IMO I don't think Buffy really knew what her feelings were for Spike there at the end. I believe Buffy loved Spike, but perhaps was not IN love with Spike. Maybe given more time it would have progressed, but there he goes with the saving the world again...*sigh*
Hmm, I have to disagree with you on this one, hun.
😛
While I do agree with you that Buffy struggled with figuring out what her feelings for Spike really were, I think she didn't fully realize how much she loved him until he was gone and when he was about to die.
Think about it this way: Spike has been the one constant in Buffy's life. No matter what, since season four, whenever she's turned around, he's been there. He's always just Spike, whether it's being the replacement Cordelia to the vampire who takes care of Dawn and Joyce to her lover. He always survived the battles against the big bad, and she knew that he'd stay with the Scoobies and take care of them and her family because he was in love with her. Spike never left. He was the one man in her life who hadn't left. Angel had left her and Riley had left her and Buffy never thought that Spike would ever leave, the thought never really crossed her mind. You never know what you really have until it's gone, and this was what it took for Buffy to realize what Spike meant to her.
I think Buffy expected Spike to stay even after the scene in "Seeing Red" and she was really in for a surprise when she found out that he left. We never saw what happened over the summer in between season six and seven, but I think Buffy probably went through many internal debates about what her feelings were for Spike. On one hand, the bathroom scene. On the other hand, she'd been so horrible to him, using him and beating the sh*t out of him and saying really nasty things to him (which is why some people think Spike had his reasons for that scene). Personally, I think that it's both of their faults.
Moving on from that, however, and continuing with the one constant in her life explanation. Once he returned to Sunnydale and Buffy realized that he had gained a soul for her, I think she was more surprised then she'd really ever been in her entire life.
But once Spike adjusted with his soul, he went back to being the one constant in her life. He'd never died in battles, and he'd never left (except for that one time). I think Buffy forgot to remember what she'd first felt when she found out that Spike had a soul. She didn't treat him that great in "Get It Done," in fact, I thought she was an incredible b*tch who had once more began to take him for granted and took out her anger on him.
I don't think she fully grasped what it meant for Spike to have a soul until that final scene in "Chosen," when he was about to die and their hands touched. Buffy's very much in disbelief that Spike, the one constant, the one thing's that (mostly) stayed the same, is about to die. Maybe it's just me, but that realization for her and the beauty of that scene always makes me cry whenever I watch it. (I know, wimpy.)
