Cheating

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Mr Giles

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In a relationship, how do you veiw it? After reading the DB thing, it got me thinking.
To me its the ultimate slap in the face, just no going back from it.
If you got cheated on, do you think you could find it in yourself to forgive them?
 
I wouldn't forgive and I wouldn't forget.
I get that humans aren't naturally monogamous, and I get that sometimes it's just a one off, and a mistake. But regardless of all that, it's a conscious decision, and if you're in a situation where you need to make that decision, and you're going to cheat, then you need to end your current relationship first.
 
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I'd forgive them, but I doubt the relationship would survive it. Once trust is broken it takes a lot to earn it back.

If kids are involved then you also have their feelings and well being to consider. They may make staying in the relationship worth it; but whether or not relationship ever truly recovers is case by case.
 
I think it would depend on the situation. I think it's a horrendous thing to do and it would completely break the trust and all that, but on the one hand, if it was a good relationship I'd be willing to at least try to get past it. I know it might not work and it might be hard but if I cared for them enough I think I'd want to try. I doubt I'd ever forget it though. It would certainly change the whole relationship if it managed to survive. On the other hand, I'm not certain I'd be able to get past it. It's such a betrayal of trust and urgh. Not good. But then again, I've never properly been in the situation (although I've had my suspicions ¬_¬ ) so I guess I don't really know what I'd do if actually faced with it.
 
I could forgive my boyfriend once. If we had only been together a short while when it happened. However if it'd been last week after 5 years together I'd have to ask myself why I was even bothering.
 
Is it maybe a case of, some people are the type to cheat, and some people arent?
 
I've been cheated on once. Someone told me: "For a woman, cheating once is over the limit. For a man, cheating around 7 times is the limit". She was a woman.

I can't forgive and forget cheating. It means you don't love the other person enough to get over your lust.

The guy who cheated on me, we had only been together for a month. But we had already been together once before (we had separated for another reason) and we were pretty serious this time around. He was at a party and he had smoked (and I am not talking legal smoking). He used it as an excuse. I still say he could've just not done it.
 
My first thought is definitly that I can't forgive or forget but I don't think you can really know until it happens to you.

I do think you can cheat and not involve feelings that much. Or that you can still love your partner. To me it's just not a good/valid excuse. "I didn't mean anything..." Well it seems it did to your partner so take the consequences. Respect for your partner is important to me. You can show disrespect in many ways ( no one is perfect) but cheating in my mind is definitely one of the worst.

And finally, I never accept the excuse of "I was drunk/high" or whatever. If something make you do stupid things against your will (?) maybe you should think about not doing those things. It may be the reason but personally I don't buy it as an excuse.
The exception is if you are drugged against your will.
If you decide to drink or do drugs then take responsibility for what happens while you're influenced by it.
 
The fact that the cheating person cheated, is unforgivable. Because they didn't care enough or thought about my feelings when they did that. They didn't respect me. Why should I forgive someone that can't respect me?

Also, usually people are sorry only after/if they're caught (not just when cheating). If you were truly sorry, you wouldn't have waited till you're caught. You're really sorry only because you were caught.
 
Washburne
Washburne
Totally agree on the second part.
Chosen Enemy said:
Why should I forgive someone that can't respect me?
Click to expand...
I don't disagree but considering how many that actually stay with their partner even after being cheated on it seems people can find reasons to forgive. Or at least move past it. Some for love (when you're deeply in love you seem able to look past many flaws), some because they're afraid of being lonely and some for other reasons.

It's not often you hear "good" reasons to stayafter being cheated on. Probably because they don't make enough sense to you personally. They do to the person making the decision but often they don't talk about it. Maybe because they don't want to risk people looking down on them. "What kind of person could stay after such betrayal?"
 
I don't disagree but considering how many that actually stay with their partner even after being cheated on it seems people can find reasons to forgive. Or at least move past it. Some for love (when you're deeply in love you seem able to look past many flaws), some because they're afraid of being lonely and some for other reasons.

It's not often you hear "good" reasons to stayafter being cheated on. Probably because they don't make enough sense to you personally. They do to the person making the decision but often they don't talk about it. Maybe because they don't want to risk people looking down on them. "What kind of person could stay after such betrayal?"
Click to expand...

See, I think that's kinda stupid. Like I said, and you agreed, cheating someone is disrespecting the cheated. If one stays with someone who can't respect them and their feelings, that's stupid. No matter what reasons they have, that's just not a smart thing to do. That's following your heart intead of listening to your head. I mean, who says they won't cheat on you again? That happens too. And the cheated person comes back to the cheater's arms again. What's so different from the first time? How can you be sure they won't cheat on you again or worse? Did they really change? Did the situation change? They don't respect you and cheated on you, so they possibly won't respect you on other matters too. Following your heart is not always the smart thing to do, even if it's romantic or nice, even if there's real love. Which by the way, if they truly loved you they wouldn't have cheated on you.
 
As I've said, I don't think I can forget and forgive cheating. I really don't. That just counts for me though. I also think that people can change. I think close to all cheaters will cheat or be disresepctful again. Yet, I think some relationships can be saved. It will take a lot of hard work from both to manage but nothing is impossible. Relaying on ones brain 100% all the time isn't a guarantee for things to work out for the best.
 
Chosen Enemy
Chosen Enemy
Yeah, but would you be willing to risk that?
Chosen Enemy said:
Chosen Enemy agrees: Yeah, but would you be willing to risk that?
Click to expand...


Kids. Some people try to make it work because they are married and have children. I, personally, probably would try. Divorce is really hard on...everyone. It really depends on the situation though. If I was dating someone and our relationship wasn't that serious...I'd end it immediately.
 
PassionBecoming
PassionBecoming
These are my condensed thoughts.
I think it all depends on situation, person, circumstances... not that there's a good excuse there's just a lot of factors that makes it a murky shade of gray for me rather than black or white.

I can say now that it would be a deal-breaker, but if I was in a relationship I don't think I would be as certain in the matter... it all depends in the end doesn't it? On whether you think it's worth to work on it or not in that given situation... sometimes people make mistakes...
 
Nope I can't forgive and forget. I think once someone has cheated then the relationship is over because they obviously do not love you in the right way anymore. Plus you would have to get yourself checked out for std's etc. I think it is unfair to stay in a dead relationship for the kids sake. Unfair on the kids and unfair on the relationship. This is just my opinion of my experiences.
 
Chosen Enemy said:
Yeah, but would you be willing to risk that?
Click to expand...

I think [MENTION=9799]Taake[/MENTION] gave a good enough answer. I might have one answer now but if it ever happen to me I can't guarantee that the answer will be the same.

I know two women that have stayed with their partner after they got cheated on. Since they stayed I hope they think it was worth it but I doubt any of them would say that it's been easy. The thing is, if you stay in a relationship long enough there will be hard times. No matter if anyone's been cheating or not. If you're only thinking with your brain when it comes to relationships I think you're way off. That comes from me that love logic. Love isn't logic, it's a feeling. You (general sense) don't go round deciding who to fall in love with do you?

As för staying together because of children it doesn't matter if there's cheating involved or not. The cheating part is personal. It how the relationship in general that matters when it comes to children. No matter what causes it. I always say that kids notice how their parents feel no matter how much you try and hide it. Two happy parents living seperately is way better than two sad/angry parents living together. Although it's not as simple as saying that the parents will get along just because they split. I think the chances increase by it though.
 
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