Xander's Jealousy

[Joshua]

Did anybody else besides me always hated Xander's jealousy towards Angel? Like god get over it Buffy never wants you like that. And I love how he wanted to kill Angel in "Revelations" hon you only wanted to kill him cause you're jealous of him having Buffy.

and I just love how he just let's Anya's Evil Demonic Past as Anyanka slide by without like sand.

 

[Cast No Shadow]

See, I know there's a lot of Xander hate, but I love Xander, I think all of his faults just makes him more rounded, and real to me. He's a good guy, but he gets things wrong and makes mistakes, just like everyone does.

 

[EvilWillow]

It bugs me too. Which is a good reason why I stopped liking him so much and started being annoyed by him.

 

[sosa lola]

His attempt to kill Angel in S3 was more complicated than mere jealousy. Not to mention that he was over Buffy by that time, or else he'd have been jealous of Scott Hope before.

I agree that his jealousy of Angel in S1 and S2 can be tiresome, but it's real, and what's important is that he'll grow out of it and learn from his mistakes: the way he admitted to Buffy in Amends that he'd been a bad friend when it came to Angel and that he'd be here for her now and help her save Angel.

 

[The Scourge]

I'd be angry too if someone would rather make out with a walking corpse than with me. Moreso, a soulless walking corpse. Talk about a slap in the face.

 

[white avenger]

I'd be angry too if someone would rather make out with a walking corpse than with me. Moreso, a soulless walking corpse. Talk about a slap in the face.

If you're talking about Angel, he wasn't soulless, and, to the best of my knowledge, Buffy never wanted to "make out" with Angelus.

Anya was the one who made out with the "soulless walking corpse" (who had been recently told by Buffy that she didn't want any sort of relationship with him ) but only after Xander had left her at the alter, signifying to any and all that he released all claim on her, and in defense of both girl, (more accurately, at that point , fully restored and back in business "vengeance demon,") and the "soulless walking corpse," a fair amount of alcohol had been consumed by both parties, neither of whom was, by any definition of the term unattached to begin with. But since you brought that incident up...

Xander's unjustified jealousy isn't just limited to Angel and his relationship with Buffy. He was also jealous of Wesley and "his" Cordelia after they had broken up and he had no claim to her affections, as well as the above mentioned case with Anya and Spike. Apparently, Xander is of the opinion that, once he shows interest in a girl, whether she currently returns that interest or not, she is his property and his alone, off limits to anyone else. Riley was exempt from Xander's wrath, most likely, simply because of admiration bordering on hero worship, and probably the only thing that saved Wood in Season 7 (who showed interest in both Buffy AND Faith) was that Xander was just too occupied with having repeated bouts of "break up sex" with Anya to notice.

Each character in the Buffyverse seems to have his or her own unique Achilles heel, and unwarranted jealousy seems to be Xander's.

 

[sosa lola]

Apparently, Xander is of the opinion that, once he shows interest in a girl, whether she currently returns that interest or not, she is his property and his alone, off limits to anyone else.

I disagree. We can't help feeling jealous, and Xander wasn't the only character who acts irrational due to jealousy.

Xander might have been jealous of Wesley, but he didn't do anything about it. He didn't stop Cordelia from going after him because he knew he had no right in that. As for how he felt about it, he can't control how he feels.

Willow was jealous of Xander kissing Cordelia and was a complete ass to Xander after she caught them kissing because she can't handle the way she felt. She was also jealous of Xander sleeping with Faith but this time she was mature enough to keep it to herself.

Buffy was jealous of Angel helping Faith and acted irrationally. Spike was so jealous of Buffy/Riley, he spied on them in Buffy's bedroom, taunted Riley about the problems in his relationship with Buffy, and then told Buffy about Riley and the vamp whores.

Jealousy, if not controlled, can make any person act irrationally. Xander's jealousy was at its force in S1 and S2. But he learned to control it later, until Entropy.

 

[Chosen Enemy]

I disagree. We can't help feeling jealous, and Xander wasn't the only character who acts irrational due to jealousy.

Xander might have been jealous of Wesley, but he didn't do anything about it. He didn't stop Cordelia from going after him because he knew he had no right in that. As for how he felt about it, he can't control how he feels.

Willow was jealous of Xander kissing Cordelia and was a complete ass to Xander after she caught them kissing because she can't handle the way she felt. She was also jealous of Xander sleeping with Faith but this time she was mature enough to keep it to herself.

Buffy was jealous of Angel helping Faith and acted irrationally. Spike was so jealous of Buffy/Riley, he spied on them in Buffy's bedroom, taunted Riley about the problems in his relationship with Buffy, and then told Buffy about Riley and the vamp whores.

Jealousy, if not controlled, can make any person act irrationally. Xander's jealousy was at its force in S1 and S2. But he learned to control it later, until Entropy.

Well, it's not like Xander has a mean personality that made him jealous. But fact is, he did get jealous, all those times. The fact that others have been jealous at times as well doesn't mean that Xander hasn't, or that he should or shouldn't jealous.
But I'll disagree with you that he had the right at those cases from above. Yes, he can't control how he feels. And he had a right to be jealous because of that. But it's not like he was always jealous and did nothing about it or kept his mouth shut every time. He did with Cordelia. But when Anya slept with Spike, he went out to kill Spike and blamed Anya for cheating after HE left her.
And with Buffy and Angel, he lied to Buffy about the spell that could have saved Angel, and Angel and Buffy's situation. And also when he saw Buffy and Angel kissing after he went back, Xander betrayed Buffy's trust and their friendship by seeing and telling.

So my point is, everybody's jealous. And it's okay and natural. And sometimes Xander wouldn't actually do anything about it but rant. But when his jealousy hurts people, when he doesn't even have the right, whether because it isn't his place or he's the one who should be blamed for what happened... That's crossing a line with the jealousy. There are consequence to those actions. If you're jealous, that's fine. But don't actually act on it and hurt people by that when it isn't your place or you're the one to blame in the first place. If you're jealous and want to act on it, you do it to help, and not from selfish motives.

 

[Hale Caesar]

I've never really liked Xander. I find many things about him annoying like his jealously toward Spike and Angel and the way he treats women. People like to excuse what he does by saying he's human and making mistakes, but that doesn't mean he can't think and use common sense

 

[sosa lola]

But I'll disagree with you that he had the right at those cases from above.

When did I say that he had the right to whatever? I just said no one can control how they feel. Xander was jealous of Wesley but he did nothing about it. That was my point. Feeling jealous is something he can't control, but he can control his actions.

I agree with you that when his jealousy makes him hurt people, then he's out of line: like when he reacted to Buffy rejecting him by saying that "someone has to be dead to make time with you" which was uncalled for and he shouldn't have said it to Buffy. Or when he tried to kill Spike after he slept with Anya. He was a jerk and an ass and a complete *******. He deserved a beating for what he had done to Spike and said to Anya in that scene.

But when he's jealous about Buffy being friendly with Ford for example, that's just how he feels. He didn't do anything about it.

And also when he saw Buffy and Angel kissing after he went back, Xander betrayed Buffy's trust and their friendship by seeing and telling.

Actually Buffy betrayed her friends by hiding Angel and kissing him after everything that happened. Xander had every right to be upset when he saw her kissing Angel and had every right to tell Giles and the gang about it. However, he shouldn't have tried to kill Angel afterwards. He was so pissed off at Buffy that he wanted to hurt her by trying to kill Angel and then blaming Angel for hurting Giles. He was a bad friend here, but not when he saw Buffy kissing Angel and telling the gang, in that situation it was Buffy who betrayed her friends.

 

[EvilWillow]

Willow was jealous of Xander kissing Cordelia and was a complete ass to Xander after she caught them kissing because she can't handle the way she felt. She was also jealous of Xander sleeping with Faith but this time she was mature enough to keep it to herself.

I think it was more so betrayal, than jealousy with Willow, but that's beside the point. She was not a complete ass to Xander. She loved him, and she found him making out with someone that he had previously never gotten along with, who insulted Willow all the time and treated her badly. It was a betrayal, and she acted rashly in my opinion because I probably wouldn't have ever talked to him again.
With Faith, she probably felt like she had no right to say anything because of her relationship with Oz.

Apparently, Xander is of the opinion that, once he shows interest in a girl, whether she currently returns that interest or not, she is his property and his alone, off limits to anyone else

I can't help but agree with this. Especially in Inca Mummy Girl, he 2was very opposed to Buffy having an exchange student living with her and claimed "He better keep his hands to himself". Like it matters if he didn't? If Buffy wanted anyone besides him he automatically disliked them. It was a bit annoying.


Just because he's human and makes mistakes, doesn't mean he shouldn't be held accountable for them.

 

[Chosen Enemy]

When did I say that he had the right to whatever? I just said no one can control how they feel. Xander was jealous of Wesley but he did nothing about it. That was my point. Feeling jealous is something he can't control, but he can control his actions.

But when he's jealous about Buffy being friendly with Ford for example, that's just how he feels. He didn't do anything about it.

I didn't say you said so, I said that in general. And yes, he can control his actions. Then why didn't he? Like I said, he didn't do anything in Cordelia and Welsey's case. But there were some cases where he did act on it.

Actually Buffy betrayed her friends by hiding Angel and kissing him after everything that happened. Xander had every right to be upset when he saw her kissing Angel and had every right to tell Giles and the gang about it. However, he shouldn't have tried to kill Angel afterwards. He was so pissed off at Buffy that he wanted to hurt her by trying to kill Angel and then blaming Angel for hurting Giles. He was a bad friend here, but not when he saw Buffy kissing Angel and telling the gang, in that situation it was Buffy who betrayed her friends.

I didn't say Buffy was right either. There's a lot I can say about this episode. But Xander spied on Buffy and didn't even have the courtesy to go talk to Buffy personally about it before he went to her friends behind her back. He was acting out of pure jealousy. Not that he should have kept that as a secret, but the way he did it was wrong, he hurt people by that, because he couldn't control his jealousy, that as we agreed, he's capable to control.

 

[sosa lola]

I think it was more so betrayal, than jealousy with Willow, but that's beside the point. She was not a complete ass to Xander. She loved him, and she found him making out with someone that he had previously never gotten along with, who insulted Willow all the time and treated her badly. It was a betrayal, and she acted rashly in my opinion because I probably wouldn't have ever talked to him again.

Oh, so when Xander lashes out at Buffy for kissing a vampire who tried to kill them and had killed Jenny in the past, he's a sexist jerk, but when Willow does it it's a betrayal and she's justified?

Willow was completely out of line, just like Xander was, and had no right to make Xander feel bad about being attracted to Cordelia. Xander isn't to be blamed for Willow being in love with him and not returning her feelings, just like Buffy wasn't to be blamed for Xander being in love with her and not returning her feelings.

 

[EvilWillow]

Oh, so when Xander lashes out at Buffy for kissing a vampire who tried to kill them and had killed Jenny in the past, he's a sexist jerk, but when Willow does it it's a betrayal and she's justified?

Willow was completely out of line, just like Xander was, and had no right to make Xander feel bad about being attracted to Cordelia. Xander isn't to be blamed for Willow being in love with him and not returning her feelings, just like Buffy wasn't to be blamed for Xander being in love with her and not returning her feelings.

First of all, I never claimed it was not okay for Xander to feel that way about Angel in season 3, so I don't know where you're getting that impression.

Regardless of feelings involved, if I walked in on my BEST friend making out with someone that was really cruel to me, then yes, I would feel betrayed, and I see nothing wrong with the way she acted.

 

[sosa lola]

And yes, he can control his actions. Then why didn't he?

Because he was a jerk and an ass and a ************. 😀 Also, human, which people don't like to hear, but it's true.

But Xander spied on Buffy

He did no such thing. 😱 Just because Buffy said it, it's not true. Xander had gone to find Buffy, then he saw Angel - who was supposed to be dead and as far as Xander knew was still Angelus - and followed him toward the mansion. Looking inside, he caught Buffy kissing Angel. Imagine how betrayed he must have felt then. Buffy kissing the vampire who had tried to kill Xander himself on Valentine's Day?

I agree with you that the right thing to do was talk to Buffy about it. But I disagree about the spying, 'cause Xander didn't spy on Buffy at all in that scene. Buffy accused him of spying and she was wrong and out of line.

He was acting out of pure jealousy.

I disagree. He was acting out of hurt, hate and anger. Xander was over Buffy by this time. Buffy had dated Scott Hope and Xander wasn't jealous at all. Why would he be jealous now?

 

[EvilWillow]

Imagine how betrayed he must have felt then. Buffy kissing the vampire who had tried to kill Xander himself on Valentine's Day?

Now take the same idea, and apply it to Willow with the Cordelia situation. Imagine how betrayed she felt that her best friend was making out with someone that was very cruel to her.

 

[sosa lola]

Now take the same idea, and apply it to Willow with the Cordelia situation. Imagine how betrayed she felt that her best friend was making out with someone that was very cruel to her.

You're right. I understand and sympathize with Willow's situation here, even though I don't approve of her yelling at Xander like that.

 

[EvilWillow]

You're right. I understand and sympathize with Willow's situation here, even though I don't approve of her yelling at Xander like that.

She probably handled it a little badly, but she is also a human. And she doesn't behave like that very often. 🙂

 

[Chosen Enemy]

Because he was a jerk and an ass and a ************. Also, human, which people don't like to hear, but it's true.

Exactly my point. Not that others aren't sometimes or don't do those things. But if we're talking about Xander here, that's exactly what he was and what he was doing. So we're saying the same thing.

He did no such thing. Just because Buffy said it, it's not true. Xander had gone to find Buffy, then he saw Angel - who was supposed to be dead and as far as Xander knew was still Angelus - and followed him toward the mansion. Looking inside, he caught Buffy kissing Angel. Imagine how betrayed he must have felt then. Buffy kissing the vampire who had tried to kill Xander himself on Valentine's Day?

I agree with you that the right thing to do was talk to Buffy about it. But I disagree about the spying, 'cause Xander didn't spy on Buffy at all in that scene. Buffy accused him of spying and she was wrong and out of line.

Again, yes, he was betyared as well. Doesn't matter if he wasn't actually spying, that's what Buffy felt he was doing, meaning that's why she felt betrayed and hurt by him and what he's done, and that's why she saw it as spying her. Because he saw, he didn't come to her first, he just saw and ran off to tell everybody. Was she hurting him/them as well? yes!

I disagree. He was acting out of hurt, hate and anger. Xander was over Buffy by this time. Buffy had dated Scott Hope and Xander wasn't jealous at all. Why would he be jealous now?

If that wasn't jealousy, then why did he go out to kill Angel? I mean if he was just hurt, and angry, he could have solved it differently, along with Buffy. But he didn't. Just like he didn't go to her first before telling everybody.
Same in Becoming. Willow told him something to tell Buffy that would have saved Angel's life. But he didn't want Angel to live. Angel's soul could have been restored and they all would be safe again. No, he wanted Buffy to kill Angel. He hated him and was jealous of him because of Buffy. He simply didn't want him around. This was his motive. Yes, he wanted everyone safe from Angel, who he believed could still do evil. But his actions show that wasn't the whole case. He didn't want to solve the problem, he wanted to get rid of the problem. Which is Angel, who he didn't like from the start. Why? because he was jealous of him. Even before he found out he's a vampire.

 

[sosa lola]

If that wasn't jealousy, then why did he go out to kill Angel?

Maybe because Angel tried to kill them all last year? Maybe because Angel killed Jenny? I personally think Xander was out of his wits and wouldn't have gone through with it. He was so angry at Buffy to think clearly and saw an opportunity to get back at her with Faith. What makes me sure about this is because when finding Giles hurt, Faith assumes it's Angel, but Xander disagrees because he didn't find any bite marks on Giles. Later, Xander implies to Buffy that Angel did it in a rather mean-spirited way. He wanted to hurt Buffy more than kill Angel.

Which IMO is worse than mere jealousy or wanting Angel dead. But being hurt and angry can turn a person into a jerk. For example, Anya became a vengeance demon again and tried to kill Xander, not out of jealousy, but out of hurt. Jealousy isn't the only motivation to kill someone.

He hated him and was jealous of him because of Buffy.

Jealousy isn't an enough reason for Xander to want Angel dead. Don't forget, Kendra was ready to kill Angel but Xander was against it even though he disliked Angel. Don't you think there are more reasons for Xander lying to Buffy than jealousy - which I personally disagree with? If jealousy was all Xander needed to have Angel killed, he'd have backed up Kendra when she demanded Angel must be killed. Xander didn't.

There were so many reasons that made Xander lie. Joss himself talked about it before and said that Xander lied because he was afraid Buffy would stall and get killed. I also think Xander was scared the world was gonna end and probably didn't trust Buffy enough to kill Angel after she failed before. This wasn't about "let's kill Angel so that I'll have Buffy to myself", Xander has more depth than that.