I love that Buffy agrees that she loves Spike. I don't know at this point how anyone can deny that.
Bangels will certainly want to kill me for this, but... whatever. And I'm writing something based on a panel from an issue that hasn't been published yet - and all can end in tears and disappointment, as it happens quite frequently in the Buffyverse, I'm aware of that - but let me write away.
There's fear, and lust... doubt about himself, that he doesn't deserved it... an instinct to run... that getting hurt now is better than later... Sometimes, I annoy the hell out of him. Sometimes, he thinks he'd be better off with someone else. Or no one. All the things I feel sometimes, too, and would never say.
So, Buffy feels
the same feelings Spike does – and he truly loves her, it isn't a
storybook pure love:
There's fear, and lust... doubt about myself, that I don't deserved it... an instinct to run... that getting hurt now is better than later... Sometimes, he annoys the hell out of me. Sometimes, I think I'd be better off with someone else. Or no one.
So, would she – or anyone, for that matter – feels all this for a person she doesn't care? Doesn't Love? I don't think so.
Buffy also said to Andrew that she also
might be guilty of not seeing what's right in front of her. (BtVS #13)
Is she discovering that Spike loves her? Doesn't she know that for ages? Even after the soul, he already
reaffirmed his love for her to her... So, what is Buffy really saying?
What is Buffy figuring out?
What's happening here is that Buffy is...
recognizing Love. Real Love, because... until that point, she really didn't knew what True Love is.
She never loved Angel. Or better, she loved him as much a teenager can love for the first time. And because their relationship didn't take the normal course due to that pesky curse... it became something “storybooky”, without the proper closure: the guy she couldn't have because external forces didn't permit it. If Angel and Buffy had dated properly, probably – certainly – after some time they would have split up, as Buffy matured and left behind her teenager years and dreams.
Now, I'm joining the witness protection program, bye.