Bullying - Online and In life in General

[Summerlilly]

I don't understand bullying at all. Online or anywhere.....is there really that much of it going on here? It really is just a tv show after all....

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

I feel like that girl and others who would take their own lives over things said on the internet probably had things going on in real life too - that it wasn't just what someone said on the internet. But it might have pushed them over the edge.

Well obviously, it just makes for great copy if you can blame something that is a little different from the norm.

Its like this recent Swine Flu pandemic over here.
In the papers there was this huge story about a young female who died. It was all 'swine flu this...', 'doctors not got cure...' or 'state of emergency, we're all gonna die...' for about 1000 words, then in the last paragraph, it simply said 'Nicole also suffered from heart and lung problems since birth.' which simply meant that these issues exacerbated the situation, but there isn't a story in that, but they are still obliged to print all the facts.

 

[white avenger]

I'm not certain that this is the same incident that I mentioned originally about the girl who committed suicide or not, but since the time is about right, it probably is, and I got her residence and age wrong. Anyhow, here are more details.

Parents: Cyber Bullying Led to Teen's Suicide - ABC News

---------- Post added at 06:12 AM ---------- Previous post was at 05:57 AM ----------

Another article about online bullying in general.

http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/index.htm

 

[Harley]

Darn it, when I first read the title, I thought it said BUYING - Online and in Life in General. I thought we were going to talk about shopping. I am now very disappointed.

 

[captain peroxide]

,

Well obviously, it just makes for great copy if you can blame something that is a little different from the norm.

Its like this recent Swine Flu pandemic over here.
In the papers there was this huge story about a young female who died. It was all 'swine flu this...', 'doctors not got cure...' or 'state of emergency, we're all gonna die...' for about 1000 words, then in the last paragraph, it simply said 'Nicole also suffered from heart and lung problems since birth.' which simply meant that these issues exacerbated the situation, but there isn't a story in that, but they are still obliged to print all the facts.

Its called 'Giving it the old flannel',and some of what you say
is true.Nothing sells like a bit of controversy,and if it aint shocking enough,give it the old flannel,spruce it up a bit.
elaborate,use artistic license.
Also:
Somebody said,i think it was Mesektet ra, people should stop trying trying to coddle people,and that life sucks.
1)Life is tough,and yeah sometimes it sucks,thats why you dont need another asshole making it worse.
1)Maybe people do need a thicker skin,though that can make people hard,insensitive,and on some occasions damn right
rude.
I've said some things on this site that might lead some to think
i'm a pussy.
I wont let people walk all over me,and will stand up for what i believe in.
I feel that maybe my post to EB was a bit vile,but what he said,about being after sympathy(which i felt was directed solely at me)wasn't exactly brimming with niceness.
Also,if EB doesn't think i'm worth the time or whatever,thats
fine,this thread isn't about me,its about Bullying-online and in general!🙂

 

[Mesektet Ra]

,
Somebody said,i think it was Mesektet ra, people should stop trying trying to coddle people,and that life sucks.
1)Life is tough,and yeah sometimes it sucks,thats why you dont need another asshole making it worse.
1)Maybe people do need a thicker skin,though that can make people hard,insensitive,and on some occasions damn right
rude.

I knew this was gonna get brought up, so let me say this: there's a difference between having a thicker skin and being an asshole outright. I don't condone the latter but I think the former is necessary. A lot of people these days would rather whine and cry and point fingers over useless, trivial bullshit and it's ridiculous.

And you know what? We don't need another asshole making it worse, trufax - but there are more important things we deal with on a daily basis than some Internet troll making sweeping assumptions about who we are and what we do, etc. etc. On the scale of things I give a shit about? That doesn't even register on the radar. S'all I'm sayin'.

 

[Silum]

I knew this was gonna get brought up, so let me say this: there's a difference between having a thicker skin and being an asshole outright. I don't condone the latter but I think the former is necessary. A lot of people these days would rather whine and cry and point fingers over useless, trivial bullshit and it's ridiculous.

And you know what? We don't need another asshole making it worse, trufax - but there are more important things we deal with on a daily basis than some Internet troll making sweeping assumptions about who we are and what we do, etc. etc. On the scale of things I give a shit about? That doesn't even register on the radar. S'all I'm sayin'.

I agree completely, though maybe in slightly softer language 😛

I think this issue is far far more complex than what seems to be represented in this thread. ANY comment can be seen as making someone afraid to post their ideas. Simply disagreeing with some peoples precious opinion is enough to do that. And also this assumes a world where human emotions just don't play their part, a health and safety nanny state where we're all flawless, get along and enjoy people disagreeing with everything we say.

I think its a little silly to compare say the actions of that mother who for weeks misled that poor girl into committing suicide verses a heated discussion on the internet. I do think that a)people need to to toughen up and b)put things in perspective. Some of the things I see people getting accused for bullying around here are honestly laughable in the face of some of the hell some people go through.

 

[Frketson]

I knew this was gonna get brought up, so let me say this: there's a difference between having a thicker skin and being an asshole outright. I don't condone the latter but I think the former is necessary. A lot of people these days would rather whine and cry and point fingers over useless, trivial bullshit and it's ridiculous.

And you know what? We don't need another asshole making it worse, trufax - but there are more important things we deal with on a daily basis than some Internet troll making sweeping assumptions about who we are and what we do, etc. etc. On the scale of things I give a shit about? That doesn't even register on the radar. S'all I'm sayin'.

Exactly,

I think people who take things to heart over something said on the internet are.... i can think of many words but for now i'll just say silly. Its just a matter of putting it into perspective, who gives a crap what some 50 year old fat guy on a forum you go to thinks about you?

 

[BuffyElevated]

I was just raised to treat others how I would want to be treated, and I guess I just don't get why people can't just do that. I don't think anyone would want anyone to treat them like shit or be overly blunt about something just because they can. So why be that way toward someone else??

 

[Buffy Summers]

I agree. I mean, if you can't get your point across without being nasty to someone, you've got bigger problems...

 

[Silum]

I was just raised to treat others how I would want to be treated, and I guess I just don't get why people can't just do that. I don't think anyone would want anyone to treat them like shit or be overly blunt about something just because they can. So why be that way toward someone else??

Right, cause you've never gotten pissed off before right?

Noone here is condoning these inevitable things that happen because we're human. Were just not calling it bullying. The trouble is imo... if we all get up tight over the little stuff, we get these silly discussions, and they escalate, and people get angrier; when in reality, it seems its more a product of others getting fussy around them. Overreacting begets overreacting in effect.

Holier than thou attitudes as Al puts it really don't work in threads like this. I strive to treat others as i'd like to be treated, that doesn't stop me getting fed up with people; im human, sometimes me being fed up with someone results in a sarcastic/sly response. ...I suck, I'm not a bully for it.

 

[Grey Ghost]

I think most of us are bought to treat each other as we would like to be treated but there is a minority in every area of society that enjoys picking on the weaker or gentileer members. This happens in school, workplace, clubs and even at home. When you pick your brorther or sister that is beyond a little funning then that is bullying, been there, done that and regret to this day, fortunately my sisters still love me.

But I have been on the recieving end of sevre bullying, when I was a kid I was physically and emotionally bullied just because I came from a poor family and had the nerve to live in the country. On the odd occasion that I stuck for myself either by fighting back or reporting it all I got was 'you probably deserved it, you're always getting into trouble. The worst time was when I was 14, I had one friend, so all the guys started calling us gay (even though they were hanging out together), result this so-called friend joined the bullies. Now, many years down the line I have some real friends and a wonderful wife, but it wasn't always like that.

Some say that bullies have their problems, bad homes, not loved etc. In some cases this true. But not all cases, some of the biggest bullies are people that come from good loving homes and do it because they know they and that they most times get away with it.

Bulling is wrong and evil, sadly it will never go away but we can only but strive to cut most of it out.

Sorry about the rant, but as you can see it's kinda close to home.

 

[EWR]

Interesting thread choice.

Bullying for me is a lot about the people involved and how things are handled.

In life offline its more distinct, obvious in nature. We can go along in life and know who likes/dislikes and who generally will cause us a problem with what we do. A lot of offline bullying is from a school scenario, but it also can occur in the family and even in the workplace. I've sadly seen all three, though I only was bullied inside a school playground for about 7 years (but thats a different long story.) I don't agree with any type of offline bullying, it can be through what is said or through an action. You normally know when you are being bullied becuase it makes you feel so awful and alone. It's disgusting and shameful. We're told (in the part where I live) that 'We try to stamp out bullying in our schools' which I can see as a good idea but not realistic. Its part of the school-life and sadly it comes to us all where we will know of someone that has.

Being raised properly is an ideal scenario. Whats proper sometimes it can be classed merely as manners and graces. I know of many people who come from great homes and have great families and yet they are the black sheep of the family, somewhere something went wrong for them (maybe) and they just turned out different, turned into someone people could not be proud of.

Online is completely different to me. I find that a lot of the time, it is between what was said, how one reacted and the then the follow up. Someone can innocently post something that can cause offence, in most of those situations its dealt with there and then. But for something to go on from that and for one member or several to feel victamised there is a problem. Sure we all like a good moan and bitch about people in all walks off life that we meet. But to actively seek out and be post rude comments and flame-worthy remarks is unacceptable in my books. If its known to be a mistake, fine, slap on the wrist and watch what you say. If you're aiming to upset someone then you're a vile member to me. I can't be dealing with that kinda crap online, maybe becuase I've had actual crap offline that I would rather comment/lock/ban and have done with it.

A lot of it comes down to interpretation/communication and luck.
- Everyone intreprets things differnetly, one wrong word can cause uproar.
- Communicate with those involved, why was it said, if its on-going take action.
- Luck, just like Karma, what goes around, comes around.

Just a small input on it from me. 🙂

 

[Akitta21]

I've been following this thread since it was started and always wanted to post, but, just got distracted by Photoshop. Anyway, a few things popped into my mind when I was reading this.

1. Saying what's on your mind is a good thing and I, actually, recommend it. Life would be so much easier if people were more honest about things. But, it doesn't mean you have to be cruel about it.
Example: "You look nice! Have you lost weight? Because you used to be bigger!" and "You look nice. Have you lost weight? Because last year you were so fat, you looked like a cow."
What I'm saying is that, speaking your mind doesn't need to be done in a rude manner. You can get the same point across, without having to hurt someone's feelings.

2. I've been bullied many times, both in real life and online. I even got slapped around, once, because some kids in my school didn't appreciate my looks. Did something happen to them after that? Well, no. The answer I got was: "Well, kids being kids, not so much we can do about it."
The online problems were during the time I used to post on another message board. There were a few users who formed their own little playgroup and pretty much picked on every newbie that posted there. Some were even reported to moderators, who replied that if we couldn't deal with it, we should just stop going there and problem solved. That's what I did. Call me a wuss if you want, but, I'd rather enjoy my time online and not have to worry about being insulted for no reason.

3. I've heard so many times that "online bullying" isn't as bad as the one in real life. And, the truth is, it's not. Nobody can slap you around on the internet. But, you still have to keep in mind that, even though, we cannot see the people we are conversing with, they're still real, flesh and bone, people behind those screen names. Why should we treat them any differently? Why should we act differently?

Just my two cents...

 

[Schillaci]

I think its a little silly to compare say the actions of that mother who for weeks misled that poor girl into committing suicide verses a heated discussion on the internet. I do think that a)people need to to toughen up and b)put things in perspective. Some of the things I see people getting accused for bullying around here are honestly laughable in the face of some of the hell some people go through.

I agree. I mean, if you can't get your point across without being nasty to someone, you've got bigger problems...

Everybody loses their temper at some point, Anger is necessary, and natural, and useful. And if you or anyone else here is attempting to suggest that you've never been nasty to someone, then I suggest such persons grab ahold of this rope, and I'll help pull you out that big egyptian river that's floating you downstream.

I was just raised to treat others how I would want to be treated, and I guess I just don't get why people can't just do that. I don't think anyone would want anyone to treat them like shit or be overly blunt about something just because they can. So why be that way toward someone else??

I guess we weren't all raised right, hmm? Also, let me introduce you to a little thing called Sadomasochism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

I think I said this earlier but I'll repeat it: when what someone says/does affects your future behavior, that's when it's bullying.

Reading this at face value I don't think I could disagree more, maybe you're responding to something I didn't catch, but I hardly see how this simplifies the definition of bullying. It looks like a very vague blanket statement that just takes almost no consideration for a million other things that affect behaviour/thought. Life isn't simply a case of cause - affect cause - affect - cause - affect. One after the other. There are lots of things happening simultaneously with every single person.

I disagree. Examining your own behavior and reading about other people's experiences and how others' behavior made them feel can be positive in changing people's perceptions and future actions.

🙂

That coin has two sides, as I will elaborate on further down.

Threads like this are absolutely pointless because anyone who doesn't say 'yeah, I agree that being bullied is bad when its online and bullies are bad people' immediately get attacked.

'E-man, surely you see the irony of such a statement, and the contradictory nature of it. I guess most likely you do, and that was the point, and how you tend to shift the discussion ever so slightly with your introduction to a topic.

I spent years being bullied for numerous reasons but now I won't stand for it BUT what also irks me is reading people use these kind of threads to cry out for sympathy but never do anything about it.

So, if I picked on you, persistently, and you responding in kind, but in a defensive manner as I was the initial aggressor. Would I be bullying you?
How would other people percieve what is going on, and what is more important?
Bullying is a two way street.

In my opinion, bullying is easily the most overused unmerited accusation in present time.

Calling someone a derogatory term once, is not bullying, and does not make one a bully. Trying to get your point across with conviction is not bullying. Losing your temper in the heat of debate is not bullying.

A bully relentlessly picks on their victim with the intent to cause them pain/harm.

A troll is not a bully, they're an attention seeker(with issues).

Calling every instance of a debate getting heated, bullying, or somebody using a derogatory word through tacky humour, or lapse in judement, loss of temper, bullying, etc is about as productive as banging your head against a wall to cure a headache.


I have a bit more to say on the subject later, I'm short of time now.

 

[EWR]

Schillaci, I'm fairly new, so I still don't know you all and who clicks with who, so don't be offended when I say, Were you interested in peoples points of view or looking for a mass clarification on terms of which you may have been accused of?

It's a blurry topic with being online. You can face people offline and see body language and hear there tone, online you can't so it perception of how you read a remark. Posting one remark isn't bullying. PM'ing hatred or contacting people and being insulting could well be.

Online the pen (or keyboard) is mightier than the sword.

 

[Silum]

Its seems everyone's agreeing though representing different sides of the same coin.

If its only the terminology that stumps us, I suppose thats a good thing.

 

[captain peroxide]

And once again we have a topic that can bring the best,and the worst out in everyone.Cant ya'll see were all agreeing on mostly the same things.I've had a little time to think and re-evaluate my thoughts.After reading the latest post's,i have
agreed on nearly all of them.My feelings are thus:
When its online its not bullying, unless you know them outside the internet,say at school,work,whatever.Then its using your fear of them against you.They usualy work in a team stucture,one saying one thing,then another will join in,revolving around a leader,or head tosser IMO.
On boards like this,its not really bullying,unless people start ganging up on someone,spreading rumours about them,then it
couldbe classed as such.Imo of course.

 

[Grey Ghost]

The problem with Internet bullying is that it can be subtle,more than it is in the real world and so make it harder to detect. others may not notice the digs and attacks on othes posts and maybe even easier to draw others into the game and get them to attack thinking that it is a little harmless fun.

 

[BuffyElevated]

Ok, those of you who are throwing comments out there like "holier than thou" and "I guess we weren't all raised right" directed towards my post can stop right there. There's no need to start throwing jabs because I said that's how I was raised. I was simply stating that this is the mindset I grew up with; I realize not everyone was taught the same way and that's absolutely fine. How boring would the world be if everyone believed and acted exactly the same??
I'm not saying we should all tiptoe around everyone else and be afraid to speak our minds because of being afraid to hurt feelings. That kind of flips bullying around in a weird way, doesn't it? My point is that more people who never stop to think about how something's going to affect someone else need to take a step back and think a little more before saying/doing something.
Of course we are ALL guilty of saying something in the heat of the moment that might be misconstrued as bullying or being overly mean. But you know what? If that happens, you also have the opportunity to come back after you've cooled off and appologize for being too blunt. Just saying...