Oh gosh. Wait til WA and Keanoite get here to debate the twu wuv vs. complex, messy Spike thing.
I agree that in season 6, Buffy was:
wallowing in a destructive relationship with an obsessed demon
with whom she could have sex.
I don't think that's necessarily any less mature than wallowing in twu wuv with whom she couldn't have sex. I mean, Angel(us) was an obsessed demon, too.
There are a lot of similarities between Angel and Spike. They're from the same vampire family. They're both attractive, charming, dangerous men. Unchecked, (by either the soul or the chip) they're ferocious killers. Neither one is the poster boy for bachelor of the year. Neither one constitutes a healthy relationship for Buffy.
The difference, I think, was Buffy. She'd been through a whole lot by the time Spike came around. She'd been burned before. Her reaction was, understandably, to close herself off. But Spike kept coming around giving her puppy dog eyes, which was awfully convenient, since she saw him as impotent (with the chip and, later, his love) and unable to harm her. She used him. Plain and simple. Who hasn't done that?
That's a definite stage -- when you want a physical connection but not an emotional one and so, knowing how he feels, you use a guy who totally adores you. It's not pretty, but it happens more often than most of us would like to admit. And it helps you to mature. You learn stuff from that experience. By hurting others, you gain insight into the mindset of those who hurt you. It helps you to forgive and to deal. By treating people as they are not supposed to be treated and witnessing the subsequent fallout, you learn how people
are supposed to be treated. I could go on and on, but the point is that there is a dark side in all of us. Learning what your limits are and how to control those negative tendencies is definitely part of maturing. Unfortunately, it's a not-very-pretty part.
The reason I prefer Spuffy to Bangel is because, like Spike says later in season 7, they saw the best
and the worst in each other. That forges a connection, folks. They went through some crap together and they both came out stronger in the end. They know that, as messy as it gets, they can deal with that side of each other in the future. In the end of season 7, they love each other in part because they each know better than anyone else what the other had to overcome to get to that place. That's not hearts and flowers, kiddies, but it's about the only thing I'm willing to call love. It's tested. It's battered. It's about the only thing I'm willing to bet on as lasting and real and unbreakable.
So, no, I don't think the season 6 thing with Spike shows a lack of maturity. I think it shows a very age-appropriate amount of maturity that, while difficult, is a necessary stage of development for any person who hopes to go into future relationships with his/her eyes wide open rather than wearing the fairy-tale blinders of naivety. Facing the inner demon is hard, but it's a good, enlightening thing to go through. I liked the earlier seasons. I liked the later seasons, too. For me, season 6 was my favorite, though, because it took a gamble and actually let the main characters - like Buffy - explore the negative aspects of their characters as well as the positive sides. That took guts. In the end, I think it made them all more fully realized characters.
