Bullying - Online and In life in General

[Flannen]

There's no reason to be so aggressive to me.
Everything you've said ("I don't appreciate a tone that implies I don't get that.") you assumed I meant it in some kind of slight against you which is completely wrong, I agree with you for the most part (Bullying of any kind is wrong), but there are little differences in opinions.

Also, your passive aggressive assumptions with ("Especially if all you get from people that you might try and talk to about it, is that you're deluded and you should turn off your computer and walk away.") thinking that's how it happened is disgusting, petty and not proving your point at all.

I'm not being aggressive with you. This is something I absolutely despise and it brings out the passion in me. It's not necessarily with you or anyone else that I am getting heated towards, it is the topic at hand in general.

And I think you have completely misunderstood my point, the last one which you have highlighted. If you think that I meant to be disgusting and petty and was trying to imply something about your own experiences, then you are wrong.

My point was not specific about individual case, it was about the overall way Internet bullying is perceived by people, largely that it isn't on the same emotionally damaging level as 'real life' bullying.

Just like I misread your tone, you have misunderstood my point here. So I apologise for misunderstanding you, maybe I was too quick to read that way.

However, in a thread about bullying, I wouldn't dream of being so hypocritical as to make a 'disgusting and petty' suggestion, I wouldn't do that in any thread.

And I'm not being passive aggressive. If anything I'm being aggressive, lol, because it's a topic that really gets my goat.

 

[captain peroxide]

by flannen

And I think you have completely misunderstood my point, the last one which you have highlighted. If you think that I meant to be disgusting and petty and was trying to imply something about your own experiences, then you are wrong.

This is the problem with these type of threads,we all get heated,and it gets a bit confused.
Lets calm down,and look at the clearly eh

 

[nthn]

I see your point and I respect it.
Since I have nothing more to add to this thread I do apologise if I did come across as flippant in any of my posts.

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

Threads like this are absolutely pointless because anyone who doesn't say 'yeah, I agree that being bullied is bad when its online and bullies are bad people' immediately get attacked.

People behave the way they do for numerous reasons, not just because they feel its their "God given right" and online, well the simple truth is you DO have a greater ability to walk away.

I spent years being bullied for numerous reasons but now I won't stand for it BUT what also irks me is reading people use these kind of threads to cry out for sympathy but never do anything about it.

 

[sk]

I find it rather uninteresting if it's online, phone messages, written on stickies, said in your face or whatever.
Bullying is bullying, how you do the communication doesn't really matter. It will still hurt just as much.

Never understood that - it's only internet, not real life - statement that I see every now and then. Internet is a part of my real life...

/SK

 

[captain peroxide]

Threads like this are absolutely pointless because anyone who doesn't say 'yeah, I agree that being bullied is bad when its online and bullies are bad people' immediately get attacked.

People behave the way they do for numerous reasons, not just because they feel its their "God given right" and online, well the simple truth is you DO have a greater ability to walk away.

I spent years being bullied for numerous reasons but now I won't stand for it BUT what also irks me is reading people use these kind of threads to cry out for sympathy but never do anything about it.

So they should get attacked.Are you saying its fair that people have to put up with that kind of shit?
No they dont all behave like that for the same reasons.
I was speaking from experience.
As for using threads like this for attention,listen pal,you dont know me,i wasn't after anything,and was gonna leave this thread alone until i read what you posted.

 

[Aurelius]

I don't believe there is such a thing as online bullying, bullying is what little kids do, beating people up and stealing their lunch money. Saying something nasty isn't being a bully, it's being a prick.

I was once told I was being bullied by someone calling me fat and stupid, I knew about it and didn't care, so how can I be bullied if I don't even find it bullying?

 

[Flannen]

I don't believe there is such a thing as online bullying, bullying is what little kids do, beating people up and stealing their lunch money. Saying something nasty isn't being a bully, it's being a prick.

I was once told I was being bullied by someone calling me fat and stupid, I knew about it and didn't care, so how can I be bullied if I don't even find it bullying?

Unfortunately bullying isn't just what little kids do. And its this attitude toward bullying that results in the emotional damage of bullying in any form being overlooked.

Maybe, you're just ones of those lucky people who lets insults wash over you without effecting you in any way. Unfortunately, most of us aren't like that.

Saying something once, a few times, might not be bullying, but constant name calling and belittling is. It is to me anyway.

 

[Aurelius]

Unfortunately bullying isn't just what little kids do. And its this attitude toward bullying that results in the emotional damage of bullying in any form being overlooked.

Maybe, you're just ones of those lucky people who lets insults wash over you without effecting you in any way. Unfortunately, most of us aren't like that.

Saying something once, a few times, might not be bullying, but constant name calling and belittling is. It is to me anyway.

I never said I let insults wash over me without effecting me, I said that if it's only insults someone's giving, they're not a bully, they're just an asshole.

 

[captain peroxide]

There are many types of bullying,from psychological(Taunting,name calling,mocking somebody)found in the playground.
To physical,which is when someone attacks a person for various reasons.
Both are wrong.I'm not saying that it will stop,cause it wont,its part of life.Some people get off on it,some cant help it,they were brought up with it,they know no different.
I just cant abide it,thats all.

 

[Buffy Summers]

I'm going to say this once: iIf this thread can't be discussed civilly, it will be closed.

I think I said this earlier but I'll repeat it: when what someone says/does affects your future behavior, that's when it's bullying. When their actions influence your own. Yes, one nasty comment by someone to you isn't necessarily bullying. But assholes can be bullies too.

Threads like this are absolutely pointless because anyone who doesn't say 'yeah, I agree that being bullied is bad when its online and bullies are bad people' immediately get attacked.

I disagree. Examining your own behavior and reading about other people's experiences and how others' behavior made them feel can be positive in changing people's perceptions and future actions.

🙂

 

[Tasha]

there is Bullying going on everywhere. School/online/work sometimes.
i use to get picked on sometimes for absolutely no reason at all, when i was younger, probably cos i was quite quiet back then, i remember feeling crap about myself and having zero confidence, until i finally started sticking up for myself. i remember i was out with my friends i was like 13/14 and this Girl tried to pick a fight with me, and she was trying to steal my Hmv bag or something stupid like tht, LOL, then next thing we were on the floor battering each other :L plus my friends jumped in too, i'm lucky to have such good friends,
haha good times.


my sister used to be a bully when she was in school, she thought she was better thn every one else, she hated everyone.
she used to get suspended all the time. If any of my teachers ask if i'm related to her, i'm like "Who?"
"I don't know her."

haha

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

I disagree. Examining your own behavior and reading about other people's experiences and how others' behavior made them feel can be positive in changing people's perceptions and future actions.

🙂

But thats not what threads like this do.
They allow self-righteous people to make an obvious point, who then attack people who have a different opinion.

Lets look at the nthn/Flannen conversation.
From where I am sitting Flannen did get rather agressive before nthn said anything remotely hostile.
She seeme to attack his usage of 'type' when to me he was merely differentiating between online bullying and face to face.
She then came back 'passionately' (though thats up for interpretation which alot of online 'bullying' is, in my opinion) to which nthn did like for like.

The lets look at captain peroxide/me little bit.

I wrote a comment that merely referenced him once however he seems to have taken the whole comment as an attack on him and his tone got VERY hostile.
I don't know this chap from adam, I certainly wouldn't waste an entire post on him, yet he took it upon himself to get emotional.

I am not condoning bullying, not at all, I just don't believe threads like this, on forums such as this, work because few people are gonna say much more than agreement for fear of having the likes of Flannen, captain peroxide or even myself 'having a go'.

 

[Friendly Lurker]

Threads like this are absolutely pointless because anyone who doesn't say 'yeah, I agree that being bullied is bad when its online and bullies are bad people' immediately get attacked.

But thats not what threads like this do.
They allow self-righteous people to make an obvious point, who then attack people who have a different opinion.

Yes, how dare people agree that bullying is bad. Self-righteous bastards. And in regards to your first post, it was already established in one of the first posts in this thread that bullies aren't "bad people"

The only thing people don't seem to agree about in this thread is whether bullying online is as bad as bullying in real life.

Lets look at the nthn/Flannen conversation.
From where I am sitting Flannen did get rather agressive before nthn said anything remotely hostile.

From where I'm sitting, it looks like they both had a simple misunderstanding. Flannen thought nthn was implying that she didn't know what real bullying is like and nthn thought Flannen was talking about a specific case instead of just in general when she mentioned the suicide aspect. I'm pretty sure neither of them feels too intimidated to post more.

I don't know this chap from adam, I certainly wouldn't waste an entire post on him

Classy.

I am not condoning bullying, not at all, I just don't believe threads like this, on forums such as this, work because few people are gonna say much more than agreement for fear of having the likes of Flannen, captain peroxide or even myself 'having a go'.

I'm still not quite sure what you're after with this. There's already been discussion about whether online bullying is the same as "real" bullying. People obviously feel strongly about it but nothing in it was even nearly as rude as your comments.

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

Yes, how dare people agree that bullying is bad. Self-righteous bastards. And in regards to your first post, it was already established in one of the first posts in this thread that bullies aren't "bad people"

See, you're a perfect example of the difference between someone being a tool and someone being a bully.

Now, as for what one of the first posts established - well then, thats OK then.
Listen guys, according to "Friendly Lurker" bullies aren't bad people.

OR maybe you've totally missed the point.
Maybe the reason people are bullies are numerous in amount, BUT that doesn't mean they aren't "bad people" or some of them at least.

What a preposterous thing to say!

The only thing people don't seem to agree about in this thread is whether bullying online is as bad as bullying in real life.

Well again, thats not entirely true is it. There are posts in this thread that suggest certain people don't consider what happens online as bullying - so its more than just one being worse than the other.

From where I'm sitting, it looks like they both had a simple misunderstanding. Flannen thought nthn was implying that she didn't know what real bullying is like and nthn thought Flannen was talking about a specific case instead of just in general when she mentioned the suicide aspect. I'm pretty sure neither of them feels too intimidated to post more.

Who said anything about anyone being intimidated - lets look at some of the language that could be taken as hostile.
Simple misunderstandings are fine, doesn't mean that one party didn't start getting hostile which escalates into something else.
I don't get what your point is, unless the ONLY reason you're posting is because its me you're 'commenting' on, which makes sense because so far you're showing a total ignorance to the rest of the thread.

Classy.

Doesn't mean its not true.

I'm still not quite sure what you're after with this. There's already been discussion about whether online bullying is the same as "real" bullying. People obviously feel strongly about it but nothing in it was even nearly as rude as your comments.

Ohh so that is it then eh.
End of discussion regarding online bullying because its been discussed already in the previous 10 posts!
Oh, well its a quiet night for Buffy - she can close the thread now.

As far as my comments being 'rude' the only one that comes close to rude is the one about not wasting one on captain peroxide, and that was merely a statement of fact in response to a comment he directed at me.

You want to see rude, you should perhaps look at what you wrote.

---------- Post added at 12:36 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:33 AM ----------

FYI - Friendly Lurkers post is exactly the point I made that Buffy Summers disagreed with because he's made it personal and disagreed with the contrary POV.

 

[DrusillaRox]

This always happens....

What I wanna talk about is how I got bullied.

Last year I got bullied a bit. It lead to depression, Which I didn't understand. I hated talking about it and it led to my mother getting frustrated with me and yelling at me nightly. It lead to me feeling very much alone, listening to depressing music in my messy bedroom and having sucidal thoughts. I guess the way I was thinking would be considered "Contemplating suicide" I'd think about how I'd do it. How much it'd hurt. How big a mess it would make. I tried to cut myself wth pins that I took out of my posters. Eventually my mother realized what was going on and enrolled me in a course. I'm okay now, relatively. Sometimes I feel sad, but I don't think about killing myself anymore. It helps to know there are people that actually care whether you live or die, you know?

When I hear about teens that commited suicide because of bullying....It reminds me of how my depression started out.

 

[Mesektet Ra]

I don't think I've ever been accused of bullying, but I have been bullied. And there is a marked difference from real-life bullying and online bullying.

People online don't give a shit - for the most part, if someone's screwing with you, it's because it's their sole purpose to do so. They're called 'trolls' for a reason. They don't have another other purpose aside from being snarky and loudmouthed and generally asinine, causing shit for the sake of it with anyone who bites back when they attack [which is actually a good chunk of people - if anyone tells you they're too smart for a troll they're lying, because I got five bucks that the rampant idiocy of said troll still irritates the hell out of them without them ever saying a word]. People think it's okay to make sweeping assumptions and call you names for no reason and back it up with, "It's just the Internet, get over it." I think that statement is true in one respect, because to me it's easier to tell who's a moron and who's not and yes, because it's the Internet, they are easier to ignore. But if someone says something particularly hurtful, why shouldn't we get upset about it? We'd do the same if someone had said that to our faces.

Now, on the subject of the people who are killing themselves over bullying and whatnot, I'm torn. I'm going to come off like a bitch here for a moment but, y'know, I guess that's par for the course: there's inherent wrong in the idea that someone would kill themselves over the fact that someone they've never met before and who knows absolutely nothing about them calling them a 'fat whore'. Not in the fact that the name was called, but in the fact that...I mean, seriously? People call me names all the time. People on the Internet do it even more so. And here I am, not giving a damn because whatever helps these people sleep at night is fine by me, but I've got a secure enough knowledge in myself to say, "Well, y'know, this person doesn't know me and would rather make assumptions and generally act a damn fool, so that's cool. Let them make an ass of themselves, ain't no thing." I'm not asking that everyone have buckets of confidence [because I don't], but it's not a hard thing to look at the computer screen and say, "This person doesn't know a damn thing about me, what the hell?" In that respect, I think Al actually has a point [mark this down in your calenders, kiddies] - that is people acting too touchy.

Now, don't take that as OMG MES THINKS BULLYING IS OKAY because I don't. I think trolls and the like are completely useless. But I know for damn sure that if I have an opinion and I think someone needs to hear it - to help them better themselves, or some other reason than sheer malice - I'm not going to spare their feelings and tiptoe around an issue. I don't view that so much as bullying, but much moreso bluntness about the things I say. If I've hurt someone with my words, I apologize to them because I rarely, if ever, walk into a situation where it's my sole purpose to hurt someone. I dunno...I think a lot of people today could do with a hefty dose of self-assurance and a lack of coddling their feelings, but I think bullying and trolling is ridiculous and pointless.

 

[Buffy Summers]

I feel like that girl and others who would take their own lives over things said on the internet probably had things going on in real life too - that it wasn't just what someone said on the internet. But it might have pushed them over the edge.

 

[BuffyElevated]

Bullying happens because of a lot of different reasons. One reason is that some people genuinely get off on hurting other people's feelings. They think it's funny to watch someone or think about someone being tormented over their words or actions towards them. Another reason is that some people feel powerful by making other feel little. Case in point: when I was in 8th grade, I was 5'5" and weighed 150. Not small, but by no means huge. I was sitting in class one day when I received a note from the girls in my circle of friends. The note said that they could no longer allow me to hang out with them because I was fat, and "boys don't like to hang around fat girls". It was signed by all 5 of the girls, and it tore me to shreds. I immediately broke down into tears that people I cared about could be so mean, but now that I'm older, I understand that they just wanted to make themselves feel more important, so they tried to make me feel small. Congrats- they did. And as a result I've had body issues ever since...
Another reason people bully others is because there are certain people out there who have this mindset that they're going to say whatever they have to say, regardless of how it makes others feel. This is wrong... It's simple etiquette to be considerate of others, and if you don't agree, so be it. But that's a fact. Another reason people bully is because they are too easily influenced by what others are doing around them, and the need to fit in with others makes them feel like they need to go along with the crowd. If a number of people are doing something and they are perceived as "cool" and you want to be like them/friends with them, you might feel that if you do what they do, they'll accept you. But this is why people talk so much about the negative effects peer pressure can have.
Anytime there's a disregard for someone's feelings, especially on purpose, that is bullying, and yes, it is wrong. I don't agree that saying something online is just "being a prick" and not bullying. I also don't agree that it's easy to just walk away from a situation, because it's not always so. We have seen here on this board the kind of negative effects bullying can have. And because we joined this board because we love Buffy and want to talk about it with other fans, most of us find it hard to walk away when we see stuff here that hurts our feelings because we love the board/show too much.
Also, let me just say that if you are an asshole to people online just because you can be, you deserve to be kicked in the teeth. If you intentionally say things to people online that you wouldn't say to their face, you already know it's wrong. If you do it anyway, that makes you a bully because I don't care what you say- something inside you enjoys treating others like shit.

Ok, I've said my piece. I'm not here to argue; just stating my opinions on the matter.

 

[Mesektet Ra]

Another reason people bully is because they are too easily influenced by what others are doing around them, and the need to fit in with others makes them feel like they need to go along with the crowd. If a number of people are doing something and they are perceived as "cool" and you want to be like them/friends with them, you might feel that if you do what they do, they'll accept you. But this is why people talk so much about the negative effects peer pressure can have.

Preface: Not picking on you, you made points and I want to elaborate on them.

THIS. This is precisely what I was talking about when I referenced coddling people's feelings - we spend so much time making sure 'people don't get hurt' and being so PC about EVERYTHING that when something goes down, people don't know how to handle it and flip out that their 'feelings got hurt'. The fact of the matter is is that life sucks and it HURTS sometimes, and shitty things happen to good people and all that jazz. Acting like a dick for the sheer fun of it and to hurt someone else is wrong as hell, but a certain amount of bluntness never hurt anyone, not that I've seen.

I don't understand the need to fit in and be part of the crowd. I think as a society we're taught that this is what we want, what we should be doing - we should be buying the same shoes everyone else is, thinking the same things, coloring our hair the same color. This is something I've just never gotten as a concept, point blank, because my reaction to that notion is, "Why the hell do I care what everyone thinks/does/wears? What bearing does that have on me, as a person?" So it's just generally difficult for me to gel with that idea, and try to understand where people are coming from when they come from that standpoint.

And self-assuredness and confidence is something people have to grow into and find on their own - and the lack of it is what spawns bullying and the whole 'need to fit in' mentality. This is also something I've come to understand, but I feel like if people would tell their children from a young age that they love them for who they are and instill a certain sense of confidence in them, a lot of us would be much better off.

And because we joined this board because we love Buffy and want to talk about it with other fans, most of us find it hard to walk away when we see stuff here that hurts our feelings because we love the board/show too much.

Okay...that's something I don't get. Let's put into this context: I just got off the phone with my friend Kris. If Kris and I were talking face-to-face, and she was bitching at me and in my face and following me everywhere to generally act a fool, it would be physically and mentally much harder for me to get rid of her and just walk away. Now, if I log into the boards and check a thread I posted in and read someone's reply and go, "Hot damn, okay, TROLL", I might be irritated by what they said, but it's SO MUCH EASIER for me to turn around, get up out of the computer chair, and walk away. If it's truly an issue I care about, it's called 'ignoring the troll' and continuing to make my point as I originally intended. There's also a handy ignore feature if I feel the need to use it, if I feel like the person doesn't know the term 'shut up'.