I had one abusive parent(father). It started when I was 5. My mother split from my father cuz' he was abusive towards her, & she couldn't take it any more, so she grabbed me & left. The last words out of his mouth before she left was, "If I can't have you, I'll have the next closest thing!" Well, I guess that happened to be me. So, from the ages of 5-10 he would sexual & physically abuse me whenever he had visitations. I guess it so bad, that my brain blocked it from memory. I have one memory(no details or anything-too sick), Lets just say it involves him half naked, me naked,& a dog. Besides that, the first childhood memory I have is from my 8th birthday party. All my friends from school, my brothers, a few of my cousins were there along with my Grandparents, my Aunt Melanie, my Aunt Kathy,& of course my mom, were all there. My father wasn't suppose to have me until the next day or something like that, but anyways, he showed up demanding that he takes me "NOW", my cousin Jen & I hide,he eventually finds us, drags me out, my mom is trying to hold onto me while this is going on, he loses his grip(but only for a moment), my mom has me for a moment, trying to keep her grip on me,I'm trying to keep my grip on her, he's pulling the other side of me, I lose my grip, but slowly catch my mom's hair, but finally he pryies my hands off of her, & I guess his strength overpowered hers, & took me kicking & screaming, tossed me into his car( nice btw:68' ss camaro),& drove away. My mother told me that when I was about 6 I finally confessed to her what my father had been doing. After that, she & I spent the next 8 years in court with a battle we ended up losing. There was all the legal documentation, studies on me that were documented & used, Therapists & Psychologists documentations, we had an open & closed case, so my mother & her lawyer thought. They weren't expecting that my father(since he's friends w/ everybody & their dog) knew police, who knew people, who knew people,etc.& his lawyer, well lets just say money was no option. He ended up "not guilty", every time!!!! WOW!!!! That feels good to get off my chest!!....I used be down on myself about that, & used to actually think of myself "dirty" for that happening to me, but now I look back & all I can really say about it is "that of which does not kill me, makes me stronger"....I now-a-days, would consider myself to be secure, with insecure moments, i'm confident,but not concided, very loving person, I love listeing to people & trying to help them, but I have a hard time trusting people, I have a hard time opening up to people, not in a shy way, I wouldn't consider myself shy,I just have a hard time opening up about me personally. To me, I just really don't want to bother anybody w/ my problems cuz' I know they have their own problems to deal with to just stop working on theirs to try & help me with mine. But, that's all I really have for this,I really don't know what else to say.
