I wrote this post for my B/A comm on LJ, so I thought I'd post it here too.
🙂
A couple of weeks ago I started going through my bookmarks in the naive hope of cleaning them up a bit (I ended up with more than when I started). In doing that, I stumbled across a whole bucket load of B/A fic that I haven't read in years. Probably not since I joined fandom. I thought it might be a nice idea to share the fics that I thought were especially great as I make my way through my list. I don't know how many fics will move me enough to want to post about them, but I'm hoping quite a few will. I'm assuming many of you will have read these, more of you will have written them
😉, but I know we have some newer people to fandom too, so here's your chance to read some B/A classics if you haven't found them already.
First up is
Weight of Life by marenfic
NC-17 Buffy/Angel
In the wake of NFA, Angel heads to Rome, to the only person left he can ask for help. What I loved about this fic was how every second of it felt like it was all on the line for Buffy and Angel. Not just in the sense of their mission, but them. Their relationship, what that means now, all these years later, with Heaven, Hell, the ghosts of dead friends and life times of tragedy between them. Maren doesn't shy away from any of it, even when Buffy and Angel want to run from the ugliness of their lives, the ugliness of their love for each other, she forces them to face it. At no point did I ever feel safe in the knowledge that things would work out, there is no fluff to take comfort in. It's angst and it hurts. Like all the very best B/A does. But that's exactly what I want from my B/A. I want it to hurt in all the right ways and feel like it could all be snuffed out at any second.
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At the same time as I was going through my bookmarks, I accidentally started re-watching season 2 of Angel. I really didn't mean to, but once I got into it, I really couldn't help myself. What I learned from this little fandom sojourn was that a) Angel's face when he sees Willow and knows Buffy is dead is still my favourite Angel moment of all time, and b) what we get in the season 3 opener of Angel is a completely unsatisfactory conclusion to that scene.
I find with the verse, there is a very polarised handling of grief. The characters are either desperately wading through its murky waters or they are passed it, and have made it to the other side. I find that really... well, ****ing annoying. The two most satisfying expressions of grief in the verse were Buffy in the aftermath of sending Angel to Hell, and Giles' desperate, yet poignant last gasping of Jenny. As a viewer, I felt let in on their grief. It felt "real" for the character. It felt important. On the opposite end of that we have Willow and Angel that, now having broken through the worst of their grief, are moving on. Without us viewers seeing anything of how they reached that point. It almost feels like they didn't care. Which, obviously, is ludicrous, but it just doesn't hit the marks it should.
So, with that in mind, I went looking through my bookmarks for fic that felt like "true" expressions of what Angel would really go through.
Elegy of a Fallen Heroine by HonorH
This fic isn't perfect. Some of the writing feels overwrought and there are a couple of moments don't just don't seem to ring true for me, but honestly, that doesn't matter because this fic makes you feel something. As a rule, I don't cry. Ever. I haven't in years, but this fic had me welling up on a couple of occasions. Angel, Cordy and Wes go to Sunnydale for Buffy's funeral and it is perfection. In a weird way this fic lets you in on the Scoobies and FG's grief for Buffy, even lets you grieve in your own little fan way. It's simple and elegant and it just feels right. Like this story should have happened.
Sea Change by Yahtzee
NC-17 Technically Angel/Lindsey, yet completely Buffy/Angel
This fic is technically Angel/Lindsey but like so many other fics in this fandom that don't actually depict B/A, it is one of the best B/A fics out there. Certainly one of the best Angel fics. This is Angel as I imagine his trip to Sri Lanka would be. Lonely, bleak and full of despair. This is Angel broken and at any minute he could fly apart. The exchange between Angel and Lindsey on the ship's deck where Angel explains why he is leaving his mission for awhile is one of my favourite Angel moments ever.
Echoes also
here (the text can be hard on the eyes on Kita's site) by kita0610
Nc-17 Technically Angel/Faith, but utterly B/A.
I read this fic years before I ever knew Kita, back when I was too mortified to actually leave feedback on any of the fic that I read. Kita writes my Angel, if that makes sense. Re-reading this fic I remembered thinking that I recognised the angry, wreckless, disaster of a man, much more than I did the guy in the fluff who waxed lyrical about Buffy's eyes and bestowed pet names on her in really awful
Gaelic Irish. (Sorry, pet peeve of mine). In this fic, Buffy is dead and Angel is not okay. He isn't dealing with it. But, Faith is here too, in his face about it in that way that only Faith can be. When he she finally does break him, it is ****ing glorious.
And remember folks, respect the age recommendations on these fics, they're there for a reason
😉 🙂
