuffyElevated]

I have always loved Willow and Xander and ached for them to be together for most of the series. Even after Willow and Tara happened, when Xander stopped her from killing everyone, I had a flicker of hope that something might happen and they might finally find happiness in each other.
The Willow/Xander relationship was one of the things that initially kept me coming back for the show. When I first started watching, I was like "oh, I feel her pain!" 'cause I was definitely a lot like Willow in high school and I was in love with my best guy friend who didn't seem to reciprocate my feelings (but whom I later found out was gay!). Joss said it in one of the commentaries, that there's just something about seeing Willow in pain that gets to people and I think he's definitely right. My heart hurt for her, watching her pine for him for so long, and then when they got together in Season 3, I was kind of elated but kind of not, since I also really really liked Oz.
I still love those characters so much, but now I would never want to see them together. There's something sacred about their bond, and it would be as weird for me as seeing Xander and Buffy get together, after all the water under the bridge.

 

[fly on the wall]

In S1+2, I rooted for them to be together. But by S3, I thought Xander was a big stupidhead, I loved Willow, and I adored Oz, so my shipping was done at that point.
However, I'll agree it was a fluke. I recently introduced Buffy to my brother (who had the most basic knowledge about the show beforehand), and he commented as we watched the brief Willow/Xander episodes, "What the hell? This is so pointless. They get lusty for a few episodes and nothing ever comes out of it, right? What's the point?" which I think sums it up well.

 

[caitaintdead]

Well I think it's nice that around the boards we have a Willow/Xander shipper! I think it's one of the few ships that we don't have a big supporter of. My judgement on this relationship is always going to be clouded, as I have made it clear many times that Xander is not one of my favourite characters in the show. Despite saying this, I do like the Xander/Willow friendship that we are given through Buffy, it feels like a safe place to go to, and Xander's world saving at the end of Season 6 is beautiful.
Xander and Willow as a couple though is the question here, and I, on a personal level am glad it was explored in Season 3, but never taken any further. The fact that the core four were a beautiful friendship is something I love about the show, how would this have changed things if there was ever a couple? It would not be the same, some instances in particular that I love just could never have been seen as the same (Season 4 would have changed dramatically, especially the Yoko factor). Also how would this have affected a friendship with Buffy? It would have been difficult to keep this as a core four if Xander and Willow were a couple.
I love that Willow and Xander were never put together as a couple even more, because I believe that Willows growth as a person is hugely based on her relationships, and I don't think Xander could have provided her with as much growth.
Perhaps this is based on the fact that I don't like Xander as a character, so I don't know how valid my argument can be on this matter with such an obvious bias.

 

[BuffyElevated]

The fact that the core four were a beautiful friendship is something I love about the show, how would this have changed things if there was ever a couple? It would not be the same, some instances in particular that I love just could never have been seen as the same (Season 4 would have changed dramatically, especially the Yoko factor). Also how would this have affected a friendship with Buffy? It would have been difficult to keep this as a core four if Xander and Willow were a couple.

Which I believe is one of Joss' main reasons for never allowing them to stay together. 🙂

 

[Parcae]

You've raised some good points.

1. It is true that Xander is somewhat freaked when he first hears about Willow's relationship with Oz. He's been the most important person in her life since forever, and, even without any romantic attraction, she's also definitely the most important of the Scoobies for him. (See, for example, his reaction when Buffy's irresponsible behavior in "When She was Bad" leads to Willow's kidnapping: Buffy is not only a close friend but also the woman he's in love with, besides being physically far stronger than he is, yet he threatens - and his tone is absolutely serious - to kill her if Willow has been hurt. That was the moment that I really started to like Xander as a character.) It may not be very nice of Xander to feel threatened for a while by the fact that Willow has moved on, even though he isn't romantically attracted to her, but it's eminently human. More to the point for the purposes of this thread, he gets over it in a hurry. Immediately before the infamous kiss in Homecoming, he was teasing Willow about her relationship with Oz. There was no hint of jealousy in his voice.

2. They were indeed together in The Wish, although Xander also appears to be jealous of Willow's twisted attraction to their "puppy," Angel.

3. I really cannot understand the idea that the Core Four should "just be friends," simply because that's the way they are in later seasons. There were marked sexual tensions among them (not only Willow/Xander but also Xander/Buffy) throughout the first three seasons, which constitute nearly half - the best half, in my view - of the show. That complicated the way their friendship worked, but it didn't undermine it; rather, it forced the screenwriters to spend more time on the main characters instead of frittering it away on third parties. Which would you rather see, a dialogue between Xander and Willow or a dialogue between Willow and Kennedy? If the latter, then, as the Latin saw goes, de gustibus non disputandem est - there is no point in arguing about matters of taste. However, you're wrong and you smell bad.

 

[InsaneMystic]

The icecream-on-the-nose scene in "When She Was Bad" is just about the sexiest scene in all of Buffy for me!

I spent a lot of the first 2 seasons yelling "What's wrong with you, are you blind?" at Xander... and the hospital bed scene is heartwrenching! Also, I don't really have complaints about the prom dress bringing it about - after all, if seeing nekkid Will's shadow on the paravent and then black dress barefoot Willow, I mean, come on, if that didn't get Xander going, I would seriously have doubted he had any interest in women whatsoever (would have been a great point to hang your line of argument on if they had gone for the option of "making Xander gay" instead of Will in S4, though 😉 ). And I didn't ever think the tuxedo "did the trick" for Will - it's more like the dress doing it for Xander did it for Will IMO. Seeing her crush of God knows how many years looking at her like that for (one of the) the first time(s)... that's bound to cause a reaction.

However, I do think it may have been better that the writers did a bit of a copout by opting to go for Xanlow at the worst possible timing and just dropped it shortly after. After all, it's hard to write "kindergarden crush gone serious at teen" without it becoming corny... and the way we know Joss, one of them would have had to die if it had lasted!