bespangeled
Scooby
He did better by Connor in the end than Buffy did by Dawn. While Buffy let Dawn live on a Hellmouth and be subjected to danger daily instead of, for example, sending her away; Angel gave his son up in order for him to have a safe, happy life. And by doing that he lost "control" of Connor.
First off - Angel is half my OTP, and I love him. We just see him differently. 🙂
Buffy didn't have the resources Angel had. I have no issue with their break up. But he was stalking her by proxy while she was in Rome even after he had been told she didn't trust him anymore. Ironic, that.
He had absolute control over Connor - he hand picked and created every aspect of his new life and his new memories and personality. He left nothing to chance - made sure their was no contact with his previous life. And at least once he went to stand outside the window and bask in his son's happiness because it was all he left himself.
Honestly, I don't believe he always needs to be in control - he wants to be in charge of his life, but doesn't thrive on the power of controlling people or manipulating situations to his advantage.
He doesn't want power - it's just how he loves. Connor is the perfect example of that. And I think he probably saw removing the memories as an expression of love as well - keeping them was certainly a burden of him. He screws up things with Cordy (not real Cordy) by protecting her with lies and half truths.
He tries to create what he sees as ideal, but too often he also avoids seeing reality. W&H is a case in point. Before Connor was on the news, Angel had already decided:
ANGEL
Make that good-bye. I'm not taking the job.
LILAH
It's not a job. It's an opportunity.
ANGEL
Ooh, an opportunity to be part of the problem.
LILAH
If that's what you choose.
ANGEL
Really don't.
LILAH
Again, your choice. Think of what you can do with the resources of Wolfram & Hart at your fingertips, the difference that would make. Nothing in this world is the way it ought to be. It's harsh, and it's cruel, but that's why there's you, Angel. You live as if the world were as it should be. With all this, you can make it that way. People don't need an unyielding champion. They need a man who knows the value of compromise and how to beat the system from inside the belly of the beast.
ANGEL
The beast's belly? Doesn't that usually mean you've been eaten?
He knew exactly why it wouldn't work - but after he was sold his soul to save Connor, he also convinced himself that everything Lilah had told him was the truth. The issue wasn't that he took the job. The issue was that he made himself believe this was a good thing - and he allowed them to play him by closing his eyes. Even he sees that eventually.
To me there's a difference between doing something out of habit while very slowly changing your ways and being controlling by nature. Lastly I want to add that he did give up control and let the fate of his life rest on someone else multiple times - with Whistler whom he followed almost blindly, both "Close your eyes" scenes, when he finally handed his baby over to Cordy, when he was okay with Wes taking charge of AI (he differed to him against his instincts), etc
It's both habit and his nature - and it's why Spike can get to him. As for Whistler - Angel chose to go with him, to see Buffy, to help Buffy. "Close your eyes" got him sent to Hell - a good reason not to close his eyes again. And he was gone from AI for 5 weeks, while he took control back from Wesley after 2 episodes. Being in control is his comfort zone - and he's really good at it most of the time - but it blows up in his face and causes damage to him and to others sometimes.